He met her while he was in high school.

By a stroke of chance, they met each other at a school event, where they were supposed to show designated guests around the school facilities in what was termed as a promotional tour. She fell. He caught her. She awkwardly expressed her gratitude before heading to admonish those who had pushed her. He discovered that they were taking a class together. Somehow or another, they exchanged contacts.

He was a lonely reclusive boy who would prefer nothing but to play online games in the solitary haven of his home every day, while she was a brooding misanthropic only-child who could not be bothered to fit in with the girly girls her age. That was probably what gravitated them towards each other - the common feeling of being social pariahs out-casted by their peers.

It was thereafter that they spent time hanging out after school, where she told him everything and anything about her and her life. How her friends laughed at her for being tanned. How she skipped practice because the coach was a jerk. How difficult the mock tests that day were. In return, he spent days listening attentively, always quick to relate with her joy and share suggestions for her problems.

He had not realized it then, but it was the catalyst for things to come.

One day, she told him thus.

“Hey, you know Ben? The one I told you I met at the library?”

“Yea.” Ben was a senior that he was well acquainted with, neighbors even.

“I think he likes me.”

“Oh?” It was not news; Ben had been asking him about her.

“But I don’t like him at all. And he’s bothering me a lot…”

He went to confront Ben one day about his borderline stalking behavior while they were travelling home together. What the latter said was all forms of shocking.

“She said she likes me. What the hell are you talking about?”

He stopped in his tracks, stunned. “What?”

“You heard me.”

His eyebrows furrowed. What was that supposed to mean? How could two opposing parties have completely contradictory statements? Who should he believe? One was his respected senior and friend, while the other was as dear as a sister.

In the end he decided to do nothing.

Soon enough, Ben graduated and disappeared into anonymity. But while he might have been the first, it was definitely not the last. It was not long before a similar case happened again, this time concerning another mutual friend named Neville. Neville was a jerk through and through, but that did not diminish how eerily similar the situation played out again.

“She doesn’t like you, Nev, so give it a re-”

“She told me she likes me so you give it a rest.”

Without a stand in the matter, he let the situation play out to its non-fruitful end again. There was a quarrel, or so she said, and Neville left, never to contact them again.

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Months after the incident, while he was hanging out with her at their usual place, she suddenly became all shy and awkward. It was unlike her usual loud, abrasive self.

“Seb… I want to tell you something.”

“Yes?” He replied in between mouthfuls of food.

“I-I love you.”

It took all he had not to accidentally choke and die.

Even though she might be troublesome at times, he likes her. It was the main reason why he had spent so many hours listening to her. Had it been someone else, he would not have bothered a long time ago.

But what did he like her as?

A lover or a sister?

He did not know. Then came the question,

Why him?

He was not special, just an ordinary person who did nothing extraordinary. He did not even put any extra effort into making her feel important or loved.

“Why me?” He muttered.

“B-because you are always there for me.”

Yet, even as he looked at her in the eye, he could not help but pull up his defenses against her, both Ben’s and Neville’s recounts echoing in his mind.

What if he was simply her third ‘prey’?

No. They were close. He should give her the benefit of the doubt.

But the seed had been planted and would not go away. There were too many questions, too many unknowns. He did not know what to make of it. This ‘love’ she claimed of, he had no idea what it was nor what it was based upon.

She was too immature to talk about love.

And so was he.

The more he thought, the more he felt lost. It was a spiral that would not end.

The words swirled around and around in his mind, reinforcing each other, as though waves overlapping into bigger ones while crashing away at the shore of reason. It is an ouroboros of thought and with every iteration, a cycle of self-propagation occurs until the one point a single conclusion is reached.

No.

The logical conclusion to this drama would be to refuse.

But when he told her of his decision, all he could see was her face on the verge of crying. The heart-breaking imagery only served to make the torrent in his mind more chaotic than ever.

“You mean to tell me you never felt anything for me?”

He shook his head, even though it pained him to do so.

“And I loved you. How could you…”

The guilt. It hung.

“You… BEAST!”

“Jo-“He reached out for her, but she had run away in tears, leaving him all alone feeling as though he had screwed up his world.