Chapter XLVIII

Overwhelmed

Adria found the perfect distraction: a massive debt and a revolution in Negativus, sponsored by Lux de Noctis. The desire to go back to the block she had shared with Bitlan up until that day was nonexistent. If anyone knew how to comfort her, it was Raxae; the bartender had been there for her since Imperia.

There was a chance to recover Negativus from the umbras. If it happened, she would make sure her debts were paid off. It was the least Markus and Bostan could do for her if they succeeded in their fight. She was up to her neck with Copernus' Loans.

Adria tried to find her bearings once she stepped out of Castro Health, M.D. Raxae's was a few sections away, their block code memorized in her brain. Analyzing the streets, she found order in the alphanumerical codes around the area.

Her path was a blur; she walked by routine. Adria's mind was dispersed on everything that was happening. She wore an earplug in her left ear and played music she didn't listen to. There were four goals now: to aid Markus and Bostan in their umbra hunt to take leadership of Negativus, pay off her debts, and save gatvits for her move to Capitalia. A lot of work awaited..

It was her first morning outside in a long time. She had a tendency to be either sleeping on the air mattress or working at the mine that early in the day. The sky was clouded but brighter than what she was used to; Adria remembered walking those same streets with Bitlan and dreaming about going to Capitalia together. Knowing she wouldn't share more memories with him broke her heart. It was hard to imagine life without her grandpa. He had been the voice of reason and shelter for Adria for the past few years, always worried about her well-being.

Every thought led to more tears.

The morning light warmed up the concrete ground; she pulled from a string on her coat, making it thinner, opening fissures in the back and sides, refreshing.

Adria found herself close to a well-known alley that brought an amalgam of memories to her brain, an entrance to Negativus was hidden in it. The drunk flashbacks overflowed. More than she would like to admit.

Raxae's place was nearby. The dictadurian passed the alley and walked onto the streets. A similar sight to her neighborhood, old and ugly. She found WE27 street in section SK4 and walked through it.

Arriving at their friends' block was a relief. It was built under a bridge, along with many other constructions. The sunlight never hit there, making it colder—one of Adria's favorite things about Raxae's place.

She stood next to a block labeled with two big SK4WE27-18 on the sides and knocked on it. Adria forced her mind into a state of forced calm while waiting for her friend. After a minute passed, she became exasperated with the lack of response and knocked harder than before. She stopped and listened. The noise of steps dragging inside made her want to cry.

Mission accomplished.

The door slid open; everything was dark and mellow inside.

It seemed Raxae had just woken up.

"Dri, que furka…?" They stopped when they saw Adria with swollen eyes, realizing something was wrong.

By then, the woman couldn't hold her tears any longer; having to share Bit's fate was a terrible burden. Maybe she should keep it to herself. There were other things to talk about.

Why did I get here so fast? She punished herself.

"What's going on, Dri?" Raxae used a different tone.

Adria threw herself at them as an outburst occurred. An honest, deep wave of uncontrollable emotions exploded out of her.

Raxae hugged her tight without saying a word while almost imperceptible waves of blue naadi emanated from Adria. The pair remained at the edge of the doorframe. Raxae had messy hair and pillow marks while their friend cried with vehemence.

"Come. I don't want the neighbors talking. You can cry all you want inside."

They went in, it was obvious Raxae hadn’t had time to clean up in a while.

"Sorry. I wasn’t expecting anyone. Take a seat," they stepped in, and the door closed. Their friend turned the lights on.

"Bitlan is dead," Adria looked at them with pain.

The truth was out, and along with it, her new reality.

"What happened? I thought he was doing better. I did not expect this. It’s awful," Raxae's face decomposed as they processed the news. It was they this time who went towards her with a hug.

Adria's legs gave out, Raxae held her as they sat on the floor while a sea of tears came out. The friends stayed tangled in each other’s arms for what felt like hours. To share that grief with Raxae, who knew Bitlan better than anyone except Adria, gave her calm. She didn’t feel alone anymore.

They were the closest she had to a family now, along with Markus, Bostan and Drunia.

“I don’t know how it happened,” she shared after a while. “I got back to my block not long after meeting with you guys; it was early. I figured Bitlan was still sleeping, cleaned up the whole place, and cooked breakfast. He never came out. I found the letter in his room,” Adria brought the blurry letter from her coat.

Raxae read the word of the sentinels without a problem. They got to the end, folded it, and gave it back to Adria.

“You went there, didn’t you? To Castro Health?” They assumed correctly.

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“Yeah. I had to see him,” the image of her grandad lying on that metallic bed made her dizzy. “Do you have water?”

“Oh, honey. Sorry, I forgot my manners,” Raxae went in empty-handed and came back holding two glasses of water and a couple of pills. “Don’t stare at it like that. It’ll help you.”

“I don’t know if I want to pill myself over this. I have to get through it,” she knew it was best to feel it as it comes. “Bitlan deserves my sobriety.”

"Your choice," Raxae said as they took both brown pills, drank water, and sat next to her. Their block was like Adria's: devoid of paint with cracked concrete walls, yet the furniture and decor were colorful, much like the owner.

She realized she had become the sole owner of her already depressing home.

"I don't want to go back to my block. Not for a while," she confessed.

"If we do what your friends, Markus, and Bostan, are planning tonight, we won’t have to return to these blocks, Dri. If we succeed, we can get one of those blocks turned into luxury penthouses on the principal streets. I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not too far-fetched; we can pull it off. They have enough influence in Negativus to change the balance. Plus, we're the good fellas; some will be on our side. Who would disagree with Lux de Noctis administering the undercity?"

"The Families," Adria pointed out, wanting to abide by a more plausible reality.

"What about them?" Raxae didn't follow.

"You said it earlier! The four of them control the trade in Negativus under Gorbat’s rule…" She expected Raxae to pick up the rest, but they didn’t. "Don’t you think they would try to take Negativus for themselves?"

They understood their friend's worries.

"Ah! Don't worry about them. Bostan and Markus told me everything before I left Lux. Many owe their lives and business to them, especially the Dunchen's, the Fairena's, and the Nervados. They better help if they want to keep their fair share of the trade. An alliance between them is not happening for at least twenty years. The godfathers hate each other. Markus and Bostan are strengthening their alliance with each of them today as representatives of Rabiosa."

That changed things for Adria.

"I want to do this. I have nothing to lose. Without…" It was a thing. "I’m ready to turn this place upside down. There won't be anything left of Gorbat when we're done with him. He doesn't deserve to belong in history."

"That's the spirit," Raxae said, though not entirely convinced by the sudden mood change. "A lot is going on right now."

"This day has been beyond unimaginable. Furka, I was just breaking rocks a day ago. I might not do it again, not if we succeed."

Raxae took a moment to shake themselves out of their drowsiness, still yawning from the interrupted sleep. Their body was tired from bartending at Lux. It had been a busy, long, and crucial shift.

Adria’s shreds of naadi were no longer visible.

"I guess I'll see this as a lesson someday. Maybe I already do. I want to do the right thing. For Bitlan, you, Markus, Bostan, Drunia, their families, and everyone here who deserves better. Someone else can be the judge of who deserves it. We can contribute to the birth of a new age in Dictaduria and change things before we leave for Capitalia."

"Are you having some kind of PTSD adrenaline high? It seems you're planning something, yet I won’t follow if it's a decision made on an impulse," Raxae said, not shy about expressing their concerns, clearly perplexed.

That comment delighted Adria and brought out a laugh.

"Maybe I am. Bitlan would have been proud of us for taking this stance. He would've loved to do so himself, and it breaks my heart to know he won't be able to fight beside us," she said.

They looked at her with a sad smile.

"You're wrong; he was already proud. I’m looking at his greatest pride with my own eyes. Adria, he lived a good life. Even if he was an extarri, Bitlan enjoyed his time on this plane; I bet he was ready to move on and become one with the universe."

Those words gave her a peaceful feeling that turned into calm. "I know he did." Adria couldn't remember the last time she felt that sad. Possibly when she cried herself to sleep on the lonely streets of Imperia, where she learned to hide her feelings, something that had become almost automatic. It had been essential for her survival in Sectum.

"Are you hungry?" Raxae asked, feeling hungry themselves.

"Not really. I choked on those paninis earlier, and then I vomited them. I'm in a constant state of nausea; vanilla is ruined for me, those furkan pancakes…"

"Which ones?" They didn't get the reference.

"The ones I cooked for Bit. I was naive and so stupid. I didn't want to wake him up, and he wasn't even there!" She blamed herself.

"Don't waste precious time punishing yourself; it was out of your control. You can't know everything!"

"I need a distraction, to change the routine. I won't go around in circles on this forever," Adria covered her face and lay on the couch, exhausted but unable to find any sort of rest. She tried to calm herself down and stop thinking about how things could have gone differently.

"Give me ten minutes. I know what you need." Following that, Raxae went into their bedroom on the left side of the block and left her alone.

Adria stayed on the couch, looking up at the gray ceiling, exhausted.

Minutes later, Raxae returned to find her pacing back and forth. The glass was empty on the coffee table; they took it to the kitchen and refilled it.

Their friend was thankful to them and chugged the new one in less than five seconds.

"Let's go back to Lux. You need a drink, and I want one." Raxae said, dressed with her overalls.

"Isn't it a bit early for it? I’m sticking with my sobriety.”

"It’s non-alcoholic, a recipe to nurture your body like a natural enhancer, like what I gave you last night. Our brains are overcharged, they need some release. I know what you're going through." Raxae was one of the most empathetic people she'd met.

"I guess you're right…" She began feeling claustrophobic inside that place in her current state of mind.

Their friend made an affirmative gesture and walked towards the door; both dictadurians stepped onto a sunny but cloudy day.

"I hope it doesn't rain," they carried their derritals just in case.

"I feel like getting into a fight, if I'm honest. It’s been a while and I'm angry and ready to make someone pay for it, may it be the umbras or their allies." Raxae distracted Adria from her thoughts on their way to the alley.

"Let's bet. Who will leave more umbras out of service tonight?"

"Ha! You kick ass way better than me. I won't be able to do a thing."

"Don't underestimate yourself; Markus and Bostan will make sure we have the strength needed to defeat every single one of them. They have to get us good gear, remember the war against Sabina and the Elkrachets." Adria had witnessed their detailed planning in the years knowing them and believed they were bringing the house down with their insurrection.

****

That's it for Chapter XLVIII!

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