3. Welcome
Stepping out of the swirl of colours, Thoth needed a few moments to reorient himself and rekindle trust in his senses. Cannot understand the fuckers who zapp between dimensions, entire realms and crumbling planes for pleasure and giggles like mad hatters.
He'd never been a fan of teleportation hogwash. Although he knew perfectly well the spells, formulas and theories defining that particular section of magical study, it just did not spark anything in him.
And in the face of the little treasure in his arms, his unproductive rant was over in a heartbeat. "Joung, check. Spare diapers, check.
Food...well could've been somewhat fresher but has to do, check. Maybe she won't like it...we shall see. Ghabira...?" Thoth ascended to some tall treetop in his vicinity, looking around while trying to match his fading memory with reality.
Things happen here more so than anywhere else it seems. Changes and the indigenous people...strange. "Yes, Ghabira, check. We're in the realm of the proud and noble high elves." Now what needs to be done is find my hideout.
The baby was in a deep slumber for now and Thoth had all intentions of finding his way back home before she woke up. Out in this sea of trees, she was only protected by about 99.99999 per cent.
And that 0.00001 per cent gave him a headache. Babies were very fragile after all. His mortal teacher for a day made sure he internalised that concept, albeit for a different reason Thoth failed to recognise.
After a reasonable amount of hours of searching, Thoth somewhat found a connection between his barely trustable memories and the forest surrounding him.
Past some striking landmarks and countless misleading fork paths, he was at long last standing in front of the entrance to his hideout. At least that one had not changed beyond what mere passage of time could do to rock.
Breaking the curse imbued on the mightily overgrown stone door with less effort than he remembered, Thoth murmured something about him getting stronger still.
Considering the millennia that'd passed since his last visit, he could live with that discovery. It was a small chance, one in a thousand or even less according to my ass, where I pulled those numbers from.
Come again...why do I even listen to reason when everything that is me defies that very concept? For better or for worse, I have to lay low again for some time.
Tearing away at the vegetation so that he could enter the door, Thoth came into a cave-like room where it was completely dark except for the beam of strong light that fell through the crack behind him. The baby moved.
Due to uneasiness or by reflex, Thoth wasn't sure. In any case, he believed it wise to get things rolling soon and force order upon a messy world so that the baby would wake up to comfort and his undivided attention.
Thoth did not lollygag and grabbed the booklet affixed to his waistbelt. The ancient-looking collection of yellow pages shone, revealing rows after rows of small scribbles occupying the entire cave.
This was his key. Nobody else could ever hope to break into his safe haven without the booklet. No god, trueblood demon, daemon, ancient, titan or whatever. All had to knock on doors at the right locations.
Supposed they knew the locations. The radiant letters on the walls dissipated one after the other, returning to their dormant state as a winged double-door made of pure gold and other precious minerals appeared in front as big as the cave was tall.
It seemed like it literally had to squeeze in here just to fit. Thoth waited until the door finished following overcomplicated security mechanisms and opened on its own before stepping through.
Right behind lay a stony bridge looking like two sides of a mountain split in half at whose end stood a magnificent floating castle lording over an extensive garden, afloat the latter too. Aethernum. His centre of power.
The castle was the biggest in all the realms and planes out there, of which Thoth was damn sure. With a grand total of 777 floors, 77 mighty towers and 7 distinct gardens, nothing could compare to that majestic timeless piece of ancient history.
Yet for now, Thoth felt no interest in admiring his home after coming back from a long journey. He speedily shuffled to the closest door, instructing it to bring him to his personal quarters and stepped through. An impossibly long trip was cut short just like that.
He appeared in the same old room of his memories. Filled to the brim with various valuables, obscenely expensive fabrics, dated relics, bookshelves humming with powerful magic extracted from the forbidden books they held imprisoned, a personal bathroom as big as the bedroom itself, and a comprehensive study room inviting him to continue his research among other things.
Maybe after another couple of centuries. Got things to do. Thoth ignored the lukewarm attraction and walked straight to his royal-sized bed twenty times his usual size.
No matter how moody he was, there he could sleep in whichever appearance he fancied. If he didn't lose control. But now with the baby in his arms the tiled suit seemed less impressive. A very serious problem had wormed its way to his attention. ...fucking small.
He'd for sure need more space. Maybe another bed on a bigger scale to start with? As he'd learned, babies needed their very personal space. Their space and nobody else's.
"Attendant." Grunted Thoth towards an empty corner that was soon no longer bereft of creatures capable of movement. No second past, a puppet appeared out of thin air, expertly bowing towards him with practised movements.
"Welcome back, Milord." It said with annoying reverence. "No formalities, remember? Uhh...can't change your ways, can you now?" Thoth shot a provocative glance at the servant who showed no response, stubbornly keeping to its bow still.
What frigging ideas went through my head at the time? Maybe I was drunk...can't remember. Only Spice would know for sure. "The bed's too small, change it."
"Milord, the space available is unsuitable for—" "Change. It." The puppet froze mid-sentence, which Thoth answered with a stinky eye. "There surely are enough rooms we can bleed for space."
Without batting an eyelid, Thoth gave the order that'd make his bedroom a hellish place ripe with dimensional tears and trashed furniture for some hours. Maybe a breech too, but Aethernum wouldn't lay low if that happened.
Overall, nothing a quick time spell at the right time couldn't mend. "And start tracking the Tiamat Ancestor." Now to the next point on the agenda. Thoth dismissed the puppet in whose mechanical body the soul of a top-notch butler was held imprisoned.
He preferred solitude right now. What he'd learned from the mortal not only included the ins and outs of proper parenting, but also situations he'd have to accept and behaviour patterns that could be useful for just that.
Having a child die before the parent, for example. Events attributable to freak accidents and some such, he was told. That time Thoth heard the grandmother talk about her experiences, his overflowing feelings almost destroyed the entire plane he was in.
Not that anyone took notice of the averted calamity. Spice might have. But he'd laugh anyway at my lapse of control. Or hold a grudge for eternity. He always does one of the two.
Even now did his pulse quicken and mana fluctuate widely. Thoth was scared and confused. But most of all, he was angry. How could whatever rules dare take the baby before him? From him? Him?! Better behave, shitheads.
Always bullying the weak. Which he wasn't. But! That sentiment counted. Thoth was immortal, and that was the problem. He never thought he'd be unhappy with that privilege, as others, less experienced, called it. Yet he also wasn't ready to revel in such useless thoughts.
Remodelling will take at least an afternoon. And the young needs to be fed, cleaned and cuddled. There was a lot to do in the remaining time she slept, so Thoth decided to waste as little of it as possible.
Once he came to this conclusion, he vacated Aethernum in big strides and returned to the sea of trees. Before doing anything else, he went through the long log of information this hideout secretly recorded anonymously in his absence.
As expected, much had happened in the realm of high elves compared to his last visit many millennia ago. Using the position of this cave as a starting point and the sun above as an indicator, he soon found out where he had to head next.
Some distance in, Thoth came across many ingeniously laid pitfalls, dead trees, burnt patches, natural curses, places of resentment, hexes and other nasties.
Most of them were the high elves' doing no doubt. Thoth wasn't exactly happy they'd laid out a plethora of deadly mines this near to his exit point. He'd need to talk to the indigenous people. In the worst case, he'd have to look for another cave, period.
Such an environment was just too dangerous for a baby even with him around. Thoth looked down at his arms, absentmindedly cradling the small thing who squealed happily in her sleep. A smile came over his scaly lips, his pearl-white teeth reflecting the light of the day.
The very next moment, Thoth was surprised a lot by his overflowing emotions, a part of him wondering once more if he had been spellbound by some nasty creature. Sadly, like any other good thing, the fuzzy feelings he so enjoyed were of short-lived nature.
"Halt there intruder!" The smile waned gradually. Thoth felt many arrows pointing in their direction. Some even dare focus on the baby.
"This is elven land, not your backyard." A gracious high elf stepped out of the undergrowth, his gear perfectly matching his line of work.
While most of his ears were covered by a streamlined helmet, the long and narrow shape ending only at twice the size of his head gave away his proud ancestry.
Yet Thoth wasn't impressed at all by the bunch of gracious figures partially leaving behind the protection of the trees. Some hid their breath completely, readying themselves for when brutality called. Not all perceive with eyes only.
Camouflage at this level isn't hard to circumvent. Heat, stench, mental state...bunch's not as experienced as they make themselves out to be. Where's the knowledge of their ancestors gone to?
Thoth prepared a greeting, yet before the words rolled off his scarlet tongue, the lightly armoured high elf's body language suggested encountering an absolutely hated foe. "Not again," Thoth murmured instead, feeling a déjà vu highly likely.
"Foul creature, prepare to die!" And he thought right. Even shorter fused than the paladin. Is this a trend nowadays? ...will the young turn out the same? What terrible notion! "Elf, cease your shouting. The young's sleeping."
Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
The baby had a frown on its delicate features, its furry ears twitching at times. To prevent any bad outcome, Thoth began to hum and buzz a calm melody. Not that he was much of a bard. Quite the contrary.
He sounded more like sandpaper grating on glass. "A daemon? What are you wasting time for, Alf? Less talking, more shooting." The first arrow let loose his way but the aim was off by miles.
As it impacted the third tree from his left, Thoth even began wondering if these were truly high elves. But that was not all he thought about. The baby had woken up, its big eyes teary.
Finding that his voice wasn't quite as magical as he hoped it to be, Thoth was about to get a headache. There was more to it than just that sad realisation.
"I'm the leader here, Niall. Don't act on your own lest I report you." "Then do that...," the awfully shrill voice of an elf that might lack his manhood made Thoth's ears ring.
Probably really lacking, that is. Or it's an enigma. The baby's teary eyes gathered even more water than before. "...and my father will ruin your career, Alf.
By all means, do it and I will become leader!" "There's a young here." "Niall." "Oi, do you listen? I said there's a young here." "Alf!" "WAaaaAAAaaaAHHhhHHhhhHHH~"
Thoth angrily massaged his temples with the only free hand. Now they had done it. Clean-up called. If he buried the baby in his clothes, some little bit of blood-letting wouldn't hurt...right?
Ah, chill. What would I say to her in the end? They got on my nerves so I punished them...extensively? "Shut the fucking trap up you ugly thing." Thoth came to a sudden halt, his caressing hand frozen which only upset the baby even more.
"What. Was. That?" He believed his brain somehow short-circuited. "Ugly thing, must I wring your neck clockwise? The adults are talking!!" And that was that.
"RAAHH!" Thoth shouted in anger, his mana flaring up as deadly pressure followed the unavoidable punch that was his powerful voice to them. Some shrieked as they couldn't hold themselves on the tree anymore and fell down.
Many others simply couldn't fight against the pressure, much less open their mouths to do their thoughts justice. "You," Thoth pointed angrily at the youngest of the bunch who shuddered the most.
"Get back to your clan and ask for Elfriede. Won't move a muscle until she's here as will they, understood?!" The young high elf nodded her head fervently, visibly happy to escape the supposed daemon's clutches soon.
Then she was gone first chance she got, losing her orientation every now and then as she stumbled through the forest. All the way out of his range of perception, the high elf glanced past her shoulder, likely unsure which beast might follow in her tracks.
Thoth, for sure, wasn't interested one bit in pursuit. On a more practical note, he also wasn't at all concerned she'd spill lies and distort the truth.
If the elves had become this blind, he wouldn't mind cleaning up the place for good. But before that... "All of you quit wriggling around. It's unsightly, you ugly maggots! Unsightly, you hear!!"
As a reaction to his emotions, the superior breath of life he exuded made the mannerless group stop in their tracks completely. Amidst a bunch of grotesque statues each featuring a different contorted pose, Thoth began calming down the agitated baby.
Powerful, world-ending claws were retracted as he traced gently over the thin fluff that had begun to grow on her head starting from the ears. Warm air slowly blew at her face, the scaly lips ready to kiss away emerging tears as he delicately teetered on the spot.
There was only him and the baby here. Nothing else existed. Soon after, soft squeals and happy giggles filled that corner of the forest while Thoth's voice was heard here and there, brabbling, fooling around.
Reminder to me: Acting funny is utterly rewarding. Hehehe~ "Buggybuggybuggyyooooo~." "Wahehehihihjj~." Again! "Buggybuggybuggyyooooo~." Now it only needs to be fed.
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Spice embraced his work like on any other early afternoon. He routinely scrubbed the tiles, washed and polished the counter, checked inventory, set the furnishings right and the big candles, though not yet necessary, aflame, walked to the door and switched the sign outside from closed to open.
Then he returned to his place behind the counter and massaged the slightly protruding potbelly for a while as he routinely expressed his intention to pull through the most hellish diet he knew off. One the world had yet to see.
Like any other day, there came the moment he tired of such thoughts and turned to his beloved drinking glasses. Coming up with ever more brutal ideas for a proper diet had become a habit by now.
Just slightly less important than polishing his crystal dearies. In the dead early hours of his opening, a few curious customers no more than he could count on one hand came in, ordered something, drank or ate up an appetiser and left.
Some coin changed owner, in between a nice word was spoken or a depreciative grunt heard. Spice loved this kind of simple life. Free, calm and with no stress. Without intrigue.
Of the contrary, he'd had enough. Like cruising through the realms, worlds and dimensions, behaving like a howler monkey on steroids to fruitlessly address the many common wrongs.
Been there, done that. Why hurry through life when you're already immortal? Nothing escapes you anyway. You'd need to be either called Thoth or brain-damaged.
Spice knew those like him were far and few in between, but as a true deviant among his kind he cared not about others' opinions. After all, what they sought he long since learned to detest.
Suddenly, the door to his treasured saloon was kicked open, the hinges ruined by the unhealthy dosage of exercised force on display. Spice scratched his chin, hating the thought of getting the sorry door repaired.
Artisans all over the city charged an exorbitant price for the tiniest screw. On the other hand, such uninviting entrance would keep his customer base at bay too. Further than they already are... My, my...sounding like Thoth ain't we?
While he was lost in thought, a squad of angry men and women clad in white and light gold armour waltzed in, looking at him like one would at a boiling fowl. Might have spoken too soon. Or thought too soon...? Whatever.
"What can I do for you? Drinks or appetisers...we've got wheat, ale, or something darker." Much darker, aye. The leading paladin didn't look like he cared for Spice's establishment if his hard-working pair of menacing eyes glancing everywhere were a valid indicator.
"We know of your sins," barked emotionlessly the man Thoth knew under the name of Master Roches. "Good citizens report evil." And what does that mean? Evil in my saloon? That's...a ridiculous notion. Evil that overcomes my perception...laughable.
"Officer, sure you have the right man?" Spice's question wasn't met with goodwill. Another paladin simply snorted "[Lance of Light I]," impaling him on the wall behind as noble drops and polished drinking glasses fell to the ground, shattering on impact.
Roches shook his head in exasperation at the man pulling the early trigger. "What? Breeds are not worth your consideration." "Jules, there are rules in place..."
Master Roches stepped through the ruined door into the open, closing an eye at his companions angrily trashing the inn's interior. He'd come here as fast as he could, rallied his mates but was late nonetheless, the highly dangerous daemon gone.
While glancing at his men's cold expressions, he noted a deep frown on a particular woman. "Cadet Damsel, the Breed is never to be questioned. Their lies run deep, the truth impossible to ascertain.
I've gleaned greater insights from the spiralling of intestines than I have from all the questioning I've ever done. You do well remembering my advice."
"Paladin, your methods are as brutal as ever." "Hey, say what you want, inspector. For the records, you're here as part of my team to hunt the rogue daemon. You shall do as I say, the Grandmaster has spoken!"
Evelinn wanted to retort on the spot, to remind the man that there was much more to protocol than simply sniffing out, torturing and killing, but felt many pairs of menacing eyes finding the time to stare holes into her unprotected back and held her words in.
Evelinn cursed silently at her colleagues' lot. The inspector's faction was steadily losing more support as they couldn't help with open fights as much as the others.
Yet it remained a mystery to her as to why people didn't understand that doing things their way would eliminate a good part of said unnecessary fights.
I'll never understand. This...this is just so uncivilised. So wrong. She shook her head at what she saw. Having destroyed the entire interior, the rest of the squad had let off enough steam to return to the streets of the civilised, picking up the hats of the good ones yet again.
And nothing would suggest they've ever been different. Yet Evelinn followed them nonetheless, for she had no choice. "Now this I call an explosive explanation, fucking bitches."
They came to a sudden stop at the familiar voice, turning their incredulous heads back at the source just in time to see Spice grabbing the magically conjured spears and ripping them out of his body. Not a drop of blood dripped from the wound.
Back on the ground, he didn't deign them worthy of a glance and immediately gathered the shards of his beloved drinking glasses from the mess all over the place.
"Malicious fuckers." He swore crudely. "Braindead dunces." Spice got angrier the more shards he held in his hands, trying to reattach them in vain.
Spice failed time and time again and in anger, he wailed loudly, disintegrating them in a flash as he madly cursed at Thoth. "Trouble always follows your every step. Damn you, Thoth! Mightiest bitch of all!!
One most precious possession escapes me always. Peace, that is!!!" Meanwhile, a chorus of prayers echoed from everywhere and nowhere, the individual recitations increasing by billions within mere seconds. "Peace I demand!"
The paladins at the door felt an ominous shudder crawl down their tingling spines because of the eerie display so much outside their meagre understanding. "Peace..." repeated Spice yet again before continuing his rant.
"And most of all, fuck you to death, shitty, ignorant, arrogant, mindless, mannerless, ridiculous, megalomaniac newborn god of light!"
As much as the paladins wanted to, they could not utter any word or retort, circumstances that made their veins wriggle madly all in vain. Left on their own in the worst conditions zealots could find themselves in, the squad watched on in silence.
Regardless of how they tackled the problem, they failed to muster up, for Spice simply clapped his hands, swearing to bring trouble to those foolish enough to lay waste to his precious saloon in a selected few of all the hundreds of dead languages he knew.
"Now things are no longer calm, just like in the deplorable past. The frigging unliving have no limit nor a lifespan and now they know. My ears are soon to be filled with calluses again."
Spice grabbed his ears and tore at them as if he had to give credence to his random words. "Unintelligible brabbling...that's no prayer. Urgh." The chorus of voices became an indistinguishable sludge cobbling the ears.
Following his unstable emotions, swathes of murky grey filled the inn, spreading to the entire city in a matter of moments. Then, the call of the terrified came to the paladins' ears from all around them, the contents making their blood freeze.
The dead were rising in batches, the sacred enchantments proved useless. "Jules was it...think yourself a role model, eh? You might believe being dead for millennia has made me more lenient.
I think you'll find the opposite to be so very true. So, so, so, so, sosososososo verrrrrry trueeeee." Spice chuckled and punched, a certain paladin's head exploding in a shower of gore.
It all happened much too fast for any companion to take note of the sudden change. Yet worse still, before the dead body fell completely, murky mist entered it and the headless corpse buffered its fall with all fours.
Some paladins emptied their stomachs on the spot, their faith cracking. Spice ignored them and stared instead at a certain spot in the air, past the holes that had once been cheap windows, laughing suddenly.
"Found you. Even as a god one cannot forget manners. You're fucking frigging never alone!" Like grabbing a nasty fly, he pinched the fingers of his open hand and a swirl of murky mist tore a glowing, hardly discernable body from thin air.
The gaggle of paladins and the sole inspector at Spice's doorstep instinctively knew who it was but could do nothing as the innkeeper crushed the entity's neck.
Their faith had lost any form of feedback, their minds not quite up to digesting the cruel reality and what impossibility they'd just witnessed. Who would've ever known that a god could be killed as simple as that...?
With their shattered belief, the paladins could be sure that their whole religion had been killed just like that. Not that many had come to that conclusion just yet. The leading paladin was one of the few.
Amidst the untold agony in his heart, Roches suddenly remembered the inspector and her intention to ask the daemon some very basic questions back then when they still had a choice.
Oh, how he regretted having foolishly prevented that and also having looked down on the petite woman and her smarts. Now he didn't know how things would continue. Could continue, foremost.
All Paladin Roches did know was that there was no medicine for regret nor anybody he knew of who could turn back time. This event today was his fault and his alone, so was the outcome nobody could've ever foreseen.
The tormented man didn't register the livid God of Unlife had torn a hole in the sky, leaving the realm while bitterly swearing and promising sweet sweet revenge still. Thoth had it coming.