A beam of sunlight cut through a crack in the blinds and caused a certain Human to groan in discomfort. He slowly turned over, being sure to snuggle up tighter into his thick blankets. Dean cracked a smile as a wing slowly extended to rest on his body. The feathers were ultra soft, and he reached over to stroke the appendage. Twilight always liked when he played with her feathers, especially when...

Dean's eyes snapped open, something was wrong. He heard a shuffle in the corner of his room, along with what sounded like a muffled whisper. Dean's eyes hardened as he kept his breathing even. The attacker couldn't know that he was officially awake and hyper-alert. He glanced beside him, checking if his marefriend was still asleep, but he was having a hard time seeing her for some reason. It wasn't too dark within the bedroom of the library, and with his enhanced eyesight, he should have been able to see her just fine. He glanced down at the wing overtop of him once more, but instead of a soft lavender, he was met with a midnight black.

The mumbling intensified, and Dean came to a conclusion. Ignoring his failing eyesight, he tensed his legs and arms, getting ready to spring upon his attacker. He judged them to be roughly three feet to the left, and four feet up... likely on the windowsill.

The chirping continued outside, and Dean's face fell into a shadow.

Within a second and a half, he was up and throwing off the sheets, the pony in his bed giving a loud yelp of surprise. Time slowed down, and Dean was able to make out a shadowy figure against the blinds covering the window. He could see them slowly tensing and getting ready to spring away, but he wasn't having any of it.

With reflexes faster than a cheetah, Dean launched forward and ripped the blinds from their perch before ensnaring the attacker in the window. The pony let out an undignified squawk of surprise before beginning to struggle in her bounds. Her grunts of exertion and flailing limbs provided some challenge for Dean to keep the intruder wrapped up; he grunted as he lifted the bugger into the air.

"H-hey, hey! What gives!" The trademark and raspy voice was easily discernible, causing the Human to scowl. He stalked around his bed and quickly snatched up the second pegasus, who was caught in the sheets. Both began to struggle, with the former putting up the most fight. The other Pegasus tried squirming away, but he knew it was a lost cause. Dean's grip around his barrel was like iron, and he did not seem keen on relenting. He gave off a knicker of protest, as his forehead glanced off the doorframe.

"Damnit, Dean!" Midnight growled out as he momentarily went limp. "Why do you do this?"

Dean looked down and raised an eyebrow at the pitch black Pegasus. The one in his left arm had gone silent and stopped her struggles.

"When you are constantly getting pranked by two hyperactive pegasi, fending off the attacks becomes like second nature. If I embarrass you enough, then maybe you'll think better of doing it." Dean felt the pegasus in his left arm wriggle before popping her rainbow coloured mane out of the curtain. Her eyes bore holes into the side of Dean's head with enough intensity to melt titanium. Dean was unfazed.

Rainbow Dash, the queen of pranks, the speed demon of Equestria, pouted as she tried to wriggle her legs free, only to end up failing.

"Like seriously, I didn't know you were into binding?" Rainbow smirked as Dean blanched. Dean dodges bookshelves and the occasional beanbag; no one was in the library at this hour so it was easy enough to manoeuvre with his long legs. The clatter of pots caught Dean's attention, followed by a certain Alicorn poking her head through the kitchen entryway. Her eyes held a curious glint, but upon seeing Dean, her muzzle curled into a cute smile. Twilight abandoned her work in the kitchen and trotted up to Dean's side, ignoring the two pegasi in his vise-like grip.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" She chirped as she skipped along beside him. Midnight tried to wriggle free once more, but Dean tucked him under his arm in order to free up a hand. Said hand found its way to Twilight, who quickly nuzzled it with a cheek. Dean scratched behind her ear momentarily before moving Midnight back into his grip. The Alicorn pouted slightly as his hand retracted.

"Those little scratches you do never seem long enough!" She smiled and finally glanced at her two other friends. "Maybe you two should come here for the scratching treatment instead of trying to prank my poor coltfriend." She smiled as Rainbow groaned.

"Not you too, Twi! It's all in good fun-- hmph!"

Rainbow was silenced as Dean set her face down on the couch, causing the mare to get a mouth full of cushion. Next was Midnight, who was looking at Dean with horror.

"Don't you d--"

Quick as a snake, Dean unravelled Rainbow Dash and quickly slid Midnight in beside her before she realised what was happening. Midnight tried to flap his wings, but Dean's speed was unparalleled as the curtain was quickly wrapped around the two once more and tied off.

"Hey, Twi?" Dean heard Twilight hum in acknowledgement behind him. He smiled cruelly as a malicious thought came to his mind. "What day is it today?"

He heard Twilight tap a hoof on the floor before she answered him.

"It's Friday I believe, why?"

Dean's smile widened, but it didn't really reach his eyes. Midnight, who was blushing heavily, saw his look, causing his ears to fold back. He tried to shift out, but he accidently pushed against Rainbow, who blushed redder than a tomato.

"O-okay Dean, you got us, can you unwrap the curtain now!" Her voice seemed strange, and Dean could see a slight protrusion where Rainbow's wings would be located under the curtain. He looked at the position he put Midnight in and internally smirked. He hadn't meant to do it, but Midnight's body was facing the rear of Rainbows. After a moment of silence Dean answered Twilight.

"Well, I think I have some garbage to take out." He glanced at the clock and chuckled. "Perfect timing."

Dean grabbed the bundle of ponies in his arms and made a beeline for the door. Quickly swinging it open, Dean was greeted by the sound of tires screeching to a halt.

An Elven made vehicle slowly came to a halt as its magical core powered down. The machine resembled a prototype build made by the Flim-Flam brothers, albeit much smaller. It towed behind it a large metal dumpster half full of garbage. Even though ponyville was still a largely nature oriented city, the layout had been... revolutionised in a way. The Elves had expanded the city drastically and made it into an industrial district for much of the war. After the fighting stopped, and the Elven occupation left, the ponies didn't know what to do with the new technologies. Dean had come forward and suggested they use the Elven machines for everyday use by repurposing it. He got the help of Flim and Flam and they used the Elven machines to create various other automobiles. The first was a tram car of sorts that ran throughout the city, and they only continued to improve from there. The best part about it: there was no carbon dioxide pollution!

Dean slowly walked up to the garbage pony, who was staring at him in bemused shock. Dean hefted the two pegasi up, both of which were trying to bribe him into letting them go free. Dean could not be swayed as he climbed up onto the back of the dumpster and looked inside. There was nothing overly dangerous within, other than a few smelly and likely hazardous clothes. Dean looked at the two ponies in his arms and smiled.

"Welp, seems that I got a good amount of trash for you, Mush." He turned to the garbage pony, who was still looking at him in shock. Dean shook his head and smirked at the two pegasi. They had gone silent and only stared intently at him with pleading, puppy dog eyes. Dean found his will failing, and his desire for revenge slowly crumbling. The sheer ferocity of the puppy look hit him at full force. The teary eyes, the quivering lips, and with the two in a bundle, they looked positively adorable.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Then the look suddenly failed. Dean the soldier came forth and his gaze hardened. His stern look caused the ponies to try and intensify their looks to seem like they were on the verge of crying, but the remorse within Dean had been crushed.

With a snort, he let go of the bundle of Pegasi. He relished in their momentary screams of fear as they fell several feet into the soft, garbage bag filled floor of the dumpster. Dean hopped off the metal contraption as their yelling and pleading for a way out intensified; he ignored it in favour of the garbage pony, whose look hadn't shifted.

"What?" Dean asked, crossing his arms. He felt a light breeze tickle his bare chest, causin a few goosebumps to form. His equally bare feet shuffled slightly on the rock path and his naked legs...

Naked.

Dean immediately blushed and quickly walked back towards the tree house with an uptight form. Ponies along the road had stopped to observe his little display, and he felt their eyes on his nearly hairless form and massive build. He heard the garbage pony shuffle awkwardly towards the machine, and by the time he was back inside the tree house, the garbage pony had left, and the spectators went on their way.

Dean shut the door behind him, closed his eyes, and breathed a sigh of relief. The sudden smell of breakfast suddenly slammed into his nostrils, causing him to smile. Dean breathed once, opened his eyes, stepped forward...

....and promptly found himself hanging eight feet in the air by one foot.

Dean let out an undignified yelp as he felt himself get yanked back and then up into the air, the top of his head missing the floorboards by a hair's breadth. Panic overwhelmed Dean as a sense of vertigo and disorientation overtook him. Was he being attacked? Did someone get in the library?

Dean spun slightly and came face to face with a light blue cannon of some kind, its fuse at the top alight and rapidly burning to its base. His eyes went wide, he knew there was nothing he could do, there wasn't enough time.

With only a second to spare, Dean covered his face with his massive arms. His bones and muscle structure had grown ridiculously powerful due to the augmentations. He doubted he could stop a cannonball, but it was worth a shot.

'So this is how it ends, huh? I fought two wars, survived both, and now I'm strung up like a turkey and about to be blown to pieces.'

And then the ammunition was launched with a tremendous explosion. Dean's life flashed before his eyes, and he squeezed them shut.

Nothing happened. Literally nothing.

Dean felt a strong gust of air blow his hair wildly and cause his cheeks to flap noisily. He felt something soft rush past him as a tremendous boom rocked his ear drums. Dean didn't know what to do, so he kept his arms over his face, the ringing in his ears slowly beginning to fade.

After a moment, he slowly let his arms drop. Blood was rushing to his head and he could feel a bit of pressure behind his eyes. His legs felt a little numb as he took in the scene before him. In his dumbstruck state, his embarrassment of being nearly naked fled him completely.

Gone was the cannon, replaced entirely by five familiar ponies and a dragon. All of Twilight's friends minus Rainbow stood right-side-up before him, their smiles and chuckles of mirth causing him to grumble in agitation. He caught Twilight's eyes and glared at her; she chuckled and stepped forward.

"April fools!"

All thought suddenly left Dean's mind as he tried to comprehend what the lavender Alicorn had just said. There was no way for her to know what April Fools was, seeing as it was a Human tradition. He had actually gone through all of Equestria's holidays and events and couldn't remember ever seeing the day of tricks even mentioned there. Pinkie's Pinkie-sense couldn't have done it either, for it didn't tell her exactly what was going to happen in the near future.

Dean's eyes swivelled to his armour stand in the corner of the room. His eyes narrowed as he realised something:

His tac-pad was missing.

"Looking for this?" Twilight asked mischievously as she waved the device past his face in her telekinetic glow. She flicked her hoof out of her mane as she sat right in front of him. Her friends were trying to hold their chuckles in, and Spike even had to turn his back as Twilight booped Dean's nose with a hoof. He didn't retaliate and instead crossed his arms.

"How did you manage... this?" He waved his arms around at the assembled group. "I was gone for five minutes."

It was Pinkie Pie who came forward instead; she began bouncing in circles around him as she recited their grand scheme.

"Well, we had Twilight put a silence spell on your door so you wouldn't hear us all come in. Then, we all hid in very inconspicuous areas while Rainbow and Midnight went up to your room. She wasn't initially supposed to go, but she wanted to see your reaction. Anyway, we hadn't really anticipated you going and throwing them into a garbage machine, but it gave us that much more time to prepare. I called up the Guardian and he gave me the idea of a booby-trap. So, instead of of just the party cannon, we also strung you up!" Pinkie finished her triad with a bright smile as she moved back into line with the others. Dean was too shocked to actually say anything at the moment.

For some reason, Pinkie was able to communicate with the Guardian even across the different Universes'. Maybe that is why he occasionally saw her having a conversation at the wall, or simply talking to thin air? Whatever the case, the ponies had definitely gotten him. Twilight must have seen April Fools marked on his calendar; something he had completely forgotten to check within the last three weeks. It wasn't just Friday, no, it was Friday April, first. He mentally slapped himself in the head.

By doing so, he brought on a mischievous thought.

"Twilight." She looked at him and cocked her head to the side. The smile was still on her face as she inched closer.

"Yes, Dean?" She smirked, clearly enjoying his uncomfortable position. Dean smiled internally, he had just the plan.

"So, you were the one that organised this," she nodded, her ear flicked lightly, "and you had obviously been planning this for a few days?" She nodded again. Dean smiled outwardly this time, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Ten."

Twilight raised an eyebrow and smiled , although with uncertainty.

"What do you mean by--"

"Nine." Dean a bowl with pencils, eraser, and most importantly, scissors. His smile grew.

Applejack stepped forward, a smile of her own decorating her muzzle. Fluttershy and Rarity slowly backed away from the scene while Pinkie and Spike shared knowing looks. The only one who still wore confusion was Twilight.

"Dean, I still don't know--"

"Eight." Applejack trotted forward and tapped Twilight on the shoulder.

"Seven."

"Uh, Twi..."

"Six."

"Yes AJ?"

"Five."

"I don't know about you, but--"

"Four."

"I don't understand why he's counting down, all I did was...." Her face scrunched as she tried to think.

"Three."

"Twi, I'd git' goin' if I were you." Apple Jack stepped out of the way as Dean tensed.

"Two."

"What do you mean, I don't under...stand." Her back went rigid and her eyes went impossibly wide. Twilight's wings poofed out and she took a step back. "Dean wait, lets ta--"

"One."

Dean launched to the side, grabbed the scissors, and sliced through the rope with impossible precision and strength. Within less than a second, he was tumbling to the floor, tossing the scissors to the side in the process. Twilight yelped and jumped back as Dean tucked into a role and recovered to his feet. His eyes quickly found Twilights, causing her to freeze. A feral grin smeared his features as he began to stalk forward.

This provoked some action, and the lavender Princess took off like a shot. Dean wasn't one to be beaten and went from standing still to a controlled sprint in under a second. He nearly grabbed the princess right off the bat, but she nimbly danced to the side and out of his reach. He skidded to a halt and turned on a dime, already in hot pursuit of his target.

Twilight gave a squeal of surprise as Dean suddenly vaulted through the air and landed in front of her, cutting off her escape through the back door. She didn't have any room behind her or to the left, but to her right was the staircase. Just as Dean lunged, she bolted toward the right and barely missed his outstretched hand. She eeped as his finger brushed the tips of her wings.

Twilight raced up the stairs at mach one and jumped onto her bed. If she could lure the Human towards her, then she might be able to use her wings to her advantage and glide over him.

Speaking of the devil and he shall appear, Dean came flying up the stairs, but instead of charging her like she expected, he came to a grinding halt a few feet from her bed. She crouched down and prepared herself; her breaths were becoming slightly ragged from all the running, but she knew she could keep going.

"Might as well give up now, Sparklebutt." Dean slowly shuffled forward with crouched legs and ready arms. Twilight couldn't help but examine his well toned body. His perfect abs and large pecs caused her to blush and her wings to stiffen. She tried to calm herself down, for she couldn't fly with stiff wings, but it didn't seem to work. Dean seemed to realise this and bum-rushed her.

Twilight gave a squeal of surprise as she was scooped up in his massive arms and flattened into the soft mattress of her bed. The sheets were messy and out of order, and only proceeded to tangle around her as she tried to escape. Dean wasn't having any of it as he began one of the worst punishments known to man or ponykind: Tickling.

His many digits began to poke, prod, and irritate all around her body, causing her to fall into a hapless mess of giggles and snorts. Her eyes shut tight as she rolled around underneath the Human, but she wasn't able to get away. Her hind legs kicked out and squirmed around as she laughed, which only served to encourage Dean to go harder.

It wasn't until his fingers, deliberately or not, passed over the base of her wings and down her side. She let out a quiet moan in between giggles and her wings became stiff like arrows. She noticed Dean had begun to relax on the handwork and opened her eyes to look up into his. His face was inches away, and she could feel his breath on her nose. She giggled and her ear flicked as she leaned forward and closed her eyes.

As their lips locked, Twilight's horn lit up and her magic encircled the open door. Said door slowly swung shut as Dean got his revenge on the purple pony princess, and started the day off right.