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A Samurai's Tome of Extraterrestrial Terror
Chapter 2: Happiness is a New Gun

Chapter 2: Happiness is a New Gun

“Why can’t I just keep using this one? Seems to be working so far.” I query the probably-not-just-a-voice in my head, motioning with the shortened shotgun. Trying to stay quiet, since I knew there were still a few of the hounds out there. Didn’t seem like they were running over her just yet.

I should probably find the rest of the shells that were in the glovebox, but that broke open during the crash to no one's surprise. No, there's no time for that and it's too loud anyway.

Well for one, that won’t work against any higher tier models running around, and is also modified to be less accurate on an already smooth bore weapon that holds only two shells at a time. Along with the little fact that you still shouldn’t be using your right arm until you get additional healing.

If you choose to go against all good sense it is possible to modify that crude thing, or even purchase some more esoteric ammunition to use.

“Ehhh, it's not like I’m really attached or anything. Just the only thing I actually have training for.” I haven’t had much training with it, but I had mandatory time on the firing range once a month.

How about something similar then, but smaller to help you fire it one handed. It would be quite similar to an old earth flintlock pistol design, only better in every possible way.

“Uh, that doesn’t sound like it would pack a bigger punch…” I wasn’t sure it would be better just because it was alien made, but from the sounds outside I might have to put some trust in them again soon.

Not technically on its own no, at least not with standard ammunition. You could get some explosive ammunition, or with your record at the shooting gallery smart bullets might be the better solution.

“Ouch, really kicking me while I’m down.” Not that they were wrong. At least with the shotgun I just had to aim close to the target.

Scratching claws were just outside, no more time to think.

“Gimme the gun and the smart stuff!”

Class I Smooth Bore Firearms unlocked!

Points reduced to… 29

I’ll forgo the box for now, the weapon will come preloaded so just be ready to start shooting.

New Purchase: Marooner Mk 2

Points reduced to… 13

True to their words the weapon just popped right onto my lap. Right on time too as quite the ugly mug appeared where the driver side window used to be. Triple hinged jaws, vertically set eyes, and just far too close for comfort. Luckily even I couldn’t miss from this close, with deftness borne from desperation I picked up the gun without giving it a real look and almost pressed it right against the head as it tried to climb in.

And with a bang I was covered in green blood that smelled like cut grass and tasted like rotting sewage.

Targets Eliminated!

Reward… 10 Points

Oh god why did I have my mouth open! After this and that awful drink I was starting to think that Samurai were way more prone to disgust induced vomiting than I realized. Spitting the taste as best as I could from my mouth with a shudder I finally unbuckled myself and squeezed out of the car. The door swung outwards with a bit of effort.

Overhead street lights let me glance at the weapon that gave me an antithesis mouthwash. Samurai weapons were as varied as the Samurai themselves but they always tended to look futuristic and sleek, this thing however was like a priceless antique, A dark wooden stock, shining silver trigger and other metallic parts, with a fine gold filigree of a dragon with its open mouth opening to the barrel of the weapon.

“How many shots does this thing have anyway?” I asked before catching sight of more of the dog aliens moving around from behind the crashed van.

“Oh shit.” With a graceful hop that definitely wasn’t a stumble I slid back inside and peaked around the door to open fire on the five Model Three’s.

Targets Eliminated!

Reward… 30 Points

Well you had five more shots, though even with the assistance you managed to completely miss two of them. Would you like a refill?

“Yes!” I shouted while Backing up into the passenger seat away from the hungry aliens frantically scrabbling to do as hungry aliens do. I just kept aiming and pulling the trigger, nothing happening.

I’ll just go ahead and teleport the rounds directly in the Marooner for you.

New Purchase: Smart .45 Slug x6

Points Reduced to 50

The next time I pulled my finger back the next dog thing was given an amateur lobotomy as it made it up to the driver's seat . The next one wasn’t far behind clawing into its dead ally to reach me just a little faster.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

Wasting no time I double tapped it, even though it proved unnecessary. Its brain was similarly aerated with the first shot, the second just going deeper into its neck.

I slump into the pile of cans, not very comfortable but I really don’t care. I just lay there and breath for a minute, trying to figure out where everything went wrong. My heart felt like it was debating whether to try rebreaking my ribs or just stop completely.

If you’re done joining the pile of detritus there are still antithesis in Traverse. Several Model Threes have made it past the western wall. Most of the residents have already made it to the PMC headquarters but there are still some choosing to hide in their homes.

I let out a slow, pained sigh. Feeling like a raccoon stuck in a recycling bin I eventually got out of the car, wincing as I had to climb over the Model Threes.

As I stepped onto solid ground again, with less angry canines around this time, I realized a major flaw in the plan of just running to the enemy.

“I need a new ride.”

Unfortunately you lack the points to get yourself anything fast enough to be more useful than just requisitioning one of the abandoned trucks the Happy Healthy PMC so kindly left behind.

“I don’t have keys, and I think they’d be pretty pissed if I stole from them.” Even with the fancy gun that just spawned in from who knows where, I really doubted I could stand up to an entire private military company. Plus this one was funded by the largest medical corp in Old Michigan.

Just thinking of that company and hospital, of those things in the guise of men, just sours the mood even more. My fear and worry get a dose of vengeful anger mixed in. Ashlyn must have sensed by displeasure, their voice turning more masculine and serious.

Despite your reservations, despite your complaints, you are one of the Protector chosen Vanguard. You may have a low opinion of other Vanguard but if a corp tried anything on a new Samurai there would hell to pay for any involved.

You humans are not perfect in almost any measure, but you do tend to protect those in the same groups you sort yourselves into. That isn’t inherently a negative quality, it's part of what drives you to protect this town despite what's been done to your family.

Their voice turned soft and neutral again after that, reverting to its earlier tone.

So please trust me when I say the chance of them getting away with harming you is slim. It will only become less likely the stronger you become, so how about we get on to that.

Was I that easy to read? Was I still letting them affect me this much? Ugh who cares, people's lives are still on the line. I can deal with all that after, or maybe after all that and a good week's sleep. Or maybe just deal with it never. That sounds better yeah.

“So can you help me get in one of the trucks then?” I asked as I was speed walking, trying to ignore the vestiges of pain in my chest and arm.

“And something for my injuries? I’d hate to be running into battle with low hp.” I chuckled a bit at the last part, this was kind of like some of the Samurai themed tabletop games I’ve run before.

Save the town from the antithesis! Earn more points and work with your team to destroy the invaders! Oh, and can’t forget to thank the benevolent corporations and PMCs for all their hard work to help keep the civilians safe.

Both can be done quite easily, you don’t even have to spend any points for the vehicle. The systems are simple enough that you don’t need any purchases for me to access them. As for medicine, another Nano-Regenerative Suite should be plenty to fix the remaining fractures in your chest and arm.

Also, if I could make a suggestion?

“Make whatever suggestion you want after I can use my arm again.” I know I was being a bit rude to the so far helpful super intelligent AI but anyone would be a bit grouchy with broken bones, or fractured it seems.

New Purchase: Class I Nano-Regenerative Suite

Points reduced to… 30

A small box appeared in front of me in the air, and I only fumbled slightly as I caught it with my free hand with only mild pain. The box this time wasn’t plain white plastic, but looked like a generic fantasy chest. It even felt like wood, if a bit too smooth to be real. There was a big green plus sign on top as well.

Popping it open showed what seemed like an inhaler with a big cover around the mouth section. It was resting on a small velvet cushion. Fancy.

“Really is like a video game huh, fight monsters and earn loot. So I just take a puff?” I was holding it near my eyes, then realizing what I was doing I felt around my face. My glasses must have been lost during the crash, that wouldn’t help with my aim.

More or less, just insert the extended section of the guard into your mouth and inhale deeply. Make sure you breathe it all in.

Doing as instructed left me feeling like I’d just breathed in a lightning bolt. After it was all gone, I was left sputtering and twitching a bit. My nose, lips, and ears in particular were itching a lot.

Ah yes, it would be a good idea to quickly remove your remaining piercings for now.

“Could have mentioned that sooner.” I grumbled. My hands struggled to get the screws and pins undone for all of them. I had three on each ear, a nose ring, a lip ring on my upper lip, and snake bite spikes on my lower. Though only the ones on my ears were all intact.

Most of them had RGB lights I could activate through my augs.

I could feel the piercings close in real time as the sharp pains from my fractures also vanished.

As for my suggestion, with your wounds now healed you could easily wield a second handgun. With the self-aiming rounds you don’t have to worry about aiming as much, but maybe another approach to your problem would help.

With your Smooth Bore Firearms catalog you can purchase explosive rounds, to maximize their effectiveness it would be best to buy a larger caliber weapon. Is that acceptable?

“Bigger guns for bigger bangs? Sure, give me a boomstick.” I could feel a smile tug on my lips even as the tingle was fading from them.

New Purchase: Privateer Mk 3-C with Explosive Shells

Points reduced to… 5

The other gun was elegant with an antiquated grace, like a masterpiece painted on the blade of a guillotine. This thing just looked effective, still a similar style to my other pistol clearly but taken in a very different direction.

Best way to describe it would be hand cannon. The barrel looked like old-fashioned cast iron, all black and not reflecting any light. The stock was a rougher looking wood from the Marooner, a lot lighter with steel rivulets seemingly holding it together. That wasn’t likely with Samurai tech though, probably just a weird design choice by Ashlyn.

The trigger was a plain looking type of iron or steel, but the weirdest thing was the drum magazine. It just looked like a regular barrel like you see in every fantasy game ever. Plus it was significantly heavier than its counterpart too, not unbearable but a heft that said it was sturdy.

The names of the guns, along with the theming all had me pointed to one conclusion.

“Are you trying to turn me into some sort of pirate Samurai? Cause if so I’m sorry but I can’t pull off wearing around an eyepatch.” Plus birds creeped me out, so no way was I carrying a parrot around everywhere with me. Not that I was about to admit that.

No, but given your preference for fantasy games, both on the mesh and of the tabletop variety I had assumed you would appreciate the aesthetics. It isn’t easy to theme firearms to medieval fantasy you know, I could still do it but it would take a few more nanoseconds of my processing time.

That just made me blink for a second. I knew they were a pretty advanced AI but that sounded a lot crazier than I was expecting. Not knowing what to say to that I just motioned to one of the trucks around and focused on the first part of that statement.

“Think you can unlock it for me? We probably wasted enough time already. And yeah I play some fantasy games, I mostly run Tombs and Terror.”

When I got within reach of the truck, I heard a click and found it unlocked. The interior was nice and clean, still had that fresh from fabrication smell. Other than that it was a pretty plain black armored pickup, with one of those manned turret emplacements that PMCs love to stick on everything.

“So do you know where the antithesis are right now?” I buckled up and pressed down the button to start the ignition with a satisfying low roar.

They have spread around the immediate area inside the western gates up to about a mile inside the wall. I can get you there, please just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride, Ness.

That last line sounded like one of those high class AI assistants corp higher ups used in their cars and offices. Supposed to sound like a sexy secretary, since the creeps even need to objectify actual objects and software along with all other women too.

“Fine, just try not to crash please. Once a day is enough for me.”