When moving to a new neighborhood, one of your first goals should be to have a little meet and greet with your neighbors. There are a few essential steps to really make a good first impression…
First, politely knock and introduce yourself.
Ahh, Monday, the dreaded date of all labourers: tired eyes move woodenly over forms and reports, the bitter smells of coffee and office workers dreams slowly being ground into dust, and the inevitable realization that life is meaningless growing in every mind like the mold in that one tupperware container of curry in the communal fridge. You know the one, that no one’s touched in about three weeks and is really concerning some of the girls from the front desk, who complain constantly about it, but never actually do anything about. At this point you're almost-sort-of keeping a personal bet with yourself about whether a brave enough intern will eventually take it out to earn brownie points or if it’ll sit there like some ancient artifacts for years on end, a glimpse into the days of yore, a happy reminder of a time when you were marginally more hopeful about….
I’m rambling. Sorry.
It’s somewhat of a coping mechanism to deal with some of my nervousness. Elevator rides always strike some kind of nerve in the back of my mind, even though they got rid of the cables years and years ago, I always worry something’s gonna snap and I'll plummet to my doom hundreds of feet below or some such…
I’m doing it again.
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
Damnint.
I stomp my shoes together to focus myself a little, earning an annoyed glance from my fellow passenger who is currently trying to concentrate on keeping us from being riddled by a hail of supersonic lead slamming towards us incessantly. I mean I understand his disgruntlement, a few more moments and his shield will probably shatter into fragments of fading light, leaving this elevator with an absolutely brilliant new coat of paint that I’m positive will impress the next visitors. My little nervous tics are most likely hurrying on our grisly fate by quite a large margin in all honesty.
However, exsanguination isn’t exactly on the itinerary for today. I wait for just the right time, that second when all the Mark IV’s switch barrels as the first begin to overheat, to underhand my 100% organic, gluten-free, and home-made IED through a hastily created gap in the shield. Honestly, you’d think Securo-Corp would’ve fixed that little issue in their bots’ design back with the Mark III, but eh, planned obsolescence and all that…
The silent burst of light and resulting shower of shrapnel impacting against the shield once more in a flurry of ripples snap me out of my thoughts of my issues with the wasteful, yet surprisingly profitable, corporate machinations unfolding behind the scenes.
After a moment more, the glowing shelter fades back into the aether and my boss slaps me on the shoulder in a wordless huff, face grey and drained from exertion. His meaning is clear, and the lack of grandiose statements is actually incredibly refreshing.I hurry into the still smoking room, slip my handy dandy little power-cutter across the side of the data bank, and rip out the sturdy black box full of electronics and valuable, valuable corporate secrets. In moments, I’m back to his side, already dreading the incredible amount of boasting he’s going to do once he gets his breath back.
All in all, for the first day in a new city, and a monday at that, things really aren’t going so bad!
The resulting drop of some sort of smoking canister from the freshly opened vent above and the sickly sweet smell of a sedative gas bitchslap my naive positivity back into place right quick.
Well, at least it’s not raining, I suppose.