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Chapter 3: Despicable Me

“Ugghh, five more minutes…” something sharp was poking my back, and it was making it really hard to get some decent shut eye. Can’t a guy catch a nap around here?

………

……

Around here?... Where am I again? I groggily opened my eyes, scanning the scene around me. The jagged rock that was digging into my back was part of a much larger pile of rubble. I could only see it because of a dull red glow coming from nearby. A glow coming from the mouth of a giant brown and red lizard. That was enough to jog my memory. I jumped to my feet, ready for the dragon to wake up and roast me alive. Thankfully, Rian was still very much impaled, and wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon. Poor guy must be tired. Aw, look how peacefully he’s sleeping. I thought with a snicker.

Hey, don't give me that look! This guy tried to kill me all right? I’m allowed a joke or two at his expense.

But dang! I really need to stop conking out whenever something important happens, this is the third time I’ve woken up without a clue of what’s going on!

“Why did I fall asleep anyway?”

|Answer: You gained a title from defeating the lesser dragon individual, [Rian]. Skills and bodily reconstructions were awarded accordingly for the feat.|

“Uh-huh…. What does that mean? Bodily reconstruction? I do feel quite a bit taller now. Did my stat page change then?…”

Individual Name: Aisurukage

Race: Lesser living shadow

[Stats]

Str: 30 Def: 30 Spd: 30

Mp: 30 Int: 32 Wis: 17

Class: none

Lvl: 9

Health: 300/300

[Skills]

Hoard(special)

Query(special)

Potential(special)

Impossible Odds(epic)

Manipulate Shadows(epic)

Elemental Breath(rare)

Quick Step(rare)

Hard Skin(common)

Immaterial(general)

Adhesive(general)

Mana:

300/300

Titles: Dragon slayer, lucky

“Uuhhh… That's definitely a change… Weren’t all those numbers ones before? Am I super overpowered now?”

|Answer: Although [User] has acquired several powerful skills, [User]’s physical aptitude is still severely lacking. Estimated combat strength is on par with a-|

“Nevermind, I don’t want to read your snarky report. In my opinion, this stat page belongs to an overpowered main character!”

|Notice: Data shows that opinions have no influence on facts, [User]’s combat strength suggests that-|

“NOPE! Don’t care! I’m getting out of this cave and going on an adventure, so unless you know the way out, I'm not reading another word!” I had just started to march off when I got an idea.

“...Can I stash Rian in my inventory?”

|Answer: [User] has enough mana to fully put the lesser draconic individual [Rian] into the [Hoard] pocket dimension space.|

“So… yes?”

|Query: Use special skill, [Hoard]? Yes No | And with that, I had a dragon tucked away in my pocket, ya know, in case of emergencies and stuff.

___

Two hours later, and I was still familiarizing myself with the new skills and strength my body had while I walked. I was definitely taller now, a growth spurt of a whole 30 centimeters, putting me at 40% of the average human height. The extra length in my stride made the walk back to Hero’s Rest a lot quicker too.

And I was even stronger than my toddler sized body suggested. I’d guess that I’m almost as physically capable as I was before I died. That’s not really saying much though…

But anyway! The skills were pretty tricky to figure out. I asked Query to explain them, and some of them sounded simple enough, but others were so technical and confusing it could have been written in another language and I wouldn’t have noticed.

Like that Shadow Manipulation skill! It sounded so complicated that it’d take me two years and a PHD just to understand the words that Query was spouting. So I tried experimenting with the easier ones as I strolled through the tunnels.

In case you were wondering, yes. I did go back for my broken torch before I walked back into the cave. Though my new height pared with it being snapped in half made it less of a torch and more of a flashlight.

Also, can we talk about the “Lucky” title I got from beating Rian!? Somebody has a real sick sense of humor to give me a title like that! I lived my entire life being luck’s punching bag, and now it wants to turn the tables and say sorry!? It’s not like I don’t appreciate not having bad luck anymore, but did the universe have to wait until I was getting chased by an honest to god dragon? I could have used that back when I was hit by a semi truck!

Or when I was stepping off that airplane to Tokyo…

Or when grandpa died…

Or when mom and dad…

……

………

|Notice: Readings suggest several life forms are approaching.|

“...”

|Notice: Readings suggest several life forms are approaching.|

“Huh?” I looked up, and realized I didn’t recognize this part of the cave. It was more wet than the parts I had been in, with pools of water near the edges of the cave. The stalactites and stalagmites were way longer than any I had passed so far.

Did I pass Hero’s Rest already? I heard splashing footsteps in the distance, and suddenly I didn’t feel very safe anymore. With how quickly the footsteps were getting louder, I don’t think I could have escaped even if I ran. The tunnel ahead of me was also getting brighter.

Suddenly a form rounded the turn in the tunnel and came into sight. It was humanoid, but obviously not human. It was hard to tell in the gloomy light, but it had long pointed ears, gleaming white tusks that reflected its torchlight, and glistening fur covering its broad shoulders and thick arms. It was also really tall. Like at least two meters. It came to a lumbering stop as it saw me, and held its torch forward. I could see it a bit better now, and I could see its spiked club and leather armor better too.

I was stunned by the menacing figure in front of me.

It called out to me in a weird language I almost recognized. I took a moment to process, before it hit me.

Suddenly I bursted out laughing. I couldn’t help it. Here was this giant, imposing creature that looked like it could kill me with its pinky finger, and it was talking like a freaking minion!

“Bo danken yu pwede-” The creature stopped, and put on a confused face, as it looked at me rolling on the ground, crying with laughter. Some of its companions rounded the corner as well, then wore similar expressions of confuzzlement. They asked the first creature something, to which it shrugged. Then they grunted and started walking towards me.

I finally managed to sit back up, still wheezing between breaths. “Hey guys, sorry about that. You mind if I just pass on-” They obviously didn’t understand me, or just didn’t care. Probably both.

They raised their weapons, whooped, and rushed me. “-Oh crap.”

The dudes came in fast, WAY too fast. It felt like one second they were just walking towards me from ten meters away, and the next they were right in front of me. I panicked, and almost reflexively used one of the skills I had figured out on the walk. I used Quick Step, which let me move to a nearby area so fast I might as well have been teleporting. It’s pretty cool, but it also used up a ton of mana, so I could only use it like three times in a row before I felt like vomiting. (I guess that’s what happens when you run out of magic, or quanta?) The weird hairy goblin things swung their weapons at where I had been so hard that the ground cracked.

Dang! What have those guys been eating!? Should I run? No, they’ll catch me for sure… Oh! A dusty light bulb flickered on in my head, I had an idea that I was pretty sure would work. The creatures finally stopped looking around in confusion, one of them had noticed me standing behind them. I quickly activated my skill before they reached me. The same one who noticed me swung his weapon straight for my head.

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Did it activate? I can’t tell if it worked- The club made solid contact, in a way. It did connect, but instead of bashing my brains in, it passed right through the space where my brain should have been.

Okay, maybe Immaterial is more powerful than I gave it credit for…

The creature was thoroughly bamboozled at what had just happened, and the others stopped and stared too. The creature tried again, and again another time. Still nothing happened. Then a look of realization came over the creature, and after that a look of Oh shit. The giant furry goblin man turned around and said something like “bak shoonga!” in a harsh whisper, then they all looked like they were going to piss their pants.

Yeah, that's right! I’m a ghost! Or whatever you said! For good measure, I used Elemental Breath, the only other ability I had figured out on my walk. It’s pretty darn useless, as it just makes me projectile vomit some really dark smoke that doesn’t seem to do anything. But to these guys, that was the last straw. They howled in fear, and scrambled past me. Their arms flailing above their heads ridiculously.

I crossed my arms smugly. “Yeah that’s right! You idiots better run!” Honestly, I felt pretty cool. I had just chased off some monsters that were way more powerful than I was, and it felt pretty good. It kinda felt like I earned that victory, in a way I hadn’t against Rian. Rian almost killed me, and only a stroke of pure luck had saved me. It hadn’t felt nearly as satisfying.

Satisfying? Wait. Did I enjoy that? Did I actually have fun while those creatures were trying to kill me? That's.. Not normal right? I shook my head.

Having fun while being attacked? That's ridiculous. I’m an adrenaline junkie, not a masochist. I like scary and thrilling stuff, not fights to the death. That feeling was probably just some lingering frustration towards Rian being resolved. Definitely.

___

It wasn’t much more walking before the tunnel started to light up again. I rounded one last bend, and there it was.

Freedom.

And the sun, beaming straight into my eyes.

“Gahh!” I flinched away and rubbed my eyes. I hadn’t expected to see the sun yet, being some 10 meters into the cave still. “Jesus! How many times am I gonna fall for that!?” I carefully looked up again, shielding my eyes. The sun must be reaching so far into the cave because it was either early morning or late afternoon. I walked out of the cave into the sunlight, and felt grass under my feet.

“Hold up… Am I in a rainforest?” Short answer, yes. I was indeed in a rainforest. Gigantic trees stretched high into the air, and the only break in the canopy was exactly where the sun was beaming into my eyes, caused by an even more massive tree that had a wide clearing around it. Other than that one patch of clear grass though, the forest was so thick with plants and vines that I couldn’t see more than five feet beyond the treeline. The cave entrance was directly on the edge of the clearing, nestled within a decently sized mound of dirt and rocks.

I stepped farther out into the open, marveling at how familiar and somehow also alien this jungle looked. If you squint hard enough, it looked exactly like the pictures I’d seen of the Amazon. But if you looked closer, it was obvious that none of these plants were from Earth. The ferns were blue, and had strange patterns on their leaves, the vines were red and glowing faintly, and the trees were just… Different.

Especially the big tree in the middle of the clearing, it was so massive it made the largest redwood’s on Earth look like Christmas trees. I whistled as I craned my neck as far as it would go, trying to see the top. Short answer, I couldn’t.

I looked around a bit more, and saw something strange towards the end of the clearing. There was a bit of vegetation that was tamped down, like something big had walked through, and I could see a strange red object glinting in some bushes. I got closer and pulled the leaves back to see…

“HOLY SHIT!!” I screeched, immediately falling backwards. I covered my mouth, feeling like I was about to puke. That object had definitely been a severed head. I took some deep, raspy breaths to calm myself down, and glanced back. There were scraps of bloody cloth and pools of dark red liquid hiding farther in the vegetation.

“W-what happened here?”

|Answer: The organic matter appears to belong to [Bugbears], the same lifeform that [User] encountered earlier. Analysis suggests that they were harmed by an unknown organism a short time ago.|

Yeah, they were definitely harmed a bit. I turned around, I didn’t want to look at all the gore. “Maybe when I saw them earlier, they were running into the cave to get away from whatever did this to them.”

|Notice: [User]’s conclusion is logical.|

“Whatever it was, definitely gonna have to be careful about not running into it.”

|Notice: [User]’s conclusion is logical.| With that canvas burned into my mind, I stepped back towards the tree. and quickly realized that I was in a bit of a pickle. I had just reincarnated into another world, one filled with magic and monsters, one that I knew nothing about. Including my location. I was lost in the middle of a magical jungle and surrounded by dangerous creatures, if the scene behind me was anything to go off of.

I attempted to put it out of my mind, and focus on other things. Thankfully I’m pretty good at not thinking about things I don’t want to.

“Okay, I read this in a survival book once, when you’re lost with no help coming to get you, look for civilization. Get a high vantage point and scan your surroundings…” I looked up at the massive tree again.

|Notice: There appears to be a large tree that is suitable as a [High Vantage Point]|

“Really Sherlock? I never would have realized that! I thought that tree was a low vantage point!”I rolled my eyes and grinned with my not-mouth, maybe Query wasn’t great at conversation, but the Ai was great at taking a joke. I went up to the tree and started climbing.

Noting that there were small golden veins in between the pieces of bark. I scaled the tree at a crazy fast pace, faster than the best rock climbers in my old world. Maybe Adhesive is better than I gave it credit for, it’s really coming in handy for tree climbing.

As I made my way up the tree, I could have sworn I heard something below me, though it must have been the howling of the wind made more terrifying by my nerves from being very, very high up. I did not look down to confirm it. No point being even more anxious, right?

I reached the first branches as the sun was beginning to set, and the canopy was only a couple more minutes of climbing away. The small veins of golden something between the bark had become more and more prominent as I had climbed, and I had quickly realized that they were full of a fast flowing liquid, but hard as a rock.

Towards the canopy, the bark receded to reveal more and more of the golden crystal like stuff, and even though it wasn’t glowing, the meager sunlight filtering through the leaves reflected off of it so beautifully, so perfectly, that it reminded me of…

Nevermind…

I… Damn. I’m not even in the mood to make jokes right now. I continued to climb in the peace of a gentle breeze, and finally penetrated the canopy of huge green leaves.

I looked around me and saw a scene so perfect it made every painting created by man seem like a disgrace. I completely forgot that I was miles in the air. The sunset in the distance peeked through snow capped mountains, and cast a brilliant red purple glow on the clouds around it and onto the forest below me. The light hit the leaves of the tree and scattered brilliant gold reflections on their shiny green leaves. The sky above had already become night, two moons and countless galaxies could be seen right above my head. Some firefly-like bugs flitted around above the canopy, seeming not to care about the altitude. I stared at that canvas until the sun set fully, and the only light left was provided by the stars, the moons, and the glowing bugs.

“I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” I smirked, lounging back and looking at the twin moons hanging above me. I was finally in the mood to make jokes again.

I sat bolt upright when I heard a rustle behind me. I whirled around to see a girl. She pushed me powerfully, and I fell off the edge of the branch I was perched on. “Oh shiiii-”

[][][]

The tree was massive, so Iris had plenty of time to braid some of the vines that grew sparsely up in the crystalline canopy. She made a few suitable ropes, and found a good spot to wait for the demon.

After about an hour of waiting, it finally reached the lower branches.

It paused for a moment, possibly stunned by the beauty of the light reflecting off the branches. Iris had already thoroughly soaked in the beauty of this place, so while it was lost in thought, she studied it. It was smooth and black, and slightly blurry. It was very short, and had the silhouette of a young man, but was entirely featureless besides its white eyes and a few spikes on its head that resembled unkempt hair. It resembled a shadow that had merely decided to stop being two dimensional.

Somehow, she noticed emotion in its blank face. There was no mouth and barely a nose, but Iris could swear she saw wonder, thoughtfulness, and… Something else.

Iris briefly second guessed her decision. Maybe this creature actually wasn’t here to capture her? Maybe she– No… No. She had made up her mind, for once she had chosen something herself and she was going to follow through with it.

The demon continued climbing, and reached the canopy a few minutes later. She followed it quietly. There it froze again, slowly looking around at the night time scene. This time Iris looked around too. The picture truly was beautiful. It was one of the prettiest things she had ever seen. She would have to convince father and mother to take them back here for their next vacation.

Some time after the sun had set, the demon spoke, breaking the spell that had been cast on them.

“I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

W-what? Kansas? We? Does it know I’m here!? Iris broke out in a cold sweat, but immediately retightened her grip on her vine rope. I have to act now! She had silently maneuvered herself directly below the branch the demon was on, and now she loosely looped one end of the rope around the demon's dangling foot, making sure it didn’t touch until the last second. Then she sprang up from behind the demon, delicately regaining her balance on the branch. The demon sat upright, and swiveled around. She pushed the creature. Hard. It lost its balance and fell. It cried out as it fell, grunting and shrieking as it crashed through leaves and golden twigs. She quickly leaped over the branch, following it. Her plan had worked, and the rope pulled taut. The demon swung, suspended by the rope, and she gracefully landed on the branch below, tying the rope down so that it wouldn’t come undone.

She had studied the demon while it climbed, and it had seemed extraordinary light. It hadn’t broken off so much as a twig while it had climbed through the canopy, and her instincts were telling her that the demon was also somewhat weak. She didn’t like trusting her gut, but she didn’t have many other options. If the demon was strong, she wouldn’t be able to escape anyway.

She hoped it didn’t have any magic or skills to break the ropes, but just in case, she had made sure there were no branches underneath where the demon was now suspended.

After groaning and mumbling a bit more, the demon stopped spinning and swinging to face Iris. It spoke.

“Ow… uh. H-hi. M-maybe you could consider… not eating me?... I’m pretty sure I’m not very tasty, I probably just taste like air…”

Eat you!? You were the ones chasing me! Iris was thoroughly dumbstruck. Clearly, it showed on her face too.

“Wait. You can understand what I’m saying! Can we maybe talk this out? I really don’t want to end up being eaten.” The demon had an accent that Iris didn’t recognize, and it spoke both informally and eloquently at the same time. Everything about this demon was just confusing. She hesitantly replied.

“W-why in Akme’s name would I try to eat you? You were sent by those demons to kidnap me again… Weren’t you?”

“Wha… What?... Lady, there is a LOT to unpack in that statement before I even begin to understand what you are talking about.”

Iris’s resolve was quickly crumbling, she was no longer sure what to do.

“Like, demon? What do you mean, demon? Lady, we’re in the middle of a jungle! Are you talking about some sort of man eating animal demon, or like a literal, fire and brimstone and hell demon?”

Should she kill the demon while it’s vulnerable? No, she doubted she had the resolve to kill something, especially something that could talk. Maybe she should leave the demon there, and climb down. But what if it can’t escape the rope? I’d be leaving it here to die of starvation and-

“And you said ‘kidnap me again’? The hell is that supposed to mean Lady!? You’ve already been kidnapped once!? BY DEMONS!? AND THEN YOU DECIDE TO CLIMB A TREE AND HANG ME BY MY FOOT!?”

Iris felt tears welling up in her eyes. She didn’t know what to do. Why is this all happening to me? Did I do something wrong? I don’t want to be alone in the jungle with a demon. I want to be back home with mother and father… What should I do? Mother, you never taught me about this! Why did you have to leave me alone!?

“Also, is your hair pink or am I seeing shit? Is pink hair normal here?”

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, her arms clenched at her sides, hiding her face behind her long hair. Her soft sniffles made the demon finally stop ranting.

“I- Uh… Wha-” The demon was apparently lost for words, and was just making occasional noises, trying to formulate the appropriate sentence for this situation.

Iris sniffed one last time, wiped her eyes, and spoke while still looking at her feet.

“Y-yes, me and my mother got kidnapped by demons…” She choked on her words. “Demons like you.”

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