In the dark room, behind the furniture, Carryl sat. The only light came from downstairs in the lounge, only faintly reaching through the doorframe. She stood up carefully and poked her head into the hallway. Nobody was to be seen and she took a step through to plan on how to reach Nannade. It did not take her long to find the window at the end of the hallway. She looked outside and found that there was a roof where the first floor was set back from the ground floor. She could just climb out and walk along the roof to the window of the office, hopefully not being seen by the crowd in the garden below. The window was opened easily, then Carryl stepped out. She moved along the wall of the first floor until she came by a window of the office. Peeking through, she saw nothing but darkness. Carryl tried to open the window from the outside, but it would not budge. She tapped on the glass to hope to get Nannade’s attention, if she was still in the room. She could very well imagine that Nannade would not be hindered if she truly wanted to leave the office. A figure distorted by the glass appeared from the shadows and walked to the window, then opened it from the inside.

Nannade was a pitiable sight. Her eyes were swollen, in the fur beneath her nose was snot, her ears hung low. Carryl felt disgust well up inside her. Nannade leaned aside to glance past Carryl. “I didn’t think you would come alone. Not after what happened.”

Carryl entered the room. “I really did not want to, but I promised Merry and...” She hesitated. She had wondered about her feelings but could not explain them. “... Actually, my revulsion brought me here, in a way. I do not want to hate you. At times, there are memories with you that I like and then again comes that memory of the mark, as if it was coming for me. I see the green behind your eyes and just now, I could feel the fire in my mind just from being on the other side of the wall.”

“I was afraid it would be so.” Nannade closed the window behind Carryl, then she walked over to the corner next to the door and sat down. She drew her knees close and wrapped her arms around them. “The touch of the flame will subside, but the mark, it will catch up to you. Only then can you understand your feelings.”

“What does it mean that it catches up to me? Will I become branded as well? That cannot be true!”

“No, Carryl, it means you will understand the disgust of yours and the shame of mine.”

“Then what can I do to hurry it along? I want to be free of that unnatural compulsion to hate you!”

Still looking away, Nannade smiled, as if in sombre satisfaction. “I am glad you wish to be rid of it, Carryl, but it is not unnatural, in fact, it is deeply natural, your rejection of it is unnatural.”

Carryl grew frustrated, she put insistence in her voice. “Nannade, what does that mean? I do not understand any of it.”

“I told you: the mark is not something branded onto you from the outside, it is part of us all, in a sense, just a specially shaped wound that is not allowed to close. And if you really wish to hurry it along...” Nannade looked to Carryl carefully. “I can make you see. I have that power, as majesty of sin.”

Carryl’s heart stopped for a moment, in her eyes was not just the gold or the green of that flame, but also a spark of that unknown fire. “Will it hurt?”

“Yes, but not like the green flame. The green flame touches not your body but inflicts the pain of fire. The majesty of sin touches your soul in the anguish that is guilt. It is not like being branded a sinner, but you will know what we feel when that part of us is cut open.”

Carryl’s chest felt hollow with dread. “And then? Afterwards?”

“You will know my shame and you will be able to let go of your hate. You hate me right now, the sinner. Only when you know what it feels like to sin will you be able to hate the sin instead. This change will not come to you gradually, as it would with letting go, but suddenly as with true understanding and forgiveness.”

Carryl’s fingers dug into the carpet. “Do it, then.”

“I will not be able to undo it, nobody can.”

“But it is not a permanent mark, is it?”

“No, not at all, I promise. I will touch that which sits inside all of us, that which is cut open for us sinners. But for you, it will be just a touch.”

Carryl nodded. “I don’t want to feel this. I hate this.”

“Close your eyes.”

Carryl followed Nannade’s instruction, then she felt her coming closer, like a predator, and touch her forehead.

“Listen to me and be silent.” Her finger pressed deeper into her forehead. "We are all imbued with the knowledge of sin. We know that there are wrong things. We know that we can bear guilt.” A moment passed by.

Carryl felt the mark of sin appearing to her, imposing itself on her, an evil thing that kept pressing, she tried to turn away, but her eyes were closed, her head fixed by the finger on it, her mind occupied with nothing but sin. Then Nannade spoke again.

“What is your sin?”

Carryl’s eyes tore themselves open. “I CAST MAGIC WITH MY OWN BLOOD!” It was a flash of action that shot from Carryl’s heart up her throat, she could barely feel it force its way out of her soul. She saw the eyes burning with that sinful flame before her, staring deeply into someplace beyond Carryl’s waking mind. She threw herself backwards onto her back. She lay there, on the floor, looking at Nannade, who had her finger still extended exactly where Carryl’s forehead had been. Her breath was deep, her heart panicked. “I Cast magic with my own blood.”

Nannade nodded.

“I have... I have sullied my own blood.” Memories came up inside her, memories of her mother cradling her, holding her, feeling her heartbeat close to her own. Rosy skin beneath which was warmth and truth. “I sullied my mother’s blood. My House’s blood.” She remembered the hopeful smile her mother had always had for Carryl, her wishes that she would grow up to be upright and proud. “I have done so many things in secret and with wrong intentions, sullied my own words.” Carryl felt tears in her eyes. “Why have I done this?” A deep shame filled her and she felt herself lost, when suddenly, Nannade hugged her tightly, held her safely.

The two remained like this for a while. Carryl cried into Nannade’s fine green dress. Neither could tell how long it had been going on for, but by the end of it, the two separated again and Carryl looked at Nannade and she felt no more disgust or hate or revulsion.

“Was that it? My own shame?”

“Yes. Your rejection of it was to protect yourself from this pain, but it is necessary. Like pulling a thorn from a wound causes it to bleed more but eventually heal.” She reached beneath her dress and pulled out a thumb-sized cylindrical vial on a leather cordage, with a facetted cut and filled with a black liquid. Carryl had seen the leather cordage around Nannade’s neck before but the pendant had been hidden. Then she remembered that she had seen the vial before as well: on the wide leather belt that had been part of Nannade’s vestments. “This is a vial that keeps any blood inside fresh, for the purpose of blood rituals. My teacher used it to contain the blood of my mother during the spell that unbound me from my sigils of slavery. After her death, a drop remained inside, fresh and alive as if she had been alive. He turned it into a powerful charm for me. When my blood was inside, it would act to protect me from magic, by my mother’s dying wish.”

Carryl looked at the vial more closely. The liquid inside was deepest black, like ink, but with a glimmer of something beyond.

“But when I sold my body to a foreign entity, I sullied it. Since that day, it is not my mother’s blood anymore, it is my rejection of it, my guilt. When I realized this, I was destroyed.”

Carryl felt a strong connection. “I understand.”

“Now, it is a reminder, and a totem for me. I have poured my understanding of sin and guilt into this and thereby, I have power of it.”

“I’m glad it is over now. Maybe we can get back to being friends. That reminds me: we should find Merry, she is probably all alone.”

Nannade smiled with genuine happiness. “Yes we should, but it is not yet over, Carryl, not for you.”

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“What?”

“Tonight, when you are with yourself alone, you will meet Him. I cannot tell you want to do, but I can beg you: please do not hate Him. He is the only sinner without a sin of His own.”

Carryl wanted to ask Nannade what it meant, but she had learned by now that it was a futile endeavour. “I am getting really hungry. Let us find Merry and something to eat.”

To avoid La Madame, they did not climb back into the hallway but rather out on the roof outside the window, then down from there. Nannade let Carryl down carefully by her hand, then followed elegantly. The area of the rose garden behind the mansion was much less lively, people barely paid any attention to them and they soon found Merry, sitting on a bench between two hedges, several empty cups of wine and a half-emptied tray of bites and morsels beside her. Her robe had several spots of red wine on its white and her mien was disappointed, dark almost. She did not see them until they had come close, then she smiled. “Oh, you made up!” How glad I am!” She fell around both their necks in a sudden lunge.

Carryl had to chuckle. “Sometimes, it takes a lot to overcome.”

Merry offered them some of her bites and from a nearby servant got more wine. When the servant saw Nannade, she raised her index finger to her lips and gave him a winking smile.

Merry opened the conversation. “So, Nannade, tell us.”

Nannade looked confused, chewing on stuffed peppers. “Tell you what?”

“About him.”

“Who?”

With a strong shove, Merry giggled. “Stop playing, you know who! Olybrius!"

“Oh.” Nannade was surprised. “Well, I met him a while ago, after....” she made a pause. By now, Carryl recognized that pause as something where she tried to avoid saying something specific. “When I was on travels to act as ambassador to the Lodge. I was to help the forces of Northbridge and the Church of Her Holy Radiance with cleansing an island in the northern strait. A demon had corrupted the land and the people there and they needed someone able to call back spirits of nature that had been chased away.” She took a deep gulp from her cup of wine and leaned back. “Olly was the apprentice of the commanding Colonel, Dean of Evocation Alivor. Maybe I latched onto him too fast. Maybe I didn’t. I don’t even know anymore. I tried to forget so much about him it might have actually worked.”

“Why would you forget about a love like him?” Merry’s eyes were as if in dreams when she asked that.

“When it was time to return after more than a month, our ship got caught in a storm and was smashed against the shores of southern Botreland. I spent the next month or so wandering a freezing swamp trying to get back. When I finally returned to Sturreland, I sent a letter to Olly but was told he died in the wreck.” Nannade took another gulp. “I bet it was that bastard Alivor who did it. Him and the Lord Father of House Teccarno.”

“Why is that?”

“Hosue Teccarno is a fading house. Olly’s mother was a commoner born with the gift, he was born with the gift. To let him marry a crolachan could have doomed the house.”

Merry raised an eyebrow. “What’s a fading house?”

Both Nannade and Carryl looked at Merry, then at each other. They knew that the commoner most likely did not know. Carryl spoke up. “Sometimes, a house loses its gift. Children simply stop being born with it. When that happens, other houses start to shun them. Some try to hide it. Others try to establish an upper house and a lower house to separate the bloodline that can still carry the gift. Others try to marry gifted commoners into the bloodline in the hopes of receiving their gift instead. In the end, the bloodkeepers of various houses argue among another as to what strategy actually works.”

“Oh.” Merry took a sip from her cup. The other two saw in her face that her own place in the world of nobility had become clear to her all of a sudden. Carryl knew she was too clever to not realize she herself would only be accepted into a noble house as an act of desperation.

The three girls sat there for a while, the mood was pressed. Until Merry downed another cup and turned to Nannade with a mischievous smile. “So, Nannade, tell us: have you done it?”

“Done what?”

Merry giggled. “Come on! Y’know, done it! Bumped ugly! Stirred the grool!”

A knowing smile appeared on Nannade’s smile and even Carryl had to admit she knew what was meant at that. “Merry, that’s a very inappropriate thing to ask her!”

Nannade jabbed Carryl with her elbow. “Let us talk, prude!” Then turned to Merry. “almost every night. We were stationed in the castle for our time of service and the two of us had a bedroom all to ourselves. A huge bed and servants who changed the sheets every day so we had plenty to sully-”

Carryl interjected. “Nannade! Do not humour her on that! She wants to marry a gentleman she should learn to bear herself in proper company.”

Merry snickered, Nannade joined in. “Do not listen to her, we’re among friends here. And among girls, we can talk!”

“Oooh, what is it like?” Merry’s face was alight with excitement and curiosity. She leaned in closer and spoke in barely a whisper. “Did you do it from behind? Is it true that you can-“

“MERRY! REALLY?” Carryl made her objections heard clearly.

Upon a single glance to Carryl, Merry suddenly burst out laughing. “LOOK AT HER! SHE’S SO RED!”

Nannade looked and laughed her part too.

“Stop it! You two are making a scene.”

The two others had their fun at Carryl’s expense and she just leaned to the other side of the bench. “You know, Nannade, when Teresa accused Madame Susanna-Bellia of being an organiser of orgies and maitresse of bordellos, I refused to believe her, out of decency. But you make it seem like it would be just the right company for you.”

With a smile Nannade turned to Carryl. “Well, she kind of is.”

“What? No, you are just saying that to shock me!”

“No, really. It's sad but, she owns several brothels. From the craftman’s to the scholar’s district. Blanchetta used to work in one of the better ones, too. She was renowned among the men she told me.”

“No!” Carryl replied reflexively. “Do not listen to her, Merry, there is no way that there is a bordello in the scholar’s district.”

It elicited a giggle from Nannade. “I assure you, there is.”

“Do not fill her head with such thi-“

Merry interjected. “Don’t talk on my behalf, Carryl!” Her voice was determined and she seemed to be almost angry with Carryl. “I grew up close to a brothel, a dirty harbour tavern and I saw plenty of men go in and out. I met the women that work there, at night, when all was silent, I could even hear somethin’. Don’t pretend like I am some dainty flower that needs your protection. I saw as much filth swim under the piers of the harbour as I saw walking on ‘em!”

“What?” Carryl tried to imagine that in Aeoldonys. “Merry, that is forbidden by my fa-... by the King’s decree!”

“So?” Merry shrugged and took another sip of her wine, casting a knowing smile to Nannade. “It’s not like you can even do anythin’ agains’ it. It’s always goin’ to happen.”

Nannade took a deep gulp from her cup. “As sad as it is, she is right, Carryl.” With one last gulp, she emptied her cup and set it down. “Now, I will also not be stopped. If you will excuse me, I must find Olly.”

Carryl still had her fists clenched, but she loosened them. “And what if La Madame sees you? Did you not say she wanted you removed for disturbing the performance?”

“I am owed something too, Carryl. I will take what I deserve, at least this day I will.” Nannade stared forward, towards a brighter portion of the rose garden.

The other two stood up, Merry put a hand on Nannade’s shoulder. “We are with you.”

But Nannade shook it off. “No, not for this. I will do this alone. But you should mingle more with others, especially you, Merry.”

Merry furrowed her brow. “huh?”, her speech already impeded somewhat by wine.

“You really should get to know more people here, or else you will never meet a gentleman. They may not all be noble, but there are a few here.” Nannade finished with a cheeky wink to Merry, who replied with a giggle and a knowing nod.

The three of them walked behind Nannade, as if she was in danger of turning around and running at any moment, but she walked straight forward all the way until suddenly, before them stood the well-groomed Bernard. He seemed surprised to see them, but then darkened his mien. Carryl and Merry seized up instantly, as if they had just been caught sneaking cookies from the kitchen.

He approached them with a brisk step and spoke in a stern voice. “Such a degrading bearing to see.”

But Nannade returned an angry glare and was about to answer something when he arrived and turned to Merry of all people. He took his staff and pointed to the large stain of red wine. He whispered something and, in an instant, the spot was whiter than it had been before. Then Bernard turned to Nannade. “Your lover is in the small parlour, but do not bring me up or he might lose his composure again.” With that, he walked past them.

Nannade sighed, seemingly only half out of relief. She had built up something inside of her and had just about been willing to unload it on the gracious famulus just then. She remained for a moment.

“Aren’t you going to go to the parlour?” Merry asked carefully when Nannade still did not move.

Nannade merely sighed again. “He will be there. And I know there will be no good news.”

“How so? What bad news can there be?”

Carryl already knew how Nannade knew. She must have looked deep inside him while she had the chance.

“I just know. But standing here won’t fix things.”

They headed through the garden, into the mansion and towards the small parlour, which was just a small room able to seat four, maybe five people, with tall stained-glass windows that let in the light of the street lanterns poking above the hedges outside. Right now, there were only two people inside: Gualdo and Olybrius. There Nannade remained standing before the door and breathed a few times. Then she turned around to the other two.

“I must do this alone. I hope you forgive me abandoning you here.”

Merry smiled. “It’s no big deal, we can have fun on our own. You go in there and kiss him all you want!”

Carryl poked Merry with her elbow. “Rather, they will have much to talk. Go ahead, Nannade. You deserve this.”

Nannade smiled, grabbed the cup of wine in Carryl’s hand, downed the remaining content and handed it back to her. Then she turned back around to enter the parlour. Gualdo stood up, nodded and headed outside, then closed the door behind him. He saw the two girls, clapped his hand together and smiled. “Well then, you two seem without company again, let me introduce you to someone fun, that is what I need right now, this festivity has gotten awfully gloomy for me.”