"I hate him," she grumbled into her pillow that night, when she was at last alone.

Hellenos shifted from his post at the headboard of her bed, where he took up a sentinel position each night. Oh? he murmured unconcernedly. I thought the boy quite effectively proved the exact opposite.

Jubilee felt her cheeks flare with heat, and felt thankful for the dark cover of night. Not because of Hellenos—she was long past the mode of caring about appearances with him, since they made no difference to him anyway—but because she knew security cams hung in every corner of her bedroom. The bathroom was her only private sanctuary, and there she went to change and vent loudly to Hellenos whenever needed. Though she had heard that this luxury wasn't afforded to everybody…apparently Misa, being the suspected second Kira, had security cams in every nook and cranny of her living quarters. Jubilee shuddered at the thought. It was no wonder Misa made the accusations against L that she did. On the other hand though, the girl was more used to being on camera anyway. It seemed she was less bothered by the lack of privacy as she was by the restrictions on getting to do whatever she wanted, particularly when it came to seeing Light.

Hellenos' voice broke through her brooding. So which is it? Do you like him or do you hate him?

Jubilee groaned and pulled her covers over her head. "Both," she muttered. The admission was a begrudging one. She was still grappling with the reality of her feelings, and didn't like the fact that they were there at all. Worse, that they remained there even after the humiliating rejection L had given her.

How could he just call her out like that, so bluntly? The man was an unfeeling prototype of a human who was utterly void of humanity. Dad must have downright forgotten to install sensitivity and tact into that one, as much as a blundering technician might forget to put the necessary drives in a computer. For a computer was exactly what L was like; cold and calculating, with a brilliant mind, but entirely void of empathy. How on earth could she have fallen for someone like that? She hadn't wanted to; still didn't want to. She hadn't even wanted anything in return, simply for these insane notions in her head and her heart to go away. Yet even so, she'd gotten rejected anyway. It was utterly unfair.

Jubilee… said Hellenos' voice warningly.

She glanced up over the covers at the angel. He was starting to dim slightly.

Watch your thoughts, he said, crossing his arms.

She threw off her covers. "What?" she burst out, suddenly not caring if anyone was listening to her on surveillance. "Everything that I'm thinking is true!"

If that were the case, then this— Hellenos gestured at his fading form, Wouldn't be happening.

Jubilee scowled at him. "So you're going to leave me now too, for being cranky?"

Hellenos frowned. You know that I never leave you. When Jubilee continued to give him a stubborn glare, he added solemnly, It is the thoughts that you allow yourself to think which isolate you, Jubilee. Never others, never me…and never the Father.

Jubilee opened her mouth to retort but then stopped, suddenly aware of something. Hellenos nodded, knowing her thoughts even more quickly then she could make sense of them. Yes, he said. With your thoughts you choose to believe either the reality that you are accepted...or the illusion that you were rejected.

Jubilee looked down, conflicting thoughts warring in her brain. Part of her somehow knew, deep down in her spirit, that what Hellenos was saying was true. But the other part of her didn't understand it at all. "But I was rejected," she whispered. Not that it should matter, she thought stubbornly to herself.

Hellenos sighed. Were you?

A flood of images entered Jubilee's mind. L's eyes, cool and apathetic, as he discouraged her feelings for him. Alexa Marie and her giggling cronies at church, and the curious eyes of many others in the congregation. Her parents' graves. The black, gaping void of hell.

She shivered, and the realization of a connection slowly formed in her mind. "You asked me what I was afraid of, earlier," she said softly. "I didn't know, at the time, but now I see…I am afraid. Have been, for a long time. That—that when I love someone…I will inevitably lose them."

The final image of a bright, otherworldly face far above her, becoming farther and farther away as she fell in a swift, unstoppable plunge back to the life on earth that she didn't want, came to the forefront of her mind's eye. She blinked back tears. Her parents…her friends…Alyssa…Pastor Andrews and his wife Susan…Meirin, Christine and everybody back at Wakahisa…even heaven and all of its beauty and promises…all of them had been taken from her. And the last one had unexpectedly been the most painful loss of all.

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Even worse…some of those were my own fault. Hellenos had been right. It was her own fears that had caused her to reject the people around her before they could have the chance to reject her, and her own selfish thinking that had driven her to thoughtlessly betray others and constantly push them away. Was that why she had been forced to return to life on earth? Was that why she hadn't been allowed to stay in the place where she wanted to be, with her parents, and with the only One who had every made her feel truly safe and complete? Because she wasn't good enough to be there?

She became aware of a faint shimmer at her side. Hellenos had knelt down beside the bed to be eye level with her.

Life is a gift, not a punishment, dear child, he told her gently, brushing away the tears that had fallen down her cheek. The greatest gift of love that there is, in fact. That's why He gave His for you…so that you could have new life.

Jubilee ducked her head and held back a small sob, feeling suddenly emotional. "But I don't deserve it," she choked out.

No one does, said Hellenos, giving her a small pat on the head. If they did, it wouldn't truly be love, now would it?

Jubilee looked up at him, confused.

Come now. Everyone has heard it said, haven't they? True love is unconditional.

Jubilee had heard it said, many times. But though she had always known the mantra in her head, this was the first time it was starting to make sense in her heart.

What's more, Jubilee, Hellenos was saying, What is true…is never truly lost.

Jubilee mulled over these words in her head. What was true was never truly lost? What was truth?

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, a small voice whispered through her heart. Suddenly her mind's eye opened up with vivid images from the past, present and future—her resurrected father, bright and glowing as he greeted her at heaven's gates; William and Susan hundreds of thousands of miles away in the states praying together for her; and a familiar face, shining and ineffable, smiling at her as it reached out a warm, radiant hand to cup her face for the first time.

You'll see me again, Jubilee, her father had said.

There is nothing you, or anyone else, has ever done, that can't be forgiven and redeemed, Pastor Andrews had told her. And she knew, from the look in his and Susan's eyes that she had only ever seen from her own parents, that they had truly believed that about her.

The small voice whispered again to her, a short statement that she recognized and knew well. I am always with you, it said, like it had so many times before over the last two years. And even long before that, she realized—long before she had learned how to hear it at all.

"Love," Jubilee whispered to herself, feeling an unexplainable awe and sense of understanding. "Love is never lost."

Hellenos smiled broadly. Well said, child.

Jubilee looked up into the eyes of her guardian angel and, at that moment, saw in his face the faces of everyone on earth and in heaven who had ever loved her, and who had never stopped loving her. In that moment she knew and understood, without a doubt, that she was completely and wholly accepted. And that this was truth.

The image of L's eyes floated to the forefront of her mind again, from the moments before he had taken his leave of her. She saw now what she had not allowed herself to see then—that there had been empathy in them. We need not speak of this again, he had said. And before that, Allow me to save you the time and discomfort of having to lie. Contrary to what she wanted to believe, she knew now that he had said these things with the intention to lessen her hurt, not increase it. It was the same reason why he had pulled her aside rather than called her out in front of everyone.

She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. Thoughts warred in her mind and emotions battled against one another in her heart. Despite the truth, it didn't hurt any less when the ones you loved didn't love you back…or died…or kicked you out of heaven.

Perspective, child, sighed Hellenos.

"This is so crazy," she muttered, rubbing her temples. Whoever thought that she would develop feelings for someone like L? Someone so…so blatantly abnormal? Yet, at last, she could admit to herself that she had. For no good reason. Then again, she had to admit that L probably had some redeeming qualities at least. How else could she have fallen for him?

That's not quite it. Well, it is, but it isn't.

Jubilee stared up at him. "What?"

You're at war with yourself, Jubilee. Hellenos tapped his temple and his chest for emphasis. One side of you is looking for reasons, wanting to analyze and make sense of everything. To justify your feelings. But that isn't love. It may be the world's kind of love, but it isn't truth. The other side of you… He reached out a finger, placing it against her sternum, Has known truth all along. That love is a choice. He let his finger drop. You must choose which side you want to be on—just as anyone who truly loves, must choose day by day to remain in that love.

Jubilee gazed down at the spot over her heart where his finger had been. At this point, she couldn't deny that she had feelings for L. But she also couldn't deny that she deeply resented him for it. She was at war with herself—and the two sides locked in battle were the ability to trust and love and the desire to blame and hate. The right answer seemed so obvious; and yet, she felt powerless to choose it.

"I can't," she murmured miserably. "I'm sorry. I want to, but I just—can't." She stared into the dark nothingness, feeling the empty defeat of that one, overwhelming word. "I can't willfully change how I think," she whispered, then sighed. "Maybe I just need time."

Hellenos said nothing for a moment, as if he were listening for something; then gave her a gracious smile. Luckily, the One who lives in eternity is very patient. He gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. Don't worry, Jubilee…what you think is impossible now, is more possible than you know. In time you will see that.

Jubilee gave a half-hearted smile. "I can't honestly say that I believe that right now. But…I'm willing to change."

His smile broadened. That's all that it takes.