Short story: “Act as if”

I think… I may… Have social anxiety.

“Roll number 39,_!”

The professor calls out, leading me to respond with a weak “Yes.” While raising my hand.

Thankfully he notices me and then continues calling out the other roll numbers.

Social anxiety is defined as an irrational fear of social situations. Which I can relate to.

But to call it a mental disorder would not be true. At least not for me.

I’m just introverted. I prefer being alone.

At least that’s what I’ve convinced myself of.

But it’s the new year. A new session. My first year in college. So, it’s the perfect opportunity to change me and socialize a little.

…

The classes for the day ends and I realize-

I… Wasn’t able to.

I stayed in the seat I picked, from start to finish.

Not making eye contact with anyone. No one approaching me to sit down on the seat beside me.

Even when the professor asked if someone could solve a problem and I knew I could, I wasn’t able to raise my hand and answer it.

And half the grades depend on your contribution in class.

As I reach my current home. A place that I’m renting.

Quietly heading inside while trying my best to avoid the landlady.

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror.

“Your appearance isn’t bad at all, then why?”

I say to myself in the mirror.

“A computer science genius. But even still, why?”

Why am I not able to communicate at all?

And it’s just the first day in college.

But…Anyways…

Tomorrow is another day.

I go outside the bathroom and right onto the computer desk. Switching it on.

At least the internet will provide me some much-needed respite.

Anime, manga and novels, and can’t forget the YouTube videos. At least they’ll never let me down.

…

A week went by so quickly. Parts of it excruciatingly slowly and other parts of it in the blink of an eye.

As I get ready for college and start heading outside,

“I heard a new gym opened up nearby.” I turn around to look. It’s the landlady.

Probably the only one who even remembers my name.

“You should join it. It’ll do you some good. Since you stay cooped up in your room all the while.”

“I-… Yes. I’ll consider it.” I said before quickly walking away.

I need to catch the train on time, else I might miss it.

They sure have advanced a lot. I could get my train pass from the website and no human interaction is necessary.

I take a seat and pull out my phone, browsing the web or reading something interesting I find, just trying to keep myself busy.

It continues exactly as it has for the past week. I get out of the metro station and the college is just a short walk away.

The rest of it too, I sit alone for the whole day. For a moment it seemed like someone was about to sit here but then he stopped and then went to wherever his clique is at.

It’s no use. They’ve already formed their own groups. And by the looks of it, I might fail my major too, since I’m not participating in class.

I let out a sigh. But while trying to not be loud either and gain any unwanted attention.

Later that day, I once again get to my room. And lay face-down on my bed.

As I’m thinking about what to do, my phone vibrates.

I bring it closer to my face.

[***

You have received a message

***]

Though it probably is another spam mail, I open it anyway.

[***

Sender: Unknown.

You seemed like you could do with some help talking to people.

So, I’m going to tell you how to take care of this… An anxiety that you have.

Just follow the steps I send. Simple.

The first one will come tomorrow morning. Keep yourself ready.

***]

…What?

It takes me a while to respond.

I quickly type an email back and send it.

“Who are you? And how do you know this?”

Who would know all of this?

I haven’t given my contact details to anyone but possibly the landlady.

It couldn’t possibly be her… Right?

Though I wait and wait, no reply comes back.

Looks like I’ll have to see the message that comes tomorrow.

I get up from a bed and go to my computer to practice a little bit of coding, is what I planned but I find myself too distracted, so I end up searching about unknown senders on the internet but it just returns with ways on how to avoid spams.

…

The next day arrives quickly. Second day of the second week of college.

As I’m about to leave the house and head to the metro, the message I had been waiting for all night, finally arrives.

[***

Lesson one, to the Art of… Let’s say… Charm.

Approach 10 people today and greet them.

Just greet them. Say a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’. A prolonged conversation isn’t necessary.

Do that before the end of the day.

***]

After reading the message, I’m left speechless.

It doesn’t sound undoable. And something about it just makes me want to complete it.

Is it the instinct I developed after such a long time of playing games?

Is there a reward that I anticipate after completing an action an arbitrary number of times?

I can’t be sure.

But something about that message just compels me to do it.

Now with a little bit higher spirits, I get out of the room.

The landlady is doing her daily gardening work, early in the morning. This opportunity, I, can’t miss this. She would be easier to talk to, right?

“G-good morning,” I speak up just as she spots me heading to college.

“Ah! Good morning! Heading to college, right? It's unfortunate that my daughter has her classes later in the morning so you two rarely meet.”

“Y-yes. I’ll be going, then.” I stutter and reply as I quickly walk outside the house.

That was hard. But it counts, right?

Can I really do this? Talk to 10 people before the end of the day?

I walk into the train and it leaves the metro station. A man takes the seat beside me.

“H-…” I’m about to say ‘hello’ but stop.

I couldn’t leave this situation if I wanted to. We’ll be here until at least the next station.

What if it goes wrong somehow?

No… I can’t do this.

The man gets up and leaves as his station arrives, leaving me alone on the seat till my college arrives.

A missed opportunity? But I was just being safe, right?

As I walk down the hallway and into the class, I see a few people already in their seats, looking at me in an odd way.

No, it must be me just overthinking it.

The classes for the day are over quickly. And I start heading back to the station.

At this pace, I’ll never get that quest complete.

I… I want to do this too.

I’ll just say ‘Good afternoon’ to a few people then leave quickly, that should be fine.

I spot a man walking down the hallway, I walk up to him and greet him with what I planned. Without holding eye contact for longer than a split second, the quickly walk away.

“What an unusual young man.” I hear his voice echo from behind me as I quickly try to walk away.

So, he didn’t think too bad of me, right?

That… Wasn’t so hard. Yes. I can do this. Just 8 more times.

…

I’m back in my room.

I just barely completed the quest. The last one being a person in the metro to whom I greeted with a “Good day to you.” Just before leaving post-haste.

I walk into the bathroom and splash water on my face.

Yes, you did it.

I sit down at my computer to reward myself, as my phone vibrates again, telling me of the message that just arrived.

[***

So, you greeted 10 people.

How hard was it, really?

Remember. The first step is the hardest.

Persistence is key.

The college must have its assignments, right?

Take some responsibility. Distribute assignments to your class.

Try to talk to the students, though not necessary. Just be sure to hold their attention while handing them the assignment.

***]

Distribute assignments?

Why do I feel like it’s ramping up in difficulty way too fast?

Will I be able to do it?

…

The next day, as I’m heading to college.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning to you too. Did you meet her in college yet? She majors in social engineering. She’s been curious about the newcomer in the building.”

She? Her daughter I assume. So, she’s studying social engineering. Isn’t that related to psychology?

“I’ll try to,” I say curtly as I leave, this time walking instead of leaving hurriedly, the new quest on my mind.

Once in class, when the professor mentions the assignments and asks students to come and distribute them, I offer to do that and walk up to his desk to take the assignments.

I can do this. Yes. It’s just handing out assignments. No big deal, right?

I walk up to the nearest student and take out one assignment from the top and hand it to him, “Here.” I say as we make eye contact for a moment before he takes the assignment and looks towards the assignment itself, certainly more interested in it than me.

I distribute the rest of the assignments quickly and sit back down on my seat.

Success.

The rest of the day goes by normally.

Just as I sit down at my computer. As if waiting for exactly that, my phone receives another email message.

[***

Distributing assignments or handing out flyers.

You don’t realize people don’t really mind it that much.

Regardless of that, remember,

In its purest form, the charm is just about talking to people.

This excerpt is from a PUA’s blog. But it applies to people in general, rather than specifically to girls.

“As a newcomer, you should be rejoicing in every positive interaction you have with women, no matter how trivial.

Every ‘hi’ emboldens you until you are prying smiles from girls.

Every smile emboldens you until they are touching you.

Every touch emboldens you until they are giving you their numbers.

Every number emboldens you until they are kissing you.

Every kiss emboldens you until you feel free to love them.

Finally, you are so emboldened that you no longer come to women for reinforcement.

They come to you.”

Maybe it seems odd. But I find it very endearing in how pure the intentions are in it.

It demonstrates how ‘charisma’ is a skill you can acquire and train, rather than something people are just born with.

Approach and greet 20 new people tomorrow. Shouldn’t be that hard now.

***]

…After reading that message, I’m left thinking for quite a while.

Charm…A skill that someone like me could acquire…

That night I look up ‘social engineering’ and try to figure out what it is.

…

Another week passes by.

As I’m sitting on the bed, feeling accomplished in interacting with 50 people just that one day. My phone vibrates with a familiar feeling. A message from that person has come.

[***

There should be a gym nearby, right?

Since it’s Saturday tomorrow, go there and get a membership.

You will be going there every day from now on. So, don’t forget to do that.

Though it’s probably overused to a ridiculous extent, it’s still true.

A healthy mind in a healthy body.

Go, exercise a little.

Let that be your objective for tomorrow.

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

***]

Just get a gym membership.

Is it that hard or am I just getting a break after a while?

I’ll have to see.

…

I ask the landlady about the directions and go there.

“I’d like a membership.”

“Okay, sir. Would you like it for 1 month or 3 months? Or perhaps get the annual package for much cheaper.”

Earlier I might have been trying to end this conversation as fast as possible. But I feel a bit more comfortable now.

“I’ll take the one for 3 months.”

It would be odd if I just go for the annual one right off the bat. Let’s see the one for just 3 months from now.

“Would you like a trainer too? Please fill this form out.”

I fill in my details on the form. A trainer? It would be nice, I think. I can just barely afford it, though.

I probably could afford it if I cut down on my spending on in-game microtransaction.

I’m sorry, mobile games. But you’ll have to go on without me spending any more.

“Yes.”

“Sir, I’ll lead you the way for now. You can come tomorrow and the things would have been arranged properly.”

I have a few clothes for exercising, in the wardrobe somewhere. I think.

The receptionist leads me inside for a little bit, allowing me to see a few people exercising using the equipment there.

Though a part of me feels lazy and doesn’t want to do this. I know that things would never change if I do that.

So, with newfound resolve, I head back home to prepare for tomorrow.

During the night, as I’m on my computer, looking through the web as I usually do. Another message arrives.

[***

A smile is a great tool.

Studies prove that smiling makes people look much more attractive.

So, try and keep a smile on your face for the whole day, tomorrow.

Remember, a gentle, approachable smile.

Not a creepy one.

Practice in front of the mirror if that helps.

***]

…I see.

It makes sense too. Smiles are great, I suppose.

…

The next day, dressing up with clothing that is a bit more suitable for gym than what I was wearing last time, I walk inside.

The receptionist introduces me to my trainer.

It’s a really attractive woman.

I try to keep the smile on my face as gentle as possible as she tells me about how I should work out and what things to eat and other such stuff.

I’m not able to talk to her that much past telling my name and other introductions.

Later that day, the message arrives on time as always.

[***

You need an opener.

An opener that would spark a conversation with someone.

It can be based on the situation, like talk about the weather when it’s raining.

Or it can be a more direct approach like you’ve been doing, which is a straight-up “Hi” / “Hello”.

To hold a conversation, try to keep the questions open-ended instead of just a yes/ no. And talk to people about their interests. Not just about yourself.

Be an active listener.

Who would have thought that people like it when others show genuine interest in them?

Hold a proper conversation, for longer than just a few minutes, with a person.

Easy, right?

***]

Easy? A joke is what that is.

But, could the sender be referring to the trainer I met today?

Interests…

Though I would like to say that I’m well-learned in a lot of subjects. It clearly could do with some improving.

Till late night I find myself looking up health and gym related topics.

…

End of the second week of new year. Sunday, I find myself talking to the trainer.

“There should be a proper posture to maintain while lifting weights, right?”

“Correct! I’m impressed you actually know this. You need to stand a particular way while exercising so that you don’t wear out your muscles or strain them.”

She demonstrates it and then I try to mirror that.

But it’s slightly incorrect. So, she comes near me and corrects my posture.

“Great! You’re a fast learner. At this pace, it won’t even take a month till your body gets in proper shape. As long as you follow the diet that is.”

“The diet is important too, right? What do you recommend?”

“Well, in addition to the things I mentioned yesterday, I’d also say-”

As I’m heading back home, with my muscles aching, I think back to my interactions today.

We held a fairly decent conversation if I have to say so myself.

A part of me says that she was just being polite because it’s her job.

But while I think that can be a part of it. It would be a stretch to call that the only reason.

Maybe I am getting better at conversations…

Later that night, the message arrives on time.

[***

Did you rejoice your interactions?

Inaction or the unwillingness to change is a fundamental thing.

People might not like to do new things, move out of the already established social circles.

But it’s a fresh start for you. The one you’ve always wanted.

Fake it till you make it.

Or, another variation of that. Act as if.

Act as if you belong. And eventually, you will.

Even if you’re a nervous wreck on stage, keep at it. Fake it.

It’s not about doing something you aren’t. Not that.

But you shouldn’t hesitate to try new things.

So how about you talk with the people at the gym?

Don’t know what to open with? You already share something in common.

You’re both at the gym.

Say with something related to that.

Hold a conversation with at least 5 people.

Do not fear rejection. It is their loss that they did not get to know an awesome person like you.

***]

… Fake it till you make it.

It doesn’t seem like such a good advice on the surface level. But I have a feeling its meaning goes on much deeper than that.

But that aside, the quest.

Yes, I can do it. We already share common interest being that we’re at the gym.

…

The next day after college I go to the gym, where I follow what the trainer told me.

And while exercising I try to hold conversations with people.

One of them being a man running on the treadmill while listening to something on his earphones.

“Music? It sure helps you get in the mood for exercising, right?” I have to say a bit loudly for him to listen through the earphones, but he responds, after pausing the playback and taking off his earphones.

“Ah, yeah. Music is great too. But what I’m listening to is a book.”

“Oh, an audio-book then?”

“Yeah, you know about those? I’ve been listening to a lot of those lately.”

“Nice. My favorites are fantasy and science fiction. What about you?”

“I’m into non-fiction, but I’ve found horror to be really interesting too-”

…

The days go by quickly. And it’s already the fourth week after new year.

I look into the mirror. The person staring back at me is like someone completely different than just a month ago.

Fitting clothes and an approachable smile.

I was even able to answer a few things in class that no other student was able to. Prompting the professor to praise me and the students beside me look as if they never even realized this genius was sitting right beside them.

It wasn’t that hard to make a program that can delay some actions you tell it to.

It even made some students come and talk to me during the short breaks.

Though, mostly to ask for help solving a problem…

But that is also an opportunity to have another conversation with them.

The messages also keep coming on time every day.

[***

Your body language sends multitudes of clues, consciously or unconsciously to the other person.

Try and observe other people as they talk and guess their relationship with each other.

***]

But even though I try to, I’m unable to find any clue about the unknown sender.

[***

Building a rapport with another person.

People do it subconsciously all the time.

One of the simplest methods to build a rapport or a connection with a person is while they’re eating.

Eating, historically people as hunters and gatherers did that when they were safe. So, eating with someone makes the person let down their guard a little, making them more sociable.

***]

But, somehow, I feel a sense of familiarity with the messages and the sender.

[***

People who are close, mirror each other’s body language and gestures.

It can be an indication of closeness.

And you can do it consciously to get closer with people too.

***]

[***

How open that person is to skin-ship or physical contact/ touch.

Which direction their legs are pointing towards. Is it the exit? Or is it towards you?

Are they looking you in the eye or somewhere else?

Are they leaning towards something?

Would they laugh at even your jokes that fall flat?

Would they accept requests or agree to do things for you, even if it seems trivial/ odd?

***]

…

Another few weeks pass by.

It’s The end of 2nd week of February already.

I wake up on time and get ready by taking a nice, cold shower. It’s not that I forgot to turn on the boiler. I intended for it to be cold. Totally.

Dressing up in a simple and elegant way. Or at least that’s what the shop attendant helped me choose the clothes based on. And the other people present there were quite impressed too.

I greet the landlady and her daughter as they’re gardening together.

I already know she isn’t the sender of those messages. She simply cannot have access to that information which the sender knows about me.

I get on the train, hearing a few young girls whisper to each other that they found a really handsome guy just step in. Not like I want to be narcissistic but just to confirm, I flick my hair and gesture towards them. As a joke, obviously. Prompting them to giggle since they can’t be too loud on the train.

I get off the train and walk down the hallway to the classroom.

“Hey! How are you doing?”

A guy from my class comes near for a high-five, which I gladly return the gesture too.

He’s a member of the Mixed Martial Arts club, of which I’m a member too, of course. I joined it on her recommendation since she said I was such a great learner it would have been a waste if I didn’t do something like this.

The professor called me to the board to solve a question, knowing that I would be able to. And I don’t let him down, solving the question in a few moments and the whole class gives me an applause.

After that, I head to the student council. I was selected, or was it elected? to kind of represent our university for functions and events. So, basically a Public Relations representative. But it’s a responsibility I don’t hate.

And I can play games and browse the web through my mobile if there aren’t any student council activities. But they don’t consume my life anymore. It’s a hobby that I can choose to partake in, not an activity I must do.

Later that day I head to the direction the gym is at. Not to go to the gym. Not today.

But instead to pick her up and go for the classic, movies and then a dinner later.

Though I did forget to buy chocolate for her.

I hope she doesn’t mind.

As I lay down on the bed, holding my phone up in the air, waiting for the message to arrive.

It said yesterday, that this one would be the last message.

And I have a clue as to what it is.

A long time ago, I made this program that can send messages-

[***

To me of the future,

I knew you always had it in you.

…

End.