I dropped the wet towel in shock. Coughing in confusion I waved the smoke away from my face, causing a small whirlwind in front of me, out of which appeared a woman’s face. A pale blue in color it was surrounded by a sweep of purple hair. Glowing green eyes stared at me in anger, as the smoke slowly dissipated. She was wearing a purple genie outfit, just like I Dream of Genie minus the stupid hat. She had a set of wicked looking nails, and not the fake press on nails but closer to the rake your face with my claws type.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to strike a lady, especially a guest invited into your room?”, She smiled at me like a predator which was easy as her mouth was full of sharp teeth. “Cat got your tongue boy? Never had a lady appear out of a lamp in your bedroom? I’m happy to be your first, you can call me Merielle.”

“Gravy Boat”, I croaked not taking my eyes away from her. She was gorgeous in an alien eat your face off sort of way. I think my brain blue screened.

“Gravy Boat?”

“Uh, never mind my brain just vomited up something random”, hopefully covering up my mistake.

“Oh, well then, let’s get down to business then. Standard rules apply, one No wishing for more wishes, two no wishing for unlimited power, three all wishes are final no refunds. What’s your first one?”

I was going through information overload and didn’t know where to start processing what was said. I guess the gravy boat could be a lamp, but it would be a better-looking gravy boat in my opinion and that’s not saying much. OK she’s a genie, wishes, pretty standard rules. My quick acceptance of the situation may seem strange, but it makes sense. Either I just rubbed a genie lamp and now have 3 wishes or I’m crazy and am I hallucinating/dreaming a genie. If I’m insane not much I can do but go with the ride, or it’s real. Either way I might as well move forward, fighting it won’t do a damn thing. OK, so what do I remember about stories involving genies...they are portrayed by either hot chicks, Robin Williams, or are going to screw me over. While this genie is pretty hot, I’m going to assume this isn’t an animé and she wants to be my sex slave. Robin Williams is dead, and this genie isn’t funny so that’s probably out. I should go under the assumption that she will screw me over. So if I wish for a billion dollars she will give it to me in pennies and I will be buried alive

“Quick question, are questions allowed?”

“Certainly”

“What consists of a wish? If I ask for a grapefruit does that count, or do I have to say I wish for a grapefruit?”

“You have to say I wish for a grapefruit”, she said handing me a grapefruit. “Wish one down and simple at that, how refreshing. People usually ask for wealth or a harem, I’m glad you are thinking healthy if not wisely.”

“Hell’s Bells! So it’s going to be like that then, going the lawyer route?”

“Absolutely not! Only Devils can take that class. I’m a politician, much higher Charisma stat.”

OK, so I need to shut my mouth and think this through. Less chance of me making a mistake and getting another citrus fruit. Did I want a harem? Not really, seems like more work than pleasure to me. I would also have to wish for wealth because not much fun having a harem living on the streets in refrigerator boxes. Do I want wealth? I’ve seen with Mr. Jenkins that wealth doesn’t bring happiness, but it does provide unlimited Velveeta, not something I want. I could wish for happiness, but then I will probably be struck dumb and end up a drooling mental patient happily staring at the floor in an asylum. Whatever I do I will have to be specific about the wish to avoid negative consequences.

So what did I want, what was my life missing? Well I had no control, no real future available to me. I wanted opportunity not fettered by my birth. I want control over who I am and who I will be. I wanted a long life so I could spend it growing. I wanted magic, not the dreary average that my life has been up to now. OK so what would allow me all that, but leave me the flexibility to rules lawyer the hell out of my wish. How to turn the game back on her and get what I want.

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A game, that was it. A game would allow me to make the rules limit the variables, prevent as many twists as possible. Best bet would be to go the role-playing route, allows for magic, long-lived races like elves, and she did mention something like classes. I wanted real flexibility going, so a skill-based route would be best.

“OK, I will need time to think up my next two wishes. However, I want some privacy, I don’t want to make a mistake while thinking aloud and end up with another grapefruit.”

“As you wish boy, just give me a rub when you are ready. I’ve got all eternity and a huge Netflix queue to get through.”, she smirked as she dissolved into purple smoke and flowed back into the grav...lamp.

All right, so let’s get down to it. I want a skill based system, that allows learning without having to be taught by another person or books alone. There needed to be a help system, so I could get explanations of the spells, stats, skills, etc. There needs to be magic both the wizard type and the cleric type. I wanted many races other than humans.

Now I need to stack the deck a little in my favor. I want to understand all languages written, spoken, and signed. I don’t want there to be any mistakes due to language. I want to have the longest lifespan possible, to give me plenty of time to learn. Hell, while I’m at it let’s do the whole unable to truly die thing like in video games.

That should cover the first wish, I think for the second one I will ask for an out if things go bad. To be returned to the exact point and time I placed me world transplant wish.

I spent all night going over my option eventually writing down a list of items to present to the genie.

I want to be transplanted into a world of magic with the following characteristics:

1. World will have a skill based system, said system will allow for learning via personal experience as well as through teaching and books.

2. A help system like mechanic will be available to provide explanations of various world mechanics when queried.

3. Magic in the world must allow for various types both arcane and divine

4. World must have various races other than human to include elves, dwarves, gnomes, halflings, orcs, inter species mixes, and others.

5. In this world I will understand all written, spoken, and signed languages

6. I will have the longest lifespan available.

7. A save system like video games

I can’t think of anything else so it’s now or never. I reached for the lamp and rubbed it vigorously, watching as purple smoke spiraled out of the spout and formed into the Merielle.

“I was right in the middle of Stranger Things season 2, this better be good! Are you finally ready to make your wishes boy?”

“I’ve prepared a list for my first wish. I’m assuming it will not be beyond your abilities?”

Merielle grabbed the list from my hand and began to review it. Her lips pursed as she read, going over each item in turn. She set the list down on the desk and began to tap her index finger against her lips in thought.

“It’s not beyond my abilities, but I’m not sure it counts as just one wish. There are many items on this list, just going by the numbered items alone I could be justified in saying there are seven wishes.”

“No way 7 wishes, they are interconnected! The world based items are parameters for the world. The character specifics are also parameters for a single wish. Just because I’m specific doesn’t mean you can cheat me out of my wishes!”

“Hmm, here is what I will do. I can do all this with your remaining two wishes, but after that we are done, that’s my final offer. I like you kid, but I do have to get back to my Netflix queue.”

Having it counts as two wishes was not what I wanted. I would be out the safety wish, but do I want to come back to all this. A crappy life with no real opportunities. I’m pretty sure I covered by bases well enough with the list to not be overly screwed by Merielle. What the hell, I’ve got nothing of worth to lose!

“Deal! So how do we do this?”

“Simple, say that you wish to use your remaining wishes to fulfill the items on the provided list.”

Grabbing the list in my hand I reviewed it one more time, then took a deep breath.

“I wish to use my remaining wishes to fulfill the items provided on the list.”

“As you wish!”