A heavenly, soft, filling loaf of bread awaited me for my morning meal. I wolfed the mo-fo down and then lay on the concrete floor groaning in pleasure.

I tell you - sex, heaven, drugs, a new pair of comfy sneakers straight from the box - there ain’t nothing better than the feeling of a full belly.

After my little moaning routine I set up the tablet and waited for Alex to call. The waiting gave me time to come up with a little plan for the call.

That’s right - I, ElitheHill, the king of I don’t give a damn, I’m just gonna read a web fiction instead, was making a plan for a simple phonecall.

Why?

Partly because I wanted to be the best webfiction author on the planet and blah blah blah… but mainly because I wanted to get some revenge on Alex. I wanted to do something, anything just to wipe that goddamn superior look off his face.

You see - I figured that although Crusher Media had almost no moral compass, and was willing to lock people in cells just to get the fictions they needed, the company still had one thing they cared about.

Money.

And because I was starting to rake in reads that meant I was an asset. And companies don’t like it when employees attack their money-making assets.

The tablet rung - I waited until the last vibration before I answered it.

‘Good morning Mr Hill,’ Alex said.

‘What’s up?’

Alex gave a patient receptionist-like smile, ‘Although there’s been a change in our relationship Mr Hill, I am still your superior. You will say good morning to me - and address me as Mr Alex.’

‘What’s that thing about a change in relationship?’ I pretended to pick something out of my teeth, ‘Are you being fired?’

The look he gave me almost made me shit my pants. I wondered if I’d made the wrong move in trying to aggravate him. Oh well… too late to turn back.

‘No. I have not been fired. If anything, I’ve been promoted. Only now, I’m being more closely monitored by my bosses.’

‘So you can’t like spray me with the sprinkler things anymore?’ I asked.

He laughed, ‘No… of course, I can, it’s just, now every time I do it I have to fill in a form stating why I felt the need to spray you. If my reason’s not good enough I could face disciplinary action.’

I cocked my head, ‘Wow. So it’s almost like you’ve got to treat me as a human.’

Alex held his hands up, ‘Woah woah woah, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. We still own you. I can do whatever I want with you…’ He winced, ‘Within reason.’

‘Mmhmm,’ I said, gently stretching out my pinkie finger in front of the camera.

‘But all that’s behind us now,’ Alex said, as I raised my ring finger to the camera. I used my other hand to bend it back a little further then lowered it. Alex kept warbling on, ‘From now on we’re going to have a professional work-’

He broke off as I raised my middle finger and pointed it directly at the camera. I used my other hand to make it as straight as possible.

‘Why are you moving your fingers like that?’

‘They’re finger exercises, I dunno, I just started doing them. Might help me type faster.’

He eyed me, ‘Right… okay, whatever…’ I raised my middle finger again and he shuddered, I shook the finger side to side and got a satisfying angry cough out of him.

Alex started talking about tags and how adding tags to my book would help it reach more people. Only, he wasn’t entirely sure what tags it would best fit under.

‘How about non-fiction?’ I asked.

‘In your dreams Mr Hill.’

After he started saying all this technical stuff and I zoned out. I kept waving my middle finger at the camera and pretending to stretch it with different parts of my body. Eventually, Alex just got fed up and asked me if I wanted anything before he ended the call.

‘Ahhh yeah, how many reads do I have to spend?’

He clicked a button on his keyboard with a brutal tap, ‘You’re now on 8000 views - you have 4000 to spend. That chicken, potatoes and bread you consumed last night were gifted to you by my superiors.’

‘Well…’ I grinned, ‘Let’s have some fun with this, shall we?’

I licked my lips, ‘Two loaves of bread, three carrots, a doughnut, two apples, and two hot mince pies.’

Alex nodded, his hands flew over the keyboard, ‘That comes to two thousand reads.’

I raised my eyebrows, ‘Only two thousand reads? That’s cheap!’

Alex just smiled, ‘Yeah… you’re just lucky you’ve got me looking after you.’

He pressed a button, ‘Bon appetite!’ then hung up.

There was a rattling in the ceiling above me. A flap opened and out tumbled two crusty loaves of bread, three shrivelled carrots, a doughnut that someone had already half-eaten, two apples that were littered with bruises, and two mince pies so overbaked that I swear they left dents in the floor when they landed.

‘What!’ I screamed, ‘What the hell is this?’

I grabbed my tablet, tried to call Alex, there was no number for him.

I tried to bite into one of the mince pies and nearly broke my tooth. I had to smash the thing on the ground a couple of times before it finally broke open. I split it in half like a coconut and scraped out pieces of the shrivelled flesh with my hands.

The meat was hard to swallow and made me want to throw up. I considered becoming vegetarian right there and then, but the carrots looked even less appealing.

For a while, I crawled around my shitty little cell. I would’ve paced, but there wasn’t enough headroom. Always sitting or crawling was giving me back pain.

So what did I do? I picked up that tablet and fricken vented. I vented up a couple thousand words and posted it. Within minutes I was getting comments, Inavigated to the front page of Crusher Books, hit the trending bar and scrolled down - I was number 121 on trending.

That’s good… I thought, but not good enough.

I stretched my fingers back and smiled as they gave a satisfying click. I took a bite out of an apple, it was soft and mushy, and it took all my self-control not to spit it back out.

Then I took to the screen again. I based out one sentence after another until I had another chapter. I hit post. Opened a new chapter, and started typing.

Midway through my fingers started to cramp. I stretched them again, yawned, and wiggled my middle fingers at the tablet - I remembered the look on Alex’s face and that gave me some energy to continue.

The sentences flew from my fingers. I noticed I’d misspelt a word, shrugged, and kept hacking away at the keys. Before I knew it 2000 words were on the screen. I hit post and started on my fourth chapter.

By the time Alex called me the next morning, I’d finished six chapters 12,023 words. I’d run out of crud to say in this book so I switched to The One Who Walks Alone.

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Views:

Victim of web fiction

One who walks alone

Reads last 24 hours

12,000

250

Reads all time

20,000

1,200

I noticed that by referring to The One Who Walks Alone in this work I was getting some readers jumping between the books.

Dedicated fans? I thought to myself, surely a loser like you doesn’t have fans.

But then I read a few comments and reconsidered the whole fan thing…

ShadowDon

Anyone wanna boycott this book so he starves and has to eat the tablet.

And…

Shaney12

This book stinks worse than the bucket you just shat in.

And…

Hazelwood

I don’t even understand why this thing’s on trending. I’ve read hundreds of books in first person that are way way better (including one about a chicken that’s at least three times as good as this) if I could give negative ratings i would give them to this book. It should not be on trending!!!

And the very creative…

God1

Die.

It’s fair to say that online readers can be a toxic bunch at times. Especially when things start to get popular. Nevertheless, there were some good peeps amongst them, particularly the first person who found this book, and gave it the five-star review that brought in more readers…

Aster Loka

This is actually very funny. I like it.

Aster Loka

Let's do this!

Unfortunately the next chapter button seems to be malfunctioning. I know you're a slave probably squeezing water from a blanket, but I think you need to write faster!

Aster Loka, I owe you homie. I really do.

Anyway… comments are fun, but even more fun is my psychotic slavemaster Alex, who enjoys showering me with rotten, stale food that’s completely inedible.

That piece of work called me after I’d just cranked out six chapters, had a sore stomach, and hadn’t slept a single wink of sleep.

Of course I was going to let him have it…

‘Alex!’ I yelled, ‘You bum turpid looking, garlic smelling, pimple popping, arsenic breathing, anthrax talking-’

‘-Mr Hill,’ Alex cut in, he swallowed and looked across at some other guy in a suit sitting at the desk with him.

‘You fed me food so disgusting dogs wouldn’t touch it!’ I screamed at him, ‘I’m not done with you. That shit was rotten man.’

‘Not rotten,’ Alex murmured nervously, ‘Just a… lower grade.’

‘Lower grade! I didn’t know there were different grades of bread!’

‘That’s why it was so cheap. I was doing you a favour.’

‘Yeah, trying to poison my famous ass. Doing me a real big favour pal.’

We glared at eachother until the guy to Alex’s left chirped in.

‘Well… good to see you two are coming up with a few scenarios for your character Mr Hill! Don’t feel you have to put this act on for me.’

Alex and I both glared at the man. Putting it on!?!

‘I love your work, love it!’ He continued, ‘Particularly the Mr Alex character - he’s just the perfect representation of how a person can weaponize bureaucracy! You really do have a great imagination.’

I gave a grim smile, ‘I’ve got a terrible imagination.’

The man just laughed, ‘I’m Mr Fox. I work in the reader acquisition department of Crusher Media. Your work has become very controversial - and let me tell you something. I love controversy.’

He gave a grin and I found myself liking the guy despite the fact he worked for a company that shut me in a goddamn cage.

‘Let me just say Mr Hill, can I call you Eli? Great! Let me just say I think your character should invest some money in better equipment - the faster you write, the more reads you’ll get.’

He gave another smile, ‘I’ve got to shoot, but Mr Hill keep up the good work. I’ll be in touch very soon.’

He got up, ran off, and then ran back to his chair - ‘Oh, and lunch is on me.’ He winked at Alex - ‘Get him something proper this time, okay?’

The way Alex nodded made my heart nearly explode with happiness.

‘Okay,’ Alex said as I ate an entire plate of burgers, ‘You got close to 17,000 views stored up - what do you want to spend them on?’

‘Can you read out the equipment costs?’ I asked.

‘Sure, I could, or you could not be lazy and swipe right on your screen and bring up the entire thing.’

I swiped, and sure enough, a menu appeared - there was not only equipment, but food, better accommodation, and also services like cover design, and editing. Each item had a little price next to it.

‘Woah! How come some of the numbers are moving?’ I asked.

‘That’s the economy,’ Alex said, ‘As things become more expensive, they require more reads.’

‘Ahaaa…’

I bit the side of my finger the way I do when I’m thinking hard. Equipment was tricky.

Item

Cost in reads

Bluetooth mouse

3000

Bluetooth keyboard

5000

Tablet (basic)

15,000

Tablet (medium)

20,000

Tablet (powerful)

50,000

Laptop (basic)

20,000

There were more computers, ranging from basic PCs to ultra powered things that could render entire animated movies.

‘Some authors transition to filmmaking,’ Alex explained, ‘Building a media empire is a great way to utilise the intellectual property you’ve created in your written work.’

I nodded. Imagining for a moment myself as a film director - cool hat, sunglasses, a giant ass megaphone…

I shook my head and cleared the illusion.

‘Just give me the Bluetooth keyboard, that thirty-litre water container and a steak dinner for today.’ I said.

‘A steak dinner?’ Alex said, ‘That costs 5000 reads man! Are you insane?’

I shrugged, ‘I need the energy to keep cranking out the chapters.’

Alex pressed a button and there was a clattering from above me. A brand new bluetooth keyboard appeared in front of me.

‘There’s more high-end ones,’ Alex said, ‘But they can range up to the hundreds of thousands, even millions of reads.’

‘A million reads for a keyboard!’ I scoffed, ‘What do they do, type the story themselves.’

‘Yeah,’ Alex said, ‘Some do…’

And with that tidbit of info he left me. I polished off another burger, then cranked out the new keyboard. It was sci-fi white with cool lettering and a satisfying tap sound, but most importantly it felt good. The keys actually picked up my keystrokes and I was able to write twice as fast.

But still… my shitty tablet was holding me back. It would freeze if I typed too fast. The backspace would spazz out occasionally, and the cracks still bugged me.

Still… I managed three chapters before a steak dinner and I drank a heap of water. The small space was affecting my health, I knew that. I had to get out as fast as possible.

After dinner, I tried to write for hours, but the words didn’t want to come. It took me probably five hours to achieve one chapter, and then halfway through writing the next one I passed out and woke to 300 lines of ZZZZzzzzzs typed on the page by my forehead.

I’d had a strange dream - It was about being a refugee - trying to escape a warzone, and finding a better life.

I wrote a couple of chapters about my dream, then started working a plot through them. I decided that I’d make the story a romance and put a title on it. Syria Girl.

I posted one chapter and then used the queue tool so the rest would post automatically over a few hours - more likely to get noticed that way.

After that, I took a dump in the bucket. The damn thing was starting to stink. I made a mental note to pay Alex to get rid of it. No amount of reads will ever be worth getting rid of the smell of your own crap.