I blink a few times, the piece of meat I had just torn into slowly sloughing out of my mouth and landing in my lap, which brings me back to reality enough to catch it once it hits my blanket and then return my attention to the absurdity I just heard. “I-I'm sorry, did you just say… afterlife?”
“Yep.” Sai intones from her new position on the floor. “You're dead. This is where you go when you die. Hope you're not religious. That always makes this suuuuuuper awkward.”
“Wh-what does that even mean? I'm walking around and talking with you. How can I be dead?” I insist. She has to be fucking around with me, right? Dead people are just gone. You can't just keep walking around, enjoying fires, and eating food if you're dead.
“Well, a high rise also impaled you and you had your soul torn out, and you're still walking around and talking after that.” She gave a small chuckle. “Does that sound like something a living person can do?”
Wait. Holy shit. “Holy shit.” I repeat in an exasperated whisper as I parse my thoughts. She’s right. I had just had something happen to me that should have been IMPOSSIBLE to survive, yet here I was having a meal. In a place where I’ve met supernatural creatures.
“B-But… I can't be dead. I'm still a teenager.” I plead to her quietly, as if she were the arbiter of whether or not I was dead and could just… fix that.
She nods, but all she offers is “that sucks,” before she bites down into her own food again.
I'm dead. I am a human soul in the underworld, and I'm dead. No matter how many times I repeat it in my head, I can't make it make sense to me. No way. No fucking way, this can't be it. I barely made it a quarter of the way through a human lifespan. I barely even had a chance to be an adult. It wasn't fair!
“Chill out, not like you don't get to keep going just cause you're dead. I died plenty of times.” Sai shrugs, still transfixed on the empty sky. “Not for a long time now, but I used to die a lot. And you're probably gonna die a lot more times too.”
I stare at her incredulously. The cute catgirl casually kicking her feet back and forth near the bonfire is threatening me? Not that she couldn't. I didn't see it, but I heard what she did to the succubus. Or maybe it isn't a threat, just an observation. That scares me even more. And what did she mean I would die more? How do you die more than once? I mean, I certainly felt like I was dying after I landed, but I didn't. Or I guess I did? I’m confused.
I feel sick. I'm slightly ashamed to feel that this revelation hasn't ruined my appetite, though, and I take another slow bite of the meat skewer in my hand.
After another stretch of silence, I continue “She called you a reaper. And I’m… dead. Does that mean you're here to collect my soul, then?”
“Something like that.” She nods, causing a fresh wave of terror to wash over me before she continues with something that doesn’t make me feel better. “But we'll get to that. Reaper is just a title. I'm a nekomata. A demon.”
I nervously look away from her at that revelation. “You're a demon too? Like how a succubus is a demon?”
“Oh? That's interesting, you must have been versed in mythology in life.” She muses, an intrigued smile on her face. “Not every new human could identify a demon at first sight. Do you already know what a nekomata is?”
“Cat something? I think it's Japa-” I pause for a moment as memories of a foreign culture flood back into my brain. I wondered if I was going to get used to information I already knew jumping back into place in my memory “Japanese,” I finished.
“Pretty sure that's accurate. I don't really remember all the overworld cultures anymore. If you were familiar with mythology up there, that’ll be useful here. Humans dream of this place sometimes, and sometimes they're inspired to leak bits and pieces of what goes on down here. Usually inaccurately. And then the names make their way back down here.” She seems content to answer my questions, so I get ready to barrage her with more. At least I'm not annoying her by being curious.
“I only recognize the language, though. Don't think I know anything about nekomata. You're a demon like she was, though?” I'm almost afraid to confirm it again, but I need more information.
“Yep. Don't worry, though, I'm not a soul eater. Most demons are omnivorous. The animavores get real addicted to the stuff though. She was ready to die to keep eating you, and well… one less soul eater in the underworld now.”
I swallow hard. It's reassuring about her, I suppose. I don’t have to worry about being disembodied and eaten again. But the phrase ‘most demons’ has worse implications. “So there's a lot of demons then.” I declare.
She gives a soft chortle “That's an understatement. Yeah, we're the primary residents of this world like humans are in the overworld. There's billions of us. At least. We're uncountable.”
I look down at the floor, unsure if I'm on the right track with my next question, but it's where I feel like she's going with this after she defended me before. “Are you… here to protect me?” I ask, not sure if I'm hopeful for either answer she could give.
That one seems to catch her off guard though. She sits back up to turn to me “I mean, for a little while, while you're still learning the ropes, yeah. I do that for everyone I reap. That way they need me less going forward.”
Okay, so being ‘reaped’ was not analogous to a new level of death. That’s good since that’s evidently going to happen to me next. So what exactly does that imply then?
“What's that mean for me?” I ask. If I'm going to be reaped, I'd like to at least know what that entails.
She nods sagely, her expression growing serious. “Humans are too weak to survive the underworld. Or well, to keep from being destroyed and eaten in the underworld.” Sai began rambling semantics after that and began on a tangent “You're already dead, you can't really die again. You're immortal. Even if that succubus ate you, your soul would have been repeatedly extinguished for nourishment over and over again until someone eventually killed her. Then you'd find your way back to your body. You'd probably have gone insane after potentially centuries of constant soul torture, but you'd get back up.”
The thought of just the single bite she'd taken out of my soul, magnified and repeated for years and years and years… that makes me whimper again. But thankfully, it also tells me that the still-aching hole in my being will heal just like my other wounds. “Thanks.” I say quietly, realizing she'd saved me from a terrible fate.
“Not a problem. I couldn't very well reap you if she took you away. At least not in a way that wouldn't be stupid. My point was, you're a fragile weakling.”
“… Thanks…” I mutter, realizing she’s probably right. In a world full of demons, a human being is probably just pathetic. I had to steer this back to my question. “What's that got to do with reaping me though?”
“When I reap your spirit, your soul will belong to me. And in exchange, you'll be granted power. You'll become a half-demon. Just as immortal, only you'll be able to take on the form of something stronger. Something that can hold its own in this world.” She explains calmly, like she's reading the stipulations of a contract out loud to me.
I pause, feeling like she definitely glossed over one of the most important factors of this deal for me. I swallow my fear and draw attention to it. “And becoming your slave.”
She gives a dismissive snort. “Kid, if I wanted slaves, I would have done it already. I do not in any way need your permission or your cooperation to reap you.” A long silence hung in the air at her implied threat before she continued. “But I'd like it. And I won't do it if you don't agree to it.”
That… surprises me. I didn't expect for her to be understanding if I didn't want her owning me, or for her to look as genuinely sad as she did when she told me I had an out. “Why do I get the impression that I'm going to agree to it, anyway?” I say sadly, looking down at the food in my hands.
“Cause it's the smart thing to do.” Sai states in a matter-of-fact tone as she shrugs. “You're going to get reaped eventually, probably by someone who gives much less of a shit about you than I will. The only real question is do you wanna choose to go with me, or do you wanna suffer a bunch and have someone force it on you so you can suffer a bunch again under them?”
It's not a great choice to make. Sai seems nice and genuine, but I just met her, she's an actual demon, and I'm still reeling over the undeniable fact that holy fucking shit, I am really actually DEAD.
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“You don't have to decide yet. Not gonna force you to make an uninformed decision.” She smiles warmly my way again. “Keep asking questions. I know you got ‘em.”
That's another point toward the decision that's already somehow heavily weighs toward letting a demon enslave me. I really get the impression that she's being honest too.
“A half-demon… what's that mean, exactly?” I asked next.
“Hmm… Okay, let me start with a tangent to that. Right now, you're composed of a spirit and a soul. The spirit is your body and your soul is your self. Your mind, your identity, your essence, whatever. When you're reaped, your spirit will be consumed. Your humanity will be irreversibly expended. Your soul won't have a place to return to, and some strange stuff will happen. It’ll force your soul to manifest physically. It’ll take the shape of a demon, but it won't be a proper spirit yet. Your form will be chaos. You'll shift and change depending on the nature of your soul as you grow in power, your thoughts and actions justifying the form you take. You'll take the form and ability of many different kinds of demons.”
I swallow hard. That sounds… agonizing. I'll become some kind of self-empathetic shapeshifter if I'm reaped, and she doesn't make it sound like I'll have a lot of control over it. Not only that, I'll have to surrender my humanity permanently. I can't even really understand the implications of that.
“Do I ever stabilize?” I ask curiously, just trying to keep the questions going.
She seems to hesitate for a moment at that. Did I finally catch her on something?
But it doesn't take her more than a moment to prepare an answer. “Yeah. It won't be for a very long time, though. And you'll be stuck with whatever you are at that point. You'll become a full demon. You'll manifest a demonic spirit. And… You'll become mortal again.”
There’s a silence that I feel is only ominous to me. She didn’t have to explain that means I could die again. So this afterlife wasn't for eternity then. “And what happens when a demon dies?”
“Well, did anyone on the overworld in your time know this happens after you die?” She answers my question with another question.
I ponder the question for a moment, wracking the emptiness of my memory for something relevant to say, but finding nothing. I shake my head at her. “A lot of people make claims, but I don’t think anyone knows about this.”
“Same thing here, no one knows. I assume our souls go somewhere, but I couldn't tell you where.” She seems disinterested by the concept. “An after-afterlife?”
I guess she doesn't have answers to everything, so I take a step back. It’s funny, I'm starting to feel comfortable around the little monster. “‘In your time’?” I quoted her as my next query.
“Time moves different in the underworld. Your corpse probably hasn't hit the floor yet.”
Well, that was a gruesome way to put it that made me shiver slightly and only momentarily rethink the fact that I'm starting to bond with her. “So time moves slower here? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Usually. Weird stuff happens with the time stream now and then, though. People who died in the distant past will suddenly show up now for some reason. Kinda stands to reason someone might show up from the future too, I guess. Lessee… smartphone mean anything to you?” She asks, testing my knowledge of current technology, I guess.
I nod, the memory of my own phone visible clearly in my memory after she spoke the word. A constant companion in my life.
“No time shenanigans with you then, at least. Not that it's common. The time dilation doesn't really matter much anyway, there's no way back to the overworld. There's no demonic invasion of the human world in the works or anything.” She gave a quiet chuckle at the notion.
Yeah, I think I will have remembered something like that. Or at least I would have remembered it after she said that. My memory is getting annoying. “So… humans become half-demons become demons. Does that mean you were human once?”
“Wow, that's a blast from the past.” She mumbles, and I swear I sense an underlying layer of anxiety to the casual statement. “Suppose I must have been. But that was over four thousand years ago by now.”
I choked on the bite of meat I'd taken. Sai was over four MILLENIA old? She looked like she could be my fuzzy little sister!
“Pff, it's not that surprising, is it? We don't die of old age like humans do. We die in battle, and I'm strong.” She boasts, a stroke of pride showing through her gentle demeanor. “But no, I don't remember anything about being human. Demons are creatures of instinct, and the old instincts of humanity disappear pretty quick once your spirit's gone. Has to happen, though. Us reapers grow stronger with every spirit we sacrifice to Aegis.” She looks to me and reads the question off my expression in an instant “Aegis is the god of the underworld. It only asks for human spirits, and grants reapers exponential power as a reward for providing them. You'll feel its presence when you get reaped, but otherwise it's a pretty hands-off god.”
It makes me a little uneasy knowing that there's a deity watching over all of this and all it's doing is collecting discarded human bodies, but who am I to question what is apparently my new god?
I sniffle a little. I don't know at what point I started to cry. I'm a grown man for fuck's sake, but this is too much. “Sorry.” I mumble out. “This is just a lot.”
“Why do you think I made camp?” Sai nods to me, sympathy in her voice as she continues “Let it out. You may as well get your last human experiences out of your system, yeah?”
I sniffed again, a small sob escaping my lips. Was she implying that I wouldn't be able to cry once I became a half-demon?
“Don't think of this as your ending.” She says, a fireplace poker manifesting into her hand in a flash as she stokes the flames of the campfire. “It's just a change. That's all death is, after all. Changing from one state to a new one. And if you don't adapt to it, you're going to end up a lot more miserable for it. Humans can't thrive in the underworld. That's all there is to it. This is just the beginning for you.”
I nod. That sounds like such sage advice to get from a chainsaw-crazy catgirl.
I keep crying for some time, lamenting how unfair it feels to have to give up what I am to survive. But the world was never fair, and this place sounds even less so. I still have so many more questions, but I don't think any are going to shift me from the reality of the decision in front of me. I have to let Sai reap me.
“There are still free humans.” Sai says suddenly, making me look up at her to see she was staring unmoving into the flames. “Some humans mutate on arrival to the underworld. They gain incredibly dangerous powers without surrendering their spirit, sometimes even more dangerous than a demon's power, and there's supposedly a haven for humans out there that they use that power to protect.”
The pause between us this time feels tense. What made her want to say that? It just makes it feel like I wanted to let her reap me less. “Why would you tell me that?” I stammer out.
“To let you know I'm not bullshitting you. I want you to trust me when you make this decision, and when I tell you that pursuing them is futile. I got no way of finding them, and you're obviously not a mutant. You turn me down and you can look for them, but you're probably not gonna find them before you get eaten or reaped by someone else. I genuinely want you to know what your options actually are right now, even if they’re objectively shitty options. I don't want you to feel cheated when you find out about it eventually, anyway. I don't want you to resent me.”
A human haven… I mean, I think I’d prefer that to being enslaved and losing my humanity, but here right in front of me is Sai, who already seems like my best option. She even let me know that there were other ways I could try to go about it, and I genuinely believe that she'll just let me go if I decide to pursue them. But she also has the experience to know that I probably won't find them, and that she's probably the nicest reaper I might hope for. They weren’t called demons for nothing, after all. She could be manipulating me, but she doesn't give me that impression. I get the distinct feeling that she'll be an almost motherly figure, training me to defend myself in this harsh underworld with my new malleable half-demon body, and one day I'll become a demon like her myself. Almost an apprenticeship more than being put into bondage.
The fact that it feels like such an easy decision makes me sob again, closing my eyes and wondering if this is taking the easy way out or if I'm just being pragmatic. It's a decision I'll never be able to take back, after all.
“Thanks.” I start, still sniffling as I curl up by the fire, hugging my legs tightly to my still oh so very sore chest. “For letting me decide, I mean. You're probably way stronger than I am, and you could have just done it to me. Enslaved me.”
“We use the term ‘thrall’, not slave. There are thralls that are slaves, sure. But not all reapers are power-hungry assholes, so we make the distinction. And yeah, no need for the probably. I could destroy you.” She smirks. There's definitely a smug air about her, but it’s tempered by her kindness.
I nod “Yeah.” And I let the silence return for just a minute before I swallow one last time and say “Okay. How do we do this then?”
She smiles again, turning to watch me carefully “I take it that means you're agreeing to become my thrall, willingly?”
“Every other option either sounds horrible or way too risky. So… yeah. I'll be your thrall.” It feels weird to hear the words cross my lips. I emphatically don't want to make this decision, but it’s a decision I have to make.
Sai nods at me with a solemn smile and holds a hand out, a leather band with an engraved metal plate on it shimmering into existence in her grasp. “My collar. It's a contract of sorts. You belong to me, your spirit belongs to Aegis. All I gotta do is put it on you.”
“A collar? Like, around my neck? Do I have to wear it all the time?” That felt… weird. The idea of wearing a mark of ownership around my neck especially gave me a stronger sense of revulsion than I expected when I saw it. I wonder if there's a memory attached to that thought.
“Won't feel like a collar for long.” She promises “It'll bind to your soul and won't physically be there after you transform. But no, it won't ever come off. Not until you become a demon.”
I nod. I suppose that's an okay compromise. It was only the thought of it physically being there that repelled me, anyway. You know, besides the whole submission to someone else thing. And it gives me some hope that I won't be in her thrall for eternity, at least. The whole thing still makes me feel sick.
“Any last thing you wanna get off your chest as a human?” She asks, holding the collar in both hands as she seems to prep it for something. “Don't want you coming into my thrall with any regrets you could've faced.”
It was a good question. Maybe I just don’t remember enough about my life yet to give her a proper answer, so I can only shake my head and give her a sad, nervous smile “I guess not.”
“Good.” She nods, and I watch the color of her pupils change from yellow to orange, a smirk growing on her face as her demeanor changes. In a swift motion that catches me completely by surprise, she acrobatically tumbles directly from sitting to standing behind me.
She shouts in a voice that seems to echo through more than just the halls of the surrounding building, but between the corridors of my very soul “Aegis! Claim your prey!” And with what feels like supernatural force, she pushes the collar down over my head and around my neck, sealing my fate in one simple motion.
The next thing I sense is my body shunting itself in a non-existent direction as I feel myself wink out of reality.