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Chapter 3

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After bringing the buzz back up, I stowed the booze in my trunk. I had no wish for the prefects to come checking the compartment, only to find it occupied by a bottle of whiskey.

“Come on, boys.” I waved at the train compartment's door. “Lets go meet our classmates.”

Crabbe and Goyle rose to their feet shakily. Goyle tripped over his own feet and sprawled all over the floor. Crabbe took the opportunity to vomit all over the prone form of Goyle.

The smell was horrendous.

Goyle reacted to the puke with a return spew all over Crabbe's feet. The sight and smell of more bile brought Crabbe over the edge of holding back his nausea. He gagged and then let loose all over the now crying Goyle.

“You two stay here and get cleaned up.” I wanted nothing to do with this mess. “I want you two to change into your school robes and go freshen up in the bathroom.”

“Dobby!” I called into the air.

He appeared with a popping noise.

“Clean up this mess” I pointed to the vomit pooled on the floor. “Bring these two a couple of sandwiches and some pumpkin juice as well.”

Dobby nodded.

“I'm going to go introduce myself to Harry Potter.” I jerked a thumb over my shoulder at the compartment door. “I'll introduce you to him, as well as to offer him your services.”

Dobby nodded excitedly and snapped his fingers. The vomit vanished as if it had never been there. It vanished off both Crabbe and Goyle's robes as well as off the floor. The air was left with a minty clean smell.

I made a mental note to learn how to do that. My deluded mind came up with the weirdest shit. I was really starting to enjoy my own insanity. It was so realistic.

Dobby vanished only for a moment before reappearing with a spread of different sandwiches and a pitcher of juice. The little fucker was quick. I had no idea how he got the food and juice together so quickly.

Goyle took one look at the food, and then vomited again.

“Stay with them, until they are okay, while I go talk to the great Harry Potter.” I pointed at the once again puke covered Crabbe, “and Keep cleaning up after them, until they sober up.”

I reached into my trunk and grabbed a set of black school robes and slung them over my shoulder with one hand. I swished my wand at the compartment door in front of me. The door opened with a click and swoosh. I stepped out into the hallway, leaving the sick boys and the Excited house elf inside the compartment.

I loved this deluded reality sometimes. Just wave a wand and anything you want can happen.

I'd learned the locking charm from 'Mother'. She taught it to me in order to lock my trunk from prying hands, 'grasping for the wealth of our family', as mother said.

I waved my wand at the door again, and it shut and locked with a click.

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Making my way down the train corridor, I felt a little crowded as as students went up and down the hallway in bunches or alone. I noticed that there was no air conditioning vents on the ceiling, and yet the air was still fresh and pleasantly cool.

I weaved my way through the crowds of boys and girls as they rushed to and fro. I glanced into every compartment I passed. I noticed that one had a few witches changing clothes, and a crowd of boys gazing into the window with star-struck looks in their eyes.

I had a suspicion that the girls knew the boys were watching and were putting on a show on purpose, for attention.

All I could think was 'Underage girls are yucky'. Women don't gain an ounce of sanity until they hit at least 24 years of age in my experience. Boys took far longer. I expected that wizards took even longer to mature mentally than their muggle counterparts.

I ignored the scene and moved on.

Finally, at the end of the train, I found a compartment that only contained A single redheaded boy and a black haired boy. They were surrounded by a plethora of candy and snack wrappers. I assumed these were Potter and Weasley.

Time to make my first real decision in this delusion...

Do what I could do to help the boys out...

or do what would make me happy.

It was my delusion. Did I really have to be a good guy like I was when I was sane? Did I have to be good?

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

Maybe I could do both the right thing and keep myself entertained with my delusion.

I burst through the compartment door.

“Oh my god, you really him?!?”

I looked back and forth between the two boys and noticed Harry cringe back. Apparently he didn't like his fame very much.

“Hey mate, don't come-” Ron pointed at me and started to speak before I cut him off.

“Ronald Weasly!” I exclaimed, loudly. “I've been looking forward to meeting you for years!”

I rushed toward him and grabbed his pointing hand. I shook it up and down vigorously with both of mine. “I'm your biggest fan!” I practically yelled in his face as I shook his hands.

Ron stared at me, dumbfounded. I could hear as Harry snickered behind me. “I'm really looking forward to going to school with you this year!”

“What are you-” Ron came out of his stupor, tried to jerk his hand away, and, began talking again before I cut him off once more.

“How rude of me not to introduce myself!” I kept on shaking his hand. “I'm Penny Bendleton!” I came up with the name on the spot. “And I'm really happy to meet you.”

“Why are you his fan?” Harry asked from behind me.

I stopped shaking the red-haired boy's hand with a smile and backed away. I looked over at Harry. “He is the sixth son of a sixth son.” I exclaimed. “Those are the most powerful birth numbers in all of the world! Every pureblood in the world knows his name!”

Even Ron looked astonished as I said that.

“Re-really?” Ron asked with a hopeful look on his face.

“No.” I chuckled. “I was making all that up.”

I burst into laughter at the now glowing red-headed boy's face. He looked like someone took a big steaming shit on his puppy.

“I heard of you from my father though. He told me not to associate with you or any of your friends.” I admitted to the red faced boy as my laughter trailed off. “That means we just have to be friends!”

“Who are you?” Ron growled angrily. “I've never heard of the Bendleton family before.”

“That was a lie,” I stood and bowed with a flourish. “I am the great and powerful Oz”

“Whose your father then, that told you to avoid me, Oz?” Ron's face seemed to have taken on an even brighter shade of red.

Harry chuckled a little.. “Oz isn't real.” He pointed out.

Ron frowned and poked me with a forefinger. “You can't touch illusions, Harry.”

Harry and I both let out peals of laughter at that one.

“The name,” Harry gasped out a laugh, “it isn't real.”

Ron glared at me.

I stuck out a hand to shake. “Nice to meet you Ronald Weasley.” I began, “I apologize for the prank.” Not really, but politeness never hurt anybody. “My name is Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.”

Ron snorted. “Think we want to be friends with the likes of you?” He didn't reach out to take my hand. “My father mentions your family all the time.”

“Your family are all followers of You-know-who.” Ron pointed at me with a scandalized look on his face. “The Malfoy family is as dark as they come, Harry.”

Kids...

“I hope to prove those nasty rumors untrue.” I reached out my hand to shake Harry's hand. “Hopefully you can make up your own mind on what friends you make.”

He didn't reach out to shake my hand either. “I can choose my friends just fine thanks.” He nodded to the compartment's door.

That stung a little, I admit. Damn judgmental kids. I felt my liquor buzz begin to wear away a little.

Maybe I could have introduced myself in a nicer way to get on my delusion's good side, but...

It's my delusion.

“Well, actions speak louder than words.” I backed away to the compartment's door. “I shall bid you both adieu and well wishes.”

I bowed with a flourish of my black pointed hat.

So sue me.

I get dramatic when I'm tipsy.

“You may want to change into your school robes, the train is almost there.” The compartment closed behind me with a click.

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“Dobby” I called into the cool air of the train compartment hallway.

He appeared with another pop. “Young master is asking for Dobby?”

“I failed, Dobby.” I admitted with a sigh. “Harry Potter is in love with Ron Weasley.”

“In love with Wheezy?” Dobby asked confused.

I nodded solemnly. “Yes, in love with a Wheezy.” I looked down at the elf “I'm sorry, but the whole Wheezy family hates me.”

The elf started to tear up. “The young master is apologizing to Dobby?”

“Yes. I'm sorry.” I spoke truthfully. “I want you to know, that I will keep trying to get you some services with Harry Potter all year.”

The house elf started sobbing into my robes. “Do-Dobby is so happy to have such a kind master.”

Some students passed and gave me a funny look as the elf blew his nose in the crotch region of my robes.

I nodded sagely and agreed. “Yes, I am a very kind master.”

'As long as you keep bringing me hooch, I'll be the best master you could ever dream of.'

Damn my delusions are entertaining.

I felt the dampness sink into my underwear.

Damn my delusions are weird.

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“No more than four to a boat” The half-giant called out as he led all the first years to the lake that lay besides the Hogsmeade train station. The man's size put into prospective just how short I really was.

Crabbe and Goyle managed not to stumble behind me. I believe they managed to throw up most of the liquor they drank before they got too wasted. I on the other hand, knew how to pace myself, and keep a nice buzz going all night.

I sat in a boat with Crabbe, Goyle, and an adorable little blond girl. Only the scowl across her face kept me from glomping onto her and pinching her grouchy little cheeks. It was going to be hard to maintain my buzz with all of these kids around.

The boats began to move on their own all of a sudden.

The lake was as dark as pitch. I could see the stars reflected off the black water. I looked up. The sky was clearer than I had ever seen it. There was a lot of light pollution where I lived in America. I had never seen the stars so clearly.

I heard the students gasp around me.

After dropping my gaze back down from the heavens, I was greeted by a beautiful sight, the castle of Hogwarts.

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I stood in a line with all of the other first years and waited to be called up to the sorting hat. I was about to have a mind-reading hat on my head pry into my past. It would be able to see every dirty little secret I had.

Should I be worried about the mind reading hat? Should I be worried that the hat would go spilling my secrets to the headmaster? Should I be worried that the hat would use my future knowledge to change the grim future ahead of Hogwarts?

Sure...

But I wasn't.

All I could think of was how bored I was. After the boredom, I just wished I had thought to have Dobby find me a flask so that I could have a few more drinky-poos before I had to go up in front of the entire school to have my mind read.

“Malfoy, Draco.” Finally my name was called up.

I wanted to strut a little as the whole school watched me walk to the hat. It never hurt to put a little bit of swagger in your in your gait. I stood straighter and lifted my chin as I climbed the podium stairs and up to the hat.

I took a seat and McGonagall lowered the hat to my head.

As soon as the hat touched my head, it let out a shout.

“Slytherin!”

God Damnit! I wanted Hufflepuff. I could be selling shots to the gullible little twits as soon as the prefects turned their backs. Now I would have to deal with all the suspicion attributed to the cunning.

“You need some mental help.” The hat whispered as the transfiguration teacher lifted the hat from my head.

“Well fuck you too,” I whispered.

“Ten points from Slytherin.” McGonagall practically hissed.

Damn delusions making my life difficult.

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