TANNER
Owen is my son.
I'm reeling. Even though I had a feeling it could be a possibility, now it's confirmed. Shock fills me and I drop down on the couch, trying to fully absorb the weight of her words. I am now completely responsible for the little life in the other room. And I don't know anything about babies. A wave of panic rises, and I rake a hand through my hair.
Addie sits down next to me. “You look really overwhelmed. Take a breath. It's okay."
Isuck in a few deep lungful’s of air then meet her brown eyes. “Why didn't you tell me?” I finally ask. I can't hide the hurt from my voice. A lot of emotions are battling inside of me right now. I'm pissed that she didn't tell me sooner; I'm scared to death I'm going to screw our kid up with my poor parenting skills; and, most of all, I'm questioning whether I can ever trust Addie again.
I've never felt so betrayed in my life. And the fact that it was Addie who did it makes me begin to doubt everything.
“Tanner, you have to understand that when I left here, I thought you wanted to be with another woman."
“Yeah, I get that. But, Addie, this is huge. You didn’t think I'd want to know that I have a son?"
Guilt washes over her face. “Of course, but I was alone and scared. I'm sorry.”
“But you came back. For fuck's sake, Addie, we've been seeing each other for almost two months. What were you waiting for?”
Addie squeezes her eyes shut then looks at me sadly. “I didn't want to burden you or force you to be a father”
“But by keeping him a secret and not telling me, you didn't even give me the courtesy of a choice.” I can feel my anger building and I am trying my damndest to keep it in check. “And what if you never came back? I'd just never know that I had z kid?”
“I wish you could see this from my perspective”
“I'm trying” I say through gritted teeth.
“No, you're really not. Two years ago, I was told you didn't want me anymore from two different people and then saw you kissing another woman. So, yes, I was devastated and ran away because that night I had planned to tell you I was pregnant.’ “You should've come and talked to me."
“I was waiting for you to come to me!”
“Fuck!” I try to wrap my head around this mess, but the frustration keeps building. I lost two years with Owen. So many “firsts” that I didn't get to share, and I wasn't even there for his birth. I know this isn't all Addie’s fault, but at the same time, when she returned to town, why didn’t she tell me sooner? “What were you waiting for?” I ask wearily. “I just don't understand.”
“I. She hesitates.
“What? For Chris sakes, Addie, talk to me."
“I didn't know how you felt.”
“About what?” I snap, annoyed.
“About me!” she blurts out.
“What does that have to do with Owen?”
“Nothing” she murmurs.
She's closing down, hiding things again. I can feel it and I clench my fists. “Why can't you communicate with me? Jesus. Lots of people co-parent even if they aren't together anymore. So, I guess I'm not understanding why you shut me out. Because even if I had broken up with you and started a new relationship- which I didn't- that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to know about Owen. I'm not my father or Randy. And by keeping Owen away from me and a secret, it's like you're lumping me in witl them and assuming I'd be a shitty dad.”
“Not That's not it at all. God, Tanner, I never meant that. I know you'd make an amazing father."
I pop up off the couch and begin to pace. “Really? Because your actions speak a helluva lot louder than your words, sweetheart,” I growl sarcastically.
Addie starts massaging her temples and I hate that this is how the conversation is turning, but what did she expect? That I'd be okay with her keeping our son from me? Secrets destroy relationships and I abhor them. My dad used to hide things from my mom all the time and they fell apart long before she passed away.
“It's probably best if I leave,” I say. Before I say something that I'll regret.
“Tanner..” Addie gets up. “Please, know I never wanted to keep Owen from you."
“You could've fooled me." I shake my head, unable to look at her right now. “I'll see you later” Without another word, I stalk out the front door. But, of course, close it quietly behind me because I don’t want to wake the baby up.
My baby. Our baby. I can't believe I have a kid.
I release a pent-up breath, swipe a frustrated hand through my mussed hair and try to decide what to do. The obvious solution is to go get drunk with one of my brothers. I try Sawyer first, but he doesn't answer. Typical, unreliable fucker. Pulling up Nash next, I hit send and he answers right before it goes into voicemail.
“Hey, Tan, can I call you back in a few? Easton just had explosive diarrhoea and I think we have to run to the paediatricians! “Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it” Great. Something to look forward to with Owen. I hang up and have two options left: Crew or Sierra. Technically, that's one option. I hit send and Sierra's breathy voice comes over the line.
“Well, if it isn't my perfect, handsome, older brother. What can I do for you?"
I'm thinking it might be good to have a female perspective on all of this because according to Addie I wasn't seeing things from her point of view.
“Hey, Sierra. Are you in town?” I know she travels a lot because she works in the fashion industry so she could be in Paris right now for all I know.
“Sure am. Just sat down and now I'm deciding between a frozen pizza or, well, nothing. My fridge is empty. What's up?” “How about you meet me over at Blarney’s, my treat. I need some female advice."
“Ooh I'm in! See you in fifteen.”
We hang up and I'm actually glad it's Sierra that I'm meeting. Instead of getting stinking drunk, I'll actually have a helpful conversation to try to help me better understand why Addie did what she did. Even though Sierra is only 28, she's pretty wise. Besides, I haven't seen her in a bit and I miss her smart-ass, witty banter.
And right now, I could really use some cheering up.
When I get to the popular Irish pub, Sierra is already there. I spot her up at the bar flirting with the bartender and I roll my eyes. Typical Sierra. With her long, brown hair and bright blue eyes, she’s a stunner and men fall for her charms every single time.
“Hey,” I say and walk up beside her.
“Tanner! OMG give your little sister a hug!” She throws herself at me and I wrap my arms around her. When we pull apart, she turns to the bartender who looks a little jealous.it seems that some sentences in this chapter require you to read the complete chapters on J 0 bni b.c o m in order to avoid an incomplete reading experience. Didn't he hear her call me her brother? “What do you want to drink?” “Something strong. Jameson,” I say and the bartender nods.
“Hmm, I can't wait to hear what's got you drinking the hard stuff and looking like your dog just died.”
Is that what I look like? Great.I guess, I've always been the emotional one of our five siblings.
After I get my drink, we find a table in the corner that's a little quieter. A waitress brings us a couple of menus, but we alread know what we want and order their famous Skillet Shepherd's Pie.
“How about an appetizer?” I ask. They have a great stuffed Reuben pull-apart bread, and I feel like drowning my sorrows in 2 million calories right now like some little girl.
But she shakes her head. “I'd rather do dessert. You know I'm already salivating for one of those Guinness cupcakes with Bailey's frosting”
“Oh, for sure. We're definitely getting some of those."
Sierra leans back against the booth and eyes me closely. “Okay, Tan, spill it. Who's got your panties in a twist?”
“Addie is back," I say without preamble.
That's all I need to say. Her half-smile turns serious, and she leans forward, leaning her elbows on the table. “Oh, shit. I didn't realize. Addie?”
I nod and start playing with the saltshaker. “Yeah, she moved back around the same time I did. I accidentally bumped into her where she works and...” My voice falters.
Sierra reaches out and pats my arm. “Keep talking. I'm all ears and, if you don't remember, I'm a very sympathetic listener full of good advice."
I swallow down a sip of whiskey before continuing. “We sort of picked right back up where we'd left off. We cleared the air, o course, and I told her how Dad set me up with that woman.”
“The hooker?”
I'snort out a half-laugh. “Yeah, that's the one. I also told her about the accident, and she told me that Kayla had told her I wanted to break up with her”
“What?”
“Don't ask. I'm still trying to figure that one out.”
“So, you and Addie are back together?”
I squeeze the back of my neck. “There's more.”
“I'm listening”
“Addie was acting a little weird and secretive. She wouldn't invite me up to her place and she always left my loft by like 6 or in the evening. I started getting suspicious and it felt like she was hiding something. So, I went over to her place unexpectedly and found out her big secret.”
My sister's dark eyes widen in anticipation.
“She has a two-year-old son.”
Sierra's mouth drops. “Oh, wow! Guess that explains why she wasn't spending the night. She has a kid to put to bed”
I swallow down another drink of whiskey. “And he’s mine.”
I've never seen Sierra look so shocked. It's almost comical. “You gotta be shittin' me. Are you serious?”
“Yeah. I had to practically pry it out of her, but he's mine. His name is Owen and he’s a great little kid from what I've seen.’ “You have a son. Oh, my God, Tanner, that's huge. You're a dad. Holy crap! I'm an aunt!”
“Yeah, you are” I chuckle at her amazed expression.
“Why didn't she tell you sooner? You said he's two?"
“That's exactly what I want to know. I mean, she said she was scared and didn't want to corner me or force me to be a father, but I don't know. This is where I need some of your stellar advice.”
“Oh, man. Let me think for a second because you just blew my mind with that juicy announcement.”
The waitress appears with our food and another round of drinks. As we start eating, Sierra taps a finger against the table. “Well?” I finally ask.
“I'm putting myself in Addie’s shoes,” she says slowly and finishes chewing her food. “And if I just found out I was pregnant and then saw the love of my life kissing another woman, I'd be devastated, too. Plus, on top of that, her sister confirmed yo wanted to break up.’
“And there's something else, too. Dad offered to pay her to get out of my life."
“What?” she exclaims in disgust. “Shit, Tanner. Just when I think he wasn't as bad as everyone says, I hear stuff like that” She shakes her head. “He was horrible.”
I wait for her to continue.
“I don't think I can blame Addie for freaking out and running. I can't imagine it was easy being all alone and pregnant in a new city. And moving back took even more courage because there was the very real possibility of running into you. Which clearly happened. Then having a kid on top of it all. I'd be scared shitless.”
“So, What're you saying? You wouldn't have told me either?”
“Not because I didn't want to, but because if things were going really well between us, I'd be scared to death of ruining it. It a pretty big bomb to drop.’
“You don't think I should be upset?” exclusive content.
She shakes her head. “You have every right to be upset, but don't you dare walk away from her. She's a single mom and she’; used to carrying everything on her shoulders. You need to understand that and then go make up with her”
I consider her words and I think I'm finally beginning to make sense of Addie’s decision to remain quiet for so long.
Me being upset at first only means I care. And I do- so damn much. I can't let Addie being scared mess things up between us What we have is too damn good and special and now that there's a child involved that makes it even more important to get our act together.
“Ihave a couple other thoughts, too,” Sierra says.
“What?”
“I get the feeling that maybe she didn't want you to feel trapped.”
“She mentioned that”
“And did it ever occur to you that she wanted to rebuild your relationship first?”
“What do you mean?” I squint, trying to understand exactly what she's saying.
“Telling you about the baby right away would've thrown you into a position to step up and take responsibility. And, without ; doubt, we all know you would've done that."
“I would have been there as soon as I knew."
“Right. But what if she wants more than that?”
My eyes narrow further, trying to decipher exactly what my sister is saying. “You mean.”
“What if she wanted to see if the two of you could work again? No pressure, no commitments, no kid. Just see where you stand and if the love is still there with you guys.”
What she's saying makes complete sense. If Addie thought I was only with her because I was trying to make it work for Owen's sake then that's not good. She would need to know that I truly loved her first.
This is why I'm glad I ended up meeting my sister tonight. Otherwise, I probably would be in a drunken, angry stupor right about now.
“Thanks, Sierra. You should be a relationship therapist.” She chuckles and I wave the waitress over. “Can we get a dozen of the cupcakes to go?”
“Sure thing she says.
“A dozen?” Sierra bellows. “Are you nuts? Do you want me to gain I5 pounds?”
“I'm giving you half and you know you're going to enjoy all six of them so don't even pretend otherwise. I smile at her. “It's my way of saying thank you for some pretty great advice.”
“I'm glad I could help,” she says. “I don't necessarily need to be paid in excess calories, though."
“IF it's that upsetting to you, I'l take your half
When the waitress returns with the two boxes of Bailey's frosted cupcakes, Sierra grabs hers with a grin. “Not on your life, bi brother,” she says and slaps my hand away.
I chuckle, feeling so much better than when I first got here.