CHAPTER 21: PAMPA

"You sit like a girl," Jiwoo said, tapping his right thigh onto my left knee.

"Huh?"

"Look, your legs are closed up real tight," he explained, snickering.

What in the world was wrong with him? Why did he tell that Brenda girl we're together?

Is he really gay?

Was he staring at my thighs because he's interested in me?1

No way!

I mean, no thank you!

"Where are you headed?" Jiwoo continued with his questions. "And what's up with your car?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Well, I'm your boyfriend for today, right?"

Holy hell. How could he say something as serious as that so flippantly? I stared at him in an attempt to

discern what exactly was going on in his head, but I got nothing.

"Starstruck by your boyfriend's face?" he asked, chuckling once again.

I looked away and contemplated on how I would respond to this man. I had spent the last few years of

my life playing mind games with executives and other powerful men in the corporate world. Not a single

time had I been at a loss for words. And yet, I couldn't figure out what this guy was playing at.

"You could at least say thank you," Jiwoo continued.

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend just bought you siomai, gulaman, and LRT tickets. He deserves a kiss, don't you

think?"

"Can you stop with the boyfriend thing already?"

"Oh? My girlfriend's being a bit unreasonable today. Is it that time of the month?"

"What the fuck?"

"Should I get you sanitary napkins or something?"

I remembered his exchange with the other finalist at our workstation, Matt. Jiwoo had been ruthless at

that time, and Matt had basically been left speechless.

"Right," I said, admitting defeat. "Thank you very much for the snack and the ticket. Seriously, though,

you can now quit the boyfriend thing."

"For a second I thought I was wrong about you again," he said, tapping my knee with his thigh for the

second time.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind."

I turned to look at him again. "Tell me."

"Well, I know a few pieces of siomai are nothing compared to what you've done for me. I'm grateful for

that, so I wanted to do something nice for you, even if it's just buying you street food or something."

I kept silent.

"I thought you didn't appreciate it is all." From .

There was a hint of shyness in his smile. It was the kind of expression meant to garner sympathy. I

decided that the best course of action was to change the topic and steer it in a direction I was

comfortable with.

It was my turn to tap my knee against his thigh.

"I wanted to use public transport for fun," I said. "But I wasn't prepared for it, and I ended up paying for

everyone in the jeepney, eating a lifetime's worth of hair, and, as you saw earlier, getting accused of

being a siomai scammer."

Jiwoo laughed as I narrated everything that had happened before we met at the station.

"I'm heading to ZM Super Mall - Manila. I wanted to buy some clothes I could wear to our classes."

"Clothes?" he asked. "ZM Manila? Let's go somewhere else. I know a better place."

"Hmm? You don't have to come. I'm sure you have stuff to do today."

"No!" Jiwoo protested loudly. "Let me go with you. Trust me. And besides, I'm your boyfriend today,

remember?"

I snorted. "Seriously, you can move on from the boyfriend thing. I know you only said that to get rid of

the Brenda chick chasing after you."

Jiwoo smiled at me, bumping his leg against mine for the nth time. "Yeah, but—"

"No buts."

"I'm kinda worried you'll end up getting in trouble again."

"I am an adult, and I can perfectly handle myself."

"I know, but let me accompany you just this once." He was looking at me attentively. It was the same

intense gaze he had given me when he became infuriated over my getting a free pass to the finals.

This time, it wasn't anger glazed over his features but something else I couldn't quite comprehend. "Let

me do this for you as your friend. Please?"

"Hi kuya!" a beautiful lady suddenly standing in front of us said. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties,

and she was dressed smartly for work.

"Can I help you?" Jiwoo said, almost business-like.

The lady ran a finger over her left ear, tucking a tuft of hair behind it. "My name's Marice. I hope I'm not

bothering you."

"Actually, you are. I'm chatting with my boyfriend here," Jiwoo answered and grabbed my hand,

seemingly for emphasis.1

"Oh." Marice blushed at the display of affection she was seeing. "I'm sorry to disturb you." She walked

away and sat at an empty seat a few paces to the right. Jiwoo didn't immediately let go of my hand. I

had to pry his fingers open using my other hand and untangle myself from his grasp.

"You didn't have to be that mean to her," I said.

"I told you I'm on boyfriend duty today."

"Ha ha. That doesn't change the fact you acted like a total asshole."

"I'm not interested in her. I think it's only fair to be honest."

"I wouldn't call that being honest. We're not really boyfriends, remember?" I said, laughing softly.

Jiwoo was quiet for a bit. Then he said something that made my heart do a somersault.

"You have a point. Should we make it official then?"1

I was so confused at that point. And the way he smiled puzzled me further.

"I'm kidding," he said. "But I'm serious about being friends with you. You're pretty cool, you know?"

"..."

"So, boyfriends?" A wide grin appeared on his face. "We're both boys. And now we're friends."

I wasn't sure what to think, but I was thankful for his honesty. Now, I knew how to interpret his actions. I

knew not to overanalyze everything he said. They were jokes, after all.

Jokes between friends.

'This station is Central Terminal Station. The doors are on your left.'

"Hey, we're here!" I said excitedly.

"No, let's get off at the next one," Jiwoo said. "I said I'd take you somewhere else, remember?"

We stayed inside the train and got off at Carriedo Station instead. As soon as we exited the platform,

we were engulfed by an unbelievable number of people left and right.

"Hold on tight," I heard Jiwoo say as he grabbed my hand. "To your wallet." Then he winked and

headed toward the crowded streets of Quiapo, Manila.

I followed Jiwoo's advice and tightened my grip around my wallet. I could barely see anything aside

from the white shirt on Jiwoo's back. Within the next few minutes, I felt exactly 4 different hands dive

deep into my back pockets, trying to snatch my wallet away.

As we were about to cross the street, Jiwoo turned and grabbed the wrist of the chubby guy right in

front of me.

"You need to lose weight," Jiwoo said, forcefully taking out the guy's hand from my right back pocket.

"Fat fingers like yours aren't fit for the thieving industry."

"The fuck you talking about?" shouted the guy.

"Either that or you were trying to cop a feel from my boyfriend's ass."

I saw the thief's eyes widen in both shock and anger.

"Faggots!" he said as he snatched his hand away from Jiwoo's grip.

Jiwoo took my hand again and dragged me to the other side of the road. Once we were there, we

paused in front of a small kiosk selling all sorts of items at the corner of the street. He tossed some

money over to the old lady manning the counter and took a bottle of water from the open ice box in

front of the stall.

"Here. In this weather, you'll get dehydrated faster than you think."

The cool water was a blessing to my throat. The smoke and pollution of the capital's most crowded

place had gotten the better of me.

"Our destination's over there," he said, pointing further ahead. "Can you still walk?"

I nodded and finished the bottle of water before tossing it into the trash bin already full to the brim.

Then, I felt my pocket for my phone, but it wasn't there.

Shit! I had been so preoccupied with keeping my wallet safe that I had totally forgotten about my

phone.

Jiwoo gave me a worried look . Before he could ask, I told him what happened.

He rolled his eyes in the most annoying way. "I guess your boyfriend's buying you a new one today," he

said, taking my hand and dragging me again. It didn't take long for the iconic red-and-white stripes of

the very first ZM Mall to appear in front of our eyes: the ZM Clearance Outlet.

Contrary to the gigantic and towering blue and silver facades of every other ZM Super Mall, this one

was low, small, and rather dull. It lacked the gardens and other gimmicky features usually found in front

of those buildings.

I had only been here once, right before I started university. I had just passed the entrance test for the

country's premier state university—the University of the Philippines, or UP for short—and had heard

from my mom that I wasn't getting any form of financial support for my studies.

I remembered how scared I was when I found out that there were no uniforms in UP. I recalled how

scared I had been of not having anything decent to wear, how I had juggled several part-time jobs to

earn some cash, and how I had ended up here at ZM Clearance Outlet to buy a few shirts and

trousers.

"You can get better deals here for nearly everything," Jiwoo said, pulling me out of my reminiscing.

"Something the matter?"

I shrugged and gave him my most convincing smile. "You're paying for all the items I'm getting today," I

announced. "Consider this the interest for the money you owe me."

Jiwoo beamed. It was quite different from the ones he had flashed my way so far. It was as though he

was excited, and he seemed genuinely relieved for some reason.

"At your service," he replied.

We spent the next couple of hours choosing shirts and trousers from the cheaper brands they had at

the ZM Clearance Outlet. However, we ended up purchasing items from two powerhouse brands:

PhenShoppe and Benched.

I watched Jiwoo's focused expression whenever I picked up a particular shirt or a pair of trousers. I

knew he was keeping track of the total bill. Although I was humoring his request the other day to not

make this a charity case (which was why I demanded that he pay for the shopping spree), as you are

already aware by now, I am the exact opposite of an asshole.

Okay, so I am an asshole in the physical sense of the word, but metaphorically, I'm the exact opposite. I

am Mother Theresa personified. I made sure the bill didn't reach 10,000 pesos by choosing items that

were all marked down 50% and higher.

Jiwoo's eyes brightened when he saw that the total was lower than what he had probably computed in

his head. He eagerly took out his ZM Mall Advantage Card to further bring down the bill by using the

loyalty points he had collected. As soon as we were done, I invited him to have lunch with me.

"Let's get you a new phone first," he answered. "We should be able to get good but relatively cheaper

ones at the Easy-Tan Mall. Then we can have lunch there, too."

I nodded in agreement and proceeded to pick up the shopping bags from the counter. Jiwoo stopped

me and took them instead.

"Boyfriend duty," he reminded me. "Besides, we're walking. These are safer with me."

I followed him out and back to the crowded and dirty streets of Quiapo. This time, we headed toward

the direction of Recto, an equally crowded and confusing place. We passed by all sorts of stores selling

all sorts of pampa products.

"Pampa" is the Filipino prefix added to adjectives to mean that the item is meant to achieve that effect.

For example, pampa-white is a product that will whiten your skin. Pampa-slim is something that will

make you slimmer.

The stores were filled with all sorts of pampa products imaginable, from your usual pampa-straight for

unmanageable hair to pampa-sexy for those planning to lose weight to pampa-clear skin for those

coveting a dewy and moisturized look.

A few stalls down and we were met with your not-so-typical pampa products. My eyes feasted on

obnoxious claims: pampa-white for dark underarms, pampa-fresh for bad breath, and pampa-long-

lasting for those with early ejaculation issues.

I pointed them out to Jiwoo, and he smugly said he knew more unbelievable ones.

We walked further down the road, and he couldn't be more right. The pampa products there were not

just ridiculous—they were out of this world!

Jiwoo pointed out to one in particular: pampa-pink for those who want to have pink nipples.

What the actual fuck? I burst out laughing, and Jiwoo had to drag me away because the stall owner

began to shoot us angry looks.

The next stall had something even worse: pampa-virgin for those whose orifices have been abused

through years and years of sexual promiscuity. And it was available in two variants: the one with a red

label was for the vagina, and the other with a pink label was for the anus.

I died of excessive laughter the moment the seller approached us and offered Jiwoo and me the pink-

labeled bottle.

"This is guaranteed, sirs! After one week of our recommended dosage, your boyfriend's ass will feel

like how it used to when you first entered him."

"I wasn't his first, you know," Jiwoo joked.

"Well, he needs more of this then!" exclaimed the seller. "Don't you want to taste sir in his prime?"

"Oh, hell no," I said with great difficulty. "I am fortunately blessed with genes that allow my anal walls to

return to their virgin state after each session."

The seller frowned and shooed us away after that.

I was still laughing my soul out even after we reached the BAON area. The weird stalls filled with weird

herbal concoctions were replaced by all sorts of stores selling electronic products—laptops, phones,

tablets, and video gaming consoles and accessories.

I glanced around thinking this was the place where Jiwoo wanted me to buy a phone. He tugged at my

hand, however, and mouthed the letters GSM.

"GSM?" I asked. "As in Global System for Mobile Communications?"

Jiwoo shook his head. "Galing sa magnanakaw," he replied. It was the colloquial term for stolen phones

and other gadgets.

I laughed and allowed Jiwoo to lead me away from the BAON area. When we were near the edge of

the road, a short man in a red shirt approached me and offered to sell me an iPhone 11 Pro.

I tried to ignore him, but he grabbed my other hand and forced me to stop. He then revealed the phone

he was selling and raised it near my face.

"Only 5,000 pesos, sir. This was freshly taken. There are many stores here that can help you unlock it."

The phone was the exact same model and color as the one I had lost. I took it from him to inspect it,

and as soon as the front camera detected my face, it unlocked.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "This is mine!"