I think, it would be hard to find even a single person who like sweets and at the same time do not like parfaits. I like them too. Women in general also, like parfaits. At least, that is the conclusion I ended up with. In truth I have very little experience when it comes to it. Well, parfait subject would require an explanation, but that topic will have to wait for a bit. Lets begin with something else. Currently, my memory is a bit of a mess. It's hazy at best and a blank space at worst, I do not much remember a thing from before I woke up in this place, apart from small fragmnted memories, however, I do remember common Earths knowledge. My name is also something I do not know. That is also, the main reason why I haven't yet introduce myself to the two girls. The girls I am talking about are a cat and a dog. Of course, not in a literal sense. To explain it properly, I'll have go back in time a bit, before the parfait incident that opened my eyes to the dangers I, myself, pose.
***
"Lady Malay, we are closing in on a room with a very strong smell. I do not detect anyone there, but they could be hiding." The one acting as a scout, is the cat girl, March. Internally I started calling her Catnip, since she is adamant on not dropping her way of addressing me. This girl is slender and dexterous. She took a vanguard position in our little group. I already said that she moved dexterously, but I believe I should expand on that. Cat Ears was moving in a very strange manner to say the least. She was waving her hands in strange manner and from time to time, she was also making little jumps or twirls. She would raise her leg high in the air, only to make a salto in the next moment. To top it off, she was constantly whispering something to herself. I had an image of one particular ministry while observing her odd behavior. I did not know if she was an adult, but If I were in her place, I wouldn't wont to make myself a fool in front of other people. It was very embarrassing, looking at her straight face while she performed acrobatics without any visible purpose and in the middle of a place like a prison. Taking into account latest unexplained developments, I chose to ignore it. At some point, Catnip managed to conjure some leather armor and pants to cover her butt. I was next to her all the time, but I have no idea where she took them from.
"Lady Malay, what about opening prison cells? We can blend in the crowd and escape. Prisoners won't attack us with his, l-lordship on our side." Catnip shot me a quick glance and returned to her weird performance. When it comes to those convicts, freeing them would be a bad idea. We know practically nothing about these people. Releasing murderers and thieves on streets full of innocent civilians, would be extremely irresponsible.
"March, would you comfort mothers if these people end up killing their children?" Cat ears stopped abruptly and hung her head down.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."
The one who took words out of my mouth was a second girl. Code name, Short Stuff or long Tails or anything that brings the meaning of fur and the word short together. This girl outmaneuvered an adult like me and wrapped me up in helping Catnip rescue her little brother, despite me having no idea how I could possibly do that. Short Stuff was walking between me and the cat girl, sometimes peering into the cells and waving her hand to the prisoners inside. I had a feeling that she was pitying poor Catnip and not wanting her to be the only and total embarrassment, she joined her in whispering under her nose.
"Sister, think nothing of this lap of judgement. These people shan't help us, even if released. Every single one is a victim to mental inhibition." Are those prisoners under some kind of conditioning? How could that girl figured that out just by looking and waving at their faces?
I was wondering about such topics, while we were slowly nearing the barracks. Catnip said earlier, that there are doors that lead directly to the exit. That route avoided a large section of the dungeon. She also said that she was able to 'sense' this thanks to her scouting skills and her nose. The nose thing is believable, but the other is totally ridiculous and I simply ignored it. She must have crossed the barracks while she was being taken to her cell.
It wasn't long before we reached the place Catnip spoke of. As we entered the barracks I took a look around. The place was nothing more than just a very large room. It had rows upon rows of bunks and mats. Several doors were in different corners, probably leading to other parts of the dungeon. A lot of scattered clothes and used guards outfits mired this place, making it smell particularly bad. Swords and spears however, were neatly set on racks showing that the occupants had at least some discipline. There was also a tiny mess hall in one of the corners, making the barracks completely an all purpose room.
"No one's here. They must have left in a hurry. Look, there is unfinished food on the counter." Cat girl pointed at mess hall and quickly jumped to the other side of the countertop. Her stomach started making loud noises the moment she spotted food. "Lady Malay, should I prepare something for you and... umm..." This girl must be either very shy or very frightened. Since the moment we left her cell, she did not dare to look me in the eye for more than a second. I suspect the latter explanation and I can't blame her. Her experiences are traumatic enough to not want to have to look at men.
"Shall you join us?" I gave a nod to Furrys question, without even thinking to what I was agreeing to and sat next to her on one of wooden chairs that crackled dangerously. I was afraid it would break under the wait of the armor I was in, but I gave it a go since it felt very light. Thankfully, the chair passed the test.
"We should prepare. Lack of people on our way could only mean more on the surface. We shall meet with great odds." It should be ok. I'll try to talk our way out of it. As an adult and a grown up I should have experience dealing with difficult situations, so I should be able to negotiate something. The only problem is, how to explain the death of the guard. He was attempting to force himself on a girl so we should have some leverage on out side. Also, I do not know what was the cause of his death. It is sad to admit, but I am practically just following the girls around and I am not entirely sure what I am supposed to do in this delusion of mine. I really have no true cards up my sleeve to get us out of this situation, apart from my tongue. I am not ready to fully admit, that all that has happened until now was real. I am probably lucid dreaming right now and if I am, then I am a real degenerate.
While waiting for my plate I pondered. Catnip and shorty had a strange relationship. They met only an hour ago but Catnip fully saw Short Stuff as some kind of guru or great leader. She believed her unquestionably and took everything she said as an ultimate truth. Furry on the other hand, held herself as a queen and an all knowing Witch of the Forest of... something. I stopped listening at some point. Her way of speaking is a fake, though. I know that I know that, but I don't know how I know. I just know. I guess it's my experience back from Earth and when it comes to Earth I wasn't able to understand women there, too, I think. To me, they are just mystical creatures and to deal with them, I am implementing my motto and It goes like this 'The best way to live a non stressful life is to ignore things you can't hope to understand'.
"Your l-lorship. Here." Catnip served me a plate with soup and bread. It's probably the best thing she could find here. I took the spoon and looked at the girls. They were already wolfing the same thing I got. I followed after them and started with the soup. However, one spoon later I almost spat it on the poor girls sitting next to me. The two of them had no problems eating it. Either they were so hungry that they couldn't distinguish edible food or they simply liked it. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of them so I embraced my mental fortitude and gulped down contents of the spoon and put it away. One spoon is enough. The soup was... spongy, with little pieces of something that most likely was supposed to be meat. I won't comment on it though. Suffice to say, it was not, food.
It's quite silly. I can recall when I was a kid and my grandmother tried to murder me with similar meal, but I can't remember how she looked like or what the food was. I can only presume that my memory was tempered with or is very selective about what myself want to know in this reality. I can only guess.
I took the bread and gave it a try. Next moment, I sneakily put it in the soup. This was horrible. I really wanted to eat something sweet to cleanse my taste buds. That reminded me of one particular event. It was when I was seven or eight years old. I'm talking about my first ever visit to a restaurant and my first parfait. It was a place of heaven and I was there served by a beautiful angel lady. The thing I ate back then, was vanilla ice cream. It was covered with fluffy cream and raspberries. Caramel with chocolate topping made it almost impossibly sweet. I was so into it that I persuaded mother into buying me three portions. Later on, I was sick because of that, but the important part is, it was an incredible discovery.
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, trying to remember how good it was. I remembered the glass the parfait was in and even the long handled spoon that is specially used for deserts. I could even feel its metalic surface in my hand. My mind relaxed and flew with the desire to taste the cream and raspberries again. My taste buds started to work overtime and salvia field my mouth. I saw the three parfaits in my mind and I reached my hand to grab them. I wanted to taste them so much, that I even imagined myself putting the spoon into one. With cutlery filled to the brim with cream I closed onto it with my mouth. It was unbelievably sweet, just like the first time I had it. I took another spoonful and then another one. I didn't want to stop... but I was forced to.
"Ekhem... I am very sorry to interrupt, but... what is that?" Short Stuff was asking me a question, but her face was not directed at me. She was drooling all over.
I decided to fallow her eyes and as surprising as it was I ended up staring at my own hands. There were two parfaits on the counter in front of me and one in my hand. In conclusion this was good and bad. Good because it tasted good, bad because three parfaits appeared out of thin air and I already ate half of one.
This situation had many ramifications. Most of them were bad. I stood up with slow and careful movements and placed two deserts in front of the girls. Catnip, was eyeing the desert with mixed feelings. On the other hand, Furry was already digging into it.
"I haven't had sweets in so long. March you can eat that, it's not poison. I'll take your portion if you won't hurry." For a second there shorty dropped her pretense of a high and mighty girl. I moved to one of the more remote chairs in one of the corners. I had more important things on my hand, than to care for that little lap, literally. The appearance of parfaits forced me to rethink my position.
I looked at parfait in my hand and asked myself, can I control my thoughts in every possible situation? Is that possible? Is there anyone who could do that? If I accept those parfaits as real, then I would have to accept that I had already killed a man. I wished he ended up dead and in consequence, he died. Accident or not, that would have been a result of me not being able to control my thoughts.
My point of view is... Lets say that there is a human who can do everything that he wants with just a thought. He would be able to defeat any offender, create any kind of tool or gain any aspect of power he desires. Flight, speed, money, power, everlasting youth, women, men? anything you can think of. A god amongst humans. I looked at the parfait in my hand that was starting to melt.
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Humans are not gods, however. And with good reason.
I do not believe in existence of gods, but for the sake of the argument, lets say that a human being have such power and gods are real. A god would have no problems due to its own existence being what it is. It's self explanatory. Moreover, they are often bound by rules set by themselves. Such rules do not apply to humans. They are fickle and sometimes embodies the very definition of chaos. Gods might by chaotic at times, but they do not destroy worlds willy-nilly. Humans do not have such restrictions. They are fully prepared to push the button and took everything with them to hell if they are mad enough. Give such a person power that of a god and we suddenly ends up with a three year old holding a tactical black hole. It wouldn't be on a scale of single nuke anymore.
I am not saying I am crazy, but as most humans, I already proved I can't control my every single move or thought. I do no know the scale or limits to what could happen. Whoever would put me in such situation would be a madman with a very poor taste in jokes. You might ask, why? You can do what ever the hell you want! Well, sorry, but I am one of those like uncle Ben. With great power comes great... you know. Responsible adults do not blow up other people just because they can. At least, they shouldn't. At the moment I am nothing more than a walking bomb with a ticking timer and I have no idea when I will blow up again. Conjuring parfaits may sound trifle, but it made me realize how dangerous it actually is. If I mess up...
I looked at the girls finishing their deserts.
Few minutes ago, I said that it is best to ignore things you have no hope of understanding. I will have to retract those words. I am in a precarious situation. If I think of all of this as a delusion then nothing happens. I'll wake up at some point and say "eh, it was a strange dream". But if it is not a dream. If I won't wake up. If I act like nothing happens and will kill someone by mistake again. Will I be able to look my self in a mirror? At the moment I am just toddling with a bomb strapped to my neck. I have no limiter apart from my code of conduct. I do not want to die, but if that happens due to my ignorance, I wouldn't want to drag people to the grave with me.
"It's about time I talk to the girls."
***
"It's so sweet! What is this food. It's so tasty. Have you ever had anything like that, lady Malay?" Feline kin, my countryman asked me and I couldn't say a word. I had many deserts in my time, when I was living in the forest. We had bakeries, but they have never created a marvel like this. I was privileged and had access to many rarities. Even chocolate at rare occasions brought from the demon lands. But I had never had sweets that were cold and puffy. I am a demigod so my resilience to changing situations is strong enough to not dwell on my years of captivity, but even I, am surprised at recent events. Especially that man.
"This is heavenly. Once your tongue try this mellow sweetness, it won't ever leave your thoughts." This desert may steal my reason for a moment, but I must remember that I am the Great Witch of the Forest of Spirits. I am a force to be reckoned with. Humans fear me and beast kin love me. However, I am extremely weakened. My power has been drained during those seventy years and I barely have enough for parlor tricks. We need strength and help. That is why I must not appear weak and appeal to the man that could be our salvation. I must look as a strong and dependable as possible. I can not allow to be used as a tool by this creature that is now brooding in the corner.
"March, eat fast and listen to me. Keep your voice low." I whispered. If we are to survive our predicament he needs to think that we are useful and have a strong will.
"You might have already guessed, but he is most likely an Outer, but not like one summoned by gods. He is probably one of outer gods himself. Do you know what an Outer existence is?"
"Umm... If I remember correctly, an Outer is a human summoned from a parallel world. They are bound to the god that allowed the summon. It's common knowledge. As for the outer gods, they are malevolent beings that find cracks and travel through the ether to our world. When that happens, gods usually summon an Outer or even move themselves if humans can't deal with them."
"That's right. Outer gods are entities that live of blood and slaughter. They seek to control the world, subdue it's inhabitants or simply destroy everything. They generally have little to no emotions. They act on instinct. For them, the world is prey and they are the hunter." I looked at the man again. That is also what is strange. Up until now, there was no precedent of any outer god ever being good natured.
"March, I have been acting confident, but I can't possibly win against an outer god. Not even with my restored self. This man is incredibly dangerous, but... he has done nothing wrong to us, yet. That is also what do not match with all the history books I have read. A being like him, actually bend down, because of his weakness to tears. He decided to help because you teared up." It might be cruel, but in our situation we have little choice, but to use any and every trick to stay alive.
"Sister, I am sorry but I hope you'll understand. He must like you since he offered his help. He often glances at your..." I looked at her breasts "...face. You must be ready to use that to our advantage." I gave her a meaningful look. "I need time to observe and decide what to do."
At first I thought he was going to use me or simply kill me. After I regained freedom I sneakily tried to probe his defenses or at least measure his strength. I failed. It was like trying to pierce an iron wall with a pin. That armor he is wearing is also some kind of magical tool. I doubt normal weaponry would be effective against it. Thankfully as long as he has human emotions, it should still be possible to cajole him to our side somehow.
"Lady Malay, if he will help save my little brother, I'll pay any price he asks." March was determined to rescue her sibling. It looks like she would be ready to seal the deal with the devil in order to achieve her goal.
As we finished our talk, he came back to where we were sitting. He moved to the other side of the countertop and faced us. He smiled a very, very creepy smile, showing up all his perfectly white teeth. His aura was already strong but now it was overwhelmingly intimidating. I had to support March with my hand or she would have fell from her chair in fright. That smile was seriously scary.
"Hello, good ladies. Please forgive me for my lack of manners. I have not introduced my self earlier. Alas, I do not yet remember my name, so please call me Ian for now. You see dear ladies, my memory is vague at best. I am afraid I do not know where I am. I will not press you for answers right now, but please be so kind and enlighten me on common sense of this world, when we find a little bit of time. Prison grounds is hardly a good place for such conversation. What do you say? Won't you agree?" He finished and kept on with that horrible smile.
"What?" I asked.
"What?" He replied.
What's going on? An outer god straight out of this world, like those in stories of cruel and malevolent beings that burn, destroy and slaughter, just said hello, call me Ian. He did that in a polite, amiable way. His voice was deep but was not haughty or demanding. His aura and smile was ridiculously intimidating, but his words were completely out of sync with his given impression. I don't understand what's going on.
"What?" I asked again.
"Oh, it did not work. Alright, I'll drop it. You know Short Stuff, I have a feeling we will have problems communicating. Let's just cut it short, I am on your side, so let's get along, how about it?" What did he call me?
"Your l-lordship, what does..."
"Catnip, please drop with the lord thing. Just call me Ian." March recovered faster than me. We had same dumbfounded look just a moment ago but it was her that snapped out of it faster. And what in the world is catnip?
"Well, I won't force you if you don't want to. Just think about it. Anyway, I believe we should start moving. There will be some hard negotiations ached of me."
Did he call me short? I was trying to remember if he really did address me like I am some little child. In the meantime he stood up and went to one of the doors on the far side of the room. Me and March followed behind. How is he going to talk with people above? That would be impossible. His looks alone would make most people faint on the spot. Also, humans are antagonistic to People of the Races. They would never let us leave, It would never be that easy. Does he have no awareness of himself or his surroundings?
"L-lord Ian, that's the wrong way."
"Huh? Catnip, were you saying something?"
"Yes my l-lord, that there is the right passage. Also, my name is March your l-lordship." March pointed to the doors on the other side of the room.
"You do, have problems with letter l, don't you Cat Ears." Ian raised his hand and plopped it on Marchs head. He just did an unthinkable thing like it was nothing. "Please, lead the way."
Not only he blatantly ignored March, but what was absolutely outrageous is that he started patting her on the head and even petting her ears! You can not do that! Not to beast kin and even for humans that is a taboo, unless you are lovers. That is the form of affection restricted for bound couples. No one does that unless you are extremely intimate with each other. March is so shocked that she does not know what to do! Such advances are simply, deplorable! I told her she should be ready, but that is far too much!
"Ekhem, March please go ached." I tried to help her get out of this embarrassing and at the same time unthinkable situation. Her eyes were wondering all over the place as she moved on. I was in a bit of a shock too. I did not suspect that anyone would be so bold and depraved to claim someone in such a way. Not even the lowest of humans do that.
I was fully concentrated on my thoughts when I felt a warm hand landing on my head. I stood still as I was slowly realizing I was being petted. I am a Great Witch. I am a demigod and yet this guy is stroking my head like there is no tomorrow. He claimed both March and me in span of one minute and is smiling like a kid that just done a silly prank with that horrid smile of his. I was so slow in processing this situation that I had no time to evade it. Besides even if I could, I do not know if that would upset him and that is dangerous. I looked at him with all the hatred I could muster.
"Don't fret Long Tails. Leave everything to a grownup. You kids should leave worrying to adults like me."
You will pay for this humiliation Ian. I don't care who you are. No one is allowed to call me a kid. Even if it's the last thing I'll do, I'll make you pay the price for bounding and insulting a demigod like me.
***
Once we left the barracks we made our way through few more corridors and came upon a big hall with crossroads to different sections of the dungeon. This time it was Shorty that led the way. She was fuming and very angry at something. It must have been me, since she kept looking at me with eyes that could kill. It's like I had offended every member of her family and even her pets. I wonder what I did.
I stand corrected. I know exactly what I did. Maybe I shouldn't have called her a kid and pat her head. I had a feeling that would be a bad idea, but I still went with it. Well, what can I say, it was stronger than me. She hates being treated like a kid. Just like a typical Kid. So, she will stay as a kid.
As for Catnip, she was also acting strange. She wasn't performing her acrobatics anymore, but her face was fully red and her eyes were darting everywhere but me. She was jumpy and frightened. I must have scared her somehow. I will pat her head later and try to calm her down if possible.
I came to a decision to take this world seriously and dismiss the notion that this is all a delusion. I would prefer to go crazy, than to risk killing a living, breathing people. It's just not worth it. Risk is simply to high. Especially with me blowing myself and other people up.
We stopped at the end of the stairs that were leading to the exit. It was already past noon and sun was still high in the sky. I hoped I would be able to talk some sense to people managing the prison. These two girls looked adolescent at best. I can't judge their age, but kid is still a kid as long as it did not hit majority. Keeping them in a prison is a crime in itself.
"Girls, stay behind me. Let me do the talking." I moved first and walked to the wide open courtyard. What awaited me was a good two hundred men with their spears pointed at us. They formed a wide circle around dungeons entrance. It gave me quite the shock. What were they expecting, an army of convicts? They were all incapacitated. They must have known that only us three will come out. Why prepare such forces to fight two kids and a single man. There was no sense in retreating people from the dungeon in the first place, but why creating such a big welcoming committee.
"Witch of the Evil Forest, surrender willingly! If you resist, we have the means to fight you. You have one minute. If you start casting spells, we will act accordingly." There was a guy with braids for a beard. He was using a short voice-tube, in the middle of the encirclement. He must be the commander. I looked back at both girls. Catnip had her tail between her legs and was holding it with both hands shaking. Six Tails on the other hand was looking around. After few seconds she moved her head to meet with mine.
"Well, you said you will do the talking, right Ian? Show me how it's done. Show us how the grown up solves things." She had a wild smile on her face that gave me shivers. Women sure are scary.
I looked at the soldiers and the commander. He looked totally set on his mission to apprehend us. This will be difficult.
I took a deep breath, rose my hands in the air and started walking forward.