My laughter died down a few moments later, after which I continued my conversation with Shirohime. She is creepy. Just straight up fucking weeping angel level stillness, with a stare that bores into your very soul, showing absolutely no emotion. It’s a miracle she even blinks. She only talks in simple sentences, and only gives the barest of answers. If you asked ‘did you forget to kill any babies today’ she’d give you barely a glance and say ‘yes’. Then leave it at that.

She likes romance novels, is a part of the RRC, but doesn’t actually talk to anybody in it, and is so hopelessly socially awkward and introverted that she makes me look like a crack-smoking frat dudebro. Apparently, every sentence is a herculean effort, and starting up the conversation with me took all of her confidence. She never told me that, I'm just throwing a wild shot out there. I never figured out what is up with her being a living statue; just straight up asking about it seemed rude, and she seemed offended when I pointed it out earlier.

And that was all I was able to pull directly from her. Sure, I could go down the rabbit hole of guessing what her backstory and personality is like, but she’s an actual person, like everyone else. The Narrative, I assume until found otherwise, only guides, never forces. And I don't want to commit the brainpower right now. She could be a fucking axe murderer only restrained by her body’s refusal to move faster than a winded slug, and I’d never guess. So I’m not calling any bets. Yet.

She clammed up and faced forward as soon as the homeroom teacher got there. The teacher was, surprisingly, a nondescript woman with black hair tied in a bun behind her head and an average figure. For anime anyway. She led a thing where we all stood up and bowed, saying good morning, then sat back down. I was a tiny bit slow on the uptake, but my excellently honed skills of sticking with the herd ensured I didn’t embarrass myself.

When my name was called during roll, literally immediately, I got up and handed my excuse form to the teacher. Incidentally, The Gal came back before she became truant.

I don’t remember the teacher’s name.

She didn’t look important, if it comes up later I’ll just ask and deal with it. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Homeroom, though, was only fucking five minutes. She walked in, called roll, and left, after which came in Ms. Kobayashi.

She, as with most women in authority in this universe it seems, was tall, bodacious, and had glasses. Did the principal have glasses? I can’t remember. Anyway, Ms. Kobayashi is dressed in the stereotypical teacher get-up of a black pencil skirt and white blouse. She also had nice black hair in a long sorta bob cut with bangs.

“Ah, Aoki-kun, nice of you to join us today. I’m sorry you were hurt and I hope you get better.” She addressed me then moved on with the lesson. Which I didn’t pay attention to, because this is basically algebra 1 all over again. I never struggled until precalc, and that was only because I never do homework. I’ll be fine. I’m nothing if not proficient at dragging the dying corpse of my GPA across to graduation. I passed precalc with a 69.52.

She was a math teacher, so she rounded! I literally got the lowest I could on the final and passed. Sheer fucking plot armor, I tell you.

Just as well, if I do nothing and get mediocre grades, only the teachers will complain. Who cares? Academic achievement is not my goal in life.

While all the plebs surrounding me, even Shirohime who I expected to just stare down the teacher and absorb her knowledge, wrote notes in their notebook, I too, wrote notes in my notebook. The bare essentials, quadratic formula, Pythagorean theorem, you know math shit. And a bit of what the teacher wrote down that I didn't have.

Other than that I spent a lot of my time staring into space thinking about my life.

The Narrative is a strange concept. I don’t think of it as some sentient, all-encompassing god, like, well, God. I think it’s a force of nature that has rules and shit, that I don’t completely know. Like the freezing thing. It’s happened three times that I remember, once in response to a pun, and twice when I broke the typical trope script.

So to review: the nun froze when we didn’t respond to her at all and allowed us to walk off. What trope did we break? I don’t have a name for it, but it’s like a confrontation after a fight. But the trope just didn’t fit with the situation, it wasn’t a fight, we weren’t even reconciling. There would be shouting between parties, with accusations thrown and shit, but instead, she froze because we didn’t say anything. Us getting up didn’t do anything, it was only me speaking, so I broke The Script.

Same thing with Ginger, though with a better grasp on the details. I came in bombastically announcing myself and she didn’t hear me? Nah, it’s cause I didn’t let her do the ‘gasp you!’ thing first. I broke The Script again.

The common denominator, I'm betting? Steve. People in his orbit are going to be very drawn to cliche, I bet. Probably met the nun, or the nun is going to be important in his story. Another protagonist that doesn’t have my savviness is going to be completely unable to avert tropes, so The Narrative will have a field day. It might not be so, though. Still, it’s my bet.

Though that does bring up the question, does The Narrative have control over me even if I’m aware of it? A concerning one that I’m not putting thought into until I’ve dealt with my many other upcoming existential crises.

I’m still salty over getting hit in the stomach because of that fucking teleport shit. I was obviously trying to grab her arm, why couldn’t I have succeeded, huh?

Fucking anime.

So, goal one is to break the script when I get into cliche situations and see what happens. Hopefully, I get more freezes so I can confirm at least one aspect of The Narrative. What will this tell me? No idea!

The third is an outlier. I made a pun, and Akane glitched for a moment, then went on like I said nothing. This, I'm betting, is Translation fuckery, I have no idea how exactly the thing translates everything into English. Well, I still ‘hear’ Japanese technically, but only when I look back and think real hard about it. Moot point, something screwed up when I made a pun.

So, goal two, make as many puns and fuck with my speech as much as possible. Ostensibly because it helps me figure out The Translation, but also because puns are fun.

The issue of the mechanics of The Translation is interesting. English has a weird grammar system, known as an analytic system. The relationship between the subject and the object in a sentence is determined by their place in a sentence. This is in contrast to literally every other European language, because English is an unholy bastard of French, German, and Latin. Every other language (in Europe) is some level of synthetic, where something attached to the word determines the relationship between things.

‘Der Man hat den Ball’ and ‘Den Ball hat der Man’ is the same sentence in German. Both mean ‘The man has the ball.’ So, how the fuck am I being translated into Japanese? Because Japanese has these fucking things called participles that, like den and der, denote the part of a sentence something is. Their verbs come at the end of the sentence, and while there is a preferred sentence order, everything but the verb at the end is circumstantial. In my understanding, anyways. My speech is being automatically translated, but apparently not perfectly, as I ‘use the progressive form a lot,’ which is adding ‘-ing’ to the end of a verb in English. I don’t know what that is in Japanese, but apparently it’s a lot rarer.

Thanks, Wikipedia, my crawling through the linguistics side of you has helped me immensely.

So, goal three, do some sort of analysis of my speech with Akane to find out how exactly my Translation fuckery works. Might help with teaching her English as well. A large problem is that I don’t process Japanese. I don’t hear other people speaking Japanese at all, it’s just English. So I’m not learning anything by hearing other people say shit. Which is, you know, important when you want to learn a language.

Fucking anime.

The class lasted 50 minutes, there was a ten minute break in between for the teachers to move between classes, and now we have ‘Contemporary Society’ led by one Ms. Fukumura.

She has green hair. Long, wavy, green hair. It seemed to be natural, too. Or she dyed it last night, but with this being anime, and Yamaka having blue hair, I’m betting natural.

Moving on, she’s rather soft-spoken and unassertive. As soon as she walked in the room The Gal started talking, not loudly per se, but it was obnoxious, and didn’t stop despite the milquetoast protests of Ms. Fukumura, and the glares of many of her fellow students, including me.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Sure, I don't give a rat's ass about this class, but I have the decency to check up on my linguistics knowledge on Wikipedia, which exists, yay, unobtrusively on my phone instead of gossiping loudly. Sure, I was at the front of the class and reading right in front of her, and that could be construed as more disrespectful, but, you know, at least I was quiet about it. The Gal was bad mouthing Ms. Kobayashi, ‘overly strict’ this, ‘uptight’ that, and ‘never get a husband,’ like that was an insult. Bitch. Fuck you and your phone.

Fukumura was completely unable to tell her off, barely able to murmur her name. I felt a great deal of second-hand embarrassment on her part. Eventually, she just kept on with the lesson despite the disruption.

This is why I hated high school. Hate high school. It’s present tense again. Jesus fucking Christ.

Other than The Gal that class was uneventful, after which we moved to PE. Which I got to sit out. I say, smugly. Thanks Ms. Nurse.

When the bell for the class change finally rang I was rather relieved because The Gal fucking shut up finally. To be fair to her, it wasn’t all about Ms. Kobayashi, but that was what stuck in my craw the most. Everybody started getting up and walking out the door; a quick inquiry of why and I discovered it’s time for PE. Joy. I really need to get the class schedule.

Walking through the halls, whistling the while, the Otaku guy walked up to me, rather confident looking actually. Dude looked really nervous walking around everyone else, glancing around whenever he wasn’t looking at the floor or his handheld console. He was playing on it all last class, or at least, he was when I turned to glare at The Gal.

“PE’s going to be great, huh?” he whispered conspiratorially. Dude, just speak quietly if you want to be quiet, whispering carries your voice further. You amateur. However, I will not participate in what is obviously going to be talking about teenagers in tight fan service outfits.

Fucking anime.

I observe silently. No one needs my input on how they look but me. And I never stare. I’m gentlemanly like that. Also, talking about how hot someone is has always felt creepy to me, there’s a distinction between complimenting someone to their face and… Ach, let’s just misinterpret it.

“Yeah dude, I don’t have to do shit! I got a health note.” I reveal smugly. Yeah, look at me, I don’t have to run cause I got my head smashed in. My inherent superiority is obvious.

“What?” He blurted, confused, before shaking his head slightly, “I mean, that’s cool, but I meant the girls.” his eyes lit up in realization. “Lucky bastard you get to sit and watch them!” he yelled. Yelled! What the hell, dude? what happened to the conspiratorial tone? You're shooting yourself in the foot and adding me into it!

“He does.” “Gah!” He jumped as a dull voice suddenly appeared behind him. My eyebrow rose, I'm surprised Silver could even walk, let alone speak to two new people in a day. Goes to show how little I know about her. Also, how the hell did she get there? I wasn't tracking her, but she just appeared. Gasp, is she secretly a ninja?

Hmm, it could be that Otaku dude is a part of my entourage. It’d be boring if my side characters could only talk to me. And the protagonist having one guy friend in the all-girl surroundings is a thing. Said guy friend, unfortunately, also does tend to be the perverted comic relief. and I don't even get to say called it, cause he already revealed himself before I could predict it. Man.

Fucking anime.

“What are you doing here?” he spat suspiciously. Dude, no need to be so hostile. it's just our friendly(?) neighborhood living statue here to say hello.

“I am here to avoid Sakurasawa-san.” She explained measuredly.

Or that. That name's a mouthful. I am definitely never trying to say that. The Gal sums her up quite nicely.

“So you’re just going to hide behind this guy?” Otaku asked incredulously, to which Silver slowly nodded. I don’t like your implications, good sir.

“Hey, what do you mean by ‘this guy’? I’ll have you know-”

“You’re going to watch the girls, aren’t you?” he interrupted me. With unsavory accusations! How dare ye? “I mean, you got the perfect chance to sit back and soak in the beauty.” This dude is the Perverted Lackey! I regret defending you! Your assumption that I have the same interests as you is most certainly degrading my personal rapport with Silver here. I definitely want her as a friend. She sits right next to me and hates the same people that I do. Perfect friend material.

Well, I think. Focusing back on her she’s… nodding along? She can use body language? well, she did nod earlier, it's not that surprising. Just...

“He does.” Why! Do you agree!?

“What!? Fuck both you, I’m going to be reading! I don’t care how painted on the fucking gym suits are here, sitting out PE means I can start looking through sites for web fiction.” The usual sites I go to don’t seem to exist, despite Wikipedia existing. I don’t get the logic behind that, but I suspect that Fortress Forter wasn’t off-brand.

Fucking Fortress Forter, dude. Maybe it sounds better in Japanese?

“Were you not doing that last class?” Sliver questions me.

“No, I was reading through the Japanese and English page on Wikipedia to refresh myself on the knowledge. Also , aren’t PE classes separated by gender?” Well, I'd expect so, anyway. though, maybe not, I mean, there are only two guys in this class.

Who the fuck put me with these chucklefucks? I thought I was in a harem comedy, aren’t there supposed to be more-

Calm down, you’re playing straight man now. You need to be the one to set the pace. I take a deep breath.

“Look,” I prevent an answer, “I’m not going to lech at a bunch of girls because I, instead, would like to do something more worthwhile to pass the time. Finding good web fiction.” And staring at T&A is exactly what The Narrative wants me to do, I can tell. I don’t give a damn about your fanservice, universe! Nothing you throw at me can beat my mother!

Wait.

Fuck you anime!

Otaku, who I still don’t know the name of, staggered like I’d stabbed him through the heart. “This is the springtime of our youth!” he lamented to me, “you have a perfect opportunity to bask in the glory that are bloomers and tight shirts, and you're not only going to read instead, but you’re also calling it a waste of time!” I see why tsunderes hit people now. However, I will not stoop to mostly unjustified violence. “A healthy libido is part and parcel of adolescence, don’t suppress your needs!” he grasped my shoulders with tears in his eyes. I regret my earlier resolution.

Mmhmm. I look him dead in the eyes. “You’re the type of guy to peek into changing rooms, aren’t you?” I rhetorically determine. “I regret defending you.”

“Gahach!” Is that blood!? Why’d you vomit blood!?

It’s ok, it’s probably an anime thing, he’ll be fine. Hopefully.

“Dear fucking God, putting aside the social stigma of peeping, it’s rather disrespectful to stare at someone’s tits, even, no, especially from a distance. I’m not above glances, I'll be honest, but spending 50 minutes watching girls running is just creepy. I’d rather just read porn for that time, at least I'm not using someone else.” i'm not going to read porn, though. Especially in school. Porn requires privacy to fully enjoy.

Ah, right, Silver’s here, I turn to her, “Do you have anything to say? I mean, you’re a part of the group we’re discussing.”

She looks back and forth between me and Otaku. Damn it, I need to learn his name, this is getting annoying.

Otaku, though, speaks up “Hey, this is a discussion between men! The importance of those bouncing bounties are known only to us!” Blech. I appreciate the alliteration, but I have to presume it isn’t so in Japanese. But, please, stop.

I give him a flat stare, then point my thumb to Silver, “She could be a lesbian.” Silver quickly turns to stare at me. Hey! I’m sorry, but it was such an obvious rebuttal, I didn’t mean to accuse you or anything! I swear, it was purely easy ammo!

Otaku for his part looks to have bluescreened. “What?” he asks. He turns to stare at Silver and his nose starts dripping a stream of blood.

Dude! You already lost, like, a cup of blood earlier, are you ok!? It can’t be healthy to be this easily exsanguinated!

He coughs and the blood stops, “uh, I, uh don’t judge or anything, it’s perfectly fine to, uh… hehehe...” aaand he’s bleeding again. Man, his marrow must work overtime for him to still have color to his skin. Well, he’s rather pale to begin with, maybe that’s masking it.

“Just so you know,” I address Silver, glancing sidelong at him, “I apologize for nothing with him, he’s digging his own grave, my words stand alone.”

“I think,” Silver answers, “both of you are idiots.”

“That’s absolutely fair!” I smile jovially. “Anything else?” Otaku is still stuck in his fantasy and doesn’t react.

I’m glad that Silver’s speaking her mind though, I know I feel awkward when I'm standing around when other people are conversing.

“He is a pervert and you are no better for engaging him.”

“Mmm, yes, true.” I nod “Though I meant input on the said perverted subject, it is entirely within your rights to plead the fifth.”

“What’s ‘plead the fifth’ mean?”

That caught me for a moment, as I had yet again forgotten I'm not in America. “Not answering a question. It’s a part of the Bill of Rights in the American Constitution. Specifically, the fifth amendment, the right to remain silent.” I thought a lot of other countries watched American cop shows.

She nodded and left it at that.

Through this time we had been walking to a field with a running track, a baseball court, and I think over in the distance there’s a swimming pool. It’s lower than the rest of campus, there’s an artificial slope leading down to the athletic areas. We went down the built in stairs.

God, this campus is big, isn’t land a commodity in Japan? There’s, like, an entire wooded area behind the wall surrounding the place.

Fucking anime.

“Alright!” an energized voice, coming from an incredibly muscle-bound woman, shouted “I’m Nanjo-Sensei and this is my first class with this class, and I see you have two boys in your group! Well, you’re all going to be men by the time I’m done with you!” I raised my hand immediately, no fucking way am I doing anything she wants me to do in my state. Fuck that!

She pointed to me, “Yes! You there, what’s your name and what do you want!” she appeared to believe that if you were outside, you therefore needed to use your outside voice. And God, does she have a fucking diaphragm.

“The nurse gave me an excuse form because I was injured yesterday, I'm not supposed to participate in vigorous activity.” I state “oh, and my name’s… Akio Aoki.” it’s hard to remember the order it’s in, alright?

She took an angrily offended look at that “What!? You’re going to wimp out!? If you’re still standing you can still run! I don’t care what the nurse says, she gives out excuses to anyone! Akio Aoki, aren’t you a man!?” I resent that question when you look like you have more testosterone than me and could crush my head like an egg.

“Well, to be fair, Ma’am, I don't think I'll ever be more man than you.” I admit, eying her monstrous biceps, “Anyway, I had a concussion yesterday that knocked me out for half the day. I have rather horrid bruises on my elbows and walking sorta hurts, so I think the excuse is rather justified.” I take off my jacket to show the bruises, which causes gasps among the crowd, yet again. They aren’t that bad. Well, they fucking hurt and half my arms’re blue, but it isn’t gasp worthy, more of an ‘oh dear, are you ok?’ sorta thing. Though I guess that you can’t really do that as a crowd.

“Oh!” Ms. Nanjo, for her part, looks a bit shamefaced. She recovered and addressed the class “Knowing your limits is an important part of exercise! Concussions are very serious; it was good of you to explain so, Akio-kun! Don’t let this make you think you can get away with slacking though! I know your limits better than you yourself! Go get changed in that building over there,” she pointed to a concrete hut by the slope,” And meet me in the field! I’ll call roll then we’ll be starting with stretches! Alright!” She shouted with an enthusiastic smile. You know, I respect the joy she seems to get from her work. You go, crazy muscle lady. “And you can watch, Akio-kun, this is what you’ll be doing when you’ve properly recovered!”

Oh god, I’m going to have to deal with that eventually. Ms. Nurse please save me, I can already feel the burn.

The crowd started walking off, before being shouted to a jog, and I walked over to the hill to have a lie down and search for books on my phone. I bundled up my jacket for a pillow, and watched as the class came out in, you guessed it, tight shorts and shirts. Otaku looked blissful even as he sweat like a dog during the warmup exercises. Then they started running, Ms. Nanjo’s shouting telling me they were going to run a mile.

Surprisingly, Silver was doing well, not amazingly, but her passive expression never wavered even as they ran, and she stayed in the middle of the pack. The Gal and Otaku were suffering, not allowed to slow down from a jog by the teacher. At the front was a tanned, tall, but average girl. Short brown hair. Probably should have spotted her earlier, tanned always means athletic.

Ah well, I'll just lay back and enjoy not having to run and hope I don't get a sunburn.

Suckers!