Ah, that fucking hurt my fist. Not as much as I remembered hitting bone hurt, but it hurt nonetheless. I looked at the ragdolled goblin convulsing in the street. I walked out into the street and stood over it. As I was about to end its suffering, the suffering caused by me, I turned around to look back at the house.

There in the small window, she stood. Staring at me, staring at her. She was like a ghost, she would’ve disappeared the moment I closed my eyes. Then I’d be alone again, hurt again.

I raised my index finger twirling it around straight up in the air. Turn around. I motioned. She didn’t. Instead she flipped me off.

I sighed, I didn’t want her to see this. I raised my leg and sent it down onto its throat. When the deed was done and I looked back at the house she was gone. My heart thumped weirdly. Sadly. I grabbed the crystal and went back inside.

“Where Liliana?” I asked Maia who was sitting on the couch alone.

“She’s in her room.” She said.

I looked up at the staircase, then back at Maia.

“Close the curtains and scream if you hear something.” I said walking up the stairs. Each step I took creaked the wooden floorboards. My hand rubbed against the old white paint, so old that any touch threatened to chip it.

I took a left at the top going down towards the open door. It was rough to see in the dark, but not as rough as I remember. I tapped my knuckle on the door peering into the room. A room full of life, each nook, each corner filled with plants. Shelves stacked with poetry books and plants of specific colours.

“Lili.” I said to no one. I stepped into the room and looked at the dark form on the queen sized bed. She was sitting on its edge, in the dark, all edgy like.

“Why did you come…” She said, her voice slightly trembling.

That's odd, I thought. She wasn’t the type to get emotional like this, maybe in a caring way, but not in a, in her own mind sort of way…

“Uh, because I care about you?” I said standing still scratching the back of my head. Her head whipped over to me, even in the dark I could see her eyes.

“Quil. I said you couldn’t want me…I—I’ve been leading you on.” She said. Her voice cold, distant.

What? Leading me on? We’ve been talking everyday for 3 months…

“You’ve been leading me on for 3 months?” I asked humorously, but there was a weird feeling in my heart. The energy slightly aggravated. There’s no way.

“I think you might be misinterpreting what leading on means?” I say again, still calm yet curious.

“I never wanted anything more.” She said, her hands clenched onto the blanket.

“What do you mean?” I asked taking subtle steps back, my head tilting my mouth curling into a small smile.

“I mean I just wanted you as a drunk talking friend.” She said.

I quickly replied, “You said I couldn't want you. What about all those plans we made?” She shifted slightly, looking at the plants nearby.

“I was going to lie, and make excuses for all of them.” She admitted.

“Every single one of them, huh?”

Interesting. That's very interesting.

“This is kinda funny. So, what you’re saying is that you made plans, opened up to me emotionally, helped me through dark times, let me help you through dark times, but was under the impression that you were leading me on.” I tried to summarise.

“Yeah.”

“What if I tried to get closer?”

“I have a bad habit of dropping people off the face of the earth.”

Drop people off the face of earth huh? Would’ve dropped me off the face of the earth, huh?

“I used to have that one, but i’ve been working on it as of late.” I said, leaning back against the door frame. What the fuck is going. Is this what this is? I’m not some sort of fucking protagonist, some guy who battles through hordes of demons for the one he cares for. What is this, a fucking comed—

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

“I’m working on it as well.” She said, her voice was calm and she was still as I stared at her through the dark. Something inside me was stirring. I closed my eyes and sighed. The energy in my heart seemed to seep into my soul.

“Did you lie when you said you cared about me?” I said, my voice serene and composed.

“No, I really do care about you.” She replied. I opened my eyes and looked at her.

“Ah man you, you really have me fucked up right now… whatever I live for this I guess.” I said laughing afterwards. Obviously my laughs are coping for something. What an odd emotion I’m feeling, the weight off my shoulders feels good, but I feel like I’m missing something.

Y’know, at the very least, I don’t need to worry about trying to get closer again. Because no matter what I would’ve done it wouldn’t have mattered.

“Alright, stop sitting there all edgy like, lets go downstairs.” I said turning around heading towards the stairs. Each step I took seemed to make the energy in my heart vibrate. Revolving in a weird pattern. It was being pulled by something, pulled by the weird sensation in my mind, the thoughts in my head. My chest began to get hot, specifically the side of my heart.

As I reached the bottom of the staircase I placed my hand on my chest. The heat instantly made me jolt my hand back. I looked back up the staircase at Lili descending. And intense burning came over me as we made eye contact.

“I gotta go, stay in the house and be safe.” I said quickly making my way to the door. I could hear her worried voice behind me as I slammed the door on my way out. The skin around me started to sting as the heat met the cold air. I didn’t know where I was going. But I couldn’t be there. Not around her.

I’m a fucking fool, How did I not see the fucking signs. I pulled out my phone and started looking through the countless texts between us. All of her drunk cries and extremely worrying messages flooding into my view. She really did pour her heart out to me, that was for sure. Some of it even sober, and I poured my heart to her. This was what she wanted? There were so many lines of us making plans to meet up, making commitments, I even passed one that I double checked and asked.

You do want to see me right? I’m not being overbearing or anything?

Its not that I don’t want to see you, I’m just tired.

She promised.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” I screamed into the air. My voice shifted the yellowed leaves around me. The quiet street echoed my voice. The shops were all dead as they stretched into the distance. But I could see movement begin to make their way to me. I had stirred up a host of little fuckers. I couldn’t care less. I needed to think.

So I was an idiot. Big fucking whoop. The first little goblin came close to me, its long arms dangling above its head, face snarled. Immediately I dashed forwards and sent a side kick to its skull, the bone crumpled underneath my shin.

But did I really deserve to be led on, for THREE FUCKING MONTHS? Two goblins joined hands, their anger flaring up as their companion lay dead on the floor. My body dodged their swipes easily, they seemed much slower than I remembered. I placed myself so that one was between me and another and quickly yanked at one of their dangly arms. The arm fairly easily tore from the body as it howled in pain.

I can’t believe she’d just fucking, drop me off the face of the earth. Do I mean so little, was I stupid to open up? To spend the months replying to her reaching out to me? I thought as I used the recently acquired arm as a bat.

The two quickly fell to my barrage of hits, the arm mangled to the bone as I finished.

God fucking dammit, I hate how you make me feel human.

She once told me. What an odd thing to tell someone, you were just leading on. Someone who obviously expressed desire to get closer. Is that what she meant? By not being able to want her? More and more goblins started running towards me. My hands kept flying, but I relied mostly on range. The fabric around my shins soaked with blood.

My heart kept pumping, the heat didn’t leave but kept building. I could feel it slowly move to my head, as it began to build a fire in my mind. The corpses of the goblins started making nimble movement tedious, the open street only had so much space.

But y’know? I do love this. My hand slammed the head of a goblin onto the pavement. No, not this, not this killing. I love this pain. This suffering within me. I know it so well, so intimately. As I stood back up from the slam, I looked into the red clouded sky. The night was still cool and everything was quite dreamlike.

This. This is what I live for. To suffer, and to grow. Its not the healthiest, thats for sure, but man, does it get the fucking job done. Its why I love meeting people. Why I love putting myself out there, because any sort of pain I endure will only serve to fuel who I am as a human.

Well, I guess Human (?).

I can’t hate her for it. I still care for her and more than anything, I just want those I care about to be happy. I stood there, taking in the atmosphere. Its moments like these that I live for.

I looked around me seeing a glimmer of light in the windows of a store across from me. It wasn’t from the inside, but a reflection of the outside. Of me.

There I stood, my clothing ruffled, covered in the blood of goblins. There was a green light hovering above my head. I moved closer to the window.

A crown. Unlike the jagged mess that was the downtown demons crown, the one above me was extremely simple. At the center forefront, was a sharp blade, and behind it stood a smaller blade. The crown was made of solid green energy, but its form was fluid, small wisps of energy fluctuated outwards as it hovered above.

Actually really cool. I reached up to grab it, and I felt my hand pass through smoke. It shimmered slightly before regaining its form.

I looked at the reflection, I tried to feel the crown above me, mentally. The energy in my body answered the call, and the crown dissipated. The churning energy around me seemed to calm down as it went away. I felt calmer, less focused.

I looked back at the street at the copious amounts of floating crystals. More goblins began showing up aswell.

Oh man, this is gonna be a long fucking night, I thought, the crown on my head flaring up into life. The energy in my heart churned.

grow, Grow, GROW, QUIL, FUCKING GROW!