What awaits us at the end of our lives?

Death, most obviously. But what about beyond that?

The notion of an afterlife was something Shep had contemplated on occasion during his limited time on Earth. Though, he never thought too hard about it; nor did he particularly fear its arrival. 

Lingering on such things never did anyone good. After all, the cold blade of the reaper’s scythe was inevitable.

So Shep lived fast and he lived freely, paying little mind to the beginning after the end. 

However, as he was now, Shep regretted not putting forth just a little more effort. Even if it was only another day. Another month. Another year. It was time he could spend with others —  time he could have spent not here.

How often did he yearn for the warmth of life now? 

The swelling pride of accomplishment...

A belly full of laughter…

Or the lingering promise left behind by another’s intimate touch…

Regret. His soul ached for these fleeting feelings, desperate to experience them one last time.

In the past, Shep often found it much easier to forget the good moments in favor of the bad — especially when he was young and his future was still uncertain. But now, confronted with an eternity of suffering in the cold and dark void of the afterlife, Shep knew that there was nothing left for him; so he clung to any lingering joyous emotions with a tenacity born from necessity. It was all he could do to keep himself from dissipating into nonexistence.

With life — consciousness — there was always a vague lingering hope. And hanging by this thread of hope, Shep persisted. For years, decades, maybe even centuries, he wandered through the darkness.

In time, he found that he was not alone.

He passed by numerous departed souls that burned with a fiery passion as they shot off to seek their loved ones. Like fireworks in the night sky, their existences were loud and bright. They caught Shep’s attention, filling him with a sense of wonder. 

Hope. Maybe if I just feel strongly enough, I’ll be able to defy this actuality. Rise above it, and achieve closure. It was hard not to think this way when confronted with these spectacular stars.

Nonetheless, they faded. They all did. 

Despair. What a futile battle it was, Shep realized. He witnessed many who ultimately lost themselves in the unending struggle to retain their will. But he didn’t blame them. In fact, he was almost envious of their oblivion. 

Why he didn’t allow himself to succumb to the same fate, not even Shep himself knew. 

With each passing second, the creeping chill sunk deeper into his mind, gnawing away at his very essence. 

There was no way out. And it all felt very wrong.

Anger. After a while, he couldn’t stand it. He wanted to reach out to the others. Warn them. They didn’t know the folly of their struggle. But no matter how he called out to them, stretching his ethereal arms to yank them back down to the ground — they all slipped through his fingers.

After some time, Shep came to regret these actions. The more he focused on others, the less energy he could spare for himself.

Resignation. He imagined himself like a wizened old man as he traveled now. Tutting softly beneath his breath as he saw these young and ignorant souls burn themselves out. All he lacked was a proper stoop and a cane to complete the image. And in more than just his imagination, he really was a bitter man nearing the end.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he could feel his soul fading. 

Pain. His thoughts grew muddled, and the dreams he had held inside his heart blended together in a blurred mess of color, reminiscent of an abstract oil painting. Even the faces of those he held dear — stowed away under lock and key in the recesses of his mind — were ground into dust by time. Nothing could escape it.

But even as he lost everything that he had left to hold onto, Shep fought. Resisting with the final dregs of his will until the last sliver of strength left him. 

Eventually, only one thing remained clear. A name. Shep.

He remained alone on his imaginary stoop as the newly deceased continued to pass him by in great numbers, venturing out in search of their own reconciliation. 

Shep saw them off through the hazy lens clouding his eyes. He wished them well on their journey. He hoped they could find the answer that he couldn’t.

—Why?

Why was this the way it all ended?

Had he failed in some way?

Was there really nothing else? Nothing more?

Fear. Shep sighed as the weight of his thoughts became too much to bear. In his soul’s final moments, he truly felt fear. Because he knew. He knew for certain this time that there was nothing beyond this…

***

‘W-Who’s there?’ Shep’s soul apparition fluttered into awareness at another’s gentle prodding.

Bobbing gently up and down in front of him was a rather peculiar fellow. A soul unlike any he had seen. Its silhouette was indistinct and cracks ran down its length like the consciousness held within was threatening to burst out at any moment.

‘What do you want from me?’ Shep grumbled in his mind. ‘Can’t you see I was about to fade? There’s nothing I can do for you.’

Shep’s eyes began to close once more, but the soul remained persistent. And for some reason, this greatly bothered him.

‘Did you come to gloat? I can assure you — your time will come soon!’ Shep waved his arms around, swatting angrily at the pesky guy. ‘Just let me spend my final moments in peace…’ 

He’d tried but he’d failed. It’d been long enough. 

He was tired.

Shep slumped forward, but suddenly, the fuzzy smear of light reached out, latching onto him. 

‘You little—!’ Shep barked as he struggled to free himself. 

Please...

He heard something. And for a moment, all his thoughts departed, leaving only a surging whirlwind of raw emotion inside him.

Please...

Shep extended an arm, running his hand across the soul’s unstable vessel.

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Gazing intently at the soul, he intoned in his mind, ‘What do you want me to do?’

It tilted its head strangely as if the answer was the most obvious thing. Then, it grabbed his other arm. 

Please.

Again, he heard it. More clearly this time. 

The soul inside the fractured shell sloshed around like a yolk, and as it fought against its constraints, some of it spilled over into Shep.

Vague memories and feelings that were not his own welled up inside him. These were the last things that this man could not bear to part with. 

Shep understood the sentiment well. Few were willing to completely let go. 

Just as he had, this soul had fought against the shackles that restrained it in this place. But instead of coming to accept its fate, it had lashed out in a fit of frenzied rage, resulting in its current fragile state.

Left with no other alternative, it had sought out a being to meld with in order to preserve its existence in the only way it could think of: leaving its legacy with another so that it may live on through them.

Shep was willing to comply with its request, but he needed to make one thing clear-- 

Me.

‘I retain control. But I will not forget you.’

He decided in a fit of sudden fervor that he would use this soul as fuel to begin his quest for answers. 

Understandably, it hesitated for a moment. But between becoming Shep’s strength or becoming nothing. The answer quickly became evident. 

You. It nodded.

So with the remains of his power, Shep clawed at the fragments of the worn husk surrounding his meal. Piece by piece he picked it apart as the soul and consciousness bubbled forth, spilling into him with great excitement. 

Electricity jolted through his mind as he absorbed his first bite. Another quickly followed. He was like a man dying of thirst who had come across a pure and cool mountain spring as he eagerly stuck his mouth in the midst of the shimmering stream of liquid light.

Utterly consumed by a tremendous hunger, Shep devoured the soul with zeal, not even leaving the shards of its vessel behind. And in doing so, a trickle of heat suffused his old and weary body. It traveled down from his jaw and into his gut where it stoked the embers of hope that had been lying dormant for so long.

Shep reveled in his newfound purpose.

Another soul was lost. But he had found a path. 

He did not know where it would lead — and it may very well only serve to further prolong his miserable reality — but he would walk it regardless.

Shep stood up and stepped down from his stoop. 

***

Inexhaustible, Shep journeyed through the chasm of darkness. Stopping only on occasion to gorge upon a willing soul. 

Who they were before they entered the afterlife mattered not. And they all knew what they would become when they were devoured. 

Yet, like moths to a flame, they continued to flock to him. The other wanderers were drawn to his momentum and boundless spirit, proactively giving themselves up as he continued to gather strength. 

Time tried its best to hold him at bay, but its steady corrosion could not match the pace at which he advanced. 

Gradually, Shep grew more confident, and his perception of the space around him began to change. 

He could see an end to this place. There were limits — a boundary that entrapped the souls of the damned.

Finally...

The vague confines quaked as he approached, rippling like a pool of water. Tentatively, Shep took a step forward, his arms held out in front of him.

Elation and apprehension twisted into confusing knots in his stomach as his fingertips passed through the wall, met with no resistance.

‘How could I have missed this?’ Shep wondered. 

Before he had consumed his first soul, Shep had traveled for far longer and further than the amalgamation he had become. But even so, he had never encountered anything like this. 

‘Did I stop too soon? If I had just continued on a little longer, would I have made it here intact… as myself?’

He’d done it again, hadn’t he? 

Given up too quickly.

‘No,’ Shep growled. 

He could not allow his doubts and regrets to weigh him down again. He had to push through. Not just for himself, but for everyone and everything that had helped him reach this point. His hopes were no longer his alone.

Shep roared, his spirit flaring within the inky darkness as he gathered all the strength his soul could muster and leaped through the barrier…

Freedom.

On the other side, he was met with an unfathomable sight.

A river containing countless vibrant souls meandered in a lazy circuit through the vast universe. The beings within shining brightly even in comparison to the stars all around them. 

Shep found his reprieve to be short-lived as he was swiftly drawn into the vortex that carried the souls. He struggled briefly against the force that apprehended him, but soon, drifted peacefully along like the others. 

As he entered, the surrounding souls regarded him curiously. They reminded him of innocent children as they poked and prodded at his bizarre form without the slightest hint of malice. Shep just chuckled to himself and ignored their antics. He was like a wolf that entered into a flock of sheep at the behest of the shepherd. The thought of this amused him to no end as he restrained his hunger.

Every once in awhile, Shep would see a soul being carried off toward a planet they passed. He surmised that they were destined for a reincarnation of sorts. 

‘Is it possible that I may rejoin the realm of the living,’ he pondered. In all his time spent floating through the void, this prospect had never once occurred to him. And now, confronted with the opportunity, it didn’t excite him as much as he expected. 

All he wanted was an answer — not another chance.

He hadn’t done enough in his first life to deserve a second one. The evidence of that had been laid plain before him. Or so he assumed. 

‘How can I break free from this cycle?’ he began to think. 

Another life would lead to another death. And he may not be so lucky as to wind up here again. 

Shep began to more carefully observe the cosmos. If his soul had initially been bound outside of this river of reincarnation, then surely there must be other destinations as well. 

But what was the purpose of their separation?

As Shep pondered, many souls departed to their new adventure, while many more joined him in the river. 

It wasn’t until they entered a rather peculiar galaxy that he finally noticed something different. There was a qualitative change in the atmosphere.

First, he noticed it in the new souls. They thrummed with vitality far beyond the others — even comparable to Shep himself in some cases. And within a few of their vessels, flowed hazy purplish-blue energy. 

Before long, Shep realized that this energy wasn’t only present within these souls, but was woven into the very fabric of space around them. 

The nebulous of gas, dust, and stars glittered brilliantly alongside the aurora of mystical energy.

‘What could cause this? What is this energy, that it's so pervasive and powerful it could infringe upon the soul?’

Shep wanted to learn more, so he slowed down his pace, lingering for as long as he could.

He saw that the energy afforded these souls more maneuverability than himself. They swam through the river joyously, sometimes even escaping the unseen vortex only to be quickly drawn back inside. 

Accurate conclusions were difficult to draw, but if this energy could be used to further his quest for the truth, he would gladly gather it for himself. Unfortunately, Shep was met with no success, even after a multitude of varying attempts. This frustrated him immensely as he knew that it was possible. The souls that departed from these worlds had achieved it. 

But what allowed them to do so?

None of those who entered the river ever seemed able to accumulate more of it. There was a possibility that they only lost this ability due to their memories being purified before entering the river, but Shep suspected that it may also require a physical body. 

Either way, he was running out of time. Shep was moving as slowly as possible, but even then, he was flashing through the galaxy at a velocity beyond the speed of light.

He had to make a decision. Who knew how long it would be before he encountered something like this energy or substance again?

Maybe, just maybe… if he could harvest enough of it…

Go—! The lingering remnants of the souls inside of him shouted all at once.

And so, Shep went. 

He pushed against the flow of the river, making his way out to the edge. The force binding him inside sought to squeeze and suffocate his vessel. Twisting and wrenching him back onto the preordained path. 

But he was the one who had emerged from the depths of the Chasm of Lost Souls. He was not so easy to tie down.

Shep tore through the barrier. Hundreds and thousands of souls gushed out of the pipeline alongside him, flooding the galaxy with their splendor. Many were abruptly drawn back in before the leak could be patched, but just as many were not.

Shep tumbled down like a skydiver without a parachute. He was no longer guided by the unseen hand, but he was also unable to control his destination. 

Though, to him, it mattered not. He smiled with youthful glee as a particularly large and lush planet, reminiscent of his previous, entered his sights. 

Long forgotten was the spiteful old man who had raged at fate from his stoop. 

An opportunity was before him and Shep was determined to persevere until the end no matter what obstacles rose to block his path. 

He would have his answers in due time.