I know that being weak is a sin

Because the way the world works is that the strong devours the weak

Kindness and all good qualities in men bring joys and happiness in life

However in happiness there was also sorrow

Those two are like the opposite side of a coin

I guess without knowing sorrow, you can never appreciate happiness

So what does men living for?

I guess, it was to experience emotion

The older you get, the more emotions you experienced

Until one day your heart no longer feel anything, that is when you die on the inside

Although that way to die is not the worst way to die

But everyone wants to die with a smile and watching their loved ones face filled with happiness

Yes. That is the best way to die.

The Broken Old Man

Emotion, in everyday speech, is any relatively brief conscious experience characterized by intense mental activity and a high level of pleasure or displeasure.

Michel Cabanac

I was lying on the ground of lush forest and trees. The sky was filled with clouds and the sun was hiding behind it. Wind occasionally moves around leaves and branch. Insects made noisy sound, some near and some far. Bird chirped and flied between trees. The forest was lively.

I got up. This was my second day in the forest. I rubbed off dirt on my arms and clothes. Soil and dry leaves still dirtied my head. My body smelled sour and sticky as I didn’t take bath yesterday. It affected my noise and felt unpleasant. Now I could appreciate how blissful it was to have shower in the morning.

Hmm?

My body tensed up as I heard broken branch on my back. I put my ears and eyes in heightened sense, and my legs were ready to run away at the first sign of danger. One thing I learned in this forest was to always run whenever my heart jumped to the throat and I felt danger.

I turned to my back and I saw… a squirrel. “Sigh, that almost put me into panicked mode. Oops, I can never get panicked here again. Be calm, be calm.” I shook my head and let out big volume of air my lungs. I took deep breath few times.

The squirrel was still there, around 8 feet away from me. The squirrel reacted when my hand moved to reach bow and it jumped away. “Darn, food. Do you really have to run away?” I put down my bow.

The forest was vibrant with lives. There were many living beings, like birds, insects, squirrels and small animals. Well, those were what I saw. I also had seen some traces of four legged animals, maybe a deer or a boar. I hoped it was either of them, my heart really couldn’t take if it was a wolf, jaguar, or something else that could devour me. It was not a bear though, the footprint’s size was smaller than a bear’s.

I sat my butt down on a big tree root after checking out there was no insects nesting around it. Yesterday I sat around without looking at it properly and I sat on some... centipedes and other kinds of disgusting-looking bugs nest. I looked at my battered middle-school uniform, there were some holes and dry blood on it. Oh, correction, lots of dry bloods on it.

The trees in this forest looked more, I didn’t know how to describe it. More natural? More forestry? I didn’t know. I’ve never been in a forest before. I meant I was just a normal middle-school student. I played soccer and learnt taekwondo. But I’ve never camped before.

Sure, the town I lived in had some park and many trees, but none of them were comparable to these forest’s trees. What kind of trees were these? What kind of forest I’d been warped to? How to get out from here? I didn’t have the answer for any of that.  All I knew was that these trees were tall. So tall that I didn’t even want to try climbing it. The tree barks were covered in pale green moss. The width were many times bigger than when I pull out my arms, maybe the diameter was twice or thrice my arms.

I watched around again. From the front to sides and my back. I did this every five minutes or so. Every time I did this I hoped there were no movements or something moving out of place. If there was any, I would gulp down my saliva and bolted to run away. Leaves was blown by wind and some insects were moving beneath rotten leaves and branches on ground. After I made sure there were no movements, I leaned back to tree bark. No movements. Good!

I pulled out my school bag which I recovered after losing it when I ran yesterday. I laughed a little recalling how lucky I was to be able to recover it. I took out a book and made a diary out of it. Originally, it was my notebook for history class but I never liked history anyway. Either way, it was the notebook with most unwritten-yet pages, so I had no regrets making it a journal.

The cover was a bit dirty. There was my name on it. I smiled. Although I never liked history class it made me remember my time at school. I shook my head. The pen on my hand moved as I wrote these. The first page of the diary.

10 January 20xx.

Three days from now, it should be my birthday. I woke up from my bed when my mother woke me at 5 am. She was such a hassle, but a good mom never the less.

I took a shower in the bathroom. The water was cold. I remembered I shampooed my hair and scrubbed my body with soap.

My family consist of five people. My mother, a 30-something housewife has long black hair, maybe long enough to reach her waist. She had a mole on her chin. The breakfast she made was the usual bread filled with chocolate sprinkles and butter. There was also chocolate milk she prepared on the table.

Father probably already ate breakfast. He was always woke up earlier than me, because he drove my younger brother and sister to school every day. My father was a little bald on the center of his head, and his stomach was a little bulging out because he was fat. But never the less, he was a good and gentle figure of a father. Now that I think about it, I never said I loved him, did I?

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

My younger brother was still in grade school, and my younger sister is even younger and still in preschool. Sometimes my younger brother and I wrestled because of stupid things. We ended up getting yelled by mother though and finally we apologized to each other. There was one time my younger sister accidentally locked herself in my parents’ bedroom. There was only me and my mother at that time in the house, and my mother panicked.

But now that I think about I never know what things my mother like. What is each of the family members likes and dislikes, hobby, and aspiration for the future. Even until now, I don’t even know what my father’s job actually is.

I miss them. I really miss them.

Note:

Never forget. One day, I will get back to my home. With my family in it.

Survive and do whatever it takes to get back to this world.

PS:

Promise to myself: When I get home, I will say I love you to everyone.

“Mother, father, I miss you. Please save me.”

Atraf Adnan

Son, Big brother, and Middle-school Student

I smiled as I read this page. There were some tears fell as I wrote the page. This page meant so much to me. And this journal will collect my emotions, my experience, thoughts and many other things as I embark on journey in this world. Until the day I come back to my family and my home.

Without this page maybe one day, I might forget my own identity. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to always be able to remember who I am.

I closed my eyes. My mind was so numbed and I felt my head pulsing because of constant alert on surrounding. Dry and cold sweats around my body. My eyes were getting moist. I almost cried again. Recalling the events that happened yesterday, my face went white as snow.

Yesterday, my breath was rough after I killed the bear and the archer. My heart was beating so fast and loud that I feared it almost burst. My mind was getting dizzy. My eyes went blurry. I felt like I closed my eyes for a second while it was actually more than a minute.

Two bodies were in front of me. One was a human, the other was a bear. Both dead, because of me. I killed them.

I didn’t knew why, but I threw up. All my breakfast I had today was vomited. My hand, my legs and stomach all felt so weak. I wanted to sleep and woke up from this dream. This is a dream, right? Such question popped up in my mind. I shook my head, this pain I felt on my shoulder was not an illusion.

My hand was shaking. I looked down and hugged my knees. For the first time in my life I felt fear so great I couldn’t control my tears from falling. I cried, I wailed, I called my dad and mom, hoping they would come and find me.

It was dusk. This was the longest cry I ever done. I was stopped from crying as I heard a branch being stepped on. My heart jumped. I sprung and ran to the archer’s body. I picked his bag, his bow, quiver, and a dagger. After that I ran, I didn’t think anything. All I did was just running. I felt scared thinking that there was something dangerous behind me. So all I did was just ran away.

I jumped over dead trees, short cliff, and never stopped running. I was scared. I couldn’t think. I didn’t want to stop. I cried as I ran. Suddenly I saw my school bag on ground. I grabbed it quickly. It was at this moment I heard a roar. What kind of animal was that? Was it another bear? I ran again but these questions made my legs ran even faster. I didn’t even think about zigzag-ing. I just ran towards the settling sun.

As night approaches I was lying drop dead tired on the ground. My body couldn’t even move if I wanted to. However I still felt like I should run. This forest was not safe. The sooner I got out the better. However it was getting dark. So dark, I couldn’t even see my own shadow. My fear was at its climax. What should I do? I heard that forest was even more dangerous at night.

“Mommy, daddy…”

And then, light was out. Rotten leaves on ground was being swept away by cold wind. The sound of crickets were not as lively as it sounds during day. Was that bird or bat that flaps around the trees? The forest atmosphere was more menacing than ever.

“Aaa. Aaah.” I cried. My pants felt warm. I tried to get up. I looked left and right, and turned to my back. I couldn’t tell direction where I was running from. I panicked. I held my head with my two hands. I felt like something can just suddenly showed up from the darkness and struck at me. I wanted to scream but also afraid that something would hear me from afar.

This forest was a cursed place. I couldn’t get any rest here. I needed to always be constantly aware of my surroundings. But… but… I couldn’t think anymore. My mind just collapsed. I panicked.

I leaned back against a tree. I cowered and hugged my legs. I cried in silence. Hoots of owl and cries of bats were torturing me. And then, I made a mistake as I put my hand on the ground. Out of the blue, something dropped on my head and another thing moving on my hand. I jumped straight to stand and quickly slapped it out of my hair. And then I saw it. It was a big-red-centipede! And on the ground was a cluster of crawling-many legged bugs. Out of all things that could scary me, it had to be this. I had phobia of centipede. My heart felt like it stopped. As soon as I saw it crawled on my hand, I fainted.