Good to see ya again!
Is what I would say if ya weren't such a pain in my ass! Your memory getting faulty or something? Didn't I specifically ask that our meeting be somewhere warm? Yet here we are, an icy hell-hole in the middle of bumfuck nowhere on this Heavens-forsaken rock. No wonder ya called me to pick up your sorry butt; who wouldn't want to leave this dump? Damn, I figured that things went South here after the war, but I didn't think things would hit the friggin 'pole. Well, whatever, get in the car, and you can make it up to me on the way.
*...*
What? Don't give me that look; you know the rules. Balance must be maintained. A favor for a favor, and since I'll be the one driving, a favor I am owed. Relax, don't give yourself a heart demon. You'll enjoy the experience; I guarantee it. Let's go.
*...*
Oi moron, what do ya think you're doing there, huh? Nice try, but I'll be taking your luggage. That's my job, them's the rules. So long as we're stuck traveling together, you never have to worry your pretty little head about baggage. If you gotta a problem with it, you can find another guide. So, do we have a problem here?
*...*
Glad to hear it. Now move aside while I pick up this- BOUNDLESS PATH! Why is this thing so friggin heavy!? Hasn't anyone ever told ya about letting unnecessary shit go to reach Enlightenment? Damn! What are you lugging all this crap around for? Actually, don't say a word. I don't need to know. Just get in the car while I drag this thing over.
*...*
No, I don't want any friggin help! Just pop open the truck for me… Thank you. Now get the Void in the car before I turn into a friggin popsicle.
Ahh… Now that's much better. I can already feel my toes again. I love the heat; I really do. So try to remember that next time, eh? Heat is good, and cold is evil. Got it?
*...*
Good. Now, before telling you about that favor, I should probably give a bit of backstory first. You don't need the details, but let's say I recently happened to come across something really valuable: a set of Scribe Quartz imprinted by, get this, The Wandering Frankenstein himself! Can you believe it?
*...*
Whaddya mean you never heard of him?! You livin' under a rock these days? I'm talking about that crazy bastard who went toe-to-toe with the Court. Come on, dude, you gotta know who I'm talking about.
*...*
Yeah, that's him. The Liberator of Diyu, Mr. Koi Nai, The Blessed Tribulation, blah, blah, etc. You know he never liked those titles, right? He prefers his real name or his Dao —Ah, forget it. We don't have time for a tangent.
Regardless, the guy is a big name throughout the Multiverse, but nobody knows the man behind the myth. That's by design, of course. The powers that be are still bitching over the whole mess, and the Frankenstine wasn't a real big fan of the limelight. Lucky for us, though, he had a change of heart.
I don't know who cus it definitely wasn't his idea, but somebody convinced him to imprint every memory of his whole life onto some primo-grade Scribe Quartz. And I'm talking about the pricey Soul Memory model that can record everything! Forget front-row seats, alright? This viewing includes the donner's five senses, thoughts, and feelings. The process also suppresses the viewer's sense of self for better immersion. To put it simply, some mook's past becomes your present reality. If you've never enjoyed one, let me tell ya, the experience is intense.
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*...*
Er… No, I don't have the originals on me. I was allowed to view the memories but wasn't allowed to actually keep them. Stealing- I mean, borrowing the originals wasn't exactly a viable option at the time, so I did the next best thing. I used a Recording model Quartz on myself experiencing the original memories. Kinda like recording a movie at the theaters, only the quality doesn't suck ass. Pretty clever, right?
*...*
OI! What kind of corpo-crap you spouting? Of course, it's not copyright infringement… Probably. They're memories, for crying out loud; nobody can copyright them! Besides, the owner didn't forbid it or anything. Ergo, it's not stealing… I think. Didn't really care enough to fact-check at the time, and I still don't. Now, do ya want to hear the favor or not?
*...*
I'll take that as a yes. Now, open the glove box and hand me the metal case inside. Thank you. Now take a look at… Eh?
*...*
The gun? Damn, all this time, and you're still such a pain about this kinda stuff. Forget about the gun; it's just some extra protection for the trip. Just leave it in the glove box and look at these crystalline babies.
*...*
Cool right? And it gets better. See how the crystals in each rod are different colors? That's because I got it edited to make up for what was lost in translation, so to speak. The Recording model can't record thoughts and feelings, so we used a narrator. Other than taking out the boring parts like years-long meditations, early childhood, and junk like that, we didn't alter the base material. I even went out of my way to track down a few survivors to add some extra perspectives. It's to help out with… what's the word? Uhh… Context. That's it.
*...*
Of course, I'm not just doing it for the money; what do ya take me for? I'm doing this for the people so they can know how it really went down. Think about it, the official biography of the greatest Calamity Cultivator to ever travel the Dao. The masses will eat it up; you know how much they love forbidden knowledge. Once word gets out, even the Tathāgatas won't be able to put that genie back in the bottle. The truth will be out there and I can practically hear the Drachma clanking into my wallet already. It's a win-win.
But first things first, I gotta finish the damned thing. That's where you come in. During this trip, I want you to give the biography a once over so I can ask you something. Understood? Feel free to speak up if ya don't want to do it.
*...*
Thanks a billion! Knew I could count on ya. You should be finished by the time we get to the destination, so you can start right after we hit a gas station. Viewing the Scribe Quartz can take a couple of hours each sitting, and once started, it can't be stopped early. So it's best to use the bathroom beforehand. After all, nobody would want any accidents to happen in my car, right? Especially you, considering if ya do, I will literally scatter your atoms throughout the stars.
*...*
I'm not kidding. Whiz in my car, and you'll never see the next sunrise. No exceptions. Got it?
*...*
I'm happy we came to a peaceful understanding. Now, take the first crystal, and I'll show you how to prime and activate it. See that Rune etched in the dead center? Press and hold until it glows red.
*...*
Yup, just like that. It'll flash red for a bit until it glows a solid blue. That means it's primed. Touch the same symbol again, and it'll activate the-
*...*
YOU FUCKING MORON!!! WHY DID YA…!?!
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Start of Epic 1:
Mediterranean Foundations