Japan Tokyo - Akihabara, otaku and geek central
There are 5.52 million vending machines currently in Japan. They sell an amazing array of things, ranging from eggs, to umbrellas, to bananas. It is not only limited to common household items, they can also supply beer and cigarettes. Worst still, if you search around hard enough, there is a myth that is spread throughout the Internet. You can buy used panties.
In one of the many buildings in Akihabara, if you go up the a set of narrow stairs, past all the anime figurines and through five other levels of porn magazines. The top most floor it is filled to the roof with gacha machines, but these are not selling the innocent kid’s toys.
For a simple fee of 500 yen, a pair of neatly folded ‘used’ panties can be bought, enclosed in a plastic ball. Stooping next to this machine is a man wearing sunglasses with a yellow checkered scarf tightly wound around his face. He twisted the scarf in a nervous manner. His thin lips were exposed to the flickering fluorescent light as he rubbed the cheap scratchy material from his head.
A plastic ball rolled out from the machine and the man’s hands shook as he held the pink ball to the light. A smile of true happiness was emitted from his eyes and lips.
‘At last, the limited edition Victorian laced panties with sheer material,’ the man thought to himself as he snorted with glee. His pig like laughter caused the 50 year old cleaning lady to glance at him weirdly. She of course took three steps away from him. Ignoring her strange stare, he shrugged. He already knew that Akihabara was open 24/7 - 3 am was its quietest period. Since his collection was now complete, he wanted to check out the secret room at the back.
The pants collector sighed and a steely glint filled his eyes. ‘People, I hate people, gahh why are there so many people?’ Of course he knew the answer. Japan - large population, small mass of land. It meant that the buildings were designed and planned to maximise the most space. Ahead of him was gauntlet of six pants collecting competitors. They were bleary eyed and mechanically pumping yen into the gacha machines.
“Ohiyo Nagasai,” one of them called out to him. Nagasai froze for a moment and then nodded back to him only using his eyebrows.
The person who greeted him was of a lanky in build. He had a short cut black hair on the sides of his head the exception was the front part of his head was tall and spiky making him appear taller and almost deviant and punkish. He was the complete opposite to Nagasai who had the build of a sumo wrestler.
As the lanky man’s voice cut through the air in tiny room that where only the sound of coins and the click of the the gacha handle turning could be heard. Two average sized Japanese pants collectors who looked exactly identical dragged themselves towards Nagasai and the lanky man.
One of the twins stared at Nagasai with reverence. His eyes had strangely opened wider than normal under the flourescent light and pointed at Nagasai.
“Pantsu King,” he kept pointing his index finger towards Nagasai as he bowed at a ninety degree angle. Nagasai rolled his eyes. In corporate Japan workers are taught lessons on how to bow. The full ninety degree bow was giving full honours to Nagasai, the equivalent to a company director.
The second twin unfurled one of the pantes he was holding and held it open like an ancient scroll of yester yore. “All hail our lord saviour, Pantsu King, may the panties be filled with lace and ruffles.”
Nagasai felt a headache coming and rolled his eyes. Infact if he could rolls his eyes three-sixty degrees he would have rolled them around three times already. He hated how interconnected the twins were.
Both the twins stared starrey eyed at Nagasai, their hands twitched uncontrollably and they both reached out to pull off the yellow scarf on Nagasai’s face.
Nagasa tried to dodge out of the way but with his enormous body shape it was to no avail. And with three people blocking his path he could only grimace. Nagasai’s pock-marked computer tanned ingrown hair face was exposed to the harsh fluorescent light.
Three other people in the room glanced at the four making a commotion in the middle of the shop.
One guy had run out of coins and was trying to put in the platinum black card into the machine, to no avail. There was a guy who looked too young to be even in this establishment. Nagasai thought that when that kid grows up he will be a perverted guy. Poor kid. And last of all there was a guy with glasses, he was cutting out his physics book and replacing the text with ‘nice images’. ‘He looks like a smart cookie that one’. Nagasai thought to himself.
They turned their heads back and continued to add coins to the gacha machines. and huddled in their own group.
glasses guy turned to the guy with the credit card,
“Hey, isn’t he Nagasai the, pantsu connisurser? The one who beat up primary school kids for spilling fruit juice onto his pantsu shopping?”
The short kid that was ogling a porn magazine laughed, “Heh, those kids live in my neighbourhood, how can they survive the might of a sumo wrestler?” He rubbed his tummy and squat-walked, mimicking a sumo stance.
The whispering in the tiny shop was not quite whispering for Nagasai. His eyes twitched slightly and he subconsciously patted his round belly and felt conscious of his flabby arms. Infact, he was a contradiction to the average body size of a standard japanese person. Even people in his own country thought he was training to become a sumo wrestler. Contrary to his sumo appearance under all his flab there was not one ounce of muscle.
The whispers in the corner of the room grew louder, “I heard he had to rent another room to store his collection”
Glasses guy slammed his book closed spitting into black credit card’s face “Pfft no, it's actually for his great big butt.”
The twins glared at the three and tried to console Nagasai.
“Pantsu king is great.” Twin 1
“All hail pantsu king’s big butt.” Twin 2
“Pfft he collects an extreme amount of panties cos he needs to wear multiple panties across his great ocean butt.” Pervert kid.
Nagasai subconsciously felt his butt and shook his his head out a reverie. Recalling the rare panties and what he wanted to buy he squished himself towards the counter of the shop.
He failed to hear the group of three people lament on how great it is to pursue the pantsu dream.
At the back of the room was the counter and there the the shop assistant was being accosted by three foreign tourists. A large blonde man was leaning over the counter holding onto a girl’s panties. Three of them looked really fit and healthy, not the same as those who drink protein shakes and have peck day or leg day. The overall body shape was trim and taut like a panther who could quickly sprint off at any moment.
“These panties are unused! The machine clearly stated they are used! It even said so in English!”
This was a common scene in the roof top panty shop. Many foreigners would search for the holy grail of used panties - only to find they were fake.The foreigner flicked the empty capsule at the forehead of the worker. It bounced a few times on the counter and the worker silently stared at the foreigner.
“Sumimasen. ランダム日本語のテキストをここに挿入されます。” The worker bowed at a ninety degree angle. The foreigners all looked at each other not understanding a thing that the worker said. Perhaps only recognising the word ‘sumimasen.’
Nagasai rolled his eyes backwards at the sight, ‘Weebos. Ugh they are everywhere.’ But what really annoyed Nagasai was that the worker continued to bow. If the worker bowed any lower it would be kowtowing to them.
A national sense of injustice was inflamed in Nagasai’s mind. The panties in the gacha vending machines are all unused but they were manufactured with frayed edges and sprayed with cheap flowery perfume. Any avid panty collectors knew this was stock standard.
“I want a refund!” grumbled the blonde tourist.
“Sumimasen! ランダム日本語のテキストをここに挿入されます。” The worker bowed this time hitting his head on the desk. “Eigo janai desu.”
Nagasai could not stand the sight of his fellow country man bowing down to some ignorant tourist. However, he was not the type to get into unnecessary conflicts. Focusing on the door behind the counter he tried to walk past the foreigners.
“Sumimasen.” Nagasai pointed to the door and the foreigners stopped and looked at him weirdly. Unfortunately Nagasai was not the smallest of japanese people.
The blonde foreigner couldn't help but notice the collection of gacha capsules containing panties that nagasai held in his arms.
“Look you are deceiving your own countrymen, this is a complete travesty.”
Nagasai finally could not take the tone of this foreigner “Eito… The kakou on the picture used make panties seem.”
“Ahhh! Finally! Someone who speaks Engrish. Can you explain to this idiot here, that the product produced states it has been used. You know, this is an injustice. False advertising is a no no and is definitely unacceptable.”
Nagasai stared at the foreigner as he tried to grasp an understanding of what he just said. Although he passed with flying colours with his English from school, he suddenly felt unconfident in his ability to communicate to the man in front of him. ‘Why is this guy so long winded?’ he lamented.
Nagasai did the next best thing, the thing that otakus do best - he ignored them and tried to walk towards the door. He hurriedly tried to push past but his huge body size inevitably bumped against the blonde foreigner.
“Hey, hey! Who said you could body slam me, you freaking fatty!” The blonde foreigner pushed Nagasai back, causing him to stumble a few steps and fall to his bottom.
The gacha capsules that Nagasai was holding spilt all over the ground. The foreigner with light brown hair foreigner picked up the fallen the capsules and gloated over Nagasai.
“Haha! Yoink! We shall take these as compensation.” All Nagasai could see was the bright red sneakers as he struggled up like an inflated seal on the ground.
The blonde foreigner gestured to his two friends to collect the gacha balls from the ground. Nagasai was in a state of shock. The shop assistent still had his head pressed to the table and had miss the whole scene. He thought the foreigners were helping the customer on the floor.
“Ooh this one is pretty cute,” the blonde foreigner held up the nagasi treasured limited edition victorian sheer panties to the light.
Nagasai felt his heart clench. This was his limited edition panty that he had spent three months trying to collect with all his pocket money. He had spent months subsisting on shin cup just to save this money. He had told his mother he needed extra studying material for school tricking her into giving him extra money. He had even taken to substituting his green tea with random weeds growing between the pavement to make his tea.
Running on adrenaline Nagasai stood up and pushed the blonde man against the wall.
The blonde man pushed back crashing into the several of the gacha machines that spilt onto the carpeted floor.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
“Hey hey the pants king is fighting. We need to protect our lord.”The twins and the lanky man were the first to run up and support Nagasai.
“We dare not dream of what we cannot touch,” glasses man rubbed his glasses clean with a pair of panties.
“What the stars?” replied black credit card guy.
“No silly think lower,” retorted pervert kid.
“The clouds?” Black credit card guy guessed.
“No, used panties,” answered pervert kid as he jumped up and down in a fit.
“Oh yeah that....” Exclaimed the black credit card guy. It slowly dawned on him to ask the specifics on said panties “On or off?”
The glasses guy shrugged to end the conversation, “Let’s go help! This will be interesting to watch.”
Squeezed near the counter, there were several pantsu collectors surrounding the three foreigners. The pantsu collectors all frowned angrily at the the foreigners. They were holding Nagasai’s panties hostage with a packet of ketchup and greasy packet of fries.Nagasai winced each time the guy placed his dirty fingers on his panty collection.
One of the twins shouted to Nagasai “Show them your famous one-”
“Two move!” The second twin interjected.
“I heard that pants king defeated five yakuzas.” Said black credit card guy
“They have tainted god, oh what a shame to see mud, woe to pain our god” Glasses guy
The foreigners were flustered with the tone of voice from the japanese. They spoke amongst themselves.
“Cody, do you understand what they are saying?”
“Not a clue Tom.”
“Wuu waa ruuu desu?”
“Haha, really funny Kyle. ”
It was seven against three and the numbers did not play in their favour. Even if this weird bunch of Japanese people came in all shapes and size.
And to the blonde foreigner’s horror his friend pointed to to the shop assistant who was making a phone call.
“クイック！警察を呼ぶ、観光客を攻撃する日本の人々がいます。”
Kuikku! Keisatsu o yobu, kankōkyaku o kōgeki suru Nihon no hitobito ga imasu.” The worker screamed into the phone staring at all the guys at the front of his counter.
“Look that guy is calling for help, let’s make a run for it guys!”
“Let’s run run run,” the foreigners flashed a stunning smile at each other. If it was aimed at the average Japanese girl they would kyaa’ed themselves to an epiphany.
“They are running!” Nagasai translated.
“well isn't that obvious?” Spat the perverted kid.
“Welp guess we're going with you because the store person called the cops on us.” Tall lanky guy
The foreigners flipped the magazines as the ran past the shop. And the people browsing in the shop gasped in shock running to the sides to dodge them.
“My pantsu!” Panted Nagasai, he was already feeling out of breath.
Nagasai chased after the foreigners frantically.
Not willing to abandon the action, the six pants collectors followed him.
“Hey they are chasing us. Crap run!” However, the three foreigners were slow motion running they were already ahead of them by ten metres.
“My pantsu! Wahh My pantsu!” As he watched the fleeing the blonde foreigner sniff the stolen panties.
“Our king is doing some chanting ritual…”
“Full sumo mode?”
The foreigners paused at the top of the stairs. They smiled at each other as they saw the seven Japanese people run towards them. Just as they were drawing near the three foreigners lept off the top of the stairs, kicking against the side wall, tip toeing on the handrail and bouncing off the walls twice. They landed at the beginning of the next set of stairs. Finishing with a roll, their baggy hoodies and low cut baggy shorts almost looked like cloaks.
“Pakour?” They all simultaneously said in Engrish.
Nagasai and his follower’s mouths all dropped in shock. Such physical actions could not be attempted with their indoor gamer, bodies. The pantsu group knew of pakour, they had once tried cartwheeling in the park to be like ninja’s from a certain leaf tribe. It wasn’t as professional as the three foreigners who looked like they had just run out straight from a computer game.
In the few seconds that they were recovering from their shock, the foreigners pulled out a Go-Pro Camera and pointed the machine at them.
As Nagasai and his followers made their way comparatively slower down the stairs. The foreigner named Kyle bowed towards them, like a martial artist. However, to make matters worst, he turned around, showed his backside; and pulled down his pants.
“Upload this to the site later, title it: ‘Trolling an otaku in Japan.’”
“Smile for the camera.” Tom and Cody high fived each other.
All seven of them stopped halfway down the stairs. They heard the dreaded word. The dreaded word that they, as Japanese people despise. All seven of them frowned angrily at the foreigners and they argued loudly in Japanese as if cursing.
“Are you an otaku?” black credit card guy
“No way! I am not an otaku?” Pervert kid
“Do I look like an otaku?” Glasses guy
“Let all agree, that we, are not otaku.” Tall guy
“Yep yep, we should not be called otaku at all.” Twins
“My panties, they stole my panties!” Lamented Nagasai.
“Full sumo?” black credit card guy he frowned as if trying to look through Nagasai’s pants. Pervert kid slapped him on the back of the head and pointed at Nagasai.
“True panty otaku.”
Except for Nagasai, they all animously understood that word otaku was a word worst than death by public stoning.
“Guys, I think they said youtube,” The glasses guy wiped the steam off his glasses, “we need to get that footage off them now.”
They ran down the stairs as fast as they could, Nagasai for the pants and the others for the camera. No way in hell would they let that get posted on the internet. They drew closer to the next set of steps and the foreigners just waited there.
Before the last step the foreigns ran at full speed hopping on the walls and kicking the layers of old advertisements that were loosely plastered to the cork wall.
Papers and thumb tacks assaulted the seven people who were running down the stars
Nagasai taking the full brunt of the pins
The foreigners pushed through the exit door and shortly after Nagasai’s group came tumbling out. They fell in an awkward pile on the ground.
The foreigners exposed their their bums at the seven Japanese guys and flicked their middle finger at them. They laughed, flicked their hair like movie stars and continued to leisurely walk away.
“Hahahahah, man that was too fun.”
“Make sure we post this on our blog.”
“Hahahahha”
The three foreigners left the scene and jaywalked to the other side of the road. Along the busy intersection near a blind corner of the road. A few cars beeped at them as they blatantly ignored the traffic.
Their bodies flipped and twisted over the slow moving cars. Kyle dropped his backpack on the ground and pulled out a camera on a tripod while his friends,Tom and Cody, waved the panties at the people in the cars.
“My panties!”
The cars whizzed past, regardless of the danger Nagasai ran up to them grabbing the thin material.
“Nagasai get off the road!”
“But get the camera first.”
“Hey dude, it’s dangerous on the road.” Cody still held onto the panties they had taken.
Nagsai lurched forward throwing his body towards both Tom and Cody. Cody twisted his body to opposite side of the street. A car beeped and drove off rapidly.
Tom was forced to dodge into to the fat Japanese man cursing on the middle of the road.
He wrinkled his nose and immediately stepped back, only to find his hand jerk to right as Nagasai clamped his hands on the underwear.
Kyle who was now holding a camera on a long tripod pulled his face away from the camera screen, “Guys it’s getting really dangerous now.”
“You’re stretching the elastic!” Nagasai spat into Tom’s face in perfect English.
Tom kicked Nagasai in an attempt put some distance from the fat man. Both Tom and Nagasai fell onto the ground.
“Ugh you mother-”
Nagasai blinked in shock. He never managed to hear the man’s last words.
A pile of burning debris surrounded him. A tire from a car came rolling towards him.
If he closed his eyes he could vaguely recall the grind from the brake pad screeching. The sound of three cars screeching ramming into another. Most disturbingly he recalled the watery thud of flesh being struck by metal.
“Gaaahhhhhhhhhh!” Nagasai turned towards the sound. His body was close to the broken frame of the truck and saw the tears stream down truck driver’s face.
Nagasai’s vision darkened and he felt his eyelid go heavy. He squinted at the truck driver again. ‘Two people?’ he shook his head and in his vision he could only see one person in the truck.
He focused his vision on the driver again.
“Great maneuvering” A shadow flew out from the driver’s body, it had an appearance of a human but the details such as skin colour, or gender were not apparent. The shadow slowly clapped its hands, “but I guess my back seat driving skills are the best.”
The truck driver whimpered as shadow leaned closer to his head. It ran its hands slowly over the drivers short cut hair and pushed through into the driver’s head
“Gahhhhhhhh” the driver rolled his eyes and blood leaked through his eyes and down his nose.
Cold sweat poured down from Nagasai’s body and he felt every hair on his body rise up.
The driver shook and became stiff.
Sensing a pair of eyes the shadow turn stared at Nagasai.
“Have fun watching?” Nagasai shook his head and scrambled backwards.
“Stupid fat trash, I don’t want to think of what would have happened if the truck hit you.”
The shadow picked up an oily pink satin rag. “I don’t want to gain any talents in collecting trash.”
“Soon I will reach the sky. I will get you all. But first I need to hide the evidence.”
The Shadow leaned forward and waved its hand through Nagasai’s head.
Nagasai fainted in the middle of the road.
…
in another realm a summoning ceremony is being prepared
“I summon the seven heroes to help us in our time of need!”
In the bright circle three bodies appeared.
“Hey did something go wrong with the summoning?”
“There was suppose to be seven heroes.”
“We can’t face the evil overlord with three heroes.”
“By the Gods we are doomed!”
“Silence! From what we can translate from what was left of the ancient scroll. we are quite fortunate to have three heroes.”
“But the books said they must have black hair. These people look just like us. How can they be the heroes?”
“We’re doomed! WE'RE DOOMED!”
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Thank you Kyren for your quick PR
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