Fuchsia sat in a chair as I lay on the couch. My head throbbed and I really wished I could justsleep. I hear Fuchsia call my name, her voice shaking. I wonder how many times she had calledmy name and I hadn’t answered. I look at her to let her know I heard her. She smiles and asks, “Can you tell me what happened?”
I nod and say, “I don’t really understand what happened. Bren and I had stopped walking and sat down to enjoy the view together. Something caught my eye; a boy and his father were flying their kite. I think I had a flashback or something. It was like I was reliving something from the past. I was little and running across a beach. My hands were wrapped around a small red kite. I think I was lost and I was calling for my dad. I felt like someone was following me but I couldn’t see them. I ran faster trying to get away but fell. The skies were dark and it was raining and I was really scared. The next thing I remember is my dad was holding me and he was trying to calm me as I cried. Even though I was safe in his arms I was afraid that someone was going to hurt us. I felt so many different emotions it was overwhelming!”
Fuchsia leans back and closes her eyes for a minute and I wait patiently. She opens her eyes,sighs and says, “ I think you are remembering something from your past but it is a little mixed up.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose and I could tell she was stressed. It made me feel so bad because I know Fuchsia cares for me. I wish I remembered our past together, and I can’t helpbut be jealous that she has memories that I don’t.
She looks up again at me and says, “From what I understand, from what you and your dad told me, things were rough for a while after your mother died. You closed yourself off from other kids and just wanted to be around your dad. Your dad was busy a lot and didn’t have time to spend with you. He also wasn’t dealing well emotionally from the loss of your mother. You and your father didn’t have other family to rely on so he often had to rely on babysitters to watch you while he worked. One evening when he had gotten home you had asked him to go to the park, apparently you wanted to fly a kite. He had told you that he was too tired to go and he would take you another day. You got upset and ran off to the park on your own. It started to get dark and you got scared and lost. Your dad said that he was terrified when he found that you were missing. He luckily had an idea where to find you and it didn’t take long for him to get to you. When he found you he said you were crying and scared.”
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I understood that it was like a flashback, but still didn’t understand it all so I ask Fuchsia, “Why did I remember it as being at the beach and during a storm instead of at the park at dusk?”
Fuchsia tips her head to rest on her hand and says, “I can only speculate at this point, but I assume that judging by the memories that you have had come back that they are stored in an area of your brain that didn’t get injured. Your brain is trying to put it back together with what is available and filling in the rest with other experiences.”
I must have looked really confused because she stopped and looked at me for a moment before continuing. “Most memories which we call episodic are stored in the hippocampus. Memories which have strong emotions attached to them, like fear, are stored in the amygdala. When I found you after your injury, you had major trauma to your head. We were unsure about the extent of memory loss that would result. Up until recently I assumed all of your memories had been lost.”
My heartbeat increased as I thought maybe I still had a chance at regaining all of my memories. I set up quickly, perhaps too quickly as the blood rushed to my head and I felt dizzy, but I had toask, “isn’t there a possibility that all my memories could come back, maybe they are just coming back slowly.”
I look at Fuchsia as she comes over to sit beside me. She places one hand on my knee and says, “Jax, it is unlikely that you will regain your memories, so please don’t get your hopes up.” She leans over and hugs me, then stands to walk to the kitchen. She sits down on a barstool with a glass of water and leans her head forward into her hands. Sina walks over and sits down beside her and pulls her into a side hug.
Bren had apparently been standing behind me the entire time, he moves to sit beside me andasks if he could get me anything. I look at Fuchsia and then back at him. I didn’t know what to do to make this situation any better. My memories may not come back, but I had by some miracle reconnected with someone from my past who cares for me. And even though my memories are likely gone. I know I cared, and still care, for her! I lean my head on Bren's shoulder, not knowing what to say to anyone. I want to tell them how grateful I am to have all of them in my life, but I just couldn’t get the words to come out.