Dear Samuel,
It’s raining now, the weather is cold. Students of my dorm yelling at the rain for ruining their weekend. But I’m happy it’s been a long time since it last rained. I wish I could go to the roof to get drenched; I could dance; I could feel the rain onto my skin like I used to do in my teens but here it’s not possible, I guess. It’s not my country, “Bangladesh” after all. I’ve told you numerous times about how my people appreciate rain. You may wonder why I’m writing about rain again. I dreamt about my country’s rain last night. You cannot see that type of rain here. It’s like the tears of a girl on her first menstruation; it’s the tears of adolescent nature. The rain, whenever I think about my country’s rain, I can only imagine of a timid adolescent girl crying on her first menstruation. After, the death of my parents, I hardly think of my time in my country. I used to say proudly that my skin color is the color of my own soil. But after losing my family I never felt like this.
Anyway, today I don’t want to babble about my past nor do I want to write another essay about my obsession with my rain. I don’t know the reason, but I feel blue. I guess this is the reason why I’m writing to you now. I guess I need a person to talk to about the whispers of my heart. I don’t have any friends here but many casual acquaintances. A person like me cannot afford a friend after all. I pretend to be a mature person, a much more mature person than a girl in her 20s. It should be 21 from tomorrow. What to do? I have to be strong, stronger, strongest. They have a sweet home, but I lost mine, they are long-lost chapters of my life. I don’t want them to be my weakness. But I can’t get them out of my mind today. Whenever I think of my birthday tomorrow, all my lost teens flood my heart. I feel that I am still a girl in her 15th. I think after my 15th I didn’t grow up at all. Whenever I read the letters, I always feel that they are the childish letters of a 15-year-old girl, a girl in her very early puberty. I believe every person has a child’s side hidden in their heart, they don’t show it to another person.
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One of the girls in my dorm asked me about my first love. I’ve never been in love. I spent my teens working hard, really hard, I don’t think they can imagine, just to get into this University. It was a miracle that I really made it. I couldn’t waste my time on dating, and you know, I felt so uncomfortable about the topic back then. I think I should stop here. I told myself that I wouldn’t write about my past today, yet every topic ended up on it. Goodbye.
Yours
Sophia