Without any real warning my vision collapsed in on itself. A great nothingness filling my eyes with darkness. Then in the following seconds I lost all feeling in my body, and after that, I was just a thought. A mind wandering off into nothingness.
I don't know if there is a reasonable way to explain what nothing feels like. But in a sense it reminds me of a conversation I had with a blind man at a bus stop once.
But before I explain myself, I want to give a disclaimer.
I don't know what had come over me at the time. Maybe it was the heat that day that made me delirious. But for whatever reason , I was asking very inappropriate questions, to a very unfortunate stranger. Fortunately though, he was in a talkative mood. So he explained it to me like this.
“Close your eyes, and Imagine what it feels like to fall asleep. Of course, you know what that's like. But do you remember the very moment that you forgot you were awake? Probably not, and it's a lot like that. You don't see darkness, or anything else. Images just disappear, and then you are living in a dream. So when you ask me what I see. I can only say that I see things in my head, and I can still imagine things in my head. But it's a lot more vivid to me like a dream. In my head, there is another world.”
And that's kind of the only way to describe the nothingness.
Though I think if I had a body to produce the right chemicals I would have been nervous about this experience. Or anxious, and maybe a bit fearful. Add to that whatever emotion you could come up with to describe what this would feel like. And It certainly would have been more uncomfortable than death. And I would know, because I am dead. Or was, I guess. But this was different from death. I wasn't abandoning my body like a dying man would. I was acquiring a new one.
So before I knew it, my thoughts had shifted from a jumble of words back into real sentences. And with my new voice I shouted, “Waaaaahhhh!”
Then I heard a sound.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
A heart beat was pounding in my chest.
Thump, thump… Pow!
Then a hard smack to my bare ass.
This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.
And it hurt like hell too. Shit, it hurt so bad I screamed even louder. But all of that pain subsided in an instant. I felt warm and comfortable.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
I felt my heart beat again, and with each drum a new sensation tickled me.
My head was so cold. Really, really cold. Then there was this tightness gripping me. As if someone ripped me out of a safe and comfy cocoon. Then out into the frigidly cool air. And before I knew it, the thumping sound subsided. Only to be replaced by another scream escaping my lungs. And when all of the sound was drained from my little lungs. I sucked in my first round of the new fresh air. Though it wasn't too pleasant an odor. And It tasted like copper coins, and lake water.
Soon after, a light pressure moved away from my forehead and down onto my legs. Five big fingers wrapped around me as a hot wind blew over my skin. Exposing me to a second round of air in my lungs.
And as I breathed in my belly grew tight with pain. Like someone was yanking out a large cord that was tied to my insides. And the sounds of cries and cheers welcomed me. Soon enough, I was no longer hanging in the air. As I was laid gently in a warm cloth.
This time, the pressure was replaced by ten soft fingers surrounding me. Encasing me as a cool breath waded over me. A soft cheek caressed my own, and my eyes opened to see a man standing before me, waist deep in what seemed to be a slow wave of water. Slowly he waded through the blue river towards me, and leaned in to kiss me on my head.
He had lightly tanned skin, coupled with blindingly green eyes. And he sported an envy-inducing black beard, accompanied by long silky black hair tied in a low ponytail. He had a big cheesy smile on his face too. So you could tell this was his first kid. No doubt about that, and that kid was me. And hell, if I was going to look anything like him in my future. I doubt getting a girlfriend was off the menu for me. This guy had won the genetic lottery for sure.
After looking at him long enough to get angry. I turned my barely open eyes to face the woman holding me. And she was also a tanned color. But while my new father was certainly only dark from a suntan. This woman was a deep red color, almost like clay. And she had sharp features combined with big and soft Blue eyes. Her hair was snow white and quite curly.
The gentleness of her face set me at ease. She had a beautiful and happy face. And by the way the two of them looked down on me in her arms. You could tell there was nothing but love in their hearts. And for the first time in a long time. I felt like I belonged.
I know I already said I was crying, but whatever emotion escaped my dead spirit was different from anything I had felt before. It wasn't just my new body crying like a baby should. I was crying inside as well.
I was a grown man sniffling and screaming in the body of a four minute old infant. But I couldn't remember the last time I felt so loved, or if I had ever at all. So while I still had enough innocence to cover up the most absolute mess of a tantrum a trash adult could have. I let it all out. And I let my eyes close as I sank deep between a beautiful woman's gentle arms. We all cried together, and I fell asleep.