Encircled by my solemn kin, my life was already shining dim.

Seeing as they silently wept, I weakly said:

"I can die without regret, for you, my children, are all I could covet.

My only remorse is leaving you behind.

I love you all."

It was a lie.

For although my love was high,

I wanted to cry.

Yet you can only cry so much before your tears run dry,

and all that is left is but a weak sigh:

Why.

Why must I die when my regrets pile to the sky?

When my dreams are in no short supply...

Was I meant to just say goodbye?

Yet I did not cry, nor heave a sigh,

for the regrets were mine to hide.

Every day they came, I would lie.

I was a liar.

And now, I would die.

The fatigue caught up to me,

and I closed my eyes.

I had said my piece.

Soon, the pain would cease.

With the last flicker of will, I mustered a gentle smile.

Yet even the smile I showed was a lie,

for I hadn't truly smiled in a long, long time.

❖❖❖

"Open your eyes," a cold and feminine voice jolted me from a deep slumber.

Obeying the command, I opened my eyes to a sight surreal beyond comprehension. A vast expanse of pure white stretched boundlessly, encompassing the horizon in all directions. Above, a sky of pure black offered no discernible detail. I glanced down at myself, stripped bare, as the day I first entered this world. I felt no sensations of temperature or wind on the great plain of white, yet I couldn't help but notice all of the hairs on my arm were standing on end. I was sweating profusely...

Recalling the cold feminine voice, I swiftly turned around, only to see more unyielding darkness wrapping me in its infinity. My bare soles felt lacking on the rigid colorless floor.

"Wh-" I began speaking, seeking to express my confusion, yet before I could say anything, I was interrupted by a single word.

"Stop."

That solitary word possessed a power that pierced my being, leaving me paralyzed to the core. My breathing ceased, my eyes froze, and even my heartbeat and blood halted as if fearful of the mere concept of disobeying the decree.

As I began blacking out, the voice commanded again, enunciating each word flawlessly and indifferently. "Do. Not. Speak." The sentence, like a magical spell, released me from my state of paralysis. I attempted to draw a deep breath, but my body refused, afraid of making even the slightest noise. Yet, I could still inhale cautiously through my nose as long as my breaths remained shallow and soundless. My mouth and tongue lay immobile, obedient to the cruel command.

I knew why I was sweating. I was terrified. I felt tiny, like a speck of dust that could flicker away at a moment's notice. The fear surpassed the terror I experienced amidst the shelling of the second world war or even the anguish of becoming an amputee. This inconceivable void. The sensation of not being able to control my own body... It was horrifying.

With utmost caution, evading any sound, I carefully pivoted, directing my gaze toward the source of the voice. There, before me, sat a deity—a goddess of colossal proportions. She towered above, her size rivaling a five-story building, enthroned upon a swirling confluence of black and white ornamentation.

The moment my eyes met the deity, the monotony of the surrounding black sky shattered, revealing irregular, twisting, dark shapes.

Her legs were crossed, and her posture was apathetic. She wore a white toga with black accents. Behind her was a massive set of ornamental black and white scales.

Though her eyes remained veiled behind a white head wrapping, I felt their piercing gaze penetrating through the fabric, uncaring and unwavering.

"Let us proceed. I shall pass judgment upon you. Remain where you are," she declared, and in an instant, her words became law. I understood that to venture from this spot was inconceivable—my body would not allow it, and I, too, would not want it.

Seeing my lack of objections, not that I could object with my mouth locked, she flicked her wrist with a languid gesture. Suddenly, I comprehended why I was commanded to remain in place. The all-encompassing darkness was no more.

One by one, the swirling shadows halted and split open, revealing countless pupils. Hundreds, thousands, millions... billions of eyes opened within the abyss, fixated on me. They hungered for me, for my stories, my legacy.

I had never felt so exposed, so utterly vulnerable. The eyes saw all—my thoughts, my motivations, my values... my memories.

And I saw them too. My mind was barraged with vivid recollections, each memory crashing upon me like a relentless wave. I relived the moments, feeling the emotions as intensely as the first time. I witnessed my childlike hands climbing an abandoned barn on my parent's farm. I felt the anguish of losing my parents.

I relived the anxious trepidation upon receiving the draft letter. I experienced the terror and searing pain of a mortar shell ripping through my flesh and bones, separating my foot. I gazed down and saw my foot. I saw my naked feet pressing on the pure white ground. I had two feet?

Abruptly, I lost all strength in my left leg, dropping to my knees onto the unyielding white floor. I should not have two feet; it was not possible... I had lived three times longer without it than with it, so why did it feel so familiar?

A simple "Hmm?" from the deity drew me back into the sea of memories. I observed as I excitedly told my teacher I wanted to become an archaeologist. That I wanted to adventure when I grew older. I saw myself drinking vodka straight from the bottle on the opening night of my new tailoring store, judging adventure impossible for the mangled me.

I saw my first meeting with Emily... My Emily... I witnessed the grand opening of three branch offices for my tailoring brand. I saw myself making excuses, deferring my dreams of travel to a later, more opportune time. I convinced myself that it was not the right moment, that the demands of my business were too pressing.

I saw myself diagnosed with cancer. I saw the tears in the eyes of my wife and children as I had to tell them the news. Oh, how they wept. The last decade of my memories was a torment I could hardly bear. I witnessed my slow deterioration on a hospital bed, day after day, year after year. I saw how I joked with Emily about who would depart from this world first. And I saw myself lose that bet, secretly relieved that she would not have to endure the excruciating pain of losing a lifelong companion.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

And then I witnessed the countless moments of regret that plagued me during that final decade for never embarking on those travels I had yearned for. Never taking a year or two to rest and fulfill that long-forgotten childhood dream. I was too weak to do anything by then. And finally, I watched as my life slipped away.

I snapped back to the present, the countless eyes within the abyss seemingly satisfied. I had no concept of time in the sea of memories—it had felt like an eternity.

I was trembling on my knees, struggling to catch my breath. Each gasp of air felt shallow and inadequate as my own body refused to cooperate with me. Anger surged within me, an overwhelming desire to express myself, but my sealed mouth rendered me mute. What did I do to deserve this torment? Hadn't I already endured enough suffering in life? I shifted my gaze from the ground, ready to confront the culprit, only to be met with a disheartening sight.

The deity was scanning through my most precious memories with a bored expression. The weight of my internal strife meant nothing to her as she flicked through each scene with apathy. "Regret... regret, regret, regret," she muttered, her frown deepening with every repetition of the word. Her growing frustration drowned out my futile complaints, and fear resurfaced within me once again. Eventually, she turned her gaze from the memories playing out in the air to me, an appalled frown on her face.

"How pitiable... how disgusting," she stated, and in an instant, it became the undeniable truth. I felt awful. I felt like the shit you stepped on on the way to work. Like the ambiguous fluid, you touched on a toilet seat. The deity's scowl intensified, radiating an aura of pure revulsion.

"One hundred and three years, and this is what you have to show for it?" Her words felt freezing. "You knew you were wasting your existence, but what did you do to rectify it?" I lowered my gaze to the ground. I dared not answer. I dared not even look at her, for I was pitiable. I was disgusting. I didn't deserve my life. I saw as my tears trickled onto the pristine white surface. There was no temperature, yet I felt cold.

The moment stretched on, an eternity of silent judgment. I could sense the deity's penetrating gaze piercing the back of my skull as if painting the floor with my very brain matter. Eventually, she let out a sigh of resignation as if the disappointment had reached its peak.

"You disgust me. You'll get your wish, but if you disappoint me again..." Her words hung in the air with unspoken threats.

Suddenly the unnatural wave of emotions was gone... Was I not disgusting? My tears stopped, and I fearfully looked back up at the goddess. She was gone, and so were the countless pupils.

"Open your eyes." The cold voice echoed within my mind, and following the command, I saw the black and white void splitting at the horizon, revealing a bright scene beyond... I was opening my eyes.

I opened my eyes.

I was falling.

I was falling fast.

Panic seized me, and I desperately tried to steady my tumbling body, but to no avail. Amid this frenzied descent, the only discernible detail was that I was hurtling toward a vivid green forest—or was it a grassy plain? Perhaps even a murky swamp. I was spinning too fast to tell.

Soon enough, I hit the ground, flat on my back, yet no impact mangled my body. My eyes were still closed, yet I could smell the earthy scent of moist dirt all around me.

I felt exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. Emotionally. The exhaustion showed itself through a strange numb feeling. I felt disconnected from the world around me. As if I was a mere spectator.

'What am I supposed to feel in this situation?' I thought to myself, yet no answer came.

I felt like opening my eyes, or doing anything for that matter, was such a hassle. Eventually, I summoned the will to part my eyelids, greeted by the sight of a swaying green canopy above. My initial guess proved correct; I had landed in a forest. I was alive... again.

"What... What am I supposed to do?" I asked, yet no answer came this time either.

Slowly, I rose up to a sitting position. I was inside a small indent on the ground, surrounded by a scatter of broken branches. Looking back up at the canopy, I could clearly trace the path I had fallen through from the carnage left behind.

The surrounding trees were peculiar. Although they resembled oak trees, their trunks were much taller, and their leaves wider, with sharp, jagged tips like those of a maple tree. The ground vegetation was dense, yet there didn't appear to be that many taller shrubs. The forest floor had a considerable incline. Moss-covered boulders occasionally peeked from beneath the low-lying foliage.

I drew in a deep breath. A gentle breeze caressed my face, offering a freshness absent from the sterile air of the hospital. I gazed at my hands, youthful and full of vigor. Cautiously, not wishing to hope, yet hoping ever still, I inspected the leg that should have been missing. The stump was replaced by an intact limb. Raising the brown trousers I wore, there was no doubt—the leg... my leg was made of flesh and bone. Not carbon fiber.

'Wait, trousers?' I questioned, noticing an incongruity. The hospital gown I expected to be wearing had been replaced by rough brown trousers and a coarse white tunic. Their designs seemed old. The tunic cascaded below my waist, cinched by a weathered brown leather belt, while the trousers partially disappeared into high leather boots.

The goddess must have changed my clothing when transporting me here. I still felt a tad of lingering fear whenever thinking of her. The powers she wielded were terrifying. Looking back on it, it seemed that everything she said came to be. Merely by deeming me disgusting and pitiful, I had truly sunk to the depths of despair. In that state, I knew I would have committed suicide on the spot if I could have done so.

I wasn't religious before my death, nor did I fear hell. However, if eternal torment resembled that horrendous sensation, I was ready to devote the rest of my life to fervent prayer simply to avoid that wretched feeling.

Nevertheless, it appeared my lack of prayer was not what had incensed the goddess so. She seemed disappointed by something else altogether, yet I was in no state, emotionally, to unravel the meaning behind the deity's words.

Carefully, as if expecting the illusion to shatter, I moved my left leg. The ease with which the movement came startled me. For the majority of my life, I had lived without the appendage, yet my body remembered. It never forgot the unmangled me of 80 years past.

I rose to my feet. It felt unnatural how natural the action was. I could catch glimpses of the horizon from between the trees in the direction of the decline.

At the base of the hill I had crash landed on, the forest began rising back up higher and higher into the distance, eventually thinning out and exposing a snowy mountain range underneath.

I didn't know what I was sent here for, but I couldn't keep standing here forever. As I saw no points of interest on this side of the hill, I began climbing upward, eager to see what lay beyond.

I started the hike cautiously, yet as I started trusting my restored limb more, I picked up speed. Since there were rarely taller shrubs, the forest was easy to traverse. Only the occasional slippery fields of mossy boulders provided a slight challenge.

❖❖❖

Half an hour later, the climb was nearly complete. During the hike, my previous numb mood was gradually eroded away by the exhilarating joy of being able to walk properly again. After losing my leg, I had been fitted with a prosthetic, but it could never beat the real thing.

Finally, the land began to plateau, and I caught sight of some light shining through the trees. The forest opened up, and I was greeted with a breathtaking view. The land gave way to a sheer drop into a green ocean of leaves. I hadn't noticed it while frantically falling through the sky, but the "hill" I was on wasn't really a hill but rather a ridge, with one side being a steep drop and the other a gentle incline. To my right, the perpendicular cliff curved forward from where I stood, rising into a proper mountain some 7 kilometers away.

On my left side, the cliff continued without curving, eventually descending back into the dense forest.

A river flowed from the mountain to the right, transforming into a magnificent waterfall as it plunged off the cliff. The waterfall cascaded into a medium-sized lake.

It was all very stunning, yet the thing that caught my eye the most was the city that stood behind the lake. I couldn't see it clearly, but the town looked oddly medieval, with a massive stone wall encircling its buildings, forming a half-circle against the tall cliff at the base of the mountain.

Regardless of my half-hearted attempts, I couldn't help but let a deranged laugh escape my lips. I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was laughing. Why I was crying.

This whole situation... I just felt so inconceivably satisfied.

The birds perched on the branches above me seemed unimpressed by my outburst as they frantically escaped my cackle, gliding off the cliff. Yet even the birds were magnificent. They were a deep red with a yellowish belly and a prolonged, meter-long tail trailing behind them. They reminded me of phoenixes.

With a contented sigh, I wiped the tears from my face and gazed at the distant city: "Well, at the very least, I have a goal now."