Unconsciously, darkness evokes the fear of ultimate separation, death and emptiness.
Pov Kévin
When I came to my senses, I was in my room next to my mother, who was gently stroking my head on my bed. She was lying next to me, pushing my hair with her hand, giving me a pleasant feeling of happiness. Her sweet voice reached my ears as I finally opened my eyes.
"You're finally awake, my angel." (Mother)
Her voice was a comfort compared to the terrible silence of the void I had faced. Just thinking about it gave me shivers, making my whole body tremble.
"Your sister was extremely worried. You mean a lot to her." (Mother)
As I turned my head to the other side, I could also see my sister peacefully sleeping. Her beautiful face and her beautiful white hair spread on the bed, while my hand came tenderly to caress her face.
"That's true, my sister and I have a very close bond. She's been someone who has always been by my side since I arrived on this earth. And I know that no matter what happens, like my mother, she will love me and always be by my side."
After a few hours had passed, my sister woke up and hugged me. It was such a suffocating embrace that it took my breath away, yet it was a most pleasant feeling.
My mother finally let me rest for a few more hours, and once I felt better, I got up to move around the house quietly. I saw my mother feeding my 6-year-old little brother. When he saw me, he got up from the table and ran towards me, clinging to me. I affectionately held him in my arms, hugging him tightly, as he asked with a worried look if I was feeling better.
"Yes, your big brother is feeling better." I replied.
I then put him down, and he went back to sit joyfully with my mother to eat.
"My family is the only place I can always come back to." (Kevin)
However, someone was still missing, someone who rarely showed their presence.
After this ordeal and a peaceful return, I thought everything would finally stop, but in reality, nothing was over yet. Because a horrible fear began to take hold of me when I closed my eyes, when all light vanished. A place where I found myself trapped, leaving me with scars and a terrifying fear, the fear of the dark.
And it started on the night of my return, when my mother, after tucking us in, turned off the light, leaving us alone in the darkness. The first few minutes were not unpleasant, but gradually, I began to feel anxious. Anxiety that slowly turned into panic, with my breathing accelerating like the pounding of my heart. Sweat drenched my face, and then I saw a frightening shadow in front of me near the desk. I screamed, my vocal cords bursting, awakening my sister who was sleeping next to me. My mother suddenly opened the bedroom door, turning on the light.
"What's wrong, Kevin?" she asked, panicked.
I looked at the desk, and there was nothing, while I felt the sweat running down my face.
"I... I'm afraid of the dark." I replied, scared.
"Do you want me to leave the light on?" (Mother)
"Yes, please, Mom." (Kevin)
She turned on the nightlight in the room before quietly closing the door. With the light now on, my sister, whom I had awakened by screaming, snuggled up against me.
"I'm here, big brother." she said, warming my body.
Her soothing presence made me close my eyelids again, and the light faded away once more. And the feeling of security that my sister provided disappeared in an instant, as I saw dark, immense eyes fixed on me.
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"Ahhhhh!"
I then screamed again, again and again, unable to find sleep anymore. Darkness had become the lair where all my nightmares hid. It was where I saw all those terrifying and inexplicable things crawling in the shadows. Waiting for one thing only, to strangle me in my sleep.
My mother quickly decided to take me to see a doctor after four sleepless nights, during which she also stayed awake to be with me. The doctor then diagnosed me with what is called Nyctophobia: an irrational and morbid fear of the dark.
"Isn't it just a passing fear?" (Mother)
"No, it's sometimes reduced to a simple fear of the dark, but it's actually a much deeper fear. The patient dreads imaginary dangers that potentially occur in the darkness or during the night." (Doctor)
"Can it be cured?" (Mother)
"First, we need to understand what caused this fear. I advise you to see a psychologist who will then provide you with treatment." (Doctor)
So we finally went back home, having made an appointment with the psychologist for the next day.
Night fell again before the appointment, and I was once again seized by terror because of the darkness. The following day, as planned, I quickly consulted a psychologist, with dark circles now clearly visible on my face. I sat in this beautiful room with my mother beside me, and in front of me was an older man with glasses, asking me to tell him what I had experienced, as if he could understand.
"I died, that's when it all started. It was dark as I fell into an endless void. No more sound, no more light, just me and the darkness. At first, everything was fine, but as time went by, I started sinking into fear and madness. I don't know how long it lasted." (Kevin)
"Exactly 13 days between your death and your awakening." (Psychologist)
"No! It was much longer than that! When you find yourself alone in the dark with yourself! When you gradually lose your mind, your sense of time, when you realize that you might stay here for the rest of your days! With no one but yourself, with no one who can come and save you, I don't call that 13 days, I call it an eternity of torment!"
"So, the darkness reminds you of the solitude you experienced?" (Psychologist)
"Not only that, there are things lurking in the shadows, things no man could endure. I feel like it's watching, like something is with me in the darkness. And I still remember that voice, that sinister voice." (Kevin)
"A voice?" (Psychologist)
"Yes, a voice that could erase your existence if it wanted to." (Kevin)
The session ended with the psychologist prescribing me antidepressants, anxiolytics, and sleeping pills to help me sleep. When night fell, all the lights in the house were turned on. My mother, my sister, and my brother were all lying in the same bed, keeping me company when I closed my eyes that night.
I hoped that their presence wouldn't vanish like it did with my sister. Having taken my medication, my eyelids were heavy and soon closed, with all the images and sounds fading away. Strangely, I heard my mother's voice, and I opened my eyes in a barely visible darkness.
"Kevin."
My mother's voice was comforting, but when I fully saw their faces, it wasn't them. They had the features of their faces, but their mouths were open, revealing numerous large teeth with terrifying whitish eyes. Three monsters resembling my family members then began to bite and devour me. They tore pieces of flesh from my arms, legs, chest, staining the sheets with my blood.
The voice of my mother gradually changing, becoming sinister and grave as I screamed in pain. That voice, it was the voice I had heard, that terrifying voice that made my body shudder.
"Kevin." (???)
As they finally attacked my face, tearing off my cheeks, jaw, and finally my eyes, I screamed, and suddenly the light came back to me.
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Sweating, breathing heavily, my heart pounding in my chest as if it wanted to escape. My mother and sister were already embracing me, my little brother holding my hand.
"It's going to be okay, we're here for you, my love." (Mother)
That night, I spent another night in terror, but I woke up in the morning. I had slept, but I had cried all night, my body convulsing and sweating profusely. Taking those medications made me sleep well, but trapped me in nightmares with no possibility of waking up.
And as if one problem wasn't enough, my mother, who tried to take care of me, also had to face a torrent of media hatred. The press, the media, politicians, believers harassed us relentlessly. It was a pressure that many would not have been able to bear, but my mother never bowed down. She always came home exhausted from work, yet as soon as she arrived, despite fatigue and pressure, we were always her priority.
As soon as she came home, she immediately prepared food, cleaned the house, did the laundry, and helped my sister with her homework. She tucked my brother in, always telling him a story so he could fall asleep. She did everything without ever complaining once, and she always did it with a smile. She always looked at us with tenderness, even though her face was exhausted, and as time went on, people became increasingly violent towards her.
One evening, while she was pulling another all-nighter to watch over me, I just wanted to apologize to her.
"Mom, I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble. Maybe if I had never been born, you wouldn't have..." (Kevin)
"Stop it. You're my son, no matter how much you suffer. It's my role to suffer with you. As a parent, as a mother, despite all the pain and challenges, your birth has been and is the most beautiful gift I have ever been given. So don't you dare say that you should never have been born." She said, tenderly embracing me.
"I love you, Mom." I replied, sobbing.
"I love you too, Kevin." (Mother)
The escalating media frenzy eventually reached its peak. One day, while my mother was preparing dinner, the relentless harassment and brainwashing took their toll. A man entered my room while I was with my sister.
"Oh, I can finally contemplate you, the miracle of God in person. I will free you from this prison where you have been trapped." Declared the tall, thin man.
"Mom!" Marie cried out.
My mother rushed into our room and faced the man, several times her size.
"What are you doing here? Get out of my house immediately! Or I will call the police!" (Mother)
"Oh, here's the selfish one who wants to keep God's miracles all to herself!" (Man)
Suddenly, the man approached my mother without me seeing him move. He then lifted her by the neck, and she clung to his hands, trying to resist.
"If I wanted to, I could snap your neck right now, but consider yourself lucky that I'm not here today to punish your selfishness." (Man)
He then threw my mother against the wall, and she violently collided with it, the back of her head hitting the wall. As my mother was unconscious, her body slowly descended, leaving a trail of blood from her head.
"Mom!" (Kevin/Marie)
Rushing towards her, the man then knocked out my sister and me, and the world turned dark.
I was then awakened by yet another nightmare where I saw the same man breaking my mother's neck right before my eyes. Suddenly waking up in a dark place, with my feet and hands tied, my sister beside me.
"Marie, Marie!" I called out.
She eventually regained consciousness, her tone swollen and her voice weak.
"Where are we, big brother?" (Marie)
"It's going to be alright, don't worry!" (Kevin)
"Oh, our little ones are awake," said a man standing above my head.
"Why did you kidnap us?" I asked, looking straight into the man's eyes.
"To save you!" replied another man.
Looking around, I could see about fifteen men.
"Yes, to save you, to snatch you from the clutches of your mother who held you captive," declared the man who had abducted us.
"Captive? You're just completely insane!" I retorted.
"Insane? No! It's this world that is completely insane, and you are the light in this world that proves the existence of a higher power, that God exists!" (Man)
"God, what has God ever done for my brother! God doesn't exist, it's just in your imagination! God is a creation, an excuse, humanity's scam!" replied my sister, exploding with anger.
The more she spoke, the more I felt the anger of the men dangerously escalating, but my sister didn't realize it.
"Look at yourselves, men who still believe in fairy tales." (Marie)
The man then approached my sister and violently slapped her, blood splattering on the floor.
"You're very ill-mannered; it seems we'll have to take care of your education." (Man)
My sister fell silent, her mouth bleeding with drops slowly dripping, while I screamed with all my might.
"You bastard! How dare you do that!" I shouted in rage.
I was then struck violently in the stomach, causing me to cry out in pain.
"Both of you are very ill-mannered; it seems we'll have to take care of you." (Man)
The men deprived us of water and food while talking to us about why I was the chosen one, about the greatness of God and the light I would bring to this world. Weakened and pale, Marie whispered audibly and sarcastically.
"Look at you, poor miserable beings talking about something that has never done anything for you. And kidnapping and imprisoning children in the name of God. The reality is that you are just dark pieces of shit unable to live for yourselves." (Marie)
"It seems you haven't learned your lesson, and this time I will make sure you do." (Man)
"Marie, please stop," I said as the man approached her.
"Fuck your God!" (Marie)
"Marie, please!" I exclaimed, now with the man in front of her.
"Go ahead, hit me in the name of your fucking God." (Man)
"Hey guys, do we really need the girl?" asked another man, looking very annoyed.
Silence hung in the air, a silence that was itself the answer. The man then smiled, slowly approaching her. Meanwhile, I struggled with all my might, unable to move my bonds. The man now stood above her with his tall stature.
"I spit on your fucking God!" she said, spitting on the ground.
"I will make this last until you beg for forgiveness in the end." (Man)
The man then unleashed his blows on her, each blow contorting her body. Her blood gradually spattered on the floor, and the only thing coming out of my mouth were cries of powerlessness as I struggled.
"Ah! Ah! I will bleed you, you filthy pig! I will make you join your fucking God!" (Kevin)
However, the man didn't stop beating her even though she had already collapsed on the floor. He simply spoke to one of his comrades.
"Silence him, he's a bit too noisy." (Man)
I then received a blow to the head, causing my consciousness to waver, my eyes slowly closing on the scene of my sister being beaten to death. Only one thought crossed my mind:
"I will kill you! I will bleed you! I will tear off each of your limbs!" (Kevin)
My mind then plunged into darkness with these thoughts haunting my mind, and when I woke up, everything around me was in ruins. The corpses of the men were scattered in various places, their dismembered bodies strewn over several meters. That's when I saw my father picking up my unconscious sister in his arms, who seemed to have been treated. Then I collapsed again on the ground in this place that was nothing more than a pile of ruins.