“Hanakiki!” Po shouts with excitement as the mountains begin to clear out of their path and the town peeks out from behind. The dark grey clouds start to churn and thunder with the rain quickly following. The anchor makes a large, audible splash as it is dropped by the dock.

*Splash*

“Ok, everyone,” Takeshi begins. “We’ll all meet back here in a week.” The exhausted crew of the Friendship lay down a wooden ramp and they all walk away slowly into the distance of the town, Hanakiki, with the cold rain beating down on their worn faces. Po flops onto a hammock in the captain’s quarters. A head-shaped hole above the door begins to splash residual rain drops in. The door swings open as Takeshi enters the building and sits down at the desk. He begins examining the town map as Leon enters, with his head fitting perfectly through the hole. Takeshi begins to groan and vigorously tap a rigid finger on the desk.

“Well, I hate to say it guys, but we need supplies.” Takeshi states as Po rolls over to face the ceiling while still maintaining his position on the hammock.

“But we don’t have any coinage.” Po says while holding out his arms.

“I know, so that means we must go to ‘Plan B’.”

“What ‘Plan B’?” Leon says with a finger seemingly disappearing up his nose as he enthusiastically picks.

“We sell our bodies for coins. You might even have to take a few hot dogs for the team, Po.”

“Or we can just do odd jobs…wait, why just me?” An awkward silence falls over the three of them, with Leon completely ignoring his reality as he becomes lost in trifling thought.

*cough*

“Oh,” Takeshi clears his throat before beginning again. “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“Ugh, whatever,” Po begins as he jumps out of the hammock and walks to the door. “Let’s just go to a bar and think of a plan there.”

“Wait, really?” Takeshi states with surprised enthusiasm in his golden eyes.

“Yeah, let’s go. I could use a drink that’s not rotten or trying to kill me.” Po shakes an unenthusiastically nostalgic smirk at Takeshi and Leon before heading out the door; the others soon follow along side.

So, our three adventurers set off into the delightful, not destroyed by a rioting group of Pugh-Pughs, town of Hanakiki. Much like the last town of Flipowna, most of the townsfolk seem to be traders of spices, fish, and a myriad of other accoutrements that dazzle and sparkle with the strikes of lightning sporadically dancing on top of a nearby valley to the east. The rain continues its dreary decent, but it doesn’t hinder the ignored beauty of the architecture that the town holds; with its ancient tapestries proudly displaying their heritage, and with the strikingly familiar gothic architecture of the churches and shops that the demon people of the Zod Dominion most likely stole from. The three of them seemed to be ignored as they walk the streets for the first time, much to the chagrin of Po.

“Wow, no one is staring at us here. I guess they get a lot of wanderers here.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, no one seems to care about a man covering his face; or a strange, homely looking sorcerer; or our eight foot tall beef behemoth.” Takeshi slaps a fist into an open palm as he sharpens his gaze and looks around.

“Hmm, good point. Hey, did you call me homely?”

“Look, Po.” Takeshi forcefully pulls on Po’s shoulders and drags him in front to look at a building next to them. Off next to a tavern, they take notice of a board with contracts of many kinds nailed to it. They look up to read the sign of the tavern.

“The Drunken Witch, huh? Well, it can’t be the strangest name for a bar, right, Takeshi?” Po says with a limp finger pointing at the worn wooden sign.

“Well, it is embossed. That means they are probably well known in the town.” Takeshi says while continuing his tightening grip on Po’s shoulder, before letting him go and giving a hardy slap on his back.

“Ow, what the fuck, T?” Po angrily exclaims while rubbing his back.

“Come on; let’s go find a job, so we can pay for drinks.” Takeshi quickly walks ahead of Po, with Leon soon following behind them.

“Don’t forget, we have to get supplies too.” Po articulates with a terse tone as he catches up with Takeshi already at the contract board. An untold amount of contracts are nailed, and stuck in by knifes, axes, and nails of all design types; even a few old, notorious contracts with bounty prices rewritten tenfold seem to be garnished with lavish, magical ink, helping it stick out among the slew of contracts. Takeshi, Po, and Leon begin to search through the numerous contracts.

“Ooh, this one looks cool” Takeshi points up at a brand new looking contract that reads:

‘Wanted: Man to help with dire bears

At least twenty of them

20gp reward.’

“Damn, that’s way too low for that amount of bears.”

“What about this one?” Po points to one with an elven knife holding it up.

‘Lost Dog

Goes by the name Stone Cold Stunner

Contact Two-dick Joe at the Four Floors of Whores’

“Two dicks? What, like a tail?”

“Never mind that shit; look at the picture of the dog.” Po interrupts Takeshi as they refocus their gaze upon a picture of a giant, yellow, lion-like creature with huge pointy ears and the face of an old man.

“What the-”

“Fuck.” Po interrupts Takeshi again with a distraught face.

“Look.” Leon points with a beefy finger at a contract with worn and torn edges as it reads:

‘Exterminators Wanted

Big ass rat in my basement

Contact ol’ man Roberts at Mansion on top of the hill

Past the Woods of Seduction

Reward

1,000gp

3,000gp

5,000gp

10,000gp’

“Wow, this must be one bitch of a challenge.” Takeshi unpins the contract and begins reading over it. “The Woods of Seduction?” he looks around while rubbing his masked chin in thought.

“I’ll ask someone.” Po begins as he taps the shoulder of a random human civilian.

“Excuse me sir, do you know the location of the Woods of Seduction?” A young, human man, at an average height, stares down Po with nervous black eyes as the gentle winds of the rain blow around his black hair. The singed edges of his sorcerer robes become soggy from the rain soaking into the black fabric.

“Indubitably,” the young sorcerer, with too much black attire, begins as he flips his wet hair back with one hand. “You dauntless bunch don’t really look up to the challenge though.” The young man smiles with a coy expression.

“What did you say, fuck boy?” Takeshi glares down the young man as he stomps his way over to him and pokes at his chest with a stiff finger.

*Squeak*

A small rat crawls out of the strange man’s hood and onto his shoulder as he begins to retort.

“Easy, easy, my fellow adventurers.” The young man nervously sticks out his hands in reverence. “If you’re up to the encounter, just head to the manor at the apex of the hill, due north.” Without hesitation, the young man quickly walks away nervously and off into the distance of the rain drenched town roads.

“Well, he’s in a hurry.” Takeshi indignantly states with arms crossed and a thousand yard glare.

“Well just forget about it, T.” Po begins walking north with Leon soon following behind. “Are you coming, T?” Po asks as he begins to drift further away from an angry ninja. Takeshi soon brushes off his anger and quickly catches up to the two heading straight to the woods. After a long walk, about thirty minutes north, they reach the tree line of the Woods of Seduction. The quaint, yet eerily tall trees loom overhead as the branches sag and drape the woods with leaves. The trees sway and contort from the heavy rain pouring down, and then seemingly out of the blue, it all stops suddenly. The splashes of rain drops cease immediately as the wind halts in place. The smell of rain begins to be overpowered by a familiar smell of rot. The strange green-yellow hue of the leaves give off an uncomfortable vibe to Takeshi and Po, as they begin to shiver and the fog begins to roll into the woods.

“Man, this place gives me the creeps. I haven’t felt like this since the fairies captured us.” Takeshi says as he performs a small little dance from the shivers running down his spine.

“Yeah, this place is giving me agita.” Po grips his stomach in discomfort as he looks around the disenchanting foggy woods. They begin to walk through as the fog grows thicker. No sound is heard throughout the forest; only the twigs snapping at their feet as they continue to press on.

“Ok,” Takeshi pulls out a map and begins to read it. “We should be out of here within half an hour.” Right then, as Po looks at the markings on the map, Leon notices something familiar in the distance.

*Naaaa*

A silhouette of a goat appears and calls out within a few feet of Leon as the fog obscures it. Leon begins to hop up and down with anxiety as he cries out.

“Mm-mm-Goats!”

“Leon? Where are you going?” Takeshi shouts as Leon begins to sprint away from the goat, as Takeshi and Po stare in misperception.

“Leon!” Po shouts with an outstretched hand. Leon begins to disappear behind the wall of fog beginning to thicken the area like a soup.

“Wait a minute.” Po looks around as he sharpens his gaze. He then quickly turns to Takeshi as he strikes a panicked face. “It’s a trap spell, T.”

“A wha- ah.” In an instant, the two are then grappled by the goat silhouette jumping out from the foggy veil and begins to morph into many outstretching branches of the trees, forcing the two onto their backs. From the base of the trees, strange figures of two naked, yet unnaturally busty, female humanoids begin to seep out and wrap around the two as they begin a crushing grip; they’d almost resemble an actual human, if it weren’t for the bark skin.

“Ack.” Po begins to squirm with distraught as he desperately tries to wiggle out of their grasp, but to no avail, seems to be futile.

“Takeshi, what do we do?” Po shouts to him as he watches in desperation. Takeshi strains and squirms to reach his sword on his back, but is unable to with the branches pulling down even tighter. The wooden females begin to caress the two as they gingerly kiss them with their uncomfortable, bark lips.

“Great,” Takeshi begins with a sarcastically exhausted tone. “Now I have to die with an erection.”

“At least I can die knowing I’m not an asshole like yourself; no offense, Takeshi.” Po begins to loosen his grip as he stops fighting the woman made of branches.

“None taken…is this really how we die, Po?”

“I guess so.” Po begins to laugh as Takeshi darts his eyes around with a cold sweat.

“No, this isn’t the end.” Takeshi begins to grunt and pull at the branches with no sign of alleviation. “Damnit, there’s got to be a way.” Takeshi’s pupils shrink and his golden eyes begin to burn with a fiery intensity. Within an instant, Takeshi begins sprouting flames from his hands as he begins to burn the branches. The large and sudden blast of heat catches Po, and even Takeshi, off guard as they both recoil.

*Screee*

An ear piercing shriek belts out of the wooden female as she begins to crackle and turn to ash. Takeshi is freed from the wooden bounds as he looks at his hands, covered with deep red flames, in astonishment.

“It…doesn’t burn?”

“Takeshi.” Po desperately says with a suffocated voice. Takeshi quickly runs over to Po and pauses briefly.

“Oh, shit. I forgot I can just put a blight spell on-wait, Takeshi!” Po say exacerbated, but Takeshi closes his eyes as he blasts a wave of fire onto the branches surrounding them, covering a large area of the forest floor and the tree holding Po hostage in a bright red, dancing inferno.

*Scree*

Another shrill is heard as the crackling and snapping commences at the sight of a burning tree. The tree begins to sway sporadically, but it quickly falls apart into ashes as they begin to be blown away by the slow moving breeze beginning to pick up. The fire subsides, with the fog disappearing from the surrounding area. Takeshi looks down with worried eyes at Po, whom doesn’t seem to be breathing. Silence falls as the crackling of burning wood begins to lessen and the smell of rot is quickly overtaken by it. Smoke billows out from the pile of female ashes near the base of the burning trees. Takeshi quickly drops to his knees with the fire on his hands quickly dispelling, and begins to robustly shake Po.

“Po, Po!” Takeshi quickly darts his eyes to Po’s satchel inside his robe and begins to dig around in it.

“Come on, come on; I know you planned on this happening. I mean, I’m not saying that you planned on me killing you, but…whatever, where is it? A-ha.” Takeshi quickly pulls out the half empty bottle of a glowing red liquid and twirls it around before quickly opening it and shoving it into Po’s gaping mouth. The potion disappears one gulp at a time before emptying entirely into Po’s gullet. Takeshi throws the empty bottle, shattering against the burning trees, as he sits in silence as Po begins to twitch. Takeshi’s eyes widen at the sight of Po beginning to sit up straight at a slow pace. The burn marks and the smell of singed skin begin to sizzle and dissipate.

“Ugh, my lungs.” Po says with a hoarse voice as he rubs his throat. “I think…my lungs collapsed.”

“Whew,” Takeshi breathes a long exasperated sigh of relief before he helps Po back on his feet. They stand in the smoky air as they look around at the burning trees. A loud crack occurs as a large branch falls to the ground and continues to spread to adjacent, surrounding trees. The fire begins to build and burn with an even hotter intensity than before.

“Wow, Takeshi,” Po begins. “You did this?”

“I’m just as surprised as you are, Po.” Another giant tree branch cracks and falls directly behind the two as they both flinch with the warmth of the flames caressing their backs as it fell. They both turn around as they begin to hear a faint and eerily seductive voice call out to them from the vaguely human like, burning tree branch.

“You boys really get me hot.” The burning tree branch states with a distant slurping sound coming from the roots.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here.” Takeshi states with a quickening pace. Po soon follows as he begins to talk.

“When did you learn fire magic?”

“Never mind that shit; we gotta find Leon before he gets hurt.”

“Ahhhhh!” *crack**crash*

The distant, yet distinct, voice of Leon cries out from the edge of the forest up ahead.

“Well, I didn’t think we ever had to worry about that, T.” Po sarcastically states as Takeshi grins back at him with the same goofy expression. After a brief five mile run, the two catch up to a grave yard of uprooted trees heading north of the woods.

“Well, no doubt that beefy bastard went through here.”

“Did the chasm of destroyed trees give it away?” Po says with sarcasm as Takeshi quickly retorts with a mildly annoyed look in his eyes.

“This isn’t the time for jokes, Po. Leon could be in danger.”

“Leon? Leon?” Po begins as he throws up a brow.

“Come on, Takeshi. Do you hear yourself right now?”

“Hmm, I guess you have a point.”

“T, look.” Po grabs Takeshi’s shoulder as he points down the path of uprooted trees. In the distance, a large, almost dilapidated manor rests on top of the forested hill. It multiple floors are dimly lit through the foggy windows. And at the huge wooden doors, the large and muscular Leon waves gleefully.

“Ah, there he is. He’s been waiting for us this whole time.” Takeshi says with a joyous tone as he and Po briskly walk up the destroyed path of trees and meet Leon at the front door of the mansion. Before them, lie two giant doors with a nice set of knockers; the door knockers resemble a set of lion’s heads with a rings coming out of their mouths. The golden knockers spring up from the dark-red wood of the giant doors. Takeshi reaches for the door knockers, but is quickly intercepted by Po, whom inquires:

“Hey, how tough is this…rat thing if no one has yet to claim the reward?”

“Come on, Po. How hard could it be?” Takeshi grips one of the rings and knocks firmly a few times before standing in silence with Po and Leon. After a minute of waiting, the door partially creeks open and a wrinkly old man sticks his head out from the door. The old man takes a moment to squint his vacant eyes at the three of them; with clothes slightly damp from the rain, and the smell of fire wafting in the air. The old man adjusts his thick spectacles at them.

“Are you boys from that Poo-Poo group? I told you no soliciting or I shall pocket sand you so fast, you won’t notice that I broke my foot off in your asses.”

“Uh, no sir. We are her for this.” Takeshi takes out the contract from his bandolier pocket and hands it over to the man. The old man takes a moment to shakily read the paper with his pair of comically thick spectacles.

“Oh yes, I’ve been waiting for some adventurers to finally rid me of that atrocious pet of mine.”

“Pet?” Po inquires the old man.

“Ah, yes. Sprinkles, is her name; my longest living pet rat. After it ate my wife, I had that contract put up.” The old man quickly flings open the large doors unveiling a rather lavish mansion with tapestries and carpets with fanciful designs sewn into them. The maid, very young in stature, curtseys to the group as she stares indifferently off the side. A large wooden staircase rests in front of the doorway as it leads up to the upper floors of the house.

“Come-come.” The old man says with a gleeful, wrinkled hand gesturing them to follow; he holds himself up with a strange wooden cane while gripping his hip. “After, hundreds of tries, I hope you boys are the ones to do it.”

“Oh, we will…wait, how many?” Takeshi asks as Leon attempts to fit his huge body through the front door.

“Huh? Anyway,” the old man picks at his crusty old ears as they approach a door off to the side of the grand foyer. He opens it up and it slowly creeks open; revealing a badly built staircase leading down into a dark room. “Welp, you boys have fun. I’ll be upstairs flogging my Johnson, so just find my maid when you’re done.” The man quickly scurries off upstairs with a surprisingly fleet footing; he leaves the three of them with a grossly confused look smeared across their faces. The maid, whom had a very stern look in her eyes, curtseys and walks up the stairs without changing her bored expression.

“Ok, let’s do this.” Takeshi balls up a fist triumphantly as he takes a step forward.

“Do you have a torch?” Po asks, all the while halting Takeshi’s progress.

“I don’t need one. I can see in the dark.”

“The village chief from Anubis was right, you are a demon.” Po states with a snarky attitude.

“Pfft, as if that would offend me.” Takeshi begins to walk down the stairs; Po hesitantly, but quickly, follows close behind, with Leon squeezing his way down the stairs. Takeshi quickly lights the torch Po hands him with a snap of his fingers and hands it back over to Po.

“Oh, thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Hey, T.”

“Yeah, Po?”

“I’m slightly concerned that the old man said there were supposed to be hundreds of people that have attempted this.”

“Why? Oh…is it because there are no bones or bodies anywhere?”

“Well, that is one aspect I’ve overlooked.”

“Leon, stuck.” Takeshi and Po both turn to witness Leon wedged within the door frame as he slowly but forcefully squeezes his giant muscles through and flops down the stairs; making the staircase even worse than ever, as he snaps off pieces of it while tumbling. Leon comes to a halt when he collides with the wall at the bend of the stairs. Takeshi and Po look on with mild amusement before quickly looking back into the eerily quiet basement.

“…You see that over there?” They both scan the dark and dingy dirt floor basement as a large ball of congealed fur sways back and forth. A musty odor of mildew attacks their senses as Po waves around the torch to brighten up the room.

“That…pulsating thing?”

“Yeah, that.”

“It’s probably a small rat.”

“You’re not concerned about what the contract said?” Po asks with genuine distress.

“What, about a ‘giant ass rat’?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe they exist.” And in that instant, a giant, scarred up, crazed looking rat jumps out from behind a bushel of hay and promptly knocks Takeshi to the ground. “Oh, fuck!” he shouts as he begins to pummel the rat with a volley of fists.

“Po, a little help. Get Sprinkles off of me” Takeshi groans with discomfort with the rat beginning to slobber on Takeshi as he holds open its mouth from biting him. The rats tongue flails wildly across Takeshi’s face.

“…Oh, right. Down, Sprinkles, down.” Po, after wavering, blasts the rat off of Takeshi with an extended arm shooting out roots piercing the rat in the process.

*Squeak*

The rat begins to squirm on its back before quickly running towards Po. Po swiftly pulls out his scythe and unlatches it, exposing the blade. A hasty slice slashes through the rats arm, but the rat darts at him causing Po to fall to the dirt floor with the rat pinning him down.

“Bad, Sprinkles; Bad, Sprinkles!” Po shouts as he pushes the rat off with the scythe digging into the rat’s stomach, spilling a bit of blood. The rat scurries off in discomfort, but is quickly sliced by Takeshi’s sword as he sprints over to it. Po draws a circle with his hand and traps the rat within a magical snare. The rat’s limbs tighten together as it hovers suspended in the air.

“Leon, now. Get it while it’s-” Takeshi is interrupted as he and Po watch a giant, beefy arm fly by them at a blistering pace. The impact turns the rat into a jelly like substance breaking open and rapidly splattering all over the basement walls ten feet away.

*Splash*

The trails of organs and blood are sprinkled across the floor as it fans out from the impact. Po looks over at Takeshi with a speechless look; Takeshi looks at the decimation with unflinching astonishment.

“Huh, I guess we should have done that from the start.” Takeshi says without breaking his wide eyed gaze.

“Yeah…” Po begins, but soon stops as he looks back at a smiling Leon with a bloody fist.

“Leon are wiener.” He shouts with a boyish smile while his blonde hair drips blood onto his shoulders. The two of them take a moment to stand in awe of the mess before they walk back upstairs in a brisk manner and out the door. Then they quickly ran up the grand foyer staircase as they knock on a door the maid is standing by. The sounds of incessant whipping cracks echo from behind the large door.

“I would knock if I were you.” The maid says with a repulsed scowl while twirling her fingers through her hair.

“Hey, old man, we killed Sprinkles for you.” Takeshi knocks on the door with a firm fist and look in his eyes. They stand at the door as the sounds of whipping stop and the old man opens the door.

“Oh, you did it? Excellent…” The man begins to dig into his pants with a pleasing look on his face. Po cringes as the old man places a bag with ten platinum pieces into his hand.

“Now you boys don’t spend all of that Platinum in one place, you hear?” The old man smiles as Takeshi, Po, and Leon look over and witness a group of men and women dressed up in chains and brandishing whips; before the old man quickly slams the door and the loud sounds of whipping recommence. The three begin to walk out of the mansion as Takeshi counts the coins.

“eight-nine-ten. Excellent, now I could really use a drink.”

“Let’s go back to the Drunken Witch.” Po inquires as Leon begins to clean off the blood from his leather vest.

“Now that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.” Takeshi snaps his fingers, and they begin their journey back to the town of Hanakiki.

A long walk through the destruction of the forest passes by slowly, before our three wanderers make it back to the Drunken Witch tavern. The sun begins to peak out from behind sets of moody clouds and bathes the three in a warm, grossly radiating light. The doors, with an intricate carving of a cauldron on it, bulges out from the wooden door with it’s silvery trim as they push it open. Inside, many adventurers from around the world seemed to be gathered here, having a laugh and a drink of various origins and flavors. The clinking of glasses, steins, and a lute player plucking away drowns out the sounds of vomiting and laughing coming from all around. The staunch smell of alcohol and hops dances with the putrid smells of sweat and vomit as the crew looks around the wooden tapestries and tables. They quickly sit next to a round table right by the door as Takeshi sits with his back against the wall to view the whole room. He Reaches into his bandolier pocket and pulls out the coin bag; digging around in it, he pulls out two platinum pieces and gives one to Po and Leon, respectively.

“Ok, this should last us the whole night. Bartender,” Takeshi calls out after a short discussion with Po and Leon. “Give me a pitcher of Goblin piss.”

*Gasp*

The whole room grows silent as everyone in the bar begins to stare at Takeshi, Po, and Leon with mixed expressions of incredulity and repugnance. Takeshi slaps Po on the shoulder as the bartender brings over a pitcher. Slowly, but surely, the bar patrons stop caring about what they bought and continue on with their conversations beforehand.

“That’ll be ten gold, boys.”

“I hope you have change for 90 pieces.” Takeshi says with a surreptitiously quiet tone as he hands the bartender one platinum piece.

“You boys must have been the ones to kill old man Roberts’ pet, huh?”

“How did you know?” Po inquires with a slightly surprised and suspicious face as he begins to pour himself a glass of Goblin piss.

“Cause your beefy friend here smells like he just shat out a dead rat. Hahaha-*sigh*, here’s your change.” The bartender smiles through his large beard as he counts out and hands them a bag of ninety gold coins.

“Pleasure doin’ business with ya.” The bartender walks away, and the three of them begin drinking their glasses of warm, stale, yet somehow violently fruity drinks.

“The piss tastes different here.” Takeshi states as he reaches into his satchel and pulls out the ‘Fire Spells for Beginners’ book.

“Yeah, I honestly think it taste better than what they had in Zod.” Po examines his glass of the yellow, lukewarm liquid as he twirls it around in the glass and takes small sips of it.

“Leon like fruit juice.” Leon begins to down his glass of Goblin piss with one hardy gulp before he grabs the pitcher and downs it in two gulps. Takeshi and Po both look at Leon and then look at each other as Po smiles at Takeshi with a grin.

“Bartender,” Takeshi shouts again.

“What’ll it be, rogue?”

“I’m a nin…I need three more pitchers.”

“Coming right up; that’ll be 30 gold.”

They continue on into the night as they order their fourth and fifth pitcher of Goblin piss. Takeshi continues reading his fire spells book; Po entertains Leon by turning into a cat using polymorphing; and Leon, well, Leon continued being Leon. The fire pit in the middle of the tavern was glowing a soft red hue and gave the atmosphere in the bar a somewhat familiar and comfortable sense to the three as the more drunkard bar patrons began dancing and listening to the half-Elf bard play his tunes.

The bartender walks back over to the three with a few, filled to the brim, pitchers and sets them down before quickly conversing again.

“You boys must have survived your first glass a while ago if you’re able to move to a second, let alone, third or fourth pitcher of this nasty stuff.” He strokes his beard in anticipation for an answer.

“Yeah,” Po says with a mutter.

“We had it pretty rough, back then, but we survived Zod.” Takeshi adds in, throwing up his feet onto the table and twirling his drink in the glass; his gaze doesn’t falter from his book of arcane studies.

“Zod, eh? Damn, you’re lucky your heads aren’t on a spike in General Zod’s Castle. They hate foreigners there.”

“Yeah, we figured that out the hard way.” Takeshi adds in with a quick glance up to the bartender. The bartender chuckles a bit and throws a thick cloth towel over his shoulder as he walks back to the bar.

“You boys just holler if ya need anything.” The bartender adds in while walking over to the bard to quickly rest a hand on his shoulder and request a song before heading back to the bar.

The Bard begins to lay an upbeat tune with a elvish tone to it as the time begins to slip by. Slowly but surely the three pitchers emptied and the heavier drinkers began to stick out of the crowd with a raucous upheaval.

“Hey, Bard,” Takeshi half drunkenly calls out as he splashes around his half empty cup of piss. He sets down the book on his lap while focusing his gaze at the Bard’s silver eyes.

“Yes, my fellow compatriot?”

“What’s-*burp*-what’s your name?”

“Well, you can call me Bo the Bard.”

“Bo, play that one song again; about the dragons coming to town.”

“Okey dokey, the tale of the Pugh-Pughs and Dragons it is.”

“Yay!” the whole bar guffaws with a joyous uproar as the bard begins playing. At that moment, during the uproar of glasses clanging together and bar patrons dancing, however Po notices a man in the corner drinking a glass of water by himself with his hood shrouding his face. The strange hooded man notices Po’s unyeilding gaze, stands up, and begins to calmly walk over towards the crew’s table. He hovers over for a moment not saying a single word; only Po and Leon look on at the man as he pulls down his hood, and Takeshi continues reading his book with unbroken, and uncaring concentration. Takeshi briefly snaps his fingers as a spark appears; again, but it fails this time; and again, with another successful ignition.

“Wow, Fire Spells for Beginners? That book is for noobs with no cognisance of form.” Takeshi looks up from his studies as the hooded man reveals his familiar black eyes, hair, and pet rat.

“What did you call me, you little tavern wench?” Takeshi assertively sets his book down as he folds a corner of a page.

“Don’t you remember me?” He smiles in a coy manner as he brushes his robe with one hand. The look in his eyes catches Po’s memory.

“Oh-Oh, he’s the fuck boy.” Po, with a snap of his fingers states with a grin of sarcasm as he looks directly at Takeshi.

“Oh, so you are the fuck boy.” Takeshi says with a slight snicker.

“Unfortunately I am said fuck boy. I would like to reestablish myself as you appear to have endured that intolerable assignment that degenerate old man set out before the town.” The young man bows his head and looks back up to glare at Takeshi and Po. “You can call me Little R, or just R, if you see fit.”

“Pfft,” Takeshi spits a bit as he folds his arm in discontentment. “A fanciful fuck boy using fanciful words in order to appear smart; I hate your type.”

“I assure you that my intelligence is no surreptitious endeavor to impress you…fine folks.” R continues to lock his gaze upon Takeshi’s golden eyes.

“So, Do you know the old man that gave us the job?”

“Indubitably,” R begins as he sits down at the table. “Old man Robert’s is my superior. Ever since he found me wandering the streets, he was kind enough to take me under his wing and establish my bountiful knowledge of spells.”

“So,” Takeshi lazily sits back down and opens up his book as Po continues the conversation. “You wanted to…congratulate us on successfully performing an unbeaten task?”

“Indubitably so.” R says in retort. The sound of his pet rat squeaking is heard. Leon scoots closer to Takeshi as he continues his annoyed expression while reading. “so, uh where are you from?”

“The earth.”

“Pfft,” Takeshi slams down his book in angry disbelief. “Po, don’t tell me you’re going to listen to this guy after saying he came from the fucking ground. Listen, if you want to join us, you have to drink this.” Takeshi quickly slides over Po’s full glass of Goblin piss in front of R. He sniffs the glass and becomes repulsed by the smell.

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

“I never aforementioned that I wanted to j-”

“Nonsense,” Takeshi interrupts. “I can tell by your bored expression that deep down you want to leave this place and see the world for what it truly is, no?”

“Well,” R looks down to the glass with hesitance. But a hardy sniff begins to sidetrack his thought process. “Good, Pugh. You drink this appalling substance?” R pinches his nose with displeasure as he stares at Takeshi, whom relaxes his angered gaze for a more subtle stare.

“Yes. If you drink it, it proves to me that you have what it takes to be an adventurer.”

“How does one corroborate his worth simply by imbibing a disgusting concoction such as this?”

“If you can’t handle a simple drink, such as this, it shows all of us that you won’t be willing to put it all on the line for the sake of adventuring.”

“What’s with this fascination with adventuring? Do you have a death wish? I just don’t see the point in risking your life over something so…trivial.”

“Listen, you fuck,” Takeshi stands up as he slams his fists down on the table causing all the drinks to tremor. His golden eyes glower towards R menacingly. “I didn’t have to listen to your appalling voice, but I said ‘oh, Po approves. I guess I’ll give him a chance. But something about you pisses me off to the core.”

“I’m…terribly sorry, I did not mean to offend. I simply don’t have the necessary skill of dialogue.” R raises his hands in anxiety as a bead of sweat drips onto his brow. Takeshi takes a moment to look at Po, whom shakes his head slowly in disapproval; this forces Takeshi to sit down slowly and change his mood as he lets out a long exasperated sigh.

“Fine…I apologize too, I-I mean…we have been through a lot lately.”

“Oh,” R says with a peaked curiosity as he rubs his hands slowly. “What have adventurers, like yourselves, been undertaking?”

“Well…” Takeshi looks to Po to finish the conversation.

“Oh-um, we’ve defeated a congregation of Pugh-Pughs that took over the town of Flipowna up North.”

“Really, now?” R says with worrying amazement.

“Leon had fun.” Leon states with a beefy slap of his palms onto the table, causing Takeshi to quickly catch the pitcher before falling over. R examines the giant and triumphant Leon before waving to Po and Takeshi to move in closer for a whispered conversation.

“Hey, what’s with your resilient comrade here?” R whispers with a concerned expression strewn across his face as he uses a free palm to block his mouth.

“Oh,” Takeshi and Po both speak at the same time. “He’s a little…”

“Special.” Takeshi says.

“Different.” Po says. R takes a moment to gauge the two responses before he retorts.

“Ooohhh, I get the circumstance at hand.” R says with a long, drawn out tone. Takeshi quickly, but gently slaps R upside the head.

“Ow, what was that for?”

“Don’t be so obvious.” Takeshi begins as he sharpens his look at Leon, whom is picking his nose, completely oblivious to the conversation. “Do you want this guy to rip you in half? Trust me we’ve seen him do worse than that.” R looks up at Leon as he laughs and snorts while picking his nose.

“Haha, Leon finding nose Goblins.” R looks back at Po and Takeshi, whom have serious looks.

“You…can’t be serious?” R implies as his rat screeches while crawling out of his hood.

“Oh, we’re serious.” Po retorts quickly as he stretches for his glass of Goblin piss set before R; Takeshi quickly retaliates by slapping Po’s hand reaching for the frothy yellow liquid.

“Hey, what the fuck.”

“Listen, Po.” Takeshi begins to speak as he clears his voice and pushes the glass closer to R. “If this guy wants to join our crew, he has to prove his worth, regardless.” R takes a look into the frothy, yellow glass of putrid smelling alcohol and gulps loudly with displeasure. He grips the handle of the glass and pauses briefly before he spontaneously begins to chug down the drink with flinching eyes. One gulp at a time, R’s face turns more, and more, sour from the unpalatable smell. As soon as the last drop falls into his gaping mouth, he slams down the glass and starts to vigorously cough. Takeshi and Po begins to giggle and laugh; enough to where Leon began to join in childish laughter.

“Ugh,” R begins as a drop of Goblin piss drips down his bare chin and gently falls onto the wooden table. “How can you drink such a horrid drink? And...why is it so fruity in taste?”

“Oh, you’ll find out within half an hour.” Takeshi remarks with a snarky tone as he causes Po to laugh along with him.

“So,” Po quickly changes the subject. “Tell us about yourself, Little R.”

“Well, I… don’t really feel comfortable telling you my individual history beyond what i’ve already established.”

“Oh, come on.” Takeshi says after downing his drink and firmly setting it down onto the table. He takes a moment to wipe away the frothy moustache the Goblin piss gave him. “Here, we will tell you a bit about ourselves and you can do the same in return, sound good?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Ok, I’m from a clan of ninjas in the country of Elchea. I left my clan to kill this guy for a good amount of coinage.” He points to Po with an outstretched hand as Little R scratches his head.

“Well, why are you two friends?”

“Well,” Po begins while rubbing his hands and leans forward on the table. “We were captured by the fairies of Sugarwillow and forced to mine mithril for a year. And as you can see we escaped.”

“Escaped, how?”

“Po, used his magic to grow a giant tree up to the surface, and then we stole some horses.”

“I…don’t know what to say.” R begins with a dumbfounded expression. “If you both vilify what you’re saying, then you two are something else entirely.”

“We do have proof.” Takeshi calmly, but swiftly stands up and pushes his chair back. He then proceeds to turn around, bend over, and pull his pants down to reveal a Sugarwillow brand mark on his right butt cheek. The charred outline glistens from the scar tissue as it forms the infamous words, etched permanently onto his pale skin.

“Woah,” R says with breathless amazement. “Why does it say ‘Candi’?” Takeshi quickly sits back down while pulling up his pants and retightening his bandolier.

“Oh, that’s just the owner’s brand.”

“Do you have one too, Po?”R asks inquisitively as Po lets out a long sigh.

“Yeah,” He begins with a slightly annoyed look while he holds up his head with a free hand. “Don’t ask me to show it.”

“Why?”

“Oh, they branded him twice on accident.” Takeshi chimes in with a snicker.

“Takeshi, come on.” Po slaps him on the shoulder.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Takeshi then leans in towards Little R and scratches his masked face with one hand. “It looks like the word ‘Candi’ has a shadow.”

“I can hear you.”

“Well, duh. I wasn’t really trying to keep quiet.” Takeshi sarcastically leans back into his chair as he refills another glass. Po quickly brushes off his frustration, and then pours himself a drink while restarting the conversation.

“I guess I should add in that I was exiled, as a child, to live on an island by myself.”

“How long?” Little R inquires as he rubs his eyes.

“I’m not sure; probably about twenty years, or so.”

“Twenty years?” R says with the same face of astonishment. “How did you survive?”

“Easy; I adapted. Plus I lived with a pack of wolves for a long time as well.”

“Yep,” Takeshi begins as he looks on at Po with content. “He’s our crew’s very own wolf-man.”

“Fuck you.” Po says in a coy manner as he takes a hardy swig of Goblin piss.

“How can you guys drink this stuff? It’s starting to make me dizzy.” R sets down his half finished second glass and places a hand on his sweaty head.

“Eh, the first time is the worst, but after that, you grow an immunity to it. If you are strong enough to survive, that is. Every member of our crew has to take this rite of passage.” Takeshi states while looking into his glass nonchalantly.

“Yeah,” Po begins with a hardy sip of a freshly poured, frothy glass. “It’s actually pretty tasty the longer you drink it.”

“Unfortunately, I have to agree with you.” R reluctantly says as he takes another hardy sip of the fruity, piss drink. His head begins to sway, like a ship in the gentle current of the sea.

“If you think about it, this drink can sum up our experiences so far.” Takeshi says as he gently puts down his glass and places his palms face down on the table while gazing deeply into the yellow hued liquid.

“I can’t wait to hear this.” Po sarcastically states.

“Think about it; what do you smell and see first when you encounter this drink?”

“Whore houses, and regret.”

“Po, be serious.”

“The smell of piss, and a disgustingly warm drink.”

“That’s right, R; but what about after you taste it?”

“An appallingly fruity taste.”

“Exactly; just like our experience with this sick and twisted world of ours. At first glance, things seem strange and unfamiliar; but afterwards, you realize that the truth was staring at you the whole time. All we had to do was push forth dauntlessly.”

“That’s deep, T.” Po smiles with a sarcastic grin on his face.

“Oh, blow it out your ass.” Takeshi firmly grasps his glass and takes a hardy chug before setting it down and sighing. R begins to fade in and out as he rocks back and forth, then suddenly perking up to ask a question.

“I’m impressed you can drink without taking off your mask.” R says with a slight grin of amusement as he glances at Takeshi.

“Yeah, me too.” Takeshi adds in.

“Oh, didn’t you say something about killing a Pugh-Pugh high priest?” R questions after a brief pause.

“Oh yeah,” Po continues as he reaches into his robe. “We lifted this book off of his body; do you know what it is?” He hands Little R the old book written in a strange language. He gently brushes off the book and begins to page through.

“Oh, this is in the ancient language of Uncommon.”

“Uncommon?”

“Yeah, the title reads ‘Book of the Outer Realms.’ I’m amazed that you were able to find such a book, as most Uncommon books were destroyed during the Goblin Wars centuries ago.

“Hmm, that would make sense.” Takeshi adds in while scratching his masked chin.

“Why’s that?” Po inquires as he looks at Takeshi and R with curiosity.

“Well, the goblin Wars were fought over the Farlands, but the goblins lost to a legendary group of warriors lead by Garren Dawntreader, and Eragon Shadeslayer.”

“Even with Garren the Great and the Soothsayer,” Little R begins to add in. “Kenji Kusuragi, whom was also part of that group, turned on them and destroyed a large portion of the world by opening the Abyssal gate.”

“How do you know that?”

“It says it right here on the first page. It has the whole history of the war and a lot about the discovery of planar travel. The book was written by Eragon, after all.”

“That’s really what it says, R?”

“Indubitably so.” R continues to read more of the ancient book. “After Kenji assassinated Garren, he rose to power and established his rule by conquering most of the eastern countries; inlcuding Southwood, land of the wood elves; and the artisan Kingdom, home of the first humans to resettle outside the Sleeping Forest. With Kenji’s home capital of Arcturus resting next to the Abyssal portal he opened.” Takeshi and Po both lean in further as R reads a couple of lines in. “Ten years pass before Garren manages to escape the Abyss and destroy Kenji with one blow of…”

“One blow? What weapon can do that?” Po asks.

“Ah, the text is smeared on this page. I can’t read it. A sword of some kind, by the context.”

“Well what else does it say?” Takeshi leans in further to investigate.

“…With Kenji’s death; half of the Abyss collapses, forcing demonic humanoids and bestial aberrants to escape into the material plane in a mass exodus to resettle.”

“Material plane?” Po says with a scratch of his brow.

“I think it means the plane of reality we are on now, because it’s mentioning the old kingdom of the wood elves that was taken over by General Zod, whom was at the vanguard of the exodus.” Takeshi looks down at his feet and looks around the room with opened eyes, as to make sure no one else was listening in.

“Oh wait there’s a…warning?” R begins to slowly read aloud as even Leon becomes intrigued and the rest sit on the edge of their seat. “Who so ever handles this book must know that the gateways to the outer realms are a dangerous commodity, and to not be taken lightly.”

“Wow, what a warning.” Takeshi says with sarcasm as he proceeds to lean back in his chair again with his interest still peaked.

“Wow, this book has all of the outer planes, and how to travel to them. It even has the ruling gods of said planes.” R continues reading and vigorously slipping through the pages with a spark in his eyes as he buries them within the pages of the tattered book.

“Does it say anything about Pugh-Pugh?” Takeshi asks as he leans in with one arm propping him up on the table.

“Hmm, no…not really.”

“Pfft, what a farce.”

“Takeshi, after all this time, even after that hydra appeared out of thin air, you still don’t believe that there is something about Pugh-Pugh that we’re missing?” Po asks as he places his hands on the table.

“I’ll believe in a hatefully low god, such as Pugh-Pugh, having all mighty powers when swordfish fall out of the sky.”

*Smash**Ack*

Seemingly, in an instant, a swordfish catapults through the ceiling of the Drunken Witch and lances a fellow bar patron in the chest and pins him to the ground. The man sitting next to him quickly stands up as the chair flies out from under him and falls over. Silence takes over the entire bar and Takeshi leans back in his chair to begin.

“So, uh…did anyone else see that coming?”

“Never mind that shit; Look.” Little R says as he points to the pinned and bleeding bar patron and a friend reacting to the situation.

“Two Dick Joe, don’t die on me.” The strange man with rogue clothing and a rapier gets on one knee and places a gentle hand on his dying friend’s face. The wooden floor begins to become drenched by a pool of crimson colored blood. The other bar patrons look on with shock and empathy; even the bard stops playing his tunes to gaze upon the unexpected tragedy.

“It’s ok, Willy. Can…you do me…one last favor? *cough* Can I have one last drink?” blood covers the clothes of the rogue called Willy as he reaches for his glass of Sphinx absinthe and places it on his dying friend’s mouth. He takes a few swallows and goes limp, with a mixture of blood and absinthe spilling out of his mouth.

“Joe, Joe?!” the rogue gingerly places a hand on his deceased friend’s shoulder as the body slides down the swordfish and slaps down onto the floor. The rogue covers his face and begins to speak with a hushed tone as the bar patrons around them look on in dead silence.

“Well, he died the way he lived…like a Pugh damned maniac.” At that moment he gazes over towards Takeshi, whom begins to dig through his deceased fiends pockets and pulls out a peculiar key.

“Hey, give me that back.” The rogue stands up and places his hand on his rapier.

“Why? What is it?” Takeshi holds it up with a single finger as he examines the strange glowing key. He then proceeds to pull back the swordfish’s tail and watches as it bounces back and forth when he lets go, giggling the corpse of Two Dick Joe around as it springs back and forth.

“Stop that.”

“What? If you want it so badly, then here, take it.” Takeshi then throws the key over to the rogue as he catches it with one hand. The rogue looks down at the key, but begins to breathe heavily before, all at once, stopping abruptly. Takeshi raises an eyebrow of curiosity as Po and R watch from a distance with the same expression.

“Hey, you ok, buddy?” He waves a hand in front of the rogue’s unblinking face, then starts to poke him in the forehead; the man continues to act as a statue, standing there with a thousand yard stare fixated on the key.

“Cut that out, you doofus.” Po swats at Takeshi’s hand.

“Ow, what the-“

“Can’t you see the obvious problem here?” Po interrupts Takeshi with a question as he points with open hands at the frozen rogue named Willy.

“Um…he’s dead?” Takeshi answers while scratching under his metal headband in thought.

“Not…even…close.” Po points at Takeshi in a critically terse tone as he walks closer to Willy with everyone in the bar frozen and dizzying with anticipation.

“Look, here.” Po fervently points down to the key while casually leaning on Willy’s shoulder.

“Oh, I get it. The key is the trap.”

“Right.” Po and Takeshi move in closer; Leon continues to become entranced within his own world as he starts to hum tunes; and Little R walks closer to join the two in their inspection of Willy’s frozen body.

“So, what do we do?” Takeshi asks as the three of them lean in closer.

“We can create a passive medium.” R answers with an unchanged neutral face.

“That’ll work.” Po exclaims as he begins to walk over to a group of bar patrons watching from a short distance. “Do you have any chalk, paint, anything?”

“I’ve got chalk.” Little R pulls out a slightly used piece of chalk from a robe pocket.

“Good.” Po snatches it out of R’s hands and begins to draw a circle around Willy.

“Um, Po.” Takeshi leans closer to Po as he continues finishing the circle with a few hieroglyphics.

“Yes, T?”

“Will this work?”

“Yeah, haven’t you done this before?”

“Uh, No.” Takeshi retorts with an even more confused look in his eyes as they both stand up to view Po’s finished work. The white circle around Willy begins to pulsate a very faint color of blue.

“Do you see it, Takeshi?”

“Yeah, barely.”

“Ok, R, find a medium.”

“Already done.” Po and Takeshi look over at R behind them as he points, with an assured smile, at a hotdog on the table.

“No-no-no, I asked you for a medium. Not…that.”

“Pfft, really, a hotdog? I guess cousin Penis is doing well.” Takeshi snickers to himself as he crosses his arms before continueing with a more terse tone. “Will this really work, R?”

“Anything can be used as a medium.” R states as he sits back down at the table with the hotdog in the middle of a white, chalky circle.

“Come on, Po. Let’s do this.” Takeshi quickly sits down across from Little R and places his hands on the table. Reluctantly, Po inhales and then exhales in a loud manner before sitting down and finishing the hieroglyphics for the second medium.

“Soo, we should be able to talk to him through…*snickers*…this hotdog?”

“Yes, Takeshi. Why is that funny?” R states as he looks back at Po. “You know what to do?”

“Yes.” The other bar patrons move further away from the group as they continue drinking and watching the three; with the speared body of Willy’s friend still pinned to the bar room floor by a swordfish. Po begins to place his hands on the circle, with R soon following his example.

“Takeshi, place your hands on the circle; the more people, the stronger the connection.”

“Oh.” Takeshi quickly places his hands alongside Po and Little R; Po begins to chant the strange phrases of connecting mediums.

“Oh…hotdog; oh hotdog,”

You can’t be serious?” Takeshi adds

“Quiet, T.” R states with a snide tone.

“Create a connection to the one called Willy.” The faint blue glow of the ring begins to pulsate for both Willy and the hotdog. The faint sound of rushing wind is heard; followed by the sound of a man talking to himself.

“Fuck, where does this hallway go. I swear-“

“Willy, is that you?” Takeshi calls out.

“Huh, who is that? Who’s there?”

“Willy,” Po begins in a calm yet commanding manner. “We are here to help you out of the plane you’re trapped in. Can you describe what you see?”

“Um…really it’s been just a long stone hallway with queer pictures of…old people fucking.”

“Ew.” Takeshi exclaims with a repulsed brow. Po looks on at Takeshi with frustration and then turns back to the hotdog medium.

“Ok. It turns out Joe might not have trusted you as much as you think if he put a trap spell on the key. Fortunately it’s a low level spell, but you have to follow my voice if you want to get out.”

“Couldn’t we just take the key out of his hands?” Takeshi interrupts as he leaves the medium of the hotdog and walks over to Willy’s unmoving body.

“No, T. don’t touch the key.” Po shouts with a disheartened tone.

“Relax.” Takeshi begins to examine the key. He examines it with nearly strained eyes as he begins to notice the faint detection of a reddish aura encircling the outlines of the key.

“A-ha.”

“Takeshi, no; whatever it is you discovered, no.” Po continues to yell at Takeshi with discomfort. Takeshi cracks his knuckles as he makes a ball with his hands. Takeshi quickly forms a ball of fire in his hands and slams it down on the key. A large cacophonous clang roars out of the key as it collides with the intense heat. Everyone in the bar flinches and dives behind flipped over tables as they watch in awe and hysterical confusion. But, to no avail, the fireball hasn’t penetrated the key in anyway as its aura settles back down from its briefly fiery like pattern.

“Takeshi, what the fuck were you thinking?” Po angrily states with his and R’s hands still firmly on the chalk circle surrounding the hotdog.

“Well I thought it was a fire aura so I tried fire magic on it.”

“You doofus, that’s not how it works.” R exclaims with a frustrated look.

“Well you say that.” Takeshi continues to look down at the key which now has a faint, small crack in it.

“Willy, Willy?”

“Yes?” Willy says with annoyance. “Jeez I can hear you. I’m not deaf.” Po sighs with mild frustration, and then begins the conversation again.

“Tell us what can you see?”

“We’ll I see a long, dark hallway with pictures of old people fucking. That’s it. What do you want from me, a fucking poem?”

“Ha,” Takeshi walks back over to Po, and r with their hands still placed firmly on the circle while Leon continues to be dazzled by his own amusement. “He got you there, Po.”

Po continues on unabated and unwilling to break concentration. “Willy, where are you? I need you to follow my voice.”

“Oh-ok, I’ll try.” Willy continues down the twisting hallway of the strange realm. The faint smell of sulfur fills the hallway as it begins to stretch out infinitely. “Oh, great.” Willy, with a long and deep exhale, pauses in frustration; then he continues down the hallway, all while still examining the lewd pictures of old people. “Eck, gross. What position is that?” Willy manages to find an even more appalling picture as he reaches the final stretch of the hallway. The light on the other side shines blindingly as Willy shields his eyes. The light subsides and reveals a giant open-roofed colosseum arena during a cold, mid-afternoon; with the sun barely peaking from the tops of the highest arena seats.

“Willy…Willy?!” the faint cries from another world suddenly become clear again.

“Uhm-Yeah? What is it?”

“What do you see?” Willy begins to looks around the colosseum floor as smoke begins to rise in a few spots; the smoke forms the outlines and details of familiar and unfamiliar faces. A man holding a spear is formed out of the smoke from afar as the man prepares to launch said spear. A robed man with a long brown beard is casting a strange spell that forms a rift in the stone ground. Willy follows the rift and notices a man that looks just like him standing as another man begins to thrust a glowing sword through his heart. No one seems to be moving except Willy; but his doomed reflection begins to talk to him as he notices a strange man with a giant, smouldering hole in his chest.

“Hey.” The reflection of Willy begins to speak.

“Who…are you? Are you...me?”

“Indeed so.”

“What is this place?”

“I…You’ll know…in due time. Hehe.”

“Wait, isn’t there some way I can perhaps avoid this?” the reflection pauses, as the blade starts to barely scrap the skin while time starts to speed up to a ceaseless crawl.

“Remember who your friends are…”

“What?”

“What does that mean?”

“What does what mean?” Takeshi begins to scratch his head in confusion while looking at a still Willy.

“What does it mean?” Willy murmurs again still paralyzed by the keys intent.

“He keeps talking to himself, Po.”

“Am I supposed to understand?” Willy looks on as the reflection of him is stabbed by the glowing blade and begins to fade.

“No…not really.” The reflection smiles and reveals his aged face to him as it reaches out from the shadows and becomes engulfed by the sun’s rays.

“What can I do? What will happen? I have so many questions…” Willy drops to his knees as the world around him begins to fade and dissipate into ashes blowing in the breeze. The large colosseum crumbles before his eyes and a faint smell of burning reaches his nose. From the distance, He notices the man with a hold in his chest staring back at him and begin to form into a tangible being. Within the fleeting moment of Willy’s restless and shocked gaze, he notices the familiar glowing gold eyes. The stance of a warrior familiar with a katana’s edge, and the three large scars carved into his face. As the moment passed into the misty veil of the unknown, the ground and surrounding areas became bleak and dark as pitch. He looks up to the sky and sees the everlasting light of the sun desperately reaching out to him as it lights up the blackness of his world.

“What…will happen?” A long and sullen silence reaches Willy’s ears as the loud screech of ringing is heard, and nothing else.

“Whatever happens, happens.” The faint voice grows louder in sparse areas of the darkness.

“What? What was that?”

“I said: Whatever happens, happens.” Takeshi begins to wildly shake Willy back to the material world. The rough shaking jars Willy’s sight as he witnesses Leon, R, and Po standing by him. The bar patrons become more optimistic as his eyes begin to lessen the obscurity of his surroundings. Willy forcefully pushes himself away from Takeshi and begins to gaze at the ground, and then everyone around him.

“What happened?” Willy says with an unnerving voice; he keeps his hands placed on his rapier as he looks towards Takeshi walking up to him with open arms.

“We saved your ass.” Takeshi quickly wraps his arm around Willy’s shoulders and slapping his chest.

“H-…how?”

“Leon here broke the key.”

“Leon help.” He says with a smile as he holds up two separate pieces of the key with both hands.

“Yeah, and my medium idea was pointless.” Po shrugs with indifference.

“Uh…I don’t know what to say.” Willy begins to rub the back of his head slowly as Takeshi begins to walk back to his table to grab his drink, then walks back to Willy.

“Here,” Takeshi begins as he holds up the glass of Goblin piss. “You don’t have to say anything at all.” Willy reaches out and firmly grabs the drink. The bar patrons begin to whisper in disbelief about what they had just witnessed, but after just a few moments, began to slowly return back to what they were doing before the whole fiasco commenced in the first place. Willy stares into his glass, and without hesitation begins to chug the whole thing without stopping. An audible, and violent belch is expelled from Willy, making a sour and displeased face.

“Ugh, that was grossly...fruity.”

“Yeah,” Takeshi says with excitement leaning in towards Willy. “Looks like you have what it takes to join our crew as well.”

“Thanks...wait, crew? I’m sorry…what were your names?”

“I’m Takeshi Himura; captain of the Friendship.”

“I’m Po.”

“Leon are my name.”

“And I’m…Little R. I’m not really par-“

“Little R here just joined our crew not too long ago.” Takeshi interrupts as he wraps an arm around R’s lanky shoulders.

“Oh…I guess I’ll tag along.” R muddles to himself with a timidly joyous smile showing through his thick, black hair.

“You guys…have a crew?” Willy asks while he sets down his empty glass onto a nearby table and brushes his black hair back from his eyes.

“Well, yeah. It’s kind of a strange crew, but I pay everyone well compared to what I’ve seen. And the places we visit; Oh don’t even get me started.” Takeshi begins as he makes Po smile gleefully and downs a glass of Goblin piss. Leon jumps for joy while clapping his huge, beefy hands. Willy looks over to his friend: still speared into the ground by a rogue swordfish falling from the sky, through the roof, and onto him.

“I’m sure Two Dick Joe would’ve liked to join.” Willy begins to somberly lower his head as he kneels down to gaze upon his dead friend one last time. Takeshi looks around and at Po, whom continuously hints at Takeshi as he darts his eyes back and forth to Willy.

*Sigh*

Takeshi sighs with disapproval, and walks over to Willy to put a hand on his tense shoulder.

“It’s ok, Willy. You’re not the only one to lose a friend…or family….or…anyone you’ve cared about.”

Willy looks up at Takeshi’s golden eyes as they began to sink and become dark with sorrow. Willy quickly smears away tear, hoping no one notices and stands up to put a hand on Takeshi’s shoulder.

“Is…this my curse now?”

“Sure, if you want to think of it that way.”

“Then…what would you call it?” Takeshi pauses for a moment to look at Po, whom nods his head in approval, before turning back and repeating with a clear tone.

“Fate, if you believe in such a thing. Maybe you were destined to meet us. Who knows, really?” Takeshi breaks away from Willy and scratches under his metal headband.

“Well, I’m not sure.”

“It’s ok, Willy.” Takeshi turns back to Willy while placing his arms akimbo. “You can decide if you want to join us while we’re still docked.”

“How long are you docked?”

“Who’s to say? One, maybe three weeks.”

“Well, I’ll use that time to ponder.” Willy begins to slowly walk towards the front door before being stopped by the sound of Po’s voice.

“Hey, Willy.” Willy turns around as he places a hand on the door.

“Yeah?”

Po promptly gives Willy a thumbs up while sitting back down at their table.

“What the hell does that mean?” Willy inquires with genuine curiosity.

“It means: good luck.” Po smiles, while still giving the gesture; Willy smiles with every ounce of sadness seemingly leaving his body as he disappears into the darkness of the night beyond the front door.

“Excuse me, young boy.” A cold, sharp finger begins to poke at Takeshi’s back.

“Wh-what?” Takeshi begins as he glares and then reconfigures his gaze to befuddlement as he stares at a strange old Kobold man with glowing purple eyes and thick red scales on his body.

“Th-those eyes,” Takeshi mutters to himself while fixated on the Kobold.

“Hey…are you listening?” The old man slaps Takeshi upside the head with a very sturdy, wooden cane.

“Ow,” what do you want you cretin?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you haphazardly using fire magic.”

“Haphazardly?” Takeshi says astonished as he watches the Kobold stroke his long white beard.

“Yes, you have no respect or grace with your movements. You need proper training from a master pyromancer.”

“no grace is correct.” R adds in with a snarky tone.

“Shut up.” Takeshi quickly looks back at the old Kobold. “Let me guess: you are said pyromancer-ow.” Takeshi begins rubbing his head again from a second whack to the head by the old Kobold’s cane. He takes a moment before he takes a knee and bows his head in reverence. “Will…you train me, master Kobold?”

“Indeed, I will. But you must follow everything I say and learn the correct techniques; otherwise you’ll end up hurting your friends with your fire.”

“Oh, so that’s what happened-ow.” Another hardy whack of the Kobold’s cane and Takeshi pauses to rub his head again.

“Never mind that shit; you can call me…Master Splinter.”

“Ok…wait, why does that sound familiar?”

“No it doesn’t; Shut up.” Splinter, proceeds to smash his cane onto Takeshi’s shoulder as he gives an audible hiss and a flick of his long and slender tongue.

“Ow.” He says with slight anguished annoyance. He turns back to Po, Leon, and R to discuss further plans. “So, what are you guys going to do while I’m gone?” Po looks at Takeshi with a grin.

“We’ll leave your ass here.”

“Pfft,” Takeshi scoffs loudly, walks up to Po, and slaps a hand on his shoulder.

“You better not, you fucker.” They both smile and turn to R, whom begins to talk.

“We’ll, I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna go purchase some slaves, and…I guess, if you don’t mind…if I joined your crew? Hey wait,” Leon begins to pick up R with one hand and quickly brings him into his pectorals to give him a big, ferocious hug.

“Ack, so…strong.” R gasps in desperation for air and a reprieve from the pain while his legs flail in the air with everyone in the bar watching in discontent; except for Takeshi and Po, whom have smiles on their faces, looking on at the two.

“You’re one of us now, Little R.” Po says slowly walking up to Leon and patting his muscle bound shoulders. Leon pauses briefly and loosens his grip, letting a blue faced R flop down onto the ground as he gasps for air and rubs his crunched up shoulders and chest. “Don’t worry, T. We’ll wait for you on the Friendship. We’ll go visit that Blue Pancake place down in Turango as R seems to want to go so badly.”

“What, no I don’t. Don’t be so crass. Why would I want to go to a brothel?” R says flustered as he crosses his arms and looks off into the distance.

“Thanks, P.” Takeshi then casually turns to Splinter and begins to talk while looking at his coy expression strewn across his scaly lizard face, and white beard going down to his knees. “So…master Splinter. Where are we going to train?”

“There is a volcano on this island about thirty miles away from this town.”

“Ok, and how long will we be there?”