And I was back in this black hole where no light can exist. Frankly speaking I wasn't fond of waiting. I wasn’t even sure that the light will reaper. Maybe the first time was only a fluke in the universe’s circuit caused by the fact that I saved the little girl. Karma and other cosmic laws that no living being could understand. But even if it will appear, knowing that this would happen no sooner than I would be questioning my sanity was making me sick.
So I tried to remember everything that I gathered about death from my last life, every piece of knowledge. After all I spent a huge part of my life preparing for this only moment. Even with all the information that was accumulated during this civilization’s history, nothing resembled what I was experiencing at that moment. Throughout history there have been many different theories from a wide array of people, including scientists, religious leaders and everyone in between.
Many of these theories involved some type of afterlife. Stories of heaven realms or some existence after this one were meant to comfort people because death is terrifying to most of us. Such fears mainly stem from the fear of the unknown. People want to know what’s in the great abyss that will consume them and everyone they love.
Can you blame them?
With advancements in computers, magic and physics, there have been some new mind blowing theories about what reality and consciousness really are, however. Taking that new information, philosophers have been coming up with new ideas as to what will happen when we take to the big sleep… but there are only basic theories, that were present even in my first life, and reincarnation was the most appropriate one. Still, no information was found about the process itself without taking the holy crap.
Not that I had access to a lot of information, only public one, so my time was spent in vain.
I tried different approaches hopping to trigger some reaction. Screaming in my head or consciousness...as expected it didn’t help. Same result with moving around or meditating. I couldn’t feel any mana particles either. I feel helpless here.
‘’13836937 Mississippi, 13836938 Mississippi, o the light appeared’’
So a fixed period of time is required for this transition to happen. My desperate counting helped, this time I went quite far without making mistakes, I guess I’m getting better. The equivalent of tens (or thousands) of years passed until this very moment, the one that will free me from the abyss.
Hipped about the fact that my next life is one hand away I start moving slowly. Maybe I will be born in a wealthy family with a stronger body and good potential in magic (supposing that mana will exist in this new world).
The light started pulsating when I was not that far away, resonating with my consciousness and drifting towards my new body. Being my second time here, fear was losing to curiosity. After all I still have my sanity intact, of at least I hope I do.
I passed out only to be waked up by the same acute pain that I now can classify as being born. Trying not to scream (I’m a man after all, I’ll kill myself if my gender switches. It’s easier to wait an eternity in the abyss than dealing with the menstruation) I slowly blink, allowing my eyes to inspect the surroundings. At least this time the lights are not that powerful, or it’s simply night time.
The person that’s holding me was a beautiful woman in its 40s, with a lot of success at men during the youth, I’m sure. I can still see the sparks in the deep blue eyes that can charm almost everybody, combined with the blond hair and a graceful face, she was giving the impression of someone almost divine.
The biggest shock are her ears, long pointy ones just like the elves from the fictions in my first life. She is wearing light blue robe with some golden ornaments near the neck and shoulders. Ok, this time I hit the jackpot, it’s a world with different magical races.
She looks relieved but sad at the same time. Why sad? Did something happen to my mother? No; i can hear some heavy breathing from my back so she must be ok. Exhausted but safe.
I have some mutations from birth? I never even considered the possibility of being born with some physical problems. Sorry for that but my plans include a lot of moving and fighting so let's hope that it’s nothing to restraining.
‘’ Dheirv ruev rif’’ She spoke to someone from behind, it must be my mother.
Trying to turn my neck, I finally remember that a newborn muscles are pointless. The woman tries to give me to someone, my mother I suppose, I didn’t hear or see my father in the room. It allows me to take a glance to the person that gave birth to me and the one that will be my mother, the one that I should thank for pulling me out from the everlasting darkness.
I was impressed to see that she was crying and while still in bed, she waived her hand in protest. She had the same elven ears like the other woman. My mother is not that beautiful as the priest/healer that is holding me, but she has some charmy features. Her hair was cut short, its color being something between golden and bright yellow. Big brown eyes were looking at me with fear and disgust. She was broken, the feeling of despair was so acute that I wanted to look right away but I can’t turn my head right now.
She doesn’t want me.
Near her bed, a couple was holding hands while trying to figure out what happened. Clearly the woman was about to cry and the man was trying to consulate her. Both of them had the same elven ears. The man was in his 40s and had a beautiful white hair that he kept short. His eyes were brown and he had some similar facial features with my mother. He must be my uncle or my grandfather. With elves there is this small problem, you can’t guess the age just judging by appearances alone.
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He was dressed in green leather pants, a beautiful green shirt of unknown fabric. 2 dryads were decorating his chest. The woman hugged my mother and both started sobbing. She was a bit younger than the others in the room. She had an athletic build. Black raven eyes and hair. She had white skin that looked to pale to be exposed under the sun. If the healer was beautiful like a chrysanthemum, she, on the other hand was elegant and noble like a lotus.
No other words were exchanged. The man finally was aproching us.
‘aurein feiv fit androsis. Leduin maniur veros’ he said and looked back towards the two women. His voice had an angry tone and looking in his eyes I could understand that my future wasn’t bright.
Why not? What’s wrong with me? It’s that bad that even my mother won’t recognize me as her son (or daughter)? I think it will be a short life, way too short. It's a pity. I’m still not ready to return to the abyss. One more time and I’ll go insane. Spending a lot of time all by myself puts quite a big burden on the mind.
‘’Fiev fit pugnku’’ The woman that was holding me stared walking to the door with me after saying something to my mother, goodbye I hope and not the fact that she’ll kill me now. No, no fucking way, the elves that I know are always noble and pure creatures, they won’t kill a newborn regardless of the circumstances. Of course not, I was exaggerating, it must be something else. Stupid little baby brain.
My mother didn’t even bother to respond. Something happened in her life and now she refused to acknowledge my very existence.
The door we were walking to, was made of wood, with an iron lock and a medieval style. Having a panic attack, I forgot to inspect the room. It was a fairly large bedchamber lit by some candles, with some rustic furniture. A simple but comfortable bulky bed, some chairs that don’t look that bad, being meticulously carved, and some shelves with books (at least they got books) on the left of a large window.
The tall walls were made from some reddish stone brick that had been polished almost to perfection. I presume there were some other pieces of interior but I saw only half of the room. Still the conclusion that my mother’s family had some status in this society was certain. Not that I could enjoy this.
I’m screwed, shell kill me for sure. My darkest fears became reality. I suddenly remembered the Spartans, one of the best warrior nations that had a nasty tradition of killing the small and frail children deeming them unworthy for living. I started to cry just after the healer closed the door after us. What other options do I have? Of course a person who lived 130 years can’t really fake a baby cry but it actually worked.
‘’ Durv eifuar. Misan reol’’
She caressed my hair and gave me a warm tired smile. Filling relived, and the adrenaline rush dissipating, I fell asleep instantly (newborn body, what else can I say). I hope that when I’ll wake up this woman will still be here by my side.
I had a ton of questions and zero answers. Why my mother was crying? Where was my father? What’s wrong with my body? These questions are only the tip of the iceberg.
I dreamt about ocean. A beautiful sunset on a faraway beach. One of my best memories from my second life. I was 17 that time and went together with my family to celebrate my admission at the best university in town. It was the best weekend that I had with my family, one filled with joy and peacefulness. But in my tranquil dream I heard a cry. A somber, intense cry from the bedroom that was located on the second floor. I put the glass of wine on the desk and went there to find out what’s wrong. I opened the door and saw the same woman, my new mother that was crying like a madman. This time she was alone. I froze.
Opening my eyes I understood that it was only a nightmare. Even with a lot of knowledge from my previous lives I still had the body of an infant, and it's complicated to control all the emotions. During the puberty period, when hormones hit your head you become a beast in heat even without realizing this fact. A lot of mistakes were made in my second life because of this. I almost got married during one of those. Yes, I had a funny time at school. I regret nothing.
Ok, let’s check where the hell am I. The news that the woman left me alive is already a feast.
It’s dark, plus I can’t see the sky, so I’m indoors. A huge plus for survival. The bed I was laying in was pretty spiky but it wormed my body. Its length was about 80 cm, just right for my new body. I guess it could be worse. It must be a medieval world just like in the fictions that I read. It’s a shame but the sanitation level must be pretty low. Same with the laws about child care.
Still I had no idea where the woman brought me. Even if my surroundings are painted in the darkness of the night I can hear some snoring. I was not alone in the room. Judging by the number of different noises there must be at least another dozen of people here.
For the time being I must check my body and try not to make too much noise. I closed my eyes and tried meditating to see if I can sense the mana particles. They were here. A lot of mana particles flied all around me. Their concentration was at least 2 times more dense that on my previous planet. Ok, now let’s try to absorb some mana to create a little light to inspect the roof. With this body it's the limit of what I’m capable of. After 30 minutes of trying to absorb the mana I passed out. Something is wrong with the way mana reacts here. During my previous life you had to gather it in your body (in your magical field), then absorb it with all your body and with some complex formulas shape the mana into a spell.
Apparently it’ll become my new hobby to find out the way to use magic in this new for me world, I was a researcher not (only) for pretty eyes. At least I am an elf now, so I have a very long life ahead to search for answers.