From our vantage point atop a wide blue mushroom cap, my party gazes out over the garden. The Caterpillar said one type of mushroom would make us larger and one would make us smaller, but there’s so many patterns and colors represented that I’m not sure there are even two of the same kind of mushroom.

“Alright, let’s try to be systematic about this,” I say, pulling out my notebook and a pencil. “I’m going to start cataloguing the types of mushrooms I see and try to identify them with my various skills.”

Without waiting for me, Burdock reaches over the edge of the blue mushroom cap we’re standing on and tears off a small piece. And by ‘small’ I mean it’s as big as his forearm when we’re this size. He takes a bite, and he has no sooner swallowed it than he starts hiccuping.

“Flat blue mushroom - causes hiccuping,” I mutter aloud as I write it down, and do a scan of the mushroom beneath our feet.

Category Plant Type Mushroom Rank Basic Aspect Air

I am mildly irritated that the system classifies a mushroom as a plant, but don’t consider it worth ranting about. It’s not like anything inside a dungeon was made with normal biological processes anyway.

“Please don’t get into the habit of eating random things in dungeons…” Rowan says with a sigh.

“My skills say it has the aspect of air,” I say. “That’s probably why it caused hiccuping.”

“I would have hic hoped that hic air would make you hic fly, not…” Burdock keeps hiccuping.

“Maybe it could if it had been brewed into a potion or something,” I say. “Let’s check the next mushorom.”

We slide down to the mossy ground and head over to the next mushroom, a vivid indigo cap.

“This one has the aspect of water,” I say.

“What do you suppose that will do?” Rowan wonders.

Burdock is already reaching up to break off a piece as we speak. He manages to eat a nibble before starting to hiccup again. Shimmering bubbles come out of his mouth with each hiccup, floating up into the air for a few moments before popping.

“That… was not helpful,” Rowan observes unnecessarily.

The next mushroom has a lime green cap with a purple stalk. I identify it as containing the aspect of growth, and relay the screen to my party. Rowan pulls off a chunk and takes a bite. He rapidly grows larger, and we have to take several steps back to make sure we’re not crushed by his enormous feet. The green mushroom breaks off as his toes extend through its stalk, and the cap falls over onto the ground. Rowan stumbles a little as he regains his balance and tries not to squish us.

“Whoa,” Rowan says, his voice echoing from high above. “This was the right one but I ate too much of it. I can see everything from here. I can see the other domains in the sky!”

I put away my notebook because I don’t want it to stay tiny if I drop it. I’m just not going to question how it changes the size of everything we’re carrying along with us right now. I might experiment later, but right now, I nibble on a smaller piece of mushroom than Rowan did.

My perspective shifts and blurs, and suddenly my seven-year-old body is almost two meters tall. Not as big as Rowan, but certainly more than normal. I take advantage of my added vantage point and look around. Starting with the sky, now that I can see it unimpeded by the canopy of small plants.

Beyond the shining azure skymote, a huge green disc hangs like a giant map. There’s a few other smaller domains visible as well, but instead of the Great Orb above, beyond the wild domain there is only darkness. The Void. Past the illuminated atmosphere lies a starless expanse that goes on for eternity. It’s enough to cause Sanity damage just from looking at it.

Unlike the innocent young souls here, I understand what it represents. The end of the stars. The heat death of the universe. Had we not discovered something that could reverse entropy, there would be nothing left of us but slowly cooling vacuum.

Sanity: 7/12 Skills increased: Recollection (Suppression), Discipline (Self-Delusion)

“Drake, are you alright?” Rowan asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, taking a thermos of Sanity-replenishing tea from my bag and guzzling some of it down. “I just need to not stare into the Void for too long.”

“I’ve heard stories of people losing their minds from gazing too deeply into the Void,” Rowan says. “Eyes to the ground. Can you identify some more mushrooms? Hopefully something to make us the right size again.” (Burdock keeps hiccuping.) “And cure Burdock.”

With a taller body, it’s easier to investigate a larger area. After identifying several other mushrooms that probably wouldn’t be helpful, I spot a spotted gray-and-white one with the aspect of nullification. Hopefully, that will cancel the effects of the other mushrooms and not nullify us, but I have faith in my mom not trying to get us killed.

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

I take a small bite, and immediately return to my normal height of 1.2 meters. I break off pieces and pass them to my party members. Burdock can’t shove it in his mouth fast enough, and it stops both the hiccups and bubbles along with returning him to his regular size. Anise and Meadow have to eat larger pieces for the same effect, and grow more slowly.

I write down some more notes and say, “I’m going to take some extra samples in case we run into more places that might do weird things.”

“Good idea,” Rowan says. “This place is definitely weird and we’ve barely gotten started.”

Once I’ve made notes of and collected many of the mushrooms I can see, a notification pops up in my third eye.

Skill acquired: Search (Herbalism) Description: The ability to locate and identify herbs, fungi, and other natural resources.

“Where to now?” Burdock asks. “Did you see the White Rabbit when you were being huge?”

“I spotted something interesting over that way,” Rowan says, pointing. “It looked like there were some humanoid monsters gathered around a table.”

Now that we’re big again, we locate a small cobblestone path winding through the garden, and follow it in the direction Rowan indicated. After a short walk, we emerge from the foliage into a clearing with a large table set up in the middle of it. At one corner of the table sit a small man in a huge blue hat, a four foot tall brown hare wearing a green tunic, and a three foot tall dormouse in a frilly nightgown. (At least, I assume it’s a dormouse as I’m not sure what the difference is between a dormouse and a regular mouse.) A great number of plates of tiny sandwiches and cups of tea are strewn atop a checkered pink tablecloth.

“Let’s not eat or drink anything,” Rowan whispers as we approach.

I follow after Rowan and Burdock, fully expecting this to devolve into absolute nonsense at any moment. A scan of the assembled beings indicates that they are all Basic rank monsters with neutral dispositions.

The Dormouse is smoking from something that looks like a big, fancy bong. I’m guessing that’s supposed to be a hookah. I don’t recall ever seeing an actual hookah in my first life, but I’ve seen plenty of bongs. When he lets out a breath, sparkly pink smoke emerges from his mouth.

“I hope that isn’t floj,” Anise says quietly. “Don’t do drugs, kids. Or at least if you do drugs, don’t do floj.”

“This isn’t floj,” the Dormouse says, having overheard her. “It’s sparkleweed shisha. And you can’t have any.”

“That’s great,” Anise says. “We didn’t want any.”

“Have you seen a White Rabbit?” Burdock asks.

“Would you know a rabbit if you saw one?” asks the Hare. “Do you think I’m a rabbit?”

“I guess?” Burdock says.

“No! I am the March Hare. A hare is a completely different thing from a rabbit.”

“Please, have some tea,” says the Mad Hatter.

When he extends his wrist, I notice he’s wearing a watch with colors on the inner band and animal icons around the rim, with one hand pointing to green and the other to the fox. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t specifically been wondering what the Mad Hatter’s watch looks like in this iteration.

Your Perception has increased to 9. Skill acquired: Enhanced Senses (Flash Observation) Description: The ability to notice details at a glance that might otherwise be overlooked.

“I’ll pass on the tea, thank you very much,” Burdock says.

“How about the sandwiches?” the Hatter goes on. “They’re guaranteed to make you thirsty.”

We continue to politely refuse any and all offers of consumables. I’m picking up some very strange aspects in them that I can’t quite identify.

“Oh, this is boring,” says the the Hatter. “Answer my riddle, travelers. Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”

“They both have quills,” I reply.

The Hatter considers that for a moment. “You think you’re the clever one.”

“I’m pretty sure I have the highest Intelligence in my party, at least.”

“You’re pretty sure?” the Hatter says. “You have a high Charisma as well?”

“I mean I’m not certain.”

“Then why didn’t you say what you meant?” the Hatter retorts. “And why aren’t you certain? Did your party members not share their character screens with you?”

The Dormouse takes a long drag on his hookah and blows sparkly pink smoke in our faces. I cough and squeeze shut my stinging eyes.

“Dormouse!” the March Hare snaps. “That was terribly rude of you! You should hit us up before the boring strangers.”

My head spins, but I shake it off and wipe my eyes.

“We answered your riddle,” Burdock says. “Where did the White Rabbit go?”

“Oh, very well,” the Mad Hatter says. “He said he feared being late for a meeting with the Duchess. I daresay she won’t even notice as she hasn’t got a proper watch. He went that way.”

The Hatter points vaguely before grabbing a cheese sandwich and dipping it in his tea.

“You can take what’s in the chest if you like as well,” the March Hare says, lifting the tablecloth to reveal a dungeon chest. “I don’t know why travelers like yourselves like what’s inside of chests so much. The chests themselves are what’s nice.”

“Sometimes there are hats in chests,” the Mad Hatter protests.

Rowan crouches down and opens up the chest, and pulls out a few coins, a small vial of something tea-colored, and a green pointed hat with a red feather. He hands them to me as we leave.

“Can you identify them, Drake?” Rowan asks.

“I suppose I should have expected becoming the item identifier after I started grinding Clairvoyance,” I say, taking them and examining them. “The vial looks like it’s a potion made from those nullification mushrooms. The hat looks like something Burdock would look great in.”

Skills increased: Clairvoyance (Aspect Analysis), Crafting (Appraisal)

“What does it do?” Burdock wonders, taking the hat from me and looking at it critically.

“I have no idea,” I say.

“It’s not cursed, is it?”

I shake my head. “I don’t get the impression that it does anything bad. I can’t guarantee it doesn’t do something weird, however. It seemed to be something positive, though.”

Burdock puts the hat on. Nothing weird happens, but we’re all practically holding our breaths for the next weird thing to happen.

We reach a wooden gate, hanging ajar and opening onto a field where a pack of human-sized cards are playing croquet. Rowan pauses in the opening, staring at them.

“This dungeon is so weird…” Rowan mutters, heading out through the gate.