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Aftershocks
Chapter Fifteen: Want Your Thoughts of Me Inside

Chapter Fifteen: Want Your Thoughts of Me Inside

Finally, Lacey got her bathroom break. She emerged to find the room empty: apparently, Wrench had been taken somewhere more comfortable.

Before they got the chance to see her, Norba treated Lacey and Rivet to a tour of the building. Lacey’s hunch had been right: this did start out as an industrial site. Some sort of warehouse, according to Norba. Tiny rooms lined the halls, repurposed with salvaged supplies. Lacey didn’t pay much attention to what they contained. She was more occupied with Rivet, who still refused to look at her, and the location of the Swill Torpedo.

Apparently, Norba had sent a crew to drive the Torpedo to her dock using the keys they’d stolen from Wrench’s pocket. Stepping onto the dock and seeing it bobbing in the water in front of her felt like coming home after her first semester in the dorms. It was enough to make Lacey’s knees weak with relief. Who’d have thought she’d get so emotional over an ugly-as-sin Frankenboat?

“Get used to this dock,” Norba was saying. Lacey refocused her attention to her. “You’ll be seeing a lot of it.”

“I hope not too much.” Rivet crossed their arms. “I want some actual work.”

“Slow down,” Norba cautioned. “We haven’t talked shop yet.”

“Let’s start now,” said Rivet.

Norba looked to Lacey for confirmation. At her nod, the broker continued: “You know the basics. All the fuel you get comes back to me, I distribute it, you get your cut. No skimming the barrel and no vending to other brokers. Stay within my territory — I’ll get you a map later. It’s big, but not crowded. Most of the population lives further inland.”

“What’s your customer base, then?” Rivet asked. Their gaze took on a sharpness and focus Lacey hadn’t seen before.

“Like I said, inlanders. The ones who don’t live in the city. Nomads, loners, that type.” Norba shrugged. “Most of them are criminals, but who isn’t a criminal these days.”

Rivet started a rapid-fire series of questions, most of which Lacey tuned out. They clearly had this under control. Her eyes drifted aimlessly over the dock, which had definitely seen better days. Next to the Swill Torpedo was a motorboat about the same size, though sans mast. A pair of little electric boats bumped against its hull with every wave. Totally useless for hauling product. No one had put effort into developing good water-going electric motors, and they cost a fortune anyway, just like their land-bound counterparts. There was a reason electric boats had never caught on.

Eventually, Rivet ran out of questions and Norba brought them back inside to see Wrench. She was lying on a DIY hospital bed in a room Norba referred to as the infirmary. The setup was like something out of a post-apocalyptic B-movie. Wrench didn’t look too bad, though. Drawn and tired, sure, but no worse than before.

The jacker standing next to the bed took one look at Lacey’s swollen jaw and shoved a bottle of pills into her hand. She didn’t say what they were, but it didn’t really matter. Lacey dry-swallowed one before turning to ask Wrench how she was doing.

The siblings were in the middle of a whispered conversation. Wrench threw her an annoyed glance. Lacey mumbled an excuse and left the room.

Outside the infirmary was a folding chair. Lacey sank gratefully into it. The pill was already working, whatever it was, and her brain felt a little foggy. She tucked the bottle into her pocket with an appreciative hum. Not bad, random jacker with no medical license.

When Rivet emerged, they seemed much more at ease. They grunted something about the Torpedo and made their way toward the docks. Lacey followed, though she wasn’t sure Rivet wanted her to.

Rivet climbed onto the deck and undid the trapdoor. Lacey followed them into the cabin, where she found them opening the cabinets and rifling through the contents. Clearly, they were doing their best to look busy. They were a terrible actor.

Lacey crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. This looked casual enough, she thought. She probed briefly at the lump on the side of her face. It didn't hurt, though the part rubbing against her teeth made speaking awkward.

“You know, I’m not going to bite your head off,” said Lacey, aiming for a joking tone. She was also a terrible actor.

Rivet turned to face her. Their eyes were red-rimmed and droopy. “I think you should be resting your jaw.”

“I don’t understand.” Lacey dropped the facade. “Why didn’t you tell me Ronan was your old broker? I don’t care. I wouldn’t have before, either,” she added.

“Don’t fuck with me. I know you tried to weasel his name out of Wrench.” Rivet bristled with a guarded kind of anger.

“I thought he might be someone dangerous,” Lacey said. “Or important, or something. I don’t understand why you’d bother hiding who he was if you knew he wasn’t dangerous.”

“Because you know just as well as I do that Ronan’s no goddamn liar,” Rivet snapped. “Be honest, who do you trust here? Me or him? ‘Cause I can tell you all I want that the shit he said about us isn’t true, but at the end of the day, he’s the one I’d trust if I were you.”

“I don’t think you’re lying,” Lacey snapped.

Rivet snorted. “Why the fuck…?”

“I don’t know,” Lacey said. “I wish I did, but I just don’t.”

Surprise and relief warred on Rivet’s face. They stared, hands fluttering uselessly at their sides.

Lacey slumped against the wall, all desire to look cool leaving her mind. “I don’t know why I believe you,” she repeated. “It’s just a feeling, I guess.”

They both went quiet.

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“I should’ve told you,” Rivet said finally.

“I only pried because I was worried. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t in serious danger.” Lacey shrugged. “You guys are the ones who really cared about me knowing.”

“It was mostly Wrench,” Rivet said. “Well, to start off with. I didn’t really care at first. But then…I don’t know. I just didn’t want you to think any less of us.” They were avoiding Lacey’s eye again. “I know that’s stupid. We definitely did make you work with us, and then my fucking stupid ass put your life in danger last night because I didn’t notice anything and I couldn’t fight back quick enough…” They took a deep breath. “I’m shit at apologies, but what I’m trying to say here is I’m sorry, for real, and if you want, you can go somewhere else. I’ll help you steal a boat and you can go wherever you want.”

For a second, Lacey actually considered it. Norba said there were people inland. A town. She could go there, and from there, somewhere else, a place where she didn’t know anyone. Live in an abandoned house and barter for fuel with a jacker she’d never met. She could start over fresh.

Lacey couldn't hold back a laugh . “And then what? Live all alone, with skeletons in my closet? Scraping together some pathetic life for myself?” Not getting drunk with Rivet and Wrench in the middle of the night. Not watching Rivet flip their canoe every five seconds. “Ew. No thanks.”

“Listen, asshat,” Rivet said. “I’m giving you an actual chance at safety here.”

“I don’t want safety,” Lacey retorted. “I want to help the good people and fight the shitty ones.”

“You can do that anywhere.”

“But I already know how to do it here.”

“You could learn. You’re smart.”

“You’re smart too.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“You were smart enough to get into a top college.” Lacey pushed herself away from the wall. “I still don’t know why you didn’t go if you were accepted. I don’t know where you went to high school. I don’t know about your parents, or if you did sports, or what neighborhood you lived in. There’s so much I don’t know about you. I want to learn.”

Rivet squinted their sleep-reddened eyes. “You can’t seriously be saying you’d give up your chance at actual fucking freedom out of curiosity.”

“Freedom doesn’t come from where you are. It comes from who you’re with.” Lacey stepped close enough to poke Rivet’s chest for emphasis. “I like you and Wrench.”

Rivet stood their ground. “You can’t use us as a replacement for what you had with your team.”

“I’m not trying to replace you. When you saved me, you told me straight up that I made a mistake. Remember? I slipped up and took the coward’s way out.” Lacey took a deep breath. That old guilt settled into her chest, sticky and suffocating. Years’ worth of expectations threatened to crush the breath from her lungs. “Things were different with them. I loved them. I still do — Jesus, how could I not? But it wasn’t like how it is here, with you.”

“Did you forget what happened literally twelve hours ago? When you nearly fucking died because of Wrench and me and that crazy old broker? The thing that never would have happened if we didn’t find you?” Rivet’s voice deepened as if they were trying to keep it from cracking.

Lacey let out an irritated huff. “Look, would I have avoided that situation if you didn’t save me? Yeah. Would I also currently be decomposing at the bottom of the river? Also yeah.”

“Don’t make us out to be saviors,” Rivet said.

“I’m not.” Lacey pushed back the hair that was starting to come out of her braid. “You saved me for selfish reasons, but guess what? I tried to kill myself for selfish reasons. Everyone here is a selfish asshole. Who cares.”

A flicker of something crossed Rivet’s face.

Lacey squinted. “What?”

“Nothing,” Rivet said quickly.

Lacey paused. “You did save me for selfish reasons, didn’t you?”

Rivet shuffled their feet. They didn’t look at her.

“Holy shit.” Lacey couldn’t tell whether to laugh or cry. “You totally didn’t recognize me, did you?”

“I was going to tell you eventually,” Rivet protested. “Wrench was just really mad when I went to get you — she got all pissed, said it could’ve been a trap, whatever…but when she realized who you were, she let off. Mostly.”

“Oh my God. A jacker with a secret heart of gold.” Lacey decided on laughter. “Let me guess: you were embarrassed about that, too?”

“You seem weirdly okay with this information," Rivet said.

“I mean, it’s not too much of a surprise,” Lacey admitted. “You don’t seem…what’s the word? Calculating. Not enough for it to have happened the way you said.”

“I hope you’re talking about just me, because if you’re referring to Wrench too, then you’ve made a serious mistake.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Lacey waved her hand. “I’m fully aware she would’ve drowned me herself if she had to.”

Rivet let their half-smile linger for a second before letting their expression revert to something more serious. “Seriously, though. I’m sorry for lying.”

“Thank you for the apology,” Lacey said, and she meant it. “For what it’s worth, I understand.”

“I meant about everything,” Rivet persisted. “Ronan, and not saving you last night, and…”

“It would’ve taken a superhero to save us last night,” Lacey said. “Don’t beat yourself up about that.”

“Norba’s jackers already did that for me.”

Lacey snorted. “Cheap joke.”

Rivet made a sound that might have been a laugh. They looked at her sideways, gauging her reaction. The two of them were standing very close, Lacey realized.

“When you said that stuff earlier, about wanting to get to know us…” Rivet started.

“Yes, I meant it,” Lacey said.

Rivet grinned their crooked grin — real, untainted by guilt or nerves. “What do you want to know first?”

Lacey settled on the first thing that came to mind: “Why didn’t you go to Harvard?”

Rivet leaned back against the counter, propping themself up on their elbows. “My family didn’t have a lot of money, and we were involved with a jacking ring before the quake. It just made more sense to take the guaranteed job over a super expensive four-year delay.”

“Very fiscally responsible of you.”

“Do you have anything else to ask me?” Rivet arched an eyebrow.

Lacey did have something to ask, but she couldn’t find the words. Her questions were made of you smell like dish soap and Rivet thinks you won’t run and strong-soft hands wiping away her drunken tears. They were wrapped up in her memories of Rede, the love that mingled with isolation. They couldn’t be put into words. She leaned forward and let the questions tumble, shapeless and soundless, from her lips onto Rivet’s.

They stayed like that for a long time. When Lacey pulled back, Rivet stared up at her with liquid eyes. They licked their lips. “Did you get the answer you were looking for?”

Yes. No. Both. The softened thing inside Lacey was growing, and with it came a feeling too intense to handle. She swallowed it all back down. “I think this should wait until we’ve caught up on sleep.”

A hint of surprise crossed Rivet’s face before they regained their composure. “Yeah. Sure, that’s a good call.”

“Just a quick nap,” said Lacey. “You know, to recharge. Clear our heads.”

“Yeah, sure. Clear our heads,” Rivet echoed.

Lacey turned around. She took off her jacket and blood-stained handkerchief while pretending not to notice Rivet’s eyes boring into her back.

“Let’s trade for now,” Rivet said.

Lacey paused. “Trade what?”

“My bed has an actual mattress.”

Frowning, Lacey turned back to face them. “I’m not taking your spot.”

“Then I’m taking yours.” Rivet took two purposeful strides forward, pushed Lacey to the side, and flopped onto the pile of blankets covering the folding table. They closed their eyes and made a show of wiggling around appreciatively.

“Get out of my bed!”

Rivet cracked one eye open. “My bed now.”

“You’re insufferable,” Lacey said in awe.

Rivet made a noncommittal sound. “Wake me up in a couple hours,” they mumbled, then pulled the blankets around their shoulders and rolled toward the wall.

Lacey stood and watched them for a second. She finally sat down on the edge of Rivet’s cot. The best course of action would be to put something cold on her jaw and take a fucking nap. She knew this. Still, Lacey couldn’t get herself to tear her eyes away from Rivet, hypnotized by the rise and fall of their sleeping shoulders.