The first thing I tried was the adventurer guild. After all, can’t go wrong with killing monsters, right?

I walked through town and stood before the entrance to the guild. The signature symbol of the adventurers' guild hung above the open double doors to the large wooden building, a red wyrm coiled around a black sword stabbed through its head.

I walked through the open doors, the ground transitioning from the dirt road to a stained, well-worn wooden floor. The inside was thankfully not as packed as it could have been. I had chosen to go here in the afternoon when most adventurers were out doing quests.

Although there were a few people inside, sitting at tables and chatting with one another. They all had some kind of gear, whether it be armour or a weapon leaning against the table. A few of them looked my way and chuckled while shaking their heads.

Fucks.

I looked around until I found a person wearing the guild uniform. They were sitting behind a counter writing something down on a piece of paper. They also had a pair of rabbit ears poking up from their head…

Were those fake?

As I walked up to the counter, one of the rabbit ladies' ears twitched. She glanced up from her writings and looked at me.

Okay. So not fake. A person with rabbit ears. I guess it's not just humans around in this world. That’s a bit weird.

I continued to the counter. The very tall counter that came up to just below my eyes. Or maybe I was just short, who knows?

“Hello, little lady. Are you lost?” The rabbit lady leaned over the counter to look down at me.

“No. I’m here to be an adventurer.”

The rabbit lady smiled. “Oh, I’m sorry, but the guild doesn’t accept members until they are 15 years old. Perhaps when you’re older, we can get you set up as a guild member! Just remember to bring twenty-five copper for the registration fees.”

Twenty-five copper? Twenty-five copper!? I could buy twelve and a half loaves of bread with that kind of dough!

Ha.

“What!? Wow! What a fuckin rip-off!”

The rabbit guild girl leaned back, a shocked look on her face. “Little lady, where did you learn to speak like that?”

“Like what? You mean fuckin? What are you, a saint?”

The guild lady covered her mouth in shock. “Well, that’s just!.. To disrespect a saint.”

I felt a hand land on my shoulder.

“I think it’s time you went home, little girl.”

I looked up to see a tall man with broad shoulders looking down at me.

“Or what? You gonna kick me out with a black eye?”

The man shook his head. “Of course I’m not gonna beat up a little girl! What do you take me for, a thug? But can’t you see your words are upsetting Miss Digs?”

God. This was a total bust! These people were too soft! I shook off the big meaty hand and walked out while flipping them all the bird. Then I remembered that the middle finger insult didn’t exist here, and I was tempted to drop the fingers.

But fuck them! So I kept the fingers up until I left the building.

Hmmm. What was I going to do now?

As I walked down the dirt road trying to come up with some other way to make money, I saw 2 armoured men walk down an alley and then disappear through a door.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

My curiosity piqued, I followed the path down the alley until I come to the front of the door. Hanging from a chain nailed into the wall above was a plaque reading ‘Mercenary Guild’ with a blue hand print below it.

Was this like the adventurers guild? Only one way to find out. I pushed open the door and was first greeted by the smell of hard liquor and sweat.

As I stepped through the doorway, my eyes quickly adjusted to the low light atmosphere inside. There were no windows in the building, the only light coming from candles dotting the wall as well as in the center of a few tables, and what little light came in through the cracks in the boards making up the walls.

There were a few people scattered around the interior, with only the armoured pair I saw walk in talking to each other. The rest were silent. One man was tossing a knife into the air and catching it, another was eating a meal in the corner with their hood down, concealing their identity. The last two people were a fat greasy man behind the bar counter cleaning a glass, and a skinny teen using a mop to clean up a puddle of suspicious red liquid on the ground.

Now this was more like it!

I walked up to the bar counter while the other patrons eyed me up and down. I hopped up onto a stool while the fat man waddled slowly over.

“What can I getcha?” The man continued to clean the glass.

“I would like to be a member of this putrid-smelling guild please.”

The fat man stopped cleaning the glass and let out a small chuckle. “Oh really? Well go out and bring me back a head. Then I’ll get you sorted girlie.”

A chair behind me screeched along the floor as the man who was playing catch with his knife stood up. “Yo Donny! You really gonna let this little girl join the guild? She doesn’t even look old enough to know how to count.”

Donny chucked his glass at the knife man, who quickly ducked. The glass shattered against the wall with a crash. “Shut up and sit down you pisser!!” The fat man reached down and produced another glass which he began to clean with his rag.

The skinny teen with the mop gave a heavy sigh and then went over to the shards of glass on the ground and began cleaning them up.

“Soo, just a head?” I asked.

Donny chuckled. “As long as it isn’t something stupid like an ant head, then yeah. Just any head.”

Alright then. Time to find myself a head!

…

Unfortunately, without money, I couldn't buy a proper weapon. Assuming I could even hold a proper weapon. Don’t forget, I was an eight-year-old girl. My noodle arms could hardly do a pushup two months ago, no doubt due to that damn starvation I faced on the streets. I was slowly getting stronger by exercising, but it was slow going.

I really wanted to wield a sword. It was the classic fantasy weapon! Swingin and stabbin. But, my little kitchen knife would have to do.

I walked through town in the drab brown robe that Gladgleer had me wear, the knife tucked in an inside pocket. I didn’t love the colour, which made me look like a miniature version of the geezer, but I did love the pockets.

So many pockets. It seemed like every day I found new pockets. It was very useful when just casually herb-hunting though, as different herbs touching each other are a no-go. Don’t want anything turning into a toxic sludge that burns through your pocket and drops onto your foot.

A rat!

There was a rat that scuttled away from my line of sight, squeezing through a hole in a building.

I made to give chase but stopped myself. A rat head… That didn’t seem very not stupid. Just two steps up from an ant head, and one step above a mouse head.

I won’t find any heads good enough in the village. Well, except for the obvious heads walking around on two legs. But I would prefer a monster head. That meant I needed to go outside the village and into the surrounding forest, or perhaps I would find one in the fields.

Slipping down a side road, I popped out of town and into the clear farmlands. If I had taken the main road, I would have run into the town watch, who would have probably said something along the lines of ‘You're too young to be venturing in the woods.’

The farms around the village were small, at least compared to the field after field of grid-patterned farmland that I was used to seeing on Earth. In the field, people worked, doing who knows what?

Were they pulling weeds? Picking rocks? I don’t fucking know.

I got a few looks from the farmers, but I had found out the lie of walking with purpose long ago. I looked like I belonged, therefore I did in these people's minds.

After ten minutes of walking, the field ended, abruptly turning into a thick forest of white-barked trees. I spotted a goblin-nose mushroom sticking out of a tree to my left, green and pointy with twin rivulets of green slime marks marring the white of the bark beneath it.

“Nice.”

I grabbed the mushroom without hesitation and, after squeezing the green juice out and wiping my hand off on a tree and then the grass, stuffed the mushroom into my pocket. Goblin-nose mushrooms were a pretty common ingredient in a variety of potions. The geezer might even give me a copper if I manage to find another one.

After walking for a bit, I found no other mushrooms or herbs. Seemed that the one was just a lucky find. No doubt adventurers had scoured these woods for herbs.

I rubbed my hands together and smiled. It was time to put my brilliant plan into action! Monster head, here I come!