There are a lot of questions that almost everyone has either asked, or been asked: "What's your favorite food?" "What's your favorite color?" "Cats or dogs?", and the list goes on. For most of these questions, I have to think before I give an honest answer. I don't really have just one favorite food or color, and I think both cats and dogs are adorable in their own ways. But there is one question that I can immediately answer, unlike any other one of these, and that is: "Are you an extrovert or an introvert?". Everyone always gives one of three different answers: Extrovert, introvert, or somewhere in the middle. I, on the other hand, don't really relate to any of these answers. Why? Well, that's because I'm not just a simple, ordinary introvert. No, I am what's called 'The Biggest Introvert of All Time' (that's a little nickname I gave to myself as I know I will never have someone to give me an actual nickname). Most people when they hear this nickname (note: no one has ever heard this nickname) think I'm exaggerating or whatever, but those people are what I like to call 'idiots' (this is not a nickname, this is a fact).

I've never had any kind of bond or relationship with anyone. No friends, no girlfriend, no acquaintances, no nothing, not even a parental figure. My parents both died in a car accident shortly after I was born. My brother Derrick took the responsibility to take care of the house and to take care of me, but there is one slight problem with my brother: He is a total douchebag. He always wakes up at around three PM, does nothing but eat and watch TV, then goes out partying and doing God knows what and finally, to end off his productive days, he brings some random girl home and has sex with her in his room for an unbearable amount of time (the girl is always different by the way). Not every day is like this of course, but it certainly always happens on the weekends (also known as the days I don't have school and just want to relax or study at home).

Although I said I never had a relationship with someone, that was, I guess, kind of a lie. I technically have one with Derrick, but our conversations pretty much only consist of "Hey.", "Bye." and "What's for dinner?". I wouldn't even call them conversations at this point. Another thing is that he doesn't realize he is the adult around here. He actually thinks that I'm old enough to take care of myself now. Mind you: I'm 13. How can you be 27, a grown-ass man, and still behave like a young teenager who doesn't know what "being responsible" is. I don't wanna say I hate my brother... but I kind of do. Since we barely talk, he doesn't know that I hate him and honestly, I don't care what he thinks of me either. To me, his opinion is worthless. I would say he himself is worthless to me, but I can't deny that he did take care of me when I was really young. Back then I also ignored all of his flaws and looked up to him. He cooked for me, gave me toys, played with me, took me out on walks, and read me bedtime stories. I'm sure that once he has children of his own, he will be a good dad. Actually, I'm sure he already has a child or two, considering I've never seen a condom wrapper in the trash can. But this doesn't take away from the fact that he's still an absolute lazy and irresponsible piece of shit.

Anyway, enough about my brother, I'd rather talk about how I became 'The Biggest Introvert of All Time' (I'm pretty proud of this nickname if you couldn't tell already). For as long as I can remember, I've always been an introvert. I never really spoke to anyone and no one ever spoke to me. I think the most social interaction I've had in my life was when I asked my classmate for a pen. Sadly, the pen was out of ink so I had to muster up all my courage and tell my classmate that his pen was out of ink and if I could borrow another one. I know right, terrifying. But somehow I pulled it off, so I expect at least a 5-minute standing ovation. To be honest, I don't know where all this introversion came from. When I was younger I really struggled with it. I wanted to fit in, have friends, laugh and talk with people. I wanted to be... normal. I hated seeing all the other kids in my school just hang out with their friends during breaks as if it was the most ordinary thing ever, but they didn't realize that what they had was so special. I was furious at them, but deep down, I was just furious at myself. My confidence was at an all-time low. I couldn't go a day without crying and hating myself. Why couldn't I simply be like everyone else? I knew that I had to tell someone about my problems, but who? Derrick? He's way too immature for this kind of thing. A teacher? I think talking to a wall would be more helpful than a teacher. But let's be honest, even if I did have someone to talk to, I'm too scared to, you know, talk.

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So there I was, surviving through elementary and middle school with the lowest self-confidence you could imagine. Because I was so quiet all the time, everyone saw me as an outcast. I was always just reading or drawing to keep myself distracted, but because everyone had their little friend groups they thought I was weird or strange or whatever. I don't necessarily blame them though. I mean, who'd read a "stupid" comic when you could be talking to friends? However, this was their reality, not mine. They didn't bully me, but I could just feel that they didn't want me around. I didn't want them around either, so I guess it was fair. But I actually had my reasons, they were just too stupid to realize that not every kid is a social butterfly. In my last year of middle school, however, something changed. I slowly started to accept that I was different. I realized that I didn't have to fit in with these people. I didn't even like these kids so why would I even try. Slowly, I started gaining more confidence and stopped beating myself up for who I was. Finally, I could draw or read in peace without thinking that everyone is judging me. Finally, I started seeing the perks of not having any friends. I could purely focus on myself without having too worry about anyone else. Being alone all the time at school started feeling good. Not just good, but it felt right. This is who I am, my identity. Instead of wanting to be someone else, I wanted to continue being me. I might be a weird kid, but I didn't care that they saw me like that anymore. I'm an outcast, and for the first time in my life, a proud one.

My final year of middle school was great. I couldn't tell you anything interesting that happened but that's exactly why it was so great. No friends, no fitting in, no talking or laughing with people. I loved it. This summer I've also just stayed home and played videogames, watched movies, drew and read comics. A perfect summer if you ask me. Unfortunately, today is the last day of summer break. Tomorrow is gonna be the start of my first year of highschool. But if this year is gonna be the same as the last, I can't wait. It can't be exactly the same, though, sadly. I'm going to a new school this year. Well, it's the same school as my middle school, but it's a different building. I just hope I will quickly remember where my classes are, because unlike other people who follow their classmates, I go to class alone after everyone else has already left. Maybe they'll have an even bigger library than they had in middle school. I loved staying and reading in the library during breaks while everyone else was just fucking around outside; I even came up with a nickname for the library: 'The Lair of Introversion' (I'm so good at nicknames). I thought about calling it 'Aylen's Lair' at first, but maybe there's some other smaller introverts who like to go to the library so I decided to be a bit more inclusive.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see how this year goes, but as long as I keep to myself, nothing can go wrong, right?