"Well, here we are again", he sighed, lighting his cigarette.

She was lying on his bed, her overcoat still buttoned, long boots still on.

This is how all their conversations started, right before one of us them was heading out.

"You know I feel, it's about time we stopped tip toeing around the elephant in the room", she lay sprawled on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"You say that every time", he sighed, making himself comfortable on the sofa, glaring at her.

"Well, I'm hoping you'll get serious eventually", she replied, not moving an inch from her place.

It was cold outside but he never closed the windows. His sparsely furnished bedroom was always chilly.

"There's nothing to get serious about. It's because this is all we've got", he answered, calmly, smoking away, not shifting his eyes for even a second.

"All you've got, maybe, but not me. I have better prospects in life," she wrapped some strands of stray hair around her finger.

Her long dark hair lay sprawled on the bed, flowing whenever the cold wind blew past.

"As a matter of fact, I meant exclusively you", he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "Should we go our separate ways, or one of us dies, it's easy to see what would happen. If you leave, I'll simply go on and live alone for the rest of my days without changing a thing. You, on the other hand, will kill yourself if I'm gone. I'm in fact the last stop on your journey. If you don't choose to stay here, your journey's over. You see?"

She didn't know he'd figured it out. Then again, she'd never made any efforts to hide it anyway.

She paused a while before answering, "So then, you agree that it's convenient for both of us to simply stay as we are. But don't you feel the stagnation in all this? This back and forth has lasted longer than it should have. And yet, with every confrontation, it only becomes harder to control these emotions."

Her answer was almost a whisper, but it presented no problem in reaching him.

"How about...", he took a deep drag of the cigarette, "...we get married?"

"Huh?", she broke into a chuckle, "Is that your solution? Isn't it really just your way of snagging the victory? Quiet an underhanded way to get the upper hand. And that's all you thought of? How terrible!"

"Say what you will, but I've given it a lot of thought. In fact, one should only marry the people they hope to kill down the lane someday."

"Oh?", she was surprised enough to push herself up and examine his face, finding it painted utterly serious, "Well said. Very well said, in fact. It might just convince me."

She was certainly impressed.

"If I'd known you were a fan of such cocky two-bit behavior, I'd have murdered you sooner", he grinned playfully.

"Might, I said", she returned the grin, "But I suppose I'll take that back altogether."

"Still, if I was keeping you as a trophy, it should have served my purpose by now, having lived with you for three years, don't you think?", he ashed the cigarette on the sole of his boot.

Living with you, he said, but it was hardly that. For days, they'd barely see each other. For weeks, they wouldn't have said a word. And when they finally did get the time or reason to talk, it was always accompanied by the anticipation of running away.

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"Perhaps so. But a girlfriend is a girlfriend. No matter how perfect we look to the world, it's a fact that all this is meaningless. I don't love you. It must be a first for you to not have someone fall for you, even after three years. Doesn't it hurt your pride?", she rolled on her stomach, and cupped her face, looking directly at him.

He sniggered.

"Even so, I've never doubted you for a second. You're cursed by the one you gave your heart to. I was never hoping for you to fall for me at all. That's part of your charm, ya know. You think my time's so paltry, debasing myself for someone that'd be head over heels for me? You understand there's a reason I don't mind you so. Perhaps, that's why we've lasted this long", he answered, smirking.

All his life, he'd had no trouble with people. Anyone he gave his remotest attention to became a slave to him for life. She was the only exception. That's what irked him. But he knew he would never find anyone like that ever again. In the end, all else would be far too mundane if he were to let her go.

"I wish you wouldn't bring up that person so easily. I never gave him my heart, that's the problem. You wouldn't get it. And what do you mean, debase yourself?", her expression changed swiftly.

She leaned over and grabbed the cigarette he was lighting for himself. She then went back to lying flat on the bed, the cigarette pressed warmly between her lips as she watched the smoke float away. She tried to grab it, but it slipped through her fingers, straight into oblivion.

"I'm not bringing it up so easily as you think. Hell, I can't put my finger on it at all. You being so damn tightlipped about it is no help", he answered, going for another cigarette only to realize the pack was empty. He sighed.

"That's enough. It's because you don't know anything about it. Don't go on, please. I'd rather leave now", she wanted to avoid the subject.

"Oh? And what was that about tiptoeing around the elephant in the room?", he wasn't willing to let her go today.

In fact, he'd decided he would delay her so that she wouldn't leave at all. If it came to it, he would have tied her up with the very bed she was sprawled on.

"You know what's wrong here?", she sighed.

"Hmm?"

"It's the fact that we're stuck here. Long as we stay like this, neither of us will ever really get a move on. So then, what you really want to tell me is to forget that person and love you because, for all your arrogance, you've fallen for me. But at the same time, you also realize that something that mundane will eventually end before the month is over, and that'll be it. So our only chance to be 'something' is by being this way, where I'm stuck in the past and you're disgusted by me. Don't you see the paradox here? We lose something to gain something, but what we gain loses all meaning if we do get it."

"What-"

She broke him off.

"You're absolutely right about the fact that if we were to leave here and run away from this stalemate, you'll be in a limbo and I'll most certainly end my life. There's no doubt in my mind that that is true. It's worth holding on because you're my anchor, but you must realize that we just let it pile up. We never reach an agreement. And the longer we go on, the crazier we get. Perhaps the answer at the end is to really truly lose ourselves and become something... despicable. Maybe then, all these reservations won't mean anything anymore", she finally concluded, bringing the already burnt cigarette to her lips, her gaze still fixed at the ceiling.

She felt nothing. He listened in utter silence, resting his head in his hand, wearing a completely detached, monotonous face as if saying, he didn't need to be told all that.

"You've got that ugly habit of running away. The smallest things overwhelm you. Dump the baggage somewhere, maybe?", he gave her a skeptical look.

"What 'smallest' things are you referring to?", she returned the sarcasm.

"You talk about this paradox as if it's the wrongest thing to happen. The only truth here is that we're lonely people. Out in the world on our we'll only get lost. Our extremities are just so, aren't they? We believe in killing our lovers. The world can't understand that. This is why, the moment we walk away from the paradox, our extremities would be too much for life to handle. Whether you end it yourself or let it whither, the simple fact remains that no survival is possible", he leaned forward, paying full attention to all her smallest movements as she lay still.

"What's all that matter? Even if that's the state of life we're stuck with, where's our own will in any of that?", she asked, disgruntled.

"Our will?", he was surprised to hear of such things from her, "Is there something you want?"

"..."

He chuckled, "We're slave to the extremes, aren't we?"

"What do you want, then?", she was a bit annoyed.

"Just what I proposed."

"That's impossible. Besides, you aren't talking about me at all. Half of me is made of 'that' person. Isn't that unbearable for you?", she smirked.

He looked at her in silence.

"Well, I guess I'm in love with that person, then."

"DON'T EVEN GO THERE."

He chuckled, "What does it matter anyway?"

"It matters because I haven't got any will in there anywhere."

"You're too concerned about that. You know, we're bound to part ways sooner or later. And it's all towards the same conclusion. Besides, you make it sound like I forced you into this. When in reality, it's a choice we both made. With our OWN will. The vows were taken a long time ago."

She pondered silently, unable to deny the truth. It was getting late, and she realized she couldn't go out anymore. She had dressed up for nothing.

"Well, then lets make a deal", he proposed after a while, seeing as she'd run out of arguments.

"A deal?"

"In order to ensure both our interests are well met in this way of living."

"If you say marriage again...", she frowned.

"Simply a deal. See it as whatever you will", he grinned.

"Let's hear it then."

"The two of us will never part ways. And when the time comes...only we can kill each other."

With that, he brought her possibilities down to one. That was to be expected. A man like him always acted in his own interest. It was his win. She hated letting him have his way. It all sounded so hopeless to her.

"Whatever the hell? Sounds just like marriage to me", she murmured.

"Then let's seal the deal", he said, getting up from his seat.

"I haven't exactly agreed yet", she replied, but went completely ignored.

The wind blew in like a freezing sharp knife, cutting through the threads of tension that had lingered in that almost empty bedroom for years.

He sat on the bed near her head and leaned right down into her vision. Before she knew it, he imparted a kiss, the warmth of which lingered for a while before the wind swept it away.

Indeed, it was something like marriage, after all.