Jess wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but the woman before them didn’t fit any of her prior assumptions. She sat, cross-legged, on an oversized purple beanbag that was decorated with stylish gold embroidery. The room itself glittered with gold, silver and stained-glass talismans and trinkets. They seemed to be hanging from everywhere by long, delicate chains. Glowing orbs in various hues adorned the walls, they flickered in the same manner of candles and threw unruly light in all directions. Jess felt that the room more closely resembled a giant magpie’s nest than an immortal sage’s meditation room.

Jess glanced back at Nevin. He remained behind, refusing to step beyond the threshold of the room, but gestured for her to continue approaching the woman. With great trepidation, she did so. The woman’s eyes remained closed though Jess was sure that she knew of her presence.

After waiting an acceptable amount of time, or at least enough time to appear as though she was trying to be respectful, Jess cleared her throat. The woman before her remained perfectly still, ignoring Jess. Jess tried again, giving a louder, sharp cough to indicate that she was waiting but again the woman didn’t move or acknowledge Jess.

Normally, Jess would like to think that she was a patient woman, but right now she was all out of patience.

“Listen, Lady of the woods. I appreciate that I’ve arrived here unannounced but if you’re just going to ignore me, I’m sure I can find someone more capable of helping,” she said, crossing her arms and openly glowering.

Her words sparked a reaction in the druidess and Jess noticed the twinge of annoyance flicker across her face. The woman opened one hazel eye briefly to view her before closing it again.

“I do not have the time to listen to another of his requests,” the woman answered as she raised her chin and huffed.

Jess turned to Nevin again and found him sheepishly hiding behind the edge of the doorway. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

“I only came here because he said you had information that can help adventurers,” explained Jess, pursing her lips.

“I am a Druidess – Not a notice board,” replied the Druidess frostily. She maintained a neutral expression but could not hide the coldness in her hazel eyes.

With a firm hold on her composure, Jess forced a smile. “I am aware of that, Druidess, but I don’t seem to have a lot of options right now. Nevin said that I’m like the Adventurers, but… not like them. I’m not supposed to be in this world. This is all one big silly mistake. I just wanted…”

The Druidess began to rise from her seat before Jess was able to finish. She was far taller than expected, at least two feet taller than Jess, and as lean as an Amazonian warrior. The delicate, almost translucent cloth of her robe rippled and fluttered around her lithe, tanned form as she took a step toward her. Each small movement caused the various small sequins and adornments to catch the light.

Jess cleared her throat before continuing, “I just wanted to see if I could get some information on how to get home.”

The Druidess took a step towards her. The reduced distance only highlighted the different in their heights. Oh, was the only thought that came to Jess’s mind as she realised that she was now stood at eye level with the top of the Druidess’s robe. A robe which was hanging loose enough to expose most of the Druidess’s breasts. Jess clenched her jaw and maintained eye contact with the voluptuous woman, refusing to be cowed by her provocative stance. She considered that the likelihood of leaving the room with any useful information seemed to be growing slimmer and slimmer.

The Druidess stooped forward a little, bending forward at the waist so that she was of similar height to Jess. This move only seemed to reveal more of her bosom. Jess could feel her eye beginning to twitch. It was little wonder that young Nevin was so enamoured.

“What is it that you offer as payment for this information?” asked the Druidess with a coy smile, motioning to the varying trinkets around the room.

Jess briefly reflected on whether two middle fingers and a view of her rear walking through the door would be sufficient. However, she opted to voice a more tactical reply.

“Unfortunately, I’ve arrived in these lands with only the clothes on my back. I’m not sure I have anything that you’d deem worthy,” she said gritting her teeth beneath her forced smile.

The Druidess pouted, though Jess was unable to tell whether it was her lack of reaction or her lack of payment that had disappointed her.

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“Such unusual yet drab clothes as well,” said the Druidess as she glanced up and down Jess’s frame with a measured look. “Not to mention your questionable taste in jewellery. Where is it that you hail from?”

Though Jess wasn’t particularly fond of her workwear wardrobe, having it called ‘drab’ to her face irked her greatly. The navy pinstripe shirt that she wore was one of her nicer ones and she had taken great care in selecting the pretty mother-of-pearl buttons to replace the original ones. Her workplace lanyard hardly counted as jewellery either.

Jess swallowed her bile and replied in as neutral a tone as she could manage. “Sheffield.”

The Druidess frowned and straightened up before glancing quizzically at the doorway where Nevin remained hidden. In a slow, careful tone the Druidess said, “The Forest foretold of someone arriving from another world.”

“Did they foretell of them leaving again? Because that’s the bit I’m interested in,” replied Jess in a clipped tone.

“I am truly sorry. I believe that there may have been a misunderstanding here here…” the Druidess apologised slowly. “Nevin, enter please,” she called out.

Nevin dutifully entered, creeping out from behind the doorway and warily approaching both Jess and the Druidess. Poor kid, thought Jess as she watched him. He looked like a puppy who had been caught chewing the furniture with big wide eyes and a guilty, worried expression on his face.

“Nevin,” the Druidess began softly, “For the sake of formalities, please introduce us.” She reached out and stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers. Prickles shot up the nape of Jess’s neck like a silent warning system.

“Y-Yes D-Druidess,” he said with a subservient nod of the head. He turned to Jess then to say, “Miss Jessica Harper… of Sheffield, I’d like you to meet the Druidess, Nimue Yllanala of the Great Forest Beaullon.”

Her spidey-senses were still tingling, but Jess acquiesced the introduction. “Pleasure to meet you,” she said drily. The Druidess did not react to the slight.

“Yes. I am sorry that I did not recognise the significance of your presence before, Miss Jessica Harper of Sheffield. Truly, it shames me,” the Druidess apologised again, this time flamboyantly hiding her face with one of her perfectly manicured hands.

“It is a great rarity to see one with your particular gift. I was a fool for not noticing earlier,” she continued, swirling like a dancer so that she now stood with her back to them. Jess tried not to grate her teeth together in frustration. The Druidess’s antics were insufferable, but at the same time, Jess would prefer not to upset her if it meant that she might get out of this teenage boy’s wet dream with some useful intel.

The Druidess finally swirled around to face the confused pair and Jess could see that Nevin looked noticeably less sceptical than she felt. There was just something off about the Druidess’s sudden change in demeanour, particularly the beatific smile she now wore. There were plenty of iridescent, but visibly empty vials scattered around. The druidess didn’t fit the stereotype of an old wino, but Jess had already strayed far from familiar waters.

“Oh, dearest guest. Please, how can I be of service?” the Druidess asked with a smirk that set Jess’s teeth on edge.

Jess took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Thank you, Druidess. I just…” she started, only to be broken off by the Druidess sniggering.

“I just…” Jess attempted again but was drowned out by a peal of laughter from the Druidess who no longer bothered with the pretence of holding back her laughter as she openly mocked the pair.

“Honestly. Did you really think I would believe this nonsense?” the Druidess asked, turning from the pair and moving to touch and twirl some of the trinkets that dangled from the ceiling. “They will see right through your act just as I have.”

The conversation wasn’t just starting to go sideways, it was already spiralling out of control. The druidess’s meaning was completely lost on Jess.

With a pinched face that was creased with layers of confusion, Jess was forced to seek more information. “Who will see?”

The Druidess’s eyes narrowed, and she looked for a moment as though she might snarl like an angry dog. An icy shiver ran down Jess’s spine. The woman’s unhinged.

“Pretending to be one of the adventurers will not work,” the Druidess haughtily announced with a sneer. “They will always prefer me.”

Jess could have picked her jaw up from the floor. What is this? Mean girls?

“Listen, Lady.” Jess paused, collecting her thoughts and reining in her ire. “I am an adventurer and I ju –“

“This argument is both childish and futile.” The Druidess crossed her long, slender arms.

With a painfully forced smile, Jess clenched her fists by her sides. “Then there is no point in continuing this farce.”

The smug look that spread across the druidess’s face made Jess consider retaliating but instead, she bit her tongue and turned her back on the Druidess, seething with rage.

Mocking calls continued to follow her as she strode past Nevin and out through the archway.

“You are nothing to them! They will always prefer me!”

Echoes of the druidesses peals of laughter then echoed around her as she walked. She could hear Nevin, trailing behind, offering nervous apologies at first, but then skittishly shadowing her in silence.

Only when the sunlight danced upon her skin did she let her silence break. If she didn’t let off some steam, she feared that she might explode instead.

“What the actual Hell? I thought elves were supposed to be tree loving hippies. She’s not even Tolkien and just wise and aloof. She’s just a…” Jess waved her hands in the air, gesturing wildly. “Just a vapid, childish, disco ball with tits,” she finished, her words dripping with venom.

Nevin raised his hand and opened his mouth to speak, but clammed up when Jess shot him a furious glare. She kicked at a small stone, further fuelling the fire inside her when she was both annoyed by how little it travelled and that she had resorted kicking stones like a petulant child.

Through gritted teeth she asked, “Which way to the city?”

Nevin’s hand rose again, but this time to meekly point his index finger in their direction of travel.

“Lead on,” Jess ordered, before adding a slightly less gruff, “please.”