Chapter Sixteen

“Did any of them say ‘I’m glad I’m dead because death is better than slavery’? Did any of them say ‘I died for decency and it’s better than being alive’? Did any of them say ‘I’ve been rotting for two years in the earth in silence and darkness, but see how lovely it is to die for your native land’?” - Johnny Got His Gun

* * * *

Yuri Yagami leaned against the headrest of her bed, her right arm tucked beneath her head, staring at nothing in particular. She had locked herself in her room for the past three days ever since Miki’s death, and no one had tried to disturb her for which she is thankful.

Not even Ren and Tohya.

She desperately needed some time alone.

If it’s Yuri…I believe that you can do it. If it’s Yuri…

Yuri sighed to herself. ‘Miki…’

She can’t even find it in herself to cry anymore. No. It’s more like she had already forgotten how to cry. She has seen too much death these past nine years. Ever since she had chosen to walk this path of bloodshed. Death holds no meaning whatsoever to her now.

Should she even be happy about this?

Yuri finally sat up in her bed and glanced over at her desk, spotting the CD jewel case that she had taken from Miki’s apartment a few days earlier, and she had not yet gotten around to viewing the contents on it.

Carry on…for me. Destroy…Raven’s Gate.

A determined look appeared on Yuri’s face, and she clenched her right hand into a fist. ‘I will, Miki,’ she thought. ‘I don’t have time to spend moping around here. If what Miki found out is important enough for Raven’s Gate to actually eliminate her and her brothers, then it must be something of real significance.’

Yuri got up from her bed and made her way to her desk, sitting down in the swivel chair. She turned on her computer which rebooted with a beep. Yuri immediately slotted the CD that she had found in Miki’s apartment into the computer.

She waited impatiently for several moments as a black screen immediately began loading on her computer before the words: ‘Please type in your password for access’ appeared on the screen. Yuri paused, staring blankly at the computer.

Password?

Yuri had a funny feeling that should she type in the wrong password, all the data on the disc would be deleted instantly. She wouldn’t put it past Miki to do that, especially if she had half an inkling about the seriousness of what she and her brothers were involved in.

Yuri sighed to herself. She then recalled what Miki had said to her a long time ago.

Yuri, do you know what is the simplest password to remember, yet the most difficult password for others to know? You use the most obvious word as a password.

Yuri frowned to herself. It can’t be that simple, can it?

She then decided to take a chance, typing in what she thinks is the password that Miki would use in English: P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D-S.

There was a slight beep which nearly scared the hell out of Yuri before the following words appeared in green on the screen: Access Granted.

Yuri gave a sigh of relief before she began surfing through the ton of information on Raven’s Gate that Miki and her two brothers had collected throughout the past years. Most of the information, she already knew, but Yuri raised an eyebrow as she saw a link that read ‘Yuri’.

Without any hesitation, Yuri immediately clicked on the link, and there were a few moments before the page began to load, and what seems like a letter of some sort appeared on the screen:

Yuri,

If you’re reading this, then it means that something must have happened to me, and that you’ve found the disc that my brothers have given their lives for. And what I’ve given my life for. I’ve never blamed you for my brothers’ deaths. They simply delved too deeply into Hitomi-obaa-san’s death and stumbled upon the information about Raven’s Gate by mistake. I hope that the information on this disc is enough to help you to do whatever it is that you must do.

I’ve never liked the fact that you’re doing all this purely for the sake of vengeance, but I’m in no position to criticise you when the sole reason why I have been researching and investigating Raven’s Gate is purely for the sake of revenge as well.

I knew what I will be getting myself into when I’d decided to find out all that I could about Raven’s Gate. My brothers died attaining this information, and I shall carry on their work. I hope that you are the one to find this disc as I do not wish for this information to fall into the wrong hands.

I know that Raven’s Gate will find out about my existence sooner or later. Like when they found out about my brother’s investigation. But I do not care. Not any longer. I no longer have anything left for me but my own life. Time had stopped for me the day that Michio-niisan died.

But I want to see you for the last time.

We’ve been friends since we were kids, and I’ve never once forgotten about you.

It’s very sad for me to leave you, and I don’t want to. I know that you’ll probably yell at me right now if you’re here. And you’re probably right. But someone had to do it. I finally understand why my brothers did what they did when they decided to delve deeper into the mystery revolving around Raven’s Gate, despite knowing what it may cost them.

You never thought about yourself even when we were kids. Not once. But just for once, I want you to think about yourself for a change. Is what you’re doing right now truly what you wished to do? If it is, I’ll say nothing about it, even if I do not like the idea of it. I’ll be watching and protecting you from wherever I am right now…whether in Heaven or in Hell. If there is even a Heaven in the first place.

You’re a very strong-willed person, Yuri. Both in mind and body. Do not blame yourself for my death. It isn’t your fault. Finish my job for me. Destroy Raven’s Gate. They can’t be allowed to exist.

I’ve also found out who Kami, the leader of Raven’s Gate, really is. I’ve fought with myself for months, ever since I’ve found out his true identity, wondering if I should let you know. But in the end, I’ve decided that you must know who he is, and make your own decision regarding Raven’s Gate as well as the organisation to which you belong.

Yuri, Kami is—

Yuri’s eyes widened in horror and shock at the name that came up towards the end of Miki’s letter that she had penned before her death, and her hands shook. Yuri read and re-read the last part of Miki’s letter, unable to believe her eyes.

‘It can’t be!’

* * * *

It was late afternoon when Yuri walked into Aoyama cemetery with a bouquet of white lilies in her arms. Akira and his sister have arranged for Miki’s burial as the girl did not have any other relations to do it for her, and Yuri had requested that Miki to be buried in Aoyama cemetery.

Yuri walked along a path that she had taken many times before she soon arrived at the furthest point of the cemetery. By habit, Yuri’s eyes glanced over the few gravestones located in this part of the cemetery before walking up to one of the gravestones that had the following words inscribed on it in the Japanese kanji characters:

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Here lies Miki Ishigawa

15 February 1991 – 18 August 2009

Yuri sighed before she placed the bouquet of flowers in her arms before the gravestone, and stood there for several moments with her hands stuffed into her pockets, eyeing Miki’s gravestone without speaking. She then sighed and sat down on the ground before the gravestone.

“Miki. I’m here.”

Yuri was silent as she thought about the memories that she had shared with Miki. The times when they were both kids, when Miki was over at her house nearly every single day because her brothers were always at each other’s throats back then. That was after her father had passed away due to health complications.

Yuri sighed.

What wouldn’t she give to have Miki and her two brothers alive and well, standing in front of her right now? When she had ceased all contact with Miki, she had done it to protect Miki from the life that she had chosen. But it seems that it is all for naught as Miki ended up getting caught up in her life anyway.

Maybe if Miki had never known her in the first place, she wouldn’t have died. If only she had never agreed to meet Miki on that day…

Yuri was brought back to earth when the sound of light footsteps reached her ears, the sound of dried leaves crackling under-foot. There was a slight pause before a small sigh reached her ears, and Yuri guessed at once that it must be Ren and Tohya behind her.

Well, it sure didn’t take them long. She had already half-expected them to attempt to break her door down a day ago.

“Yuri.” Tohya called out, and Yuri tilted her head slightly, but didn’t make a move to turn around, still staring at Miki’s gravestone whilst sitting cross-legged before it. “I have some cheese sandwiches here with your name on it.” Silence. “Come on, I know that it’s your favourite.”

Yuri said nothing, still not turning around. Maybe if she just ignored them, they’ll leave…

“Yuri.” Ren was the one to speak this time, sounding a tad bit exasperated. “You haven’t eaten anything for three days. It can’t be healthy.”

Yuri nearly jumped when a hand landed on her shoulder, and she turned only to meet concerned-looking eyes. Ren sighed as he bent down slightly so as to be at eye level with Yuri. “It’s a mercy that you haven’t tried to kill yourself with drinking yet,” he muttered beneath his breath, yet Yuri can hear him. “You did that when Yuuki died.”

“It can take the pain away temporarily. But it’ll still come back in the end,” said Yuri with a shrug, turning towards Miki’s gravestone and standing up slowly, brushing imaginary dust off her clothes. She then stuffed her hands into her pockets so that Ren and Tohya won’t be able to see her fists shaking. “I now understand what you must have felt back when Tatsuya died.” She glanced at Ren. “How did you handle it?” She pressed one hand slightly to her chest. “This pain.”

Ren hesitated for several seconds, glancing towards Tohya for help who looked away pointedly, and he turned back towards Yuri. “It…wasn’t easy,” he admitted. “If truth be told, if you hadn’t been there that night, I would have blown my brains out with that gun. Looking back now, it was reckless of me to undertake that action.” Ren paused. “But I wasn’t really thinking rationally then.” He bit on his bottom lip. “And I guess…meeting you so soon after Tatsuya’s death… His parting words and my time with him. As well as the captain and the Elder… You all helped keep me sane, and helped me to heal. And bit by bit, the pain eased away slowly.” He pressed one hand lightly to his chest. He glanced at Yuri. “Does that help?”

“Not really,” said Yuri with a light shrug. “But I’ll manage.” She noted the looks on the faces of Ren and Tohya. “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid.” She shook her head slightly before turning back towards Miki’s gravestone. “I’ve dealt with countless deaths throughout the years. What is one more? I am death itself.” She chuckled bitterly. “I probably sound heartless to you.”

“Not really,” said Tohya, and Ren nodded. “It might be difficult for the civilians to understand, but this is the only way for us to live without being driven mad by the deaths that we are responsible for.”

Yuri smiled before turning back towards Miki’s gravestone once more. She didn’t say anything for several moments. “The number of people whom I’ve came here to visit is slowly multiplying,” she said at last, her hands stuffed into her pockets. “My uncle. Tatsuya. Yuuki. And now Miki.” She paused, choking back a lump in her throat. “If only Miki had never met me…” Her voice sounded as if she is about to cry, but Yuri forced her tears back. “If only I had never met Miki…this wouldn’t have happened! If only I had never known her…!”

“Stop it.” Ren said firmly, clasping one hand onto Yuri’s shoulder and forcing her to turn around to look at him. “You and I both know that that is utter bullshit. You could have done nothing.”

Yuri couldn’t help but stare into Ren’s determined and clear eyes as he forced her to look at him. “You said the same thing to me back then when I was dealing with Tatsuya’s death. We…are not gods. Even with all our prowess and skill, we can’t save everyone. You know this.”

Ren sighed. “Shit happens, Yuri. These things happen. It isn’t your fault. You did the right thing all those years ago by ceasing contact with Ishigawa. Even if you had never known her, there is no guarantee that all this wouldn’t have happened to her and her brothers.”

“Maybe so.”

“You’ve done all that you could.” Tohya insisted. “It’s not your fault.”

Ren studied Yuri for several moments before sighing and running a hand through his hair. “It’s hard, Yuri, but we face life and death every single day in our line of work,” he said. “You should know this better than anyone else. Every day could be our last due to our line of work. That’s especially so for a Phantom.”

Yuri was silent. “Do you really think that there is a life after death?” she asked suddenly, and Ren and Tohya both blinked at this sudden question.

“I don’t know,” said Ren with a shrug. “What brings this up all of a sudden?” He wanted to know.

Yuri laughed bitterly, tilting her head back to look at the blue skies and the puffy white clouds above her. She then turned back towards Ren and Tohya. “If there truly is a God in this world, then where is He?” Yuri wanted to know.

“I’d…stopped believing in God the day that my mother died. If there really is a life after death…then what do you think that it is like?”

Ren and Tohya exchanged looks before turning back towards Yuri. “I don’t know,” said Ren with a shrug. “I probably can’t give you the answer that you’re searching for. But if you want my opinion on what life after death is, then I like to think of it as a paradise where no injustice of any sort occurs.”

Ren’s words struck a chord in Yuri’s heart, and a memory of a time long past came to the surface of her mind.

When I asked Michio-niisan where my mother had gone to when I was younger, he told me that my mother is in Heaven with the angels. I like to think of life after death as a paradise where no injustice of any sort occurs, and where everyone can just live in peace.

Yuri laughed to herself, and Ren raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. “Is that funny?” he asked, perplexed.

“No,” said Yuri with a shake of her head. “It’s just that Miki had said the same thing to me once a long time ago when I posed this question to her.” She sighed, stuffing her hands into her pockets as she turned to look at Miki’s gravestone. “If life after death is truly as she’d said…then I hope that wherever she is, she is happy. Maybe she’s with her brothers. Maybe with her father. Or maybe even her mother whom she had always wanted to know. It is the least that she deserves.” Yuri clenched her jaw. “But if she thinks that I’m going to let that worthless excuse of a whore get away with what she’s done, then Miki is sadly mistaken.”

Ren and Tohya exchanged looks. “Yuri.” Ren began, and Yuri tilted her head to show that she’s listening. “About that girl…the Raven’s Gate member you met in the streets of Shibuya several nights ago…” Ren paused. “Tohya and I were curious about that girl, so we did a little research on her.” At the mere mention of her arch nemesis, Yuri closed her eyes and counted from one to twenty rapidly to prevent herself from doing something that she would regret. “It took me some time, but I managed to find out some things about her.” Ren glanced at Yuri before sighing.

“I didn’t expect to find out that she was your half-sister.” Yuri said nothing. “Why didn’t you say anything about it?”

Yuri gave a bitter laugh. “Well, it isn’t really something that I wanted everyone to know, and it most definitely isn’t something that I wanted spread around,” she said sarcastically. “Her mother killed my mother, and broke up my family even before I was born. She forced me from Singapore. Away from Miki and everyone! And my dear old dad is kami-knows-where! And not to mention that she made my school life a living hell.” She clenched her jaw tightly. “Yeah. I doubt that anyone’s family is as messed up as mine.” Tohya and Ren didn’t know what to say. “And I’ve never thought of her as my sister. She’s no sister of mine.”

Tohya and Ren exchanged looks, not knowing what to say about this.

“We found out a little more about her, aside from her background,” said Tohya after a long pause. “Apparently, she joined Raven’s Gate about five years ago, soon after her mother died.”

Yuri raised an eyebrow. Miki had mentioned something like that when she had met her in the streets of Shibuya. “Her mother?” she echoed, and Tohya nodded.

“Yeah. We don’t really know a lot about it.” Tohya said, glancing at Ren. “But apparently, about five years ago which is about a year or two before Yagami-sama had died, he went on a mission that was not authorised by the Elder.”

“My uncle did?”

Ren nodded. “It turns out that his target was that girl’s mother,” he answered. “And not long after that, Raven’s Gate made contact with Jessica, and she joined them out of vengeance.” Ren paused, glancing at Yuri. “You told me once a long time ago that Yagami-sama seemed to know that your mother was in danger on the night that she died.” Yuri nodded. “Well, he knew that because…your mother was targeted by Raven’s Gate.”

Yuri froze. She then narrowed her eyes. If that is true, then that means…

Tohya eyed Yuri carefully. “What are you going to do?” he asked warily.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Yuri nearly hissed. “I’m going to hunt down Raven’s Gate. I swear. Even if it takes me an eternity, I will not allow a single one of them to roam about freely. Not again. They ruined my family. They killed my mother. They forced me from Singapore. They killed my best friend. They took everything away from me. I’m not letting them get away with it!”

Tohya and Ren exchanged looks.

Yuri then turned back towards Miki’s gravestone. “Can you both return to the dorms now?” she asked, not turning around to look at them. “I would like to be by myself for awhile. Please.”

Tohya was about to say something, but whatever he wanted to say was lodged in his throat when Ren clasped a hand on his shoulder, silencing him immediately. “We understand, Yuri,” said Ren quickly. “We’ll see you back at the dorms.”

Yuri nodded and the two teens left. The girl traced the words engraved in Miki’s gravestone with her eyes before slipping one hand into her pocket and drawing out a slightly crumpled letter which she’d read and re-read so many times that it is starting to crease.

Yuri had found that letter along with the CD jewel case that she’d taken from Miki’s apartment. Miki seemed to know that her time was near. She had prepared everything so that Yuri could find it and carry on the quest. Perhaps Miki could see the future or something.

Yuri unfolded the letter and read it again. She had read it countless times by now, but the contents of Miki’s letter still managed to strike a chord in her heart.

Yuri,

I’m sorry. I know that I’ll probably hurt you a lot by leaving so suddenly. But it really couldn’t be helped in this case. For just once, I wanted to be selfish and think about myself for a change, to do what I have to do.

But just in case that something has happened to me, I’m writing this letter to say the words that I couldn’t say to you in person.

For the past nine years, I’ve never tried to stop contacting you. Even when all the emails that I’d sent to you were returned to me, I’ve never stopped trying. You are my best friend. The closest thing that I had to a sister.

Or is it just me who feels this way?

Am I the one who has remained trapped in the past whilst you’ve already moved on?

I have no idea.

But it’s all over now.

But if anything should happen to me, I do not want you wallowing in self-blame and self-pity. We grew up together, and I know what you’re like. Even if we haven’t seen each other for nine years, if I know you, your inner character wouldn’t have changed one bit from when we were kids.

Please do not blame yourself for my death. It isn’t your fault. Our time together may have been very short, but those nine years…are my treasure. You have to stop Kami, Yuri. As well as Raven’s Gate. If it’s you, I believe that you can do it.

Live on, Yuri.

-Miki

Yuri read and re-read the last sentence of Miki’s letter before folding it up and tucking it away in her pocket. She sighed and looked at Miki’s gravestone once more, stuffing her hands into her pockets.

‘I’m still living, Miki. But it’s easier said than done.’