September 10, 1996
“Come with me if you want to live.”
Xander was staring at himself. Or, instead, a much older, cooler version of himself who had, in fact, just delivered that line in an awful faux-Austrian accent. Dopple-Xander had it all, too. An eyepatch, a black turtleneck sweater with jeans and combat boots, muscles, a commanding presence, and even a beard! And a Nick Fury style of beard, not a Gandalf beard.
Therefore, his response to Dopple-Xander was the most straightforward and logical reaction: “What? Did… did you just quote Terminator 2 at me?” Dopple-Xander pumped his fist once before recovering his composure and leaning over toward where Xander was lying in his bed. “Look, you do really well for yourself in the future, but it’s not enough… There’s a blonde coming to town, and you two will become… fairly close friends. So stop that… thing you’re doing with your eyebrows, you little perv. God, was I always like that? No wonder I couldn’t get a date in High School.”
Xander stared at what he assumed was his future badass self with something approaching hurt and betrayal. Dopple-Xander seemed unaffected and went on, “That nice guy incel bullshit will get you in trouble if you keep it up- Right, you don’t know what incels are yet… Nevermind. Look. The fact is, as good as you are, you need to be more. Will and her wife, Audra, put this together for me. You don’t know how many artifacts they had to drain to get the juice. I’d tell you to be patient and try not to overdo it, but you’re probably gonna screw up the first few loops-”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
“Wait, Willow and her what-“
Dopple-Xander cut in, ”Jeeze, I really had no attention span back then, did I? Is that just a teenager thing or… Look, you’re literally focusing on all the wrong things. Look, just take it and push the little button thingy on top. And remember, you have to master something for it to be engraved on your soul.” He shoved a small black orb with a big red button on it into Xander’s hands, who began to turn it about, examining it for any other characteristics. But, instead, it appeared to be precisely what it looked like. A smooth, black metal orb with a… simple red button.
“It looks kind of… basic,” Xander observed doubtfully. In response, dopple-Xander quipped,” You’re basic! Hah! Wait, right… that’s not really slang yet, either. Dammit. Honestly, I should just be impressed you’re taking this so well; I expected you to be freaking out and wondering what the hell is happening or where our eye went or… Well, peace.”
“Actually, I really would like to kno-“At that moment, Dopple-Xander disappeared in a flash of light before the stunned teenager, leaving Xander holding his… orb. After a moment, Xander pressed his thumb down on the button, the last words out of his mouth, a simple,” Not like this matters. This is clearly a nightmare caused by eating six Taco Bell crunch wraps right before bed… And why are you cracking wise, Xander? There’s no one here to hear you, and oh god, I can’t stop-“
At that moment, a bright light issued forth from every orifice, as his eyes were burned out of his skull when the device activated. The young man’s smoldering corpse fell back to the bed, his flow of panicked snark cut off in mid-sentence.