Hello, (points his thumbs at himself)

Nakamura is the name!

Today, I'll tell you b*t*hes a little about me and my job. (says in exalted tone)

Well, what did you expect, HUH? (angry grunts)

[in the background]

silence stares

when the moonlight falls

upon a sakura branch

Wh-what again? (confused scratching of the head)

Well, whatever - the moon, an observer of the night - Where the HELL this prose is coming from? (raging words perceptible)

Haf-haf. (sounds of heavy breathing)

Hah, (catching his breath) I might've slept on the wrong side of the bed.

I'm hearing all kinds of weird voices. Let's take a deep breath. (deep breathing intensifies)

Fuh, fuh, paah. Fuh, fuh, paah. (intense breathing)

You don't have to mention it twice. It's clear from my actions.

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

(and so...) What now? Y'know I can clearly hear you, even if I don't wanna.

(...so, the annotations wait?)

Yeah, whatever. I didn't ask for them in the first place. (...)

Well, don't disturb my monologue this time.

Ah-hum. Once again, Nakamura is the name! (continues - while ignoring)

ASL: 32, Male, Behind UNIQLO (current)

Relationship status: Currently single; dumped my girlfriend of eight months two days ago. (is lying about dumping)

Ah-hum. Who'd want to stay steady with THAT b*t*h? (angry outbursts)

Anyways, (tries to cool his head) that doesn't matter right now.

Now, about my job: Nope, I am not a worker here as much as they would like to hire me.

But, I do odd jobs -

(sounds of alarm) CAUTION! A LIE HAS BEEN DETECTED - Now what? -

REQUESTING IMMEDIATE TERMINATION OF COMMUNICATION - Hey! Don't terminate my -

TERMINATION IN FIVE SECONDS - Hey, STOP that. Listen to my -

FIVE.

TERMINATION COMPLETE.

(meanwhile, in the shadows of the night a strange figure looms; legend says that this disheveled existence might be the Tenth Urban Legend of Ikebukuro: The Ghoul of Nakamura, as it was once called.

It is said that it hunts down young office ladies and highschool girls, who return for their homes.

It asks its victims if they're wearing Pink that day. If they answer with a yes, it strips them down and steals away their undergarments. If they answer with a no, it fondles with their butts. However, if they remain silent, or ignore it, or try to run away, it will haunt them day and night. Many young females have fallen victims to it and still many cases are on the rise.)

@$_$$&#_$ (inaudible expressions perceptible)

W#@ T#@ F*** A®€ #U% C@££@#& A G#@&£??? (...)

(...the end?!)