The following days continue to be similarly uneventful. You retrieve your belongings from the conjurer’s guild and gather a set of clothes from Limsa. While you are tempted to try to stay at the arcanist’s guild and merely ferry over as needed, this doesn’t prove to be a very practical idea.

You should be happy, right? You’re lodging with Erden, things are seemingly improving with Olahr, and you now have a much more reliable source of income than inventing spells ever was. You still tinker away with them, though by the day you have less and less time to do so. With minimal exception, you and Erden are treated with dignity and kindness. Given your private room, you are allowed some time every evening together, free from prying eyes-- free from judgement.

So why does it feel…wrong?

Erden seems exhausted often, and more so with each sunrise. He insists that he is fine, but he never was very good at keeping things from you. The work that the Scions have given you is important, it is! But it is nowhere near as world-saving as slaying eikons, at least, not yet. For now, it feels tangential to…well…chores. ‘Fetch this, bring it there, inform so and so.’ But the work is honest. Clean.

You can’t conduct your research, try as you might. You are constantly distracted, at first by other Scions moving about, but later by the thought of Erden’s unrest. If his discontent grows, what could it result in? Is it unfair of you to even be worried about such an eventuality? Erden is not a child, nor is he an unstable maniac, but…

As intrusive anxieties eat you alive, you toil within yourself until eventually a time comes when you are both left to your own devices for an evening, and so you leap at the opportunity to get away from it all, to a place where none will disturb you for a short reprieve: An Ul’dahn Inn, provided free of charge thanks to your rank within the Immortal Flames. You bring your books, though you don’t plan on doing much in the way of studying.

Erden is stiff and tense with your mutual arrival, but you are able to help him feel at ease after spending enough time together, as all the worries of the outside world melt away. Even a child would be able to notice his emotional duress, however, so after enough time waiting for him to settle, he finally deigns to ask what has clearly been on his mind.

“What are we?” The words hang as they leave his lips.

And with that, it is time to finally address the elephant in the room-- Love. For Miqo’te such as yourself, there is a clear cultural line between both Seeker and Keeper culture, and another line between that and ‘typical’ Eorzean ‘behavior.’ You, being the intersection of all three, have always been in an odd position.

Your father, S’jaro Nuhn, wasn’t exactly a prevalent figure in your life, as Seeker culture includes one patriarch and a comical number of women who then breed with him. He was neglectful and frankly dismissive of your needs and the needs of his other children, which is exactly what convinced your mother that staying in the tribe wasn’t a good idea for either of you.

As for Keeper culture, there is instead matriarchal significance. With this comes something of a necessary and logical change: Women do not form harems, and will instead seek individual males if the desire to bear children arises. This is how your brother, Ace, was born. It is extremely uncommon for the father to remain thereafter-- as these relations are generally a one-and-done situation.

Your mother is a sweetheart, and has always cared so so thoroughly about your well-being and success. She has shared the Keeper culture with you as best as she could, but has always tried to make sure you didn’t completely lose sight of your Seeker aspects, too, and very clearly just wants you to be happy no matter what you decide.

And finally, the most commonly known-- Traditional Eorzean relationships generally include just two individuals who are committed to one another, usually through a Ceremony of Eternal Bonding which is blessed by The Twelve, a collection of highly revered deities whose lives are connected to one another.

This leaves you in a big jumbly mess. How do you approach love? Your mother has tried to tell you that any and all are perfectly acceptable, even if society or other members of either culture try to convince you to the contrary-- that you should just focus on what you want out of a relationship.

But where do you even start with such a ridiculously open ended question? How do you know what to want when you haven’t experienced each? The only thing you have a strong opinion of is that both parents should be present if they decide to have a child-- the strain that raising the two of you put on your mother was unfair and deeply upsetting, even if she did manage to do a very good job all on her own. Of course, having more than just two people would also be very effective, but that is just focusing on parenthood, not love.

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You have always been ‘unusually sentimental,’ according to Ace. While most male keepers are known to move from place to place without much thought, you quickly get attached to the people you know and care for. The only reason why leaving Ul’dah was on the table in the first place was because arcanistry was only available in Limsa and because traveling between the two isn’t too much hassle.

So you don’t know! The truth of the damn matter is you have no fucking clue what you want, and sitting and talking with yourself about it is only getting you more and more worked up. It’s a dead end of thought, a whirlpool that is pulling you down without helping anyone in any way. So, snapping back to reality, here is the real, tangible situation:

You have an almost(?) boyfriend(?), or at least a ““friend”” whom you are ““unusually close”” to. Even with basically the whole world trying to stop you from doing so, you have decided that you care about him despite the issues that arise, despite everything that keeps trying to get in your way, and you’re terrified of messing it up. It’s all in your fingers now, so all you have to do is not say the wrong thing, to not push him away.

“What do you want us to be?” You ask, and a chorus of applause erupts in your mind for managing to find the best possible demonstration of something that you shouldn’t be saying. A simple 'I want to be with you' would have sufficed. It’s in precious moments like these that you really learn to hate the sound of your own voice.

He doesn’t have an answer. He stumbles over his own words, plays with his thumbs, and you’re just as dumbfounded. Unfortunately, this inn room only has a couple of idiots in it who can’t manage to get anything done.

So…where does that leave things?

Eventually you change the subject, another example of your lack of basic grace, by saying that it’s getting late, and that you ought to both head back to The Waking Sands. The pain in his eyes is plain to see, but he agrees. You gather your things very quickly, though it’s not like you arrived with much, and he tells you to go on ahead, and he’ll catch up with you later. So…you do.

One foot after the other you slowly make your way to the Aetheryte plaza. The sun has long set, and there is not a soul in the streets, besides skulking about in the back alleys which you steer clear of. By the main aetheryte, the guard which is typically posted there is noticeably absent-- a rare occurrence, likely a result of a staffing shortage.

As you reach your hand out to the crystal before you, a harsh but familiar voice causes your ears to perk up and retract your hand.

“Another waste of your time-- a waste of your talent. You had the entire day, and you spent it on him like you ALWAYS do.”

You look around but see nobody around, not a single person.

“Are you thick in the head? Reach into your damn pocket!”

You back up against the nearest wall out of panic and pull out your grimoire to protect yourself. Believing this would-be assailant to be lurking in the shadows, you quickly unleash the strongest light spell you have to dispel any darkness in the area, only to find nothing in its presence.

After a moment of trying to calm yourself down, you give in and reach into your pockets. Eventually, your hand catches a small detail you had forgotten-- Erden’s soul crystal. When you pull it out, it looks the same as you remember, albeit with a much less abundant source of shadows within it. A gentle red glow emits from it, and it periodically pulses.

“Finally you listen. Nobody to shift blame onto, no other thoughts to distract you!” The voice sounds hoarse and tired, but it is unmistakably similar to yours-- no, perhaps it would be more accurate to say it is identical. “You’ve been an embarrassment to both of us since the day you met Erden! We’re supposed to be independent researchers, but you keep getting caught up in this nonsense!”

“W-who…” Your hand trembles as you speak, and you have a hard time maintaining your grip on the crystal. “Who are you?”

“Are you-!?” The voice’s volume rises even further. “I’M S’ANAH’TO! More of a damn S’anah’to than you’ve been lately! Don’t pretend you haven’t felt the opportunities slipping through your fingers because you’re distracted with ERDEN instead of doing the damn work that’s supposed to keep the money flowing and improve the wellbeing of arcanists everywhere!”

You sheathe your book and grab your shaking forearm with your now-free hand. You drop the crystal back into your pocket, which helps quiet the voice but not shut it out altogether.

“S’anah’to! Don’t you dare ‘put me away’ while I’m still talking to you!” He shouts, albeit slightly muffled. You pace for a moment before getting an idea-- a simple temporary fix to seal away the problem. You grab the crystal and quickly drop it between the pages of your open grimoire. Just as the crystal leaves your hand, you get a final and highly disorienting scream into your ears. “S’ANAH’TO!!”

You slam your grimoire shut tight. The air is silent. After taking a second to breathe, you grab the teleportation lodestone from your pocket, and use it to warp back home to Limsa.