Altered Bonds Extras
Omake 8 — Stand Up Comedy
(Best read after Chapter 17)
(Canon? — Maybe)
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Eira the Alolan Vulpix was on two hind legs, her front paws reaching into the fridge, when Shaymin showed up.
Uh.
The Land Forme hedgehog turned around the corner and entered the main room of Gabite’s cottage — an open space consisting of the living room, the stairs to the attic, and the kitchen — before locking up as she spotted Eira standing on two legs. Perfectly upright, no less, in a way that no normal Vulpix would ever stand.
The false vixen found herself stiff as a statue, the twosome staring at each other for a painfully long time. Eira eventually turned her gaze upon herself, noticing how human-like she seemed. Her posture was simply too human. Even her front paws, with the way they were spread out like arms, looked too human. And ridiculous.
She made the mistake of learning she could stand up like a human in Vulpix form. Which had led to this.
She stared at her paws. At her hind legs, growing sore from being in such an unusual position for a quad-legged Pokemon. Then at the fridge, her face finding solace in the mild chill it emitted, courtesy of the Ice Gem lodged within. At the topmost shelf, a Rawst Berry sat, taunting her for being a little too short as a four-legged Vulpix to reach.
She wanted that berry.
But then Shaymin would see her acting weird.
But she wanted the berry.
But—
Eira hastily grabbed the Rawst Berry and twisted — too humanly so, she noted with a pang of heavy anxiety — so that her six tails could snatch the berry from her paws. That being done, she brought herself back onto all fours, practically slapping the floorboards in doing so. Face squirming, she turned to face Shaymin again.
The Mythical squinted her eyes. “Could’ve mistaken you for an Abhorrent,” she said. “Or something else altogether.”
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“Please don’t tell Lucario,” pleaded Eira.
“You do realize it’s safe to transform back into your human self here, right?”
Eira blanked out for several seconds, her snout tilting toward the charred wristband she wore. The one allowing her to don a Pokemon disguise and change back and forth at will. The one she used to hide herself from the natives of Haven Archipelago, who’d otherwise kill her on sight.
Except I don’t have to hide my human self in the cottage.
I could’ve gotten the Rawst berry without having to bend my body in ways I shouldn’t.
A few days ago, getting caught like this would’ve put her under life-threatening scrutiny. Today? She was just making a fool of herself for absolutely no reason. “I-I’m tired, okay?” said Eira, suppressing a groan. “I wasn’t thinking of it.”
Shaymin rolled her eyes. “You’re tired, and yet you’re grabbing yourself a midnight snack?”
“It’s n-not that late! A-and—”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You mind doing that again?”
Eira’s face went flush. Uh, what?
“Aspear Berry on the second-top shelf.” Shaymin pointed at said berry, the yellow-blue fruit laying on its side inside the fridge. “I can’t fly since it’s dark out, and while I could just jump up there, the fridge is freaking cold and I’m pretty sure I’d get in trouble.”
Eira the Vulpix looked at Shaymin. The much shorter Pokemon looked back at her.
“And yes, I’m asking you to do it as your Pokemon self.”
With a long-suffering sigh, Eira worked up the courage to embarrass herself again. Getting up on two legs, she deftly grabbed the Aspear Berry, then brought it to—
Shaymin was standing up on two legs, her front paws reaching out for the berry. Eira blinked several times, the sight leaving her at a complete loss of words, which made the Mythical smirk.
“Not the first time I’ve done this.” Shaymin plucked the Aspear out of Eira’s paws, shuddering for a moment at how cold it was, before taking a nibble. “What?”
The hedgehog looked weirdly graceful for a Pokemon that wasn’t exactly built to be bipedal. Way more graceful than her, that was for sure. Adorable, even? Eira considered crossing her paws in front of her chest like a human would, before deciding it wasn’t worth the extra humiliation, and went back onto all fours.
Shaymin looked up at her. “You’re kidding me,” Eira dryly said.
“Your tails stick out in a funny way when you’re standing. And your torso's stretched out and disproportionate compared to your hind and forelegs. Makes you look ridiculous.” Shaymin slowly walked away on two legs — with a little difficulty, yet still maintaining her grace. “I’d probably look just as dumb if I was in Sky Forme, you know?”
Around the corner she went. An exasperated Eira pushed one of her free tails to her forehead, the rest holding onto her Rawst Berry a little more tighter than she probably should. Shaymin wasn’t wrong, she had to admit. Pikachu were known for sometimes walking around on two legs, and with their stouter bodies, it looked somewhat natural for them. Same for a Land Forme Shaymin, she supposed.
For a Vulpix to walk around like that, however? Or to stand, even? Unnatural. Like something straight out of anthropomorphic fanfiction.
The transformed human gave a shudder. She began scampering back to her room—
Gabite, leader of Team Heavendust, was at the foot of the stairs, staring at her with dilated, horrified eyes. The eyes of a half-feral. Eira’s heart did several somersaults.
He saw me standing.
Agony overload. Eira pressed herself against the wall, slinking across the living room and willing herself invisible. Gabite slowly averted his gaze.
“Humans,” he panted, caressing his scarred mind as he strode right back up the stairs.