They say people are like moths, we both chase things that will ultimately kill us.

Because of this my father used to say ‘burning brightly for a short time was far greater than being put out by your own wax.’

He was a man of few words and fewer emotions, a rock given sentience on the best of days, and so he died the way he said, when I was young he shined that brilliant way he talked of and disappeared in a flash.

My older sister said that his final words were “Send me out with a Bang.”

I never knew why but those words always stirred something in me, pulled on the strings of my heart and touched my emotions in just the right way that I could never forget them. Even now reminiscing on them I can see his face etched into my memory smiling a grin that said ‘I won’ in the way someone might if they’d been brought to their knees and almost killed only to reveal they had planned for it all and managed to flip the situation winning.

There wasn’t a reason far as I knew as for why his face appeared that way whenever I heard or thought the words, my sister would often whisper them to herself every now and again. She was close with him being seven years older than me, so she had a lot of time to become our fathers best friend, in part because he loved her and because according to what he once said- my sister was almost a complete copy of our dead mother who had died giving birth to me.

Growing up for us was difficult, our father was only around so far as to make sure we were alive and to help feed us, so my sister was forced to grow up quickly to be the parent I needed. More times than I care to count I remember calling her my mother, not knowing the truth until I was older.

She is a wonderful woman who I am ever grateful for, she gave up being herself so she could raise me in place of our father who had spent many years warring with a band of mercenaries to earn his wage and as he put it- Keep us safe from the monsters and badmen of a dying world.

I never really got a chance to ask him what that meant until I grew up and found out what he’d been talking about. Our country was barely that- a country, it was merely land whose name changed with each man who took to its throne, which had no identity but those who lived in it, it had no culture to call their own as it changed with nearly every ruler who held it.

Perhaps you’ve heard of or seen it? Maybe in a dream? A murky forgotten land far to the north, where most come when they’ve lost everything, cursed and marked. A place where those lost and damned lose their pasts hoping to become something more without the strains their history leaves on them, because of this it was simply called Paradise. A sick joke of sorts.

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My feet were aching and my calves throbbed, beneath my leather shoes mud splashed and sloshed as I and other men around me marched.

Thump Thump Thump

The rhythmic pounding of the hundred so of us walking through the dreary southern forests sounded like war drums, besides the thundering of footfalls the ambience of the forest was drowned out by the song which had broken out amongst the others.

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“As usual the urgency of war has made her call, our brothers are stuck and our mothers are gone- what’s that I hear?” I heard a voice call from up the line, I was about two thirds of the way along our line travelling through the dank woodlands. “Say I hear the Rooks have come!”

“The Miles-The Miles- We march! Through thick and thin we dash like deer through woodlands to make our mark!” A chorus of voices chanted twice before they continued.

“WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A BATTLEFIELD- I hear the general shout!” the thumping of footfalls became more intune with the song we’d all heard before in taverns.

“Our families they wish us all good luck! But we know better than to lean on Lady Luck! Hurrying like mice we scatter and crawl- make ourselves small! Drown the smell of brat and scare off our Foes called rats!” Some of my friends around me clapped along to the song.

“Rooks they call us! Taking flight to the battlefield to slay our prey by night! The blacksmith gives us a pat on the back and an A O K! We don’t look back lest we cry, forge out into the world and take it by sur-prise!” I couldn’t help but join in as well by this point and nothing could’ve taken away my smile at that moment.

We were travelling from Draeh to Fortuna where we had a base of sorts outside the city, after all our band of mercenaries were called ‘Soldiers of Fortune’ it was a week and a half journey by foot normally, but it was taking us three weeks at the current rate because we had to take less travelled routes and keep to ourselves in case any soldiers we fought against wanted to take our participation in the battle against them personally. Most didn’t, they understood the politics of fighting for who had the money to offer, but there had been two specific cases in the past where we were raided in the night and nearly wiped out by people who thought they’d remove us from the war.

Thankfully we were almost home so I wouldn’t need to be worrying about an attack, since there would be a garrison stationed nearby who we could meet up with and check with before going onto the town itself.

And so much later in the day about an hour out from sundown we arrived home the walls of Fortuna stood tall and marred with many scars, there were clear signs of recent attacks but it was hard to tell when. We’d been gone for almost two years fighting against the Tudores, the war wasn’t over just yet, but we’d finally been afforded time off when our contract under the Paradise army ended.

I was looking forward to a warm bed, warm food and four walls. Sleeping outside or in tents had stopped being fun after the first two times, though there was a time when we took a whole fort and were allowed to use it as a temporary base for a week or so which meant everyone got a chance to enjoy some luxury for a while. Hopefully my sister will have a husband and children, I’d like to have more family to return to.