Many years before Peter's birth, back when the great dungeon was newly discovered and the city of Synklisi was yet to be founded, the Demon King of Gluttony surveyed her domain. According to Mother, she'd be getting visitors any time now, so she had to be ready!

She should probably pick a more suitable name; despite what the books said, Mother had informed her that 'demon kings' weren't really a thing. They had the supreme ruler, the 'demon lord', but below that there wasn't a whole lot of well-defined structure, the demon lord just making it all up as he went along. For her first contact with a sentient race—or at least a 'proper' race because Mother's goblins, for all their efforts, really didn't count—she should pick something unassuming.

She went with Emily, the main character from one of the books she had read. It was a good book, and she approved of Emily's personality. Mother had called it 'yandere', managing to put a significant amount of disgust into her telepathic communication, but she really didn't see what there was for Mother to dislike. Emily hadn't done anything the Demon King of Gluttony wouldn't have.

The freshly christened Emily set about putting her room in order. Having it to herself for the past few hundred years, she had to admit she'd got a little lax about cleaning. Books lay everywhere. Clothes were strewn about, from that brief period between the day she'd decided being naked was shameful and the day she'd realised that slime and fabric didn't mix. Or rather, did mix, far too well. Come to think of it, weren't those two days both the same day? She'd since learnt to shift her slime into the form of clothing, which was far more practical, but she'd kept her fabric dresses around anyway. It wouldn't do to throw away something that Mother had made. Maybe one of her visitors would want to play dress up? She'd put one on a goblin once, but... that had been a mistake. Never again.

Books went back into the bookshelf, clothes into the dresser and wardrobe. She even made the bed, which was somehow a mess despite the fact she never slept, and didn't even lay in it because the bedding soaked up her slime even worse than clothes did. But she had to have a bed, because this was her bedroom, and you were supposed to have a bed in your bedroom. That had led Mother to ask if she should have a bed in her core room, to which Emily had replied of course not, that would be silly. That had led in turn to a deep philosophical discussion about why being an immobile chunk of crystal negated the need for a bed, whereas merely being incapable of sleep did not.

Room tidied, Emily settled in to wait. She called Mother, who provided a running commentary of how far the visitors had progressed. Apparently they were all rank three, and quite high level, so reaching her room would be a breeze for them. This was exciting; she finally had a chance to make some friends! Or at least, friends who weren't other dungeon monsters. Most of them couldn't even talk and were quite useless at doing friend-things. Emily wasn't entirely sure what friend-things entailed; the books hadn't been clear about that, but she was looking forward to finding out.

The doors swung open, and a group of strange creatures stepped inside. Emily inspected them with interest. Compared to the dungeon monsters, they had smooth skin, with only a fine coating of hair. The top of their heads had far more hair for some reason. Why was it all concentrated in one place? The books all talked about hairstyles and decorations, but didn't cover the reasons for why. And they were wearing clothing, but rather than the elegant dresses and suits described in her books, it was all leather and metal. It didn't look decorative or fancy at all. Ah, that would be because they came to kill monsters, and monsters tended to not want to be killed, so they needed practical armour. Well, there wouldn't be any fighting in here, so shouldn't they change?

"The hell? This is a bedroom, not a boss room. Where's the boss?"

"Is that it? What is it? A slime? In a dress? It's humanoid shaped, and what's that orb floating inside it?"

"Appraisal says..." The adventurer blanched, but heroically continued reading. "says that its race is 'sentient slime' and its name is 'Blobby'. And that its level is... uh... fifty."

"Fifty?! What the heck? How are we supposed... to..."

His speech ground to a halt as Emily the slime sprouted a smile that Emily the yandere book character would have been proud of. It went from ear to ear, but didn't reach her eyes at all. There was always an extra danger for the first team to explore a new dungeon floor that they would run into unknown traps or monsters, and every single member of the party was suddenly painfully aware that they had stepped on a very large trap indeed. They'd heard the metaphorical click of the pressure plate, the rumble of the boulder in the distance, and a subtle rustle that suggested the boulder was covered in spiders. And probably on fire.

"My. Name. Is. Not. Blobby!"

Two minutes later, a group of unconscious bodies were teleported out of the dungeon, most with limbs pointing in unconventional directions, but all very much alive. Mother had been very firm about that; she'd wanted to relocate Emily to floor forty-five, to keep things fair. Emily had objected, because that would mean she'd need to wait even longer to receive any guests. So the compromise was that Emily wasn't supposed to start fights or kill people, and should let delvers through some other way. That was fine, because Emily didn't want to fight. She just wanted to make friends, and then possibly open them up to see how they worked. And she hadn't broken her promise; obviously that fight had been started by the invaders when they called her by that horrible name that made her sound fat, nor had she killed any of them.

Although now that she'd calmed down a bit, she realised that she had gone completely overboard. She should only have beaten up the one who called her by the forbidden name and kept the others around. She'd finally had some guests, and now she'd booted them all out. That party probably wouldn't want to be friends with her anymore. Now she'd have to wait ages for another one to arrive.

"Well, that didn't go very well. You really should learn to be less sensitive about your name."

"Don't you start on that again, Mother. You're supposed to control the System; why can't you make it tell them my proper name instead of that stupid old one?"

"I would, if you'd settle on one name for ten seconds straight."

Emily huffed the huff of a hard done by teenager, despite being hundreds of years old. "Fine, I'll stick with Emily."

"Done. But if you complain about it again, I'm changing your System registered name back to Blobby and leaving it forever."

"Thanks. So when's the next set of visitors going to arrive?"

"Tomorrow, probably. They're still trying to heal the ones you beat up, and they'll want to get a report from them before the next party tries."

Emily pouted. It wasn't her fault, and now she'd have to wait another whole day. Admittedly, it had been hundreds of years already, but it was harder waiting while knowing they were right outside. Maybe she didn't need to wait? She could go to the surface too? Mother had laid a mana-concentrating enchanted shell around her core, so she wasn't limited by ambient mana like other monsters.

"No, you aren't going to the surface. I want the settlement intact, mentally as well as physically."

"I didn't even say anything!"

"I could see the thoughts on your face."

Emily cursed her metaphorical transparency. Her literal transparency had never been a problem. It wasn't as if she had anything under her slime to hide. A transparent goblin though... She shuddered at the thought.

Her friend-making plans for the day stymied, Emily looked into her mirror to work on her outfit. She may not be able to do anything about the transparency, but she could shift her colour, and was currently wearing a huge, billowing, bow-covered gown in blacks and deep reds and purples, along with black boots and gloves that covered above her elbows. It was all a great fit for the Demon Lord of Gluttony, but was a bit overdone for Emily. Maybe something more form fitting, that couldn't perform a second job as a tent? The colours should be lighter too. She shifted into a more practical-looking dress, removed the gloves and switched the boots out for sandals. Experimenting with colours for a bit, she settled predominantly on yellow, with highlights of sky blue. There, much better.

Next up was the whole issue of hair. She'd never bothered before. She'd read about the concept, sure, but it hadn't really sunk in until she'd seen those first humans. The dungeon monsters tended to be hairless, and even those that weren't had it over their full body and not just in one place. Should she try to copy the humans? Trying to get realistic hair proved a challenge; there was no way she could form strands of slime that thin. Even after hours of practice, the best she'd managed was to give the appearance of a mass of tentacles growing from her head. It would have been great if she was going for a medusa look, but again, not really an Emily thing. So engrossed she was in the attempt that she'd completely lost track of how much time had passed and missed the door opening behind her.

The new group of delvers watched in uncertainty. Should they interrupt? Wait for her to notice them? Leave, and come back another day, if not never? Given the appearance of a level fifty monster on such a low floor, the highest level team available had been dispatched to continue the dungeon exploration. Five members, all rank four; a dwarven warrior, an elven mage, a catkin scout and human knight and healer. They certainly had the capability to fight the strange slime, but given the room setup, the report from the previous group, and the strangeness of the first five floors, it was obvious that combat wasn't supposed to be the way forward.

Eventually, the healer risked a small cough, doing her best to indicate their presence while also making it clear that their presence was entirely optional. Emily spun around in surprise, some parts of her outfit continuing to spin without her as the shock caused her control to slip. "What? Who are you? When did you get here?"

"We've just arrived. We're delvers, and we assume you're the boss of this floor? How should we address you, and what should we do in order to pass?"

"Oh, good. You're politer than the last bunch. My name is Emily. A pleasure to meet you."

Emily curtsied, or did what she imagined a curtsy looked like given the descriptions she'd read. She actually got it completely wrong, but since it was a greeting from a long dead civilization in the first place, no-one noticed. Then she peered at the dwarf. "Why are you so short?"

The dwarf answered gruffly. "Because I'm a dwarf, missy."

"Oh, right. Mother did say something about there being more races than humans, despite my books only having humans in them. Then with those big fluffy ears... Don't tell me... Beastkin, right?"

The delving party looked surprised at the mention of a mother, but were making an effort not to trigger a repeat of the previous day's mess, trying to be as polite as possible.

"Yes, I'm a catkin, a tribe of beastkin. And you are a sentient slime? I've never met one before. Can you tell us about yourself?"

"Pfft, of course you've never met one before. I'm unique! Mother says that one of me is plenty, and the world doesn't need any more."

The party winced at the obvious pride with which Emily spoke. How could she flip out over her own name, but not be insulted by that quip from her own mother? Nevertheless, they held their tongues and waited for her to continue speaking.

"I'm... hmm... What am I supposed to say about myself? I've never done this before. It's exciting! Umm... I'm Emily, the sixth floor dungeon boss, and I want to make lots of friends!"

The party glanced at each other. Given the description of the previous party, who had described a viscous monster dressed like an evil princess, this was not going entirely as expected. The human knight felt it was worth the risk to ask another question. "My name is Kevin. Nice to meet you. If you don't mind me asking, who is this mother you keep mentioning?"

Emily flashed a look of surprise. "How can you not know Mother? She made you all."

The eyes of every member of the party opened wide. Kevin managed to continue stammering. "The... The earth mother? And you... speak to her?"

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Emily peered at the group. What nonsense were they spouting? "Yes, she did say the new races had taken to calling her the earth mother. She was wondering why. And of course I speak to her. She's my mother!"

The party glanced between themselves, shocked by the revelation. "She doesn't speak to us. Could you pass on messages? Or tell us what she wants us to do?"

"Umm... Mother, are you listening?"

"I don't want them to do anything other than live. They need to find their own way, and their own purpose. If they really want to talk to me, I'll do so if they reach the bottom of this dungeon."

"She says she doesn't want you to do anything but live, and it's up to you to find your own way and purpose. She also said that she'd talk to you if you reach the bottom of this dungeon. Dunno why she's talking to me and not you though. Maybe she likes me better?"

A tub of cold water materialised in the air above Emily, soaking her and splashing the room. The water seemed to drain away into the floor, despite a lack of holes or seams. The party watched the byplay with eyes bulging.

"Mother! That was mean! Now I'm all wet in front of my guests."

The party took a perfectly synchronised step backwards. What sort of dungeon was this? Not only was there a level fifty slime hanging around on a low floor, but she could talk directly to the earth mother, their creator. And apparently that same earth mother disciplined her by summoning cold water on her head, like some sort of comedy sketch.

Kevin deserved to win several rewards for bravery by managing to continue the conversation. "So, what's special about this dungeon?"

"It's Mother's dungeon! A hundred floors deep, intelligent monsters, different environments. It's not like those boring mass produced ones that are dotted around just to provide resources."

The party looked at each other again. A hundred floors? The deepest known dungeon was seventy, and their party was the only one in the world that could clear it. Even then, it was close, and took weeks of preparation and slow methodical delving each time. They had no hope of clearing this one. They'd gathered enough information already that it was worth returning to the surface to report. Communicating with body language, it was left up to poor Kevin to once again speak.

"Thank you for your time. It seems that we don't need to go any further right now, so we'll be heading back."

"What? Why? You can't leave yet! I wanted to make friends!"

"Umm... What, exactly, would being your friend involve?"

Emily glanced around the room. "We could play dress up?"

Kevin followed her gaze to the pink wardrobe, then took in the pink dresser and the pink bed. Even the bookcase was decorated with pink swirls. "I don't think you'd have anything that would suit me."

"Ah, right, you're what the books called 'male' aren't you. Males tend not to wear dresses, except when they dress up as a maid to infiltrate a castle ball or something." Emily thought hard about what else the books said about what women and men could do together. Mother had said not to rely on them and that they were a bad influence, but what else could she do? She didn't have any other information, and if she didn't come up with something, she'd lose this opportunity to make a friend! There was one thing that did seem to happen quite a lot in the books, so that would have to do. "We could have sex?"

Kevin promptly choked, breaking down in a fit of coughing and spluttering. The healer emitted a quiet "oh my," while the rest of the party blushed and took yet another step backwards.

Emily looked around in panic. "Did I say the wrong thing? I'm sorry! I... don't really know what I'm doing. I've only read books about humans so far, and you're the first real real people I've had a chance to talk to!"

Doing his best to recover, Kevin managed to ask, "These books you mentioned. Can I have a look?"

"Oh, sure." Emily waved him over to the bookcase.

Kevin looked at the book covers one by one, his face getting progressively redder. "I... don't think these books provide a realistic example of how to act. You shouldn't follow them."

"Yes, that's exactly what Mother said, but you new races haven't written much of your own yet, and there's very little that survived from before. I don't have anything else to go on."

"From before? Before what?"

"Before you lot. There were humans around before, but they all died, which is why Mother had to repopulate the surface."

The party froze up again, floored by the repeated revelations. Eventually the healer spoke up. "Why don't you lot return to the surface, and I'll give Emily here a crash course in... social etiquette." She turned back to Emily, and added, "my name is Melody. Pleased to meet you."

The rest of the party looked at her incredulously. The catkin asked, "Are you sure?"

"I may be a healer, but I wouldn't have any trouble returning on my own from here. Don't you worry."

"That's not what I'm worried about..."

She teased him with a grin. "Then whatever are you worried about?"

He floundered as he tried to come up with an answer that was polite, not embarrassing, and that wouldn't risk triggering the slime, in the end giving up, turning around and silently leaving the room. The rest of the party followed, leaving Melody and Emily alone.

Emily was looking jubilant. "Yay, you want to be my friend! Now we can do friend-things? What are friend-things? The books say that girls are supposed to have tea parties together, but are they wrong about that too?"

"I do. Tea parties are okay, but one of the most important things that friends do is to help each other. And boy do you need a lot of help. Where should I even start?"

Thus began many hours of education into why, exactly, asking someone she had only met a few minutes earlier if he wanted sex was a social faux pas. There was also tea involved, served in proper china cups, because calling it okay was all the confirmation Emily needed, having never had the chance to host a tea party before. Emily drank down the information as happily as the tea, although it was debatable how much she comprehended.

Unfortunately, the tea had a side effect on the biologically realistic elf that the scientifically impossible slime didn't have to worry about. "Excuse me for a moment, but where's your toilet?"

"Toilet?"

"Bathroom? The place you go to relieve yourself."

Emily considered the question. She knew what a bathroom was; it was where the bath was kept, where girls would go to wash themselves clean or, if sufficiently rich, be scrubbed by a maid. Oddly, the books rarely talked about boys visiting the bathroom. Maybe they didn't get dirty in the same way, or just didn't care? But the matter of excretion was one that most books skirted around, so the concept of relieving oneself wasn't one she was familiar with. Thus began another round of rather more urgent education. Melody could have just headed back outside to a quiet spot in a dungeon corridor, as delvers normally did, but being on her own there would be some danger involved. Besides, she had a suspicion that the earth mother was watching. That was all sorts of uncomfortable, and while using a real toilet wouldn't make the feeling of exposure go away, at least she wouldn't be desecrating what was allegedly the earth mother's personal dungeon.

Emily was getting progressively more confused and was doing her best not to show it. Bodily waste? What was that supposed to be? Any mass that the body didn't require was shifted into mana. Did the new races work differently? And they needed a 'toilet' to do... whatever it was they needed to do? Then if she didn't have a toilet, her friends wouldn't be able to visit for long? "Mother. Can you build me a bathroom? My new friend needs a toilet."

"Already prepared. I was just waiting for you to ask."

With a rumble, an empty patch of wall transformed into a door. Unlike Emily, Erryn knew exactly what a bathroom was supposed to contain. She also liked to show off. Melody and Emily stepped together into a light and spacious room, walls patterned like marble. A steaming waterfall cascaded down one wall into a pool that could fit a dozen people at once, with the excess water flowing away into surrounding drains. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and angelic statues sprouted from the floor. There was also, thankfully, a toilet.

Emily pondered. "Are bathrooms supposed to have waterfalls? I don't think I've ever read about them."

Melody, her bladder control impeded by the sounds of flowing water, didn't have time to debate the proper usage of waterfalls with respect to baths. "Can I have a bit of privacy, please?"

"Privacy?"

"It's not polite to watch someone going to the toilet!"

A large part of the earlier lessons had been devoted to politeness, so Emily got the message and left the room, leaving Melody to finally relieve herself with a sigh. "Thank you earth mother, or whoever you are."

Immediate problem taken care of, Melody inspected the pool. As the world's strongest delver party, they had easy access to teleportation, and enough money that they had a mansion of their own, with its accompanying bathrooms of unnecessary size. When not in a dungeon, she could have a bath every night. But they didn't have this. She was struck with a sudden desire to try it. And girls bathing together were bound to be in one of those smutty books somewhere, right?

"Hey, Emily. Would you like to take a bath together?"

Emily's head appeared at the doorway faster than Melody could blink, and displayed an eagerness that would have had her tail wagging like a whip, had she been dogkin. "Really?! Given what you said earlier about nakedness, I thought that wouldn't be allowed?"

"I also said that a lot of it was not going faster than the other party was comfortable with, and, well..." Melody actually blushed slightly. "You are rather endearing..."

Emily smiled a big, dopey grin. Her mission to make lots of friends was going well! Admittedly, one friend was not lots, but she had to start somewhere. She watched Melody stripping off her armour, a task which she paused abruptly. "Umm... You are okay with hot water, right? Being a slime and all? You aren't going to dissolve or anything?"

And her new friend actually worried about her! How was she supposed to behave when she was this excited? Right, hugs! She ran up behind Melody and hugged her, eliciting a yelp of surprise. "Thank you for worrying about me, but I'm fine."

"That's good and all, but watch where you're touching!"

Emily noticed a certain softness within her grasp and let go with a squeal. She'd just had a lesson on how she wasn't supposed to touch certain body parts uninvited! "I'm sorry. Please don't hate me!"

Melody giggled at the big, scary level fifty monster that had turned into putty in her hands. "Of course I don't. Come on then, let's get in."

The two of them climbed into the bath. It was perhaps a little too hot, but given Melody's high endurance stat, it wasn't at a point at which it could burn her. Emily didn't notice the temperature at all. Melody relaxed, the water up to her neck. "I have to say, when our party accepted the job to explore this dungeon, this is not what I was expected. It's nice though."

Emily, being practically in a bliss coma, only managed an "mmm".

"By the way, I assume you aren't wearing real clothes, but you generally take your clothes off before getting in a bath."

Emily looked down. "Oh, I forgot!" She shifted into her plain form, trying to match her colour to Melody's pale skin. What else was she forgetting? Wasn't there something else girls should do when bathing together? Ah, right, that was it. "Do you want me to wash your back?"

"Sure, go ahead." Melody turned around and then squeaked at the strange sensation of a ball of slime being rubbed over her back. It was really strange, with a slight fizzing. Wait, was Emily trying to eat her? She hurriedly pulled away and checked her status, which showed her health was still full. What was Emily doing then? "Umm... Normally you'd use a flannel or sponge or something, not your... hands?"

"But if I do this, I can dissolve any dirt directly. Isn't it better?"

So the fizzing was dirt dissolving? Just how much dirt did she have on her? Suitably reassured, Melody let her continue, enjoying the new sensation. Actually, maybe she could do even better. "If you can pick and choose what to dissolve, can you remove any body hair too?"

Emily complied, then done with her back, moved on to Melody's head hair, dissolving oil and dirt and leaving pristine strands. "Why do you want to get rid of hair elsewhere, but take care of the stuff on the top of your head?"

"No idea. That's just the way things are."

"How weird. I have no idea what makes something 'beautiful'. I'm sure you just make it all up as you go along. Personally, I've never been any good at making hair; it was what I was practising when you came in. All I end up with is a head of worms or tentacles. I don't suppose you have any ideas?"

"I can't offer advice about shapeshifting, but if you can't use your slime, why not wear a wig?"

"A wig? You mean use real hair? I wouldn't be able to attach it properly."

"How about a hat then... hmm, that wouldn't hide all of your hair. I don't think a helmet would suit you. Some sort of headscarf?"

Emily considered that idea. Instead of creating hair, create a covering that covered up where the hair should be? That could work, but she'd have to find out what a headscarf was first. Meanwhile, Melody was inspecting Emily's work. "Wow, this is incredible. I don't think my hair has been this silky ever. And my back is completely smooth, and so soft."

Emily beamed with pride, while Melody blushed slightly. "Umm... Would you mind doing the rest of me?"

"You can reach your front yourself though?"

"I know, but I can't clean myself half as well as you just did. Being able to dissolve anything at will has its uses. If you ever get bored with being a dungeon boss, believe me, you could make a fortune in a big settlement offering that service."

Emily sulked. "Mother won't let me on to the surface. She thinks I'll be a bad influence on the new races."

Melody grinned. "All the more reason to learn social etiquette. She might change her mind, if she thinks you could fit in."

Emily perked back up. "Oh, that's a good point. Right, I'll do my best!"

She turned her attentions to the rest of Melody's skin, who in turn did her best not to moan as Emily moved over her more sensitive spots. It occurred to her that she was not exactly setting the best example for Emily, having her do this; once this was done, she should probably leave the dungeon to cool off. Maybe send Kevin back down to take over.

The cleanest and most hair-free she'd ever been in her life, she climbed out of the bath to dry off, only to be completely blind-sided by Emily.

"Is now a socially acceptable time to ask if you wanted sex?"

Melody missed her footing completely and fell over backwards back into the bath.

"Oh, so it wasn't then? It was just that you seemed comfortable around me naked, let me touch you all over, and looked very much like you were enjoying it. Why is this all so complicated?"

'So much for teaching Emily,' Melody thought. 'Turns out it's her that infected me. Meh, who am I kidding. This is what I was secretly hoping for when I volunteered to stay down here.' Out loud, she admitted, "No, you're getting the hang of it. That was a perfectly socially acceptable time."

Sometime later, a very satisfied but somewhat shaky Melody re-entered the bathroom for a second bath, leaving Emily alone in the main room. Emily was looking thoughtful, then perked up with a sudden realisation. "Hah. See Mother, I was right all along. This is why I needed a bed and you didn't!"

Melody heard the loud splash of water even through the closed door and grinned to herself. This dungeon was very interesting indeed, and she would take great pleasure in exploring it thoroughly. Maybe it would even contain more personalities like this Emily. She pulled her armour back on, said her goodbyes, promised to visit again soon, then stepped towards the exit. Just before she passed through, Emily stopped her with one last question. "There's just one more thing I don't understand."

"Yes?"

"I thought my books were supposed to be unrealistic, but hasn't today played out in almost the same way as one of their plots?"

To that, Melody had no answer.