At first the darkness was overwhelming.

It was crushingly silent. I couldn’t feel my… anything. Was my heart still beating? Was I even anywhere anymore? was my body just gone? Is this what my life was going to be like from now on? A formless black void of fuck all with only my own thoughts to take up space?

Time was meaningless in the dark abyss that I now called home. Was time even passing? No it had to be, I was thinking one thought after another. What felt like way too long everything began to clear up. I felt some clarity and control return. Like the frost lifting from a dirty old window suddenly my inner thoughts could be seen clearly, even clearer than I could ever see them before.

Memories of my past began to flow within me as if the damn that had been keeping them at bay had been broken to pieces, and for the first time in my 18 years of existence, I could see an image of myself, untainted by culture, idealism or outside influence.

I hated what I saw.

A tired and defeated 18 year old boy with boring black hair and sickly pale skin, he looked at least twice his own age, the stress of a lifetime of restless work clearly visible in every inch of his body.

His… that felt wrong for some reason, looking back it had always felt wrong but I had never really paid much attention to it.

I had been born a man, that had been the card that I was dealt and I didn't have time to worry about it when my dad was barely scraping by and, my mother was too weak to work, but now that I was stuck in the darkness with nothing to do, slowly but surely the pieces began to fall into place.

CRACK.

A burst of light suddenly exploded into my dark home, illuminating everything around me like a lighthouse on a dark stormy night. I could, for the first time in what felt like years feel my arms, my legs, my entire body. I could feel everything around me and… I felt wet.

As soon as life returned to my body I sensed myself falling forward. The next thing I knew my body crashed against the cold tiles. I blinked rapidly as my body helped my mind remember what pain was.

Looking around it was dark. Or at least I assumed it was dark as only the moon hung high in the pitch black sky, visible through the still shattered skylight. But when I looked around the mall instead of the dull, dark, washed out colors nighttime often brought, everything was still vivid and clear as if I was some sort of nocturnal creature.

I buckled my entire body as I tried to force it to respond in the way I wanted it to and after a few moments of random squirming and slipping on goo that coated the area I was finally able to climb off of the ground and onto my two feet.

I breathed heavily as I desperately looked around only to notice that I was encased in a secondary cage made of plastic and cardboard alongside my previous home, looking at it clearly it was some sort of egg or sphere made of hard papery stuff that looked organic.

With a heavy sigh of annoyance rather than exhaustion, oddly enough I felt incredibly well rested, I began to climb up my papery cocoon with the strength of someone who just woke up from a coma.

After a few minutes of struggling I finally made it up and over the plastic barrier and onto the rest of the mall at large. It was pretty much as empty as you could expect from a shopping center in the middle of the night so I was finally able to relax a bit.

With yet another heavy sigh, this time of relief I placed my hand onto my hip and allowed myself to take in the fresh cold air on my seemingly naked body…

“Jesus christ!” I exclaimed suddenly noticing my own nakedness, only to have a deep but clearly feminine and whispy voice utter the words instead of myself.

Quickly I threw a hand up onto my throat and was sent into yet another spiral of panic as my previously defined adam's apple was completely gone. Slowly I removed my trembling hand from my neck and began hook my head downwards towards my upper torso.

Relief ran through my body as I looked upon my naked form, nothing popped out to me as new.

“Flat!” I exclaimed with energy I didn't know I still had as I looked upon my completely uninteresting chest, in fact It looked better than before, being much more slender and soft and… Once again panic struck my body. This wasn’t happening, this couldn't be happening.

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I had been born a man, it was all I was and all I ever could be. Of course I had a few random fantasies and weird dreams once in a while but who didn’t? And of course I had been having similar ideas while stuck inside that cocoon but that was just me being driven mad by the darkness or something, I didn’t actually believe any of it. I was a man who took care of his family, that was my only function.

I shook my head with fury, wiping some of the goo off of my face I quickly stormed forward and away from my cocoon, I didn't have time for whatever the hell was going on in my head, the last thing I remembered was people dying and turning into monsters. My dad and sister were still out there somewhere and I needed to help them in any way I could.

With new found motivation I took a quick stride towards some of the clothing shops that were conveniently right in front of me. Park lane mall wasn’t exactly known for its fashion scene but that didn’t really matter, all I needed was something quick and practical to cover up my new body.

Eventually I arrived at two stores, to my left was a hot topic in all of its punky, gothy glory. I scoffed at the mannequins dressed in ridiculous black T-shirts with logos of bands I didn’t know plastered on top of them and terribly adorable pleated skirts that made my stomach churn with envy.

“Maybe in another life” I stated plainly at myself as I took a sharp right towards the camping shop.

I made my way towards the glass door that separated me from the soft embrace of literally any clothing at all and bent down slightly to look at the lock… Previously I would have had to kneel, I was sure of it.

Once again I shook my head and looked at the lock, it was a simple heavy duty padlock that forced the two sliding doors together, nothing particularly difficult. Looking around I spotted a conveniently discarded bobby pin next to a nearby trash can. Picking it up I quickly broke it in half and bent it into the appropriate shape.

I struggled with the lock for a few long minutes as I did my best to recall how I used to do it all of those years back but eventually the lock popped and I was granted access to the haven of camo gear and random camping equipment.

I instinctively made my way into the men's clothing section and picked out what was supposed to be a perfectly sized set of urban camo pants. Oh how stupid I was to assume a medium pair of pants would actually fit my seemingly tiny frame.

With a sigh I threw the enormous pants onto the floor and instead opted for an XS set, these fit almost perfectly if not for how incredibly tight they were near my hips and… behind, but they were good enough. Wasnt like I was about to raid the women's section, not in a million years..

With that out of the way and only slightly bothered by my lack of underwear protecting the dark unthinkable void that occupied the space of my old equipment, I moved on to find a shirt.

I blessed whatever horrible god had designed my new body as I slipped a long sleeved woolen shirt over my thankfully flat chest, I could almost pretend everything was normal aside from the emptiness between my legs and the cascade of hair constantly making its way in front of my eyes.

I was about to exit the store once again when something caught my eye. On one of the mannequins that I had seen on my way in was wearing an incredible looking poncho style coat. It was black with silver accents around it that made it look awesomely cyberpunk.

I absolutely loved it with all of my probably now tiny heart, so I did what any desperate kid with a background in thievery would do. With a hesitant hand, I took it.

Bad Idea.

I was barely able to swing the damn thing over my shoulders when the room was suddenly filled with the sound of an alarm roaring so loudly that I couldn't even make out my own thoughts. Long dormant instincts suddenly took over as I looked around for the closest exit, the door I had come in from was a prime candidate for escape and the only one I knew but that would be where the night watch would come from.

“Fuck it” I said out loud before running straight for the exit.

I only made it a few strides out the door when I heard the voice of some old fart behind me.

“There it is!” the guard exclaimed as he shone a light so bright that I could feel it searing my eyes even as I ran away from it.

“It has a name” I yelled back as I took a sharp turn to the left and towards the depths of the mall.

If I recall correctly from that one time I worked a part time job here, there was a maintenance room a few meters ahead and inside there should be an emergency exit which I could use to escape.

My bare feet slapped against the cold tiles of the pristine mall, accompanied by an orchestra of hard soles hitting the same tiles just a few meters behind. The light from their flashlights was almost overwhelming as I took a sharp right only to accelerate while I was in a blind spot and double back through a hallway to my left.

With that little move I was out of sight of the guards, I pressed myself against the wall in order to look back at what they were doing without being noticed, One of them had gone straight and further into the mall while one of the others had turned left down towards who knows where, only one remained heading towards me.

The man was grizzled and old, I’d estimate around 45 years of age. He held his flashlight more like a club than a tool as he proweled forward in my general direction with murder in his eyes.

My breath quickened as he got ever closer. There wasn’t any cover ahead of me so If I ran now he’d see me instantly and call the others, I needed to take him out and quietly but how the hell was I supposed to do that? I was like one meter tall now and it seemed like all of my accidentally earned muscle from some of my lifting and moving jobs had completely disappeared from my body.

As I debated about what to do the man finally turned to corner and spotted me, he immediately lifted up his flashlight and pointed it directly into my face. The light from that horrifying contraption was mesmerizing in a way, you know if it were a bit further away and not currently burning my eyeballs out it would almost be beautiful.

The pain grew sharper as I felt the man take me by the neck and push me hard against the wall.

“A pretty one we got here,” I heard him say through the blinding pain of the light.

My heart began to pound, even faster than it ever had done before. My breathing became staggered as panic and fear circulated through my veins like a terrifying venom. Then I felt it.

A surge of energy from somewhere deep inside, instinct that didn’t feel like my own took over as I felt my body move. I raised one of my feet and kicked the man off of me with a ridiculous amount of force.

Without even realizing it I lunged forward and took the flashlight from his hands, quickly clicking it off and bashing him over the head with a brutal sounding crunch that echoed through the halls.

My heart rate finally slowed, as whatever magic has just possessed my body dissipated from my bloodstream and finally allowed me to act on my own. I quickly turned away from the poor man who laid sprawled on the ground. Whatever I had just done wasn’t good; it wasn’t good at all.

“The sound came from over here!” I suddenly heard one of the guards yell as the sound of boots against the floor became ever louder.

I remained dumbfounded for a few seconds; parilized by the fear of myself and of what had just happened. I looked down at the man with sorrow; the grisly image of him almost causing me to puke.

As the men became ever closer I was finally able to pick myself back together and I began to run. It was all I was good for anyway.

“Jesus christ, is he dead!?” I heard one of them scream as I turned a corner and finally made it to the emergency exit I was looking for.

Was he dead? Had I really done that to him?

My mind was swirling with images of what I had just done, but my body knew what to do. Putting one foot in front of the other. I crashed through the exit and out into the cold night air.