Chapter 20: Free Will

“Well, that was unexpected,” Adilash said with a hint of trepidation.

“Aren’t you glad?” Jathi asked, unsure how she felt about the news herself. Edda having indulged in only a drop of the elixir made for very different circumstances. Perhaps there were some among the Vanderik who were capable of withstanding the gifts of the Hashadi.

“I am glad,” Adilash said. “At least I believe so. It’s good that another one isn’t placed beneath the dirt, but I do fear for a heavy Vanderik influence in our rainforest.”

“I do as well. But if they can show they can handle it, they could prove to be worthy allies. It is all still yet to be seen.”

“Indeed it is,” Adilash said, standing up from the log he was resting on. “We’ll see how they handle crossing the river. If they’re capable of that, they may yet make it out with their lives. At least those that still remain,” he said with thinly veiled sadness.

“Do not let yourself feel guilty about this,” Jathi reminded him, sitting in her usual perch up in the trees. “They’ve come here on their own volition. They understood the risks that Hashai poses. We are under no obligation to help them.”

“I do not feel that in order to help someone you must feel obliged.”

Jathi frowned. “We both know that’s not what I meant. If anything, we’re obliged not to.”

She was right, of course. They were tasked with following the crusaders and offering them the potions - no more and no less. One had to look at it dispassionately. “I know. I know, but it fails to make it easier.” Adilash considered continuing his line of thinking before remembering that Majad was still there, standing with hands clasped tightly behind his back. How a presence that was so commanding be so easily forgotten was beyond his understanding. “Majad - a few crusaders yet survive. If memory serves, you thought the remaining Khorsuli was a possibility?”

“I have already provided for her a potion,” he stated flatly. His hands did not shift from behind his back and his expression remained unflinching.

Jathi shifted in her perch above the ground, her face displaying a growing concern. “You’ve already given one? I was under the impression you were to wait for our direction… such were the desires of the Hashadi as a whole.”

“You said yourself, you were the arm that acted as an extension of our will. Have those circumstances changed?” Adilash asked hesitantly, still uncomfortable with the man.

“No,” he returned.

Adilash shifted uncomfortably as well. A few beads of sweat formed on his brow, in spite of the chilly morning that set a layer of fog across the canopy around them like a smothering blanket, dulling the rainforest’s noise. He’d wished for it to be as loud as he knew it could be, just to break the quiet between them. “But you’ve given our offer without our command. Our… recommendation,” he added, softening the term.

Majad stared back at them both, first one, then the other. Then, his eyes never leaving them, he reached down and picked up a small stone. He tossed it to Adilash, aiming for his head, but putting no weight behind the throw. Adilash stepped aside, letting it fall harmlessly into the dirt.

“Why did you do that?” Adilash asked. He looked to Jathi for support, but she only bit her lip and waited.

“Did you consider your choices to avoid that stone?” Majad asked. They both looked at him blankly. “Did you consider the variety of options available - to step to the side, to catch it, to swat it away, or to simply let it strike you, right… here…” he said, tapping his forehead.

“No, I did not.”

“But you would say you moved away from it of your own free will.”

“I would say so,” Adilash hesitantly agreed, his voice only slightly above a whisper.

Majad returned his hands behind his back and clasped them tightly again. “I knew what you wished for me to do. I will act in accordance with that. I am still but an extension of your will, as I have said.”

“And how can you be so confident in what we wish for?” Jathi said with tempered anger.

“I read everyone I meet. The both of you wish for these outsiders to be gone. You’ve shown it with every action. Adilash - you may find yourself lamenting their deaths, but ultimately you know it to be necessary. Jathi - your anger towards their intrusion is clear, but you stifle it enough to spare Adilash’s sensibilities. That is why I gave an elixir to the Khorsuli woman, Inaya. It’ll provide her the ability to steal small trinkets and the like from her companions. It would be the only way to test her, as that is the only thing she wishes.”

Adilash stood up, his frail form unimposing but using it to his full effect nevertheless. “You’re actively sowing discord among them, now! We are to judge their character, not actively influence it!”

Majad stepped forwards, face to face with the tiny Adilash, or at least as close as one could get when significantly taller than the other. He held up a pack that was attached to his side and dropped it between their feet. It was full of elixirs. “They’re yours. Every last one. You’ve made them all. You gave them to me to distribute-”

“At our behest!”

“-and I have done as I was told. I was instructed to play on their desires. I have. The Khorsuli hates the Vanderik. That much is clear. So I did what had to be done. Call me what you will, but I’m just the hand that moves as you desire. I simply didn’t wait for you to justify it to yourself.” If Majad was angry, he still did not give the appearance of it. He was calm, delivering his words with a staccato rhythm and a full sense of confidence. “Tell me I’m wrong, then. Tell me you would have done this a different way. You may have weighed your options, lamented your choice, but you would have come to this conclusion in the end.”

Adilash stared back at him, refusing to back down. It was Jathi who spoke first. “He’s right. That is what I would have done. The Khorsuli’s desires were to rob the Vanderik and we have to continue on our path.” She spoke softly, almost as if the words were a disappointment to herself. Perhaps they were, either due to the accuracy of Majad’s assessment or in how easily she was read.

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“Very well,” Majad said. “If we are in agreement then, I will return to my post.” He turned quickly and started to move back into the dense rainforest. As he was about to disappear into the trees, he turned back just slightly. “I am still acting upon your will. That has not changed. But they’re almost at the river, and once they cross it they’ll find themselves halfway through their crusade. Time is passing quickly.”

He vanished into the rainforest, towards the Vanderik and the ever-growing cacophony of the rainforest. It grew louder when he left, like he had given it permission to speak again.

Adilash released the pressure in his shoulders consciously, noticing just how frustrated and angry he had become. His legs wobbled now that the adrenaline had passed. “Jathi, dear - please, pass me my cane. I can hardly sit down without it.” Immediately she went to grab it, handing it to him gently. “The importance of trade, and the cultures that lie beyond this rainforest,” he said, tapping his cane with his free hand. “Think where I would have been without it. What was the name of the tribe that made it?”

“I’ve forgotten,” Jathi said.

“As have I. Some distant tribe, a world away, their woodworking shaman sending their goods by the Osvuldur, and eventually arriving here, in my hands. It’s the importance of keeping our world from being isolated. I’m living proof. Yet here we are, sowing dissension, leading others to death.”

Jathi ignored his comments. He was becoming less subtle, as was she, even though they both were meant to be impartial. “Just remember how that leg was wounded in the first place.” Adilash tilted his head and conceded that she had a point.

She sat next to him on the log he picked, his legs barely touching the ground, hers stretching forward for lack of room. “Are we to discuss what just happened?”

“Yes, I suppose we should.” Still, they sat quietly for a time, listening to the conversation of the birds instead of their own. She rested her head on his shoulder, both of them weary not from the marching but the stressful position placed upon them.

“Is that really what we would have done?” she whispered.

“What you would have done.”

She pushed herself from his shoulder. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve wanted them dead from the beginning. You’ve just been looking for justification.”

“If death is the means to rid ourselves of their presence, then yes, I would wish them death.” She crossed her arms, standing up from the log and towering above him. “I do it for Hashai, Adilash. Nothing more. As should you!”

“As I do,” he said. “Everything for Hashai. But we must - as we said from the very beginning - at least see if they are people worthy of interest to us. That is what’s best for our people.” He tapped his cane again.

She waved her hand dismissively. “I know. We’ve been down this road before.” She breathed out deeply, closing her eyes and clearing her head. “What concerns me now is if Majad believes that he’s the one to make the decisions. I don’t trust him. I don’t trust him at all.”

Adilash felt too tired to even crane his neck up to meet her gaze. Instead, he spoke to the rainforest floor. “Well, at the moment, he would be correct. I would have fought, but we would have asked him to administer that particular potion to the Khorsuli, regardless of the impact it could have on their group.”

“Adilash, ever one to give in readily,” she joked, but it fell flat. He was in no mood, and nor was she, to be fair.

“No, it’s not that. I see the logic in it.” He did look up to her now, but only out of the side of his vision, tilting his head just enough. “We provide what they desire. We were not chosen by our people to moralise, nor decide on their behalf. If the Khorsuli wishes to rob her companions, then we will deliver the means.” He looked back down. “Although I fear it’ll lead only to more blood spilled.”

“Then that’s the price they must pay. They came here - we didn’t invite them. The lives of the few may just be sacrificed for the lives of the many, and the many are Hashadi.” She waved her hand, dismissing the conversation. “In circles, again! Oh, Adilash, what are we doing? We’re arguing over nothing when the issue at hand lies with neither of us. Majad…” she lowered his voice, thinking he may yet be lying in wait in the bushes, afraid to speak of him like he was some ever-present spectre. “He gave the Khorsuli girl that elixir without our consent, nor our prior knowledge…”

“Well, we said to ourselves that what Majad did was our intent. What is there to change?”

Jathi had rarely seen Adilash speak in such a way. It sounded defeated. The whole ordeal had taken an emotional toll that had begun to manifest physically. Even though he was never limber, he looked terribly frail now, looking like the weight of his bones would collapse him at any moment. “Are we taking Majad on his word, then? How do we know he isn’t goading them into one decision or another? I doubt the man has any positive feelings towards the Vanderik, and he’s far less likely to give them a chance as you or I would prefer. For all we know he could be forcing the elixir down their throats.”

“The one Vanderik duchess has not yet given in,” Adilash pointed out.

“No… not yet.” She went silent for a moment, pondering her next move. What Adilash had in naive trust, she had in wariness. For her, there was no trust without verification, and with that, she was certain of what she must do. “I’m going to speak to the Khorsuli.”

Adilash perked up, this time looking her in the eyes. “That would be very dangerous. We need unity, not this infighting!”

“I won’t speak negatively of the man,” she said defensively, frustrated that Adilash had not understood that she had of course already thought of the possibility. “I will look only to verify what has already been said. Just to ensure that what Majad said is the truth. That is all. A simple talk. If you want to think about it in your terms, consider it a meeting of two peoples as a show of good faith.” She was hoping for reassurance but continued when she received none. “I hope you have trust in me to speak with her without showing our hand. I do have a touch of diplomatic savvy, you know.”

Adilash smiled. “I’m well aware.” It was what she had in spades. It was what brought the Hashadi to choose her for this mission. “Tell me what you’d ask of her.”

She waved a hand airily around, coming up with a plan casually, although in her head it was deeply calculated. “Oh, a word or two on how the land has treated her, how the expedition fares…”

“She will have a close ally die, and soon.”

“Can’t all be sunshine,” she said callously. Adilash scrunched up his face. He never liked when she spoke in such a manner, even though he understood her strict code towards putting Hashai first. “But in asking, it may reveal her thoughts, see how long-standing these disagreements between her people and the Vanderik are. If it’s as Majad said, then it truly would be a reasonable course of action to let their hatreds play out without our guiding hand.”

Adilash nodded. “Observers, first and foremost.”

She took his hand in hers and lifted his chin to look him in the eye. “You know I’m capable. Have faith in me.” She gave him a warm smile, the kind that always melted away any of his worries.

Smiling back, he agreed, albeit reluctantly. “Very well. But do so quickly, before Majad finds out that we don’t trust-” He stopped himself. “Before he finds out that we are ‘verifying’ what he’s told us.” Adilash picked up his cane, lifting himself off the log with a groan, and followed the graceful woman as she traversed the landscape. He would let her get further ahead without him.