Let’s start with the first thing you should know: goblins are assholes. Devious, conniving assholes. Ignore the D & D marketing that makes them out to be whimpering cowards. Most goblins are fearless little shits, convinced they have you fooled and ready to take advantage of that at any time. They are extremely dangerous to the Blind on my world.
Which is why I was running as fast as possible through Red Square with three of them in my backpack. They needed to be dumped back into A-space before wreaking havoc here on Earth. I should say wreaking any *more* havoc; the three criminals in my backpack had already gone on a crime spree that would put any movie with Ocean in the name to shame.
HRH QE II was not amused when her Crown Jewels turned out to be moissanite and crushed crayons. I steered left to avoid a flock of red tagged pick pockets but didn’t realize one was pacing me. Too late I grabbed the straps, swinging the backpack around to my front as his arm made it in up to his elbow. I slipped off a shoulder strap and yanked the backpack but the goblins had him. That’s when the screaming started.
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The Blind can't see A-space creatures, which is why the pick pocket thought he only saw shinies and it cost him his life. Well, so far it had only cost him his hand, but it was already all over except for savoring the crunchy bits and the soft, chewy center.
In terms of diet Goblins are enthusiastic carnivores. Thiefy McThieferson's left hand was in Squuezle's mouth and Greep's barbed tongue had wrapped around his lower arm. They played meatsicle tug of war for a few seconds until Blarp's clawed hand reached out of the backpack and yanked Thiefy in by his head.
The Backpack of Holding (TM) trying to be helpful by reading user intent, visibly expanded and sucked the rest of the thief in for dinner. Well, not his dinner, but someone's. The crowd that had gathered round while this happened gave a smattering of polite applause and dropped half a dozen Euro coins in front of me. The Blind had decided this was a bizarre street performance in order to rationalize the impossible. Performance over, they went back to their shopping.
Not too proud to profit from this fiasco, I scooped up the coins and leaned into the semi-sentient backpack's zipper: "Owner override: zip shut, lock and stay locked. Ignore passenger intent." The backpack was fooled by the goblins' proximity and assumed they too were legitimate users. Owner override shut them down before they could go trolling for more meatsicles.