Charlotte’s POV

“Charlotte… there’s something I have to tell you,” Charlie said one night, coming to me the very moment the sun went down. I could tell just by looking at his face that something was wrong. No, not just wrong, deadly wrong.

“Charlie…?” I asked him. He shook his head. Tears began to form near my eyes as I felt like the wind had been sucked out of my lungs. “No, no, no… you were getting better, weren’t you? Wasn’t that, whatever it was called, helping? Wha-what happened?” It was only a few days ago that we were plotting out how, now that we had fixed most of the interior of the house, how we would work on the front and backyard. Of course, I couldn’t actually go outside more than sticking my head out of a window would allow, but I could still plan things and give him ideas. We realized our plans would have to wait given Charlie hadn’t fully recovered yet, but it had been fun to plan it out nonetheless.

All the talk about what we were going to do, about what flowers we wanted planted, the talk about our future. The times we had spent this last month and nothing bad had happened.

Were they all lies? How could it be that he was still sick?

“It…” he began to say, but then stopped, as if he had trouble believing what he was telling me. “It doesn’t seem to have worked like intended, Charlotte. Even on the therapy, my counts have been going back up. And… they found something else. I had a scan of my head, there’s something there that popped up. They’re saying, that it was probably there before as well but too small to see on a scan. So, it’s spread to my brain, and it grew even with the therapy and it’s too deep and close to a blood vessel for them to do anything like operate on it.”

“So what now?” I asked him.

“I, I can try for another regimen and see if it works,” he said. “I need to be admitted and watched for that again, though it should be shorter than the first time. And then we can see if that will work. I… if it’s fine with you, I wanted to go as soon as possible.”

“Of course!” I said. “Anything that could save you!”

Rarely had daytime seemed so unbearable, as I could do nothing, not even inquire about what was going on when he left the next day. I woke up to an empty house, and when I called him things still seemed to be on track.

Only they didn’t remain like that for long. Three nights later he messaged me saying that he would be coming home, and with a dreadful feeling in my heart I realized that it was not because he was getting better. He didn’t tell me what had happened, but that he wanted to speak to me in person regarding the details.

Just by looking at him when he walked in that afternoon I could see that it had not worked. He was haggard, and looked like he had aged several years in the matter of a few days. “I’m fine for now, but I need to tell you something.” He said these words, words to which I couldn’t respond, but remained in my thoughts until I could finally move again.

“Charlie, what’s happening?” I asked him as I went down.

“I uh, couldn’t really tolerate what they were giving me,” Charlie said. “It was… an experience I don’t want to go through again. I threw up non-stop, and up to two days ago I felt like I couldn’t even walk. They had to stop it.”

“So what now? Is there anything else that can be done?” I asked.

He didn’t look directly at me while he spoke to me now. “Charlotte, there are two things I wanted to ask you. Selfish things, but if you can forgive me for being selfish…”

“...anything.” I said.

“I wanted to tell you something,” he said. “I don’t like to talk about it, but I think that I should tell you.” In that moment, he appeared smaller than he had ever before, and there was a distant look to his eyes. “Over a year and a half ago, I was taking care of patient. This was back when I was still a nurse. He was a young guy, even younger than me, twenty-four. He came in with a fever, and well, he just didn’t look right. You know, he looked really sick, far sicker than he should have been. I spoke to him a bit, his parents had immigrated about five years back and he worked at a local restaurant, trying to help them pay the bills. He seemed like a normal guy, just someone who was not in good shape for some reason.”

“His whole thing started about a week ago and he thought it would get better, you know, like he just had the flu,” Charlie said. I remembered how I had downplayed what I had initially back in my old life and a chill crept down my spine as I realized that this story was not going to have a happy ending for the man. “And so, he came in that afternoon, but he got worse. Like, much worse, and very fast at that. In the evening, just before shift change, I went to go check on him again, and - he had this look on his face. I will never forget that face. The look of someone who was dying. I called a rapid response, and the team came in and he had to be intubated and sent to the ICU.”

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“The next day, after my shift was over, and I wasn’t working the floor anymore I thought I’d just drop by the ICU, well, I knew some of the nurses working there and thought that I would just check on how he was doing. He had died earlier that afternoon when his blood pressure tanked and he started bleeding from all of his IV lines. The family were there and were devastated as you can imagine. I couldn’t bear to go and take a look at him.” Charlie shuddered. “I don’t know if it was that exact incident or something else, maybe it was the stress from the pandemic just slowly building up, but I felt like I needed to take a break. I had a few sick days saved up and I went on vacation but… but no matter what happened, I couldn’t get the thought of that kid out of my head. And the look on his face before he had been intubated… I still remember it so clearly even now. Of course, I couldn’t be on vacation forever, but when the time came to go back to the hospital, I broke down when I took a few steps in. I started sobbing like a child. I knew that it was the last thing that I would ever want to do again.”

“Charlie,” I said, not sure what to tell him. Did he blame himself for that man’s death?

“I, I found out a bit more about that kid though,” he said. “I found out why he died. He had an uncontrolled HIV infection that went into full-blown AIDS. Poor kid probably didn’t realize that he had it, and then just one day came in so sick that he… I don’t know why he didn’t come in sooner. If it had just been a day earlier things might’ve been different. And the look on his face, I feel like I could live to be a hundred but I would never forget that look on his face. Could I have done something different? Could I have checked in on him sooner? I don’t know if anything would’ve made a difference… but it might’ve made me feel a bit better about myself knowing I did all I could…”

“Charlie, I’m sure you did everything you could already, it’s just - some things can’t be helped,” I told him.

He nodded. “I couldn’t continue though, after that. I had to leave, it was crazy - it was something I’d never done before. I’d never left a job without having something else in hand before, but I couldn’t stand to be there for a minute longer. I thought maybe it was just that specific hospital, but I just couldn’t return to my old job, I realized that when I tried to apply to other places. And, I guess I spiraled into this weird self-loathing state that… I don’t think it’s a wonder that Josephine felt that she couldn’t be with me anymore. I wanted to get away from it all, and so I came here.”

“Charlie, I won’t leave you, no matter what happens,” I reassured him.

“Thank you Charlotte. But, that’s the first thing that I wanted to ask you. I know, I’ve seen what it’s like when people die in the hospital. And how sick they can be before they finally pass away. If your only goal is to keep someone ‘alive’ you can prolong it by days, or even weeks. Charlotte, I don’t want to die in such an awful way. I, I feel terrible saying this. A part of me wants to find the strength to keep going no matter what happens, but after what happened with this latest round of treatment… I know I don’t want to go through that ever again.”

“I mean, it’s not totally hopeless. They told me there was this new treatment, something still in clinical trials, that could maybe work,” he said. “I’ll have to go outside the state to a special facility though. But, Charlotte, if it comes down to it, and it looks like the chances of recovery are slim - well, I would love to be the kind of person who would go ahead and try to accept whatever they offered me, no matter how tiny the odds but Charlotte… a lot of the treatment is just, unbearable to go through. I wish I had the strength to opt for whatever for your sake but-”

“-Charlie, no,” I said. “I know what it’s like to suffer, and especially to suffer before death.” I tried to push the memories of lying in bed while I grew weaker out of my head. “I would love nothing more for than you to live. But, I wouldn’t want you to die in agony if you could be spared pain. Charlie, like I’ve told you before - I trust you and your judgment. And more so in such a matter where you have great experience where I have none. Whichever route you go down, I will agree to it.”

“Thank you for that Charlotte,” he said. “And if I think it’s too much, I will let you know. Secondly, Charlotte, I don’t know how much more time we have together…”

“Didn’t the doctors tell you how much time-”

“That only happens in the movies, Charlotte,” Charlie said. “Sadly, real life it doesn’t work like that, though they said it would most likely be a few months. It could be far shorter or longer though depending on whether any complications happen or not. Regardless, Charlotte, realizing that, I have another request for you. Would you marry me, in the coming days, right now? If I pass away, I want to go as your husband.” He paused. “I know that means that I can’t tell my family, and it’ll have to be something small, but it’s the best I can do. Someone like you probably dreamed of a very fancy wedding, and I apologize that I’m rushing things and that-”

I hugged him before he could finish. While in his embrace, I tried to hide my tears. “Of course, of course I will! Can we… I mean, if I can’t get outside the house and all, how will such a thing even work?”

“It can be done over the Internet via video,” he said. “We can even get the two witnesses needed - it’s one of the few boons the pandemic has left us. As for your face, I think we can make a viable excuse, like the fact that you’re wearing makeup. I have seen other women do it, and besides, what are they going to assume? That you’re a real doll that has come to life?” He chuckled. “Of course they’re going to assume you’re a real girl.”

I tried to smile, despite the fact that I could not stop the streams pouring out of my eyes and my tears splashing onto my skirt like raindrops. “That’s right - of course I’m a real girl. Any other explanation would be just ridiculous.”

“Yeah, unfortunately that’ll only kind of work over a video,” he said. “If anyone saw you in real life, they probably would not take it so easily and that would raise questions, but a video should be fine. Otherwise, I could’ve maybe convinced perhaps Suzy to tag along, though given my condition I could’ve guilted my parents into agreeing too. That is if they knew about you. But no, I guess we’ll have to do it without them knowing.”

I tried to wipe away my tears. It was a futile effort. “Let’s try to make the best of it then.”