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Spring - Spring Scents - 4 (All to herself)
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Later that evening, Josie was in her attic.
She was lying in her bed, nestled into a sea of pillows and thick blankets. They gave off the faint aroma of flower-scented fabric softener, and the fragrant cloud comforted her. Many more pillows were distributed over the entire space of her attic, providing seats in all the nooks and on the window sills.
Josie let her eyes drift over the folds of the canopy curtains above, fixed to the slanted parts of the roof. Looking further, she followed the strings of fairy lights she had decorated every available surface with. When they were turned off, glow-in-the-dark stars would soften the gloom with dots of illumination. She had stuck them all over the ceiling and loved to look at their tender light before going to sleep. They weren’t as pretty as the real ones, of course, but still.
Josie organized her extensive book collection on the built-in shelves beneath the slopes of the roof - one of the few things she adamantly forced herself to keep neat and tidy. Meanwhile, some of her toys and self-made figurines were arranged in a more random fashion, contributing to an overall eclectic sense of decoration.
The cosy atmosphere was completed by a few picture frames showcasing Josie’s artwork. Each frame captured distinct elements of vivid fantasies and offered glimpses into her rich and unusual imagination. Josie's love for art and evident talent for painting and drawing were obvious in the careful detail of her work. However, searching for pictures of butterflies or flowers would be in vain. Instead, there were dragons and other mythical beasts, magical entities of different elements, and other-world scenes with fantastical buildings. Some works seemed dark at first glance, but upon closer inspection, the depicted creatures showed mischief rather than malice. And of course, there were also drawings portraying studies of tadpoles and frogs.
Josie was well aware that other children had rooms with expensive furnishings because they (mostly the Stefnies) liked to brag about it, but she didn’t mind that she had an attic instead. Even though she didn’t own modern or fancy things, Josie was sure that she was the only girl with an entire attic all to herself. She was also very sure that she was the only one with a special window in her room. It was a grand display of vibrant hues, a kaleidoscope of stained glass. The intricate pattern formed a mandala and its centerpiece presented a magnificent five-pointed star. Sunlight filtering through the multicoloured panes would paint the room with a beautiful mosaic, creating a unique play of light and shadow. Sometimes Josie would lie down on the floor to watch the magical display unfold, enjoying the calmness she associated with it.
Somehow, the attic had always the exact right temperature, as did every room in Veilwood. But although it was never too cold or too warm, Josie would sometimes climb through one of her windows to sit on the roof in the summer. There was no better way to watch the stars. She would never tell Nan about that, though; better not to think about the stern words of worry she would have with Josie if she ever found out or caught her doing it - but some secrets were worth the risk, Josie figured.
In front of one of the tall windows of the attic’s end side was Josie’s beloved sitting place. She had formed a loose circle of big, fluffy floor pillows - because in order to have good light for reading, one sometimes had to move with the light. You couldn’t always just use the electrical lights; Nan had taught her to be mindful of the energy she was using. In the middle of her pillow circle sat an ancient and enormous wooden steamer trunk, containing all of her arts and crafts equipment. She used it as a table or to put her feet up if she felt like it. Putting her feet on it was acceptable because it wasn’t a real table. Josie had learnt that at Veilwood feet didn’t belong on tables, oh no.
She also knew that the word “attic” was usually associated with cramped, dark spaces, stuffed with forgotten and unwanted items covered by the accumulated dust of years. Not so here. This was her sanctuary, and - provided that she didn’t do any damage to Veilwood’s structural elements, she was allowed to do with it whatever she wanted. For now, she had everything she needed. What more could she wish for? She had an amazing home, at least in her opinion. What did it matter if the other children called it a creepy house? She knew better than to listen to them too much. She preferred to listen to all the interesting tales Nan could tell anyway.
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Sometimes she wondered about Nan and herself because they both looked so different from each other. No matter how much Josie tried, she couldn’t find any familial similarities in their features. Nan was tall, and Josie was tiny, even for her age, which everyone pointed out incessantly. Nan had fine, silvery hair, light blue eyes, and a beautiful golden hue to her fair skin, the fair skin that everyone else had but Josie. Most people seemed to have lighter-coloured hair, eyes, and skin than herself. In general, Josie didn’t care that much about her own features. For her the mirror was just to check if she had toothpaste stains or lotion residue after bathroom ablutions - well, in short, if her face was clean, and not a tool to torture herself about perceived shortcomings and flaws. Okay, if she were to be honest, it was also useful for checking if her Hoodie Strings were symmetrical, but that was it. Nan had drilled a sense of self-care into her, to always maintain a put-together appearance. Not in terms of make-up or looks, but to tend to herself and be mindful of her body and health, and that the brand or cost of her clothes wasn't as important as them being well-kept. There are very few excuses for neglecting cleanliness and order, and being poor or lazy were not one of them - this had been a saying of her mother, Nan had told Josie, and she still stood by it today. She wanted Josie to be a proper girl, and she understood exactly what the old woman meant by that. And yet, even though Josie was not overly fixated on her own appearance, apart from meeting Nan's expectations, it sometimes would have been nice to fit in a little better.
Josie’s looks were something the Stefnies liked to tease her about, and their voiced comments served as a constant reminder of Josie’s otherness, of her place as an outsider. Not quite comprehending why her appearance was so significant to others that they felt the need to address it and (in some cases) to even single her out because of it, she was always tense about the subject. Seeing as she had no choice or influence over her natural features, Josie despised people pointing them out. In her opinion, looks really shouldn’t matter that much. The one thing she didn’t mind standing out for - at least a bit - was for successes, yet being complimented or praised in front of others always made her apprehensive. In a sense, she kind of always expected the proverbial other shoe to drop, because so far, most of her accomplishments had been mocked by students at school. Granted, this was also mostly done by the Stefnies, but this, in combination with the sparse and in a quite moderate way expressed commendations from Nan, did not help with Josie's confidence issues. Pride about herself or her work and deeds was something rather unfamiliar to Josie. Why was it so easy for others to unsettle her?
Another fact that some liked to gossip about was the absence of her parents, but she would have never in her life complained about this to Nan. She did not want to give Nan the impression that she didn’t take good enough care of Josie. Still, remarks about her family often triggered moments of quiet contemplation in Josie that led her to even more puzzles. Everything she knew about her origins was vague, at best. All answers to her questions about the topic had been just as ambiguous. Telling her that her parents weren’t with them any more, for example, wasn’t helpful. Josie already knew that. An explanation as to where exactly they were and why they weren’t with her would have been nice; anything would have been better than this tangle of unknowns.
After a while, her wandering thoughts returned to the cat; her mind not calm enough to surrender to sleep just yet. Nan had looked a bit confused at the question about cat food but had given her diligent answers. Josie was thankful that she hadn’t been asked for a reason, because the girl had not been sure if she wanted to talk to Nan about the little animal. A subtle intuition had restrained Josie, convincing her to delay the conversation about the cat for a little longer. Not a lack of trust, but rather an internal struggle about the uncertainty of the exact course of action she wished to pursue had held her back. Outlining a tentative strategy for the following day, Josie's thoughts lingered on the animal. Her inner unrest persisted, the cat somehow holding a significance she couldn’t yet decipher. She decided to wait and see what tomorrow would bring. Unfortunately, Josie had been forced to dismiss all suggestions for suitable cat food. She was pretty sure they had none of those options in store at Veilwood, and a quick check of the pantry’s contents under the pretence of looking for candy had confirmed her concerns.
Eventually, her eyelids grew heavy as she finalized her decisions for the upcoming day; her limbs relaxing and the furrows on her brow smoothing out until slumber was but a breath away. Josie drifted off and succumbed to the gentle embrace of sleep.
Dreams enveloped her, taking her on a journey through the worlds within her mind.
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