Like a breath of fresh air, I feel a wave wash through me pushing me from my cold hell.
I feel free, relinquished from the dreadful sharp blade of the cold frigid wind no longer tearing through my body.
Hope fills my body as I try to open my eyes and look around, only to… nothing.
Except feeling like I'm moving somewhere I can't see anything. Complete and utter nothingness, not dark, not white just no sight to see as if no sight registered in my mind.
Floating in nothingness, no sensations on my skin, and no temperature hot or cold…
Just the thought of that word triggers a trembling shiver through my being.
I feel my head getting clearer, and with it returns unwanted memories and lingering phantom sensations on my skin as if etched into my very being that I never want to feel ever again. A craving and longing need passes my mind as my most precious has vanished from my embrace.
Desperation wells up from within me as I seek my friend with my roaming arms. I want warmth, a hug.
I claw into the void in desperation, stretching my arms as far as possible.
Still holding an ember of hope I call out to my dear friend.
‘Liz?’ I wait a little for a response. My desperation slowly morphs into anxiety as nothing but silence surrounds me.
No response.
‘Liz! W-where are you?’ I ask a little louder as I stutter. I feel like my ember is slowly dwindling.
…
…
nothing.
‘LIZ!’ I yell from my heart crying out into the void. ‘Liz, where are you?!’ I yell again, my anxiety creeping through my veins while I wait with my last strand of hope to hear the voice of my best and only friend… I wait… wait… nothing…
Panic.
‘Liz! Liz!?! Don’t leave me! P-please I need you!’ I despaired and cried, feeling everything crumbling away. My arms flailing in agony as hopelessness sets in.
‘Nooo… d-don’t leave meee—‘ I cry in a broken voice out into the void. I curl up hugging my arm into my chest sobbing.
Time flows by. My mind jumps from one memory to another, wincing at one and crying at another. I settle on one memory like watching a movie as it soothes my wailing heart.
Remembering Liz’s embrace from the many times we snuggled together in the warehouse through the years trying to support each other to endure our torment.
Like a mantra I went through Liz’s teachings one by one, her so-called rules of sisterhood that she forced me to learn off the top of my head in the small amount of time we had to ourselves in the evenings.
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‘Rule 5. Under pressure stay calm. Panicking only leads to disaster.’ Remembering Liz’s teachings I focused on myself and thought. ‘Calm down, calm down… deep bre-’
I was about to take a deep breath only to realize no air entered my lungs, alarm returns in full force as I instinctively fling my arms to my neck to check if something is wrong… Only for my arms to pass through my neck.
Falling back to rule nr. 5 again I think ‘It does not hurt, don’t worry you are ok, calm down…’ I say to myself trying to collect my scattered mind for some time.
Like a lightbulb lighting up above my head something clicks in my mind in a rare moment of clarity.
‘Liz?’ I call out again to test my theory. But to my relief I don’t hear my own voice.
I flex my hand and try to connect my thumb with my four other fingers. Again to my maybe odd relief I don’t feel anything. Connecting what little general knowledge I have learned in my life I come to a conclusion.
‘We died? That's it… Yes that must be it! We must be in some kind of afterlife and Liz is here with me! It's just that I can't see or feel her.’
‘She promised that she would never leave me, so that must be it! Hehehe can’t wait to see her again, I just want to hug her, kiss her cheek and hug her again, as soon as I see her again!’
‘I almost can’t believe it, we escaped! Liz’s plan worked like always! She is so cool~. No more punishments, no more work. Good job Liz! Eheheh…’
‘But. Sigh... She'll probably feel guilty about us dying. Stupid Liz we’re free now. She better not be angry with herself for her choice. After everything she has done for me, if she tries to apologize to me the next time I see her, she’ll be in for my hardest head flick ever! Hmpf’ I mimic a pout before changing to a grin.
‘Liz is such a worrywart hehe~’ I chuckle to myself thinking of every time she would check me from head to toe when I got in trouble with the disciplinaries. Unfortunately, my mind wandered to the rare times when I was forced into the 'Correction room'.
The thought of being in that horrifying room sends shivers down my back as the quiet void suddenly feels much more daunting.
‘I’m scared Liz… Can you really not hear me?’
Still no reply. I just want to hug something or at least hear her, anything to assure myself, and something to stabilize myself in this situation.
With no one to support me I try to distract myself with something else. Just like I used to do with my work. And nothing to hear, smell, or see my thoughts wander the only thing I can actually feel. I am still moving somewhere.
‘Hmm… But where am I going?’ Life, death and all that jazz is not something I have ever thought or cared about much if at all. ‘But I am moving, so maybe it's like a road to somewhere new?’ I feel joy at that.
‘Ohh! Maybe I'm going to a forest? Liz always promised I could one day see one. I really, really hope I can get to see Mr. Billy, maybe we can be friends? Ohh that would be nice.’ I chuckled to myself thinking of going on an adventure with Mr. Billy. And maybe watching that brook together that was shown on my picture seeing frogs jumping around between the grass. ‘Maybe they can swim?’ I wonder.
With nothing better to do, my thoughts began to wander. Liz, my electric ‘Billy’ collection, my picture, The workshop, The rare evening movie nights, Liz.
‘I miss Liz…’
---
‘345 sheep, 346 sheep, 347 sheep, 348 sheep-‘ Bored while waiting to arrive, I had started counting sheep hoping to sleep the time away.
‘351 sheep, 352 shee- huh?’ Something tugs at me once interrupting my counting.
‘Hey!’ I pout. ‘I almost made it to Dreamland.’ I say being annoyed. It starts tugging me repeatedly as if trying to get my attention.
‘Eh? What is it?.. Wait. wait! Is that Liz tugging me?!’. Excitement fills me with this new thought.
The tugging became slightly more insistent as if asking me to follow.
‘Ohh! Is that the way to the forest Liz? Then let's go, Liz!’ I cheer with a whoop.
‘Eek!’ Suddenly without warning I am pulled off course with shocking intensity, forcing me with it and accelerating me with more and more force.
‘Too fast, too fast Liz, slow down! Why are we going so faast! Sloow dooOOOOOWN-!!!’
Thud* I feel gravity settle in as I land with a soft jolt.