1. Opening my eyes, I look around at the incredibly lush and beautiful forest that I’ve somehow ended up in. It’s dazzling—so much so that it nearly brings tears to my eyes, if I weren’t so damn cold. I’m pretty sure I’m about to freeze my poor sweet boy off. "Holy shit, what the fuck?" I mutter, the most intelligent thing I can manage at the moment.

I glance down at myself. "Fucking ow." Bruised and cut up from what I can only assume was a fall through the thick canopy of leaves above, I’m honestly surprised I’m not hurt worse. Hell, I’m just happy I’m still alive.

I try to find my bearings, but my memory’s completely blank. I can’t remember what happened, who I am—or worse, what I am. I groan as a headache begins to build behind my eyes, threatening to split my brain apart.

"What in the bloody hell is that thing?" I flinch, my eyes widening at the sound of a high-pitched voice coming from directly behind me. I spin around, immediately regretting it. Considering that I’m butt-ass naked, the sharp pain in my groin is a pretty clear indicator of a terrible idea.

I scan the clearing, looking for the source of the voice, but there’s nothing. The forest is eerily quiet, which only freaks me out more.

"Oi! Longlegs, what’cha lookin' at, huh?" The voice pipes up again, and this time I freeze. Either I hit my head hard enough to hallucinate, or I ate some weird mushrooms… again.

Wait, again?

My mind flickers with recognition. Edwin. My name is Edwin Wallawak. I blink blearily as memories stir, though they’re hazy and incomplete. I remember… something. Some sort of entity—towering, otherworldly, their face an endless enigma of beauty. We shook hands, and then… pain. Lots of pain.

"Are ya deaf, or do you not speak common?" chirps the voice again, cutting through my thoughts. Right. The voice.

I force myself to focus, scanning the area until my gaze falls on something that makes me stop in my tracks. An enormous, gnarled tree stands before me, its twisted branches reaching into the sky like skeletal arms. Nestled within the tree’s craggy bark is a small, humanoid figure.

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A figure that’s looking directly at me.

"Maybe I did eat some weird mushrooms," I mutter under my breath, rubbing my temples.

"What in the bleedin’ hells are ye talkin’ about, longlegs?" the figure snaps, their tiny face scrunched up in annoyance. "You just appeared in my backyard and upset my hoppers! I don't know what magic you used, but you reek of the stuff."

I blink, trying to process the words. "Hoppers?"

"The bloody mushrooms, ye daft giant!" The figure gestures to the base of the tree, where a patch of glowing, pulsating fungi seem to tremble in the soil. "Those are my prize hoppers, and ye almost squashed the lot of 'em!"

"Right... hoppers. Got it." I nod, even though I’m still completely lost. "Look, uh... this might sound weird, but do you know where I am? Because I sure as hell don’t."

The tiny figure narrows their eyes at me, suspicion written all over their face. "You expect me to believe that some naked halfwit just accidentally magicked themselves into my clearing, scared off all the critters, and disrupted the flow of the forest?" They shake their head, wings fluttering behind them. "If ye aren’t some agent of chaos, I’ll eat my own wings."

"Wings?" I repeat, as if that’s the weirdest part of all this. Which, honestly, might be.

With a groan, the figure hops down from the tree and hovers in midair, their delicate wings shimmering faintly. "Fairy," they declare, arms crossed. "And you, longlegs, are trespassing."

Of course. A fairy. Why wouldn’t there be a fairy?

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my cool. "Okay, right. Look, I don’t want any trouble. I don’t even know how I got here. If you could just point me in the direction of... civilization, or whatever, I’ll be out of your hair—uh, wings—in no time."

The fairy eyes me up and down, clearly unimpressed. "You’re lucky I don’t turn ye into a toad. But... maybe ye aren’t lyin’. You do look pretty lost."

I nod eagerly. "Very lost. Totally lost."

The fairy sighs, clearly annoyed. "Fine. I’ll help ye. But only because if ye stick around any longer, the forest’s gonna get all outta sorts. And I ain’t dealin’ with that mess." They wave a hand for me to follow. "C’mon, longlegs. Let’s see if we can figure out where the hells ye came from."

I hesitate, glancing down at my naked body. "Uh, before we go... do you happen to have clothes?"

The fairy snorts. "Aye, and maybe ye can fly too. Now hurry up!"

With a sigh, I stumble after them, wondering how in the world this is happening. Definitely the weirdest day of my life.